Your Sensitive Recovery

Meditation in Recovery: Practice, Not Perfection

Fri, 17 Oct 2025 14:31:01 GMT

Perfectionism can keep you stuck in your eating disorder. Discover how meditation can help you let go, show up, and truly heal.

If you’ve ever crossed your legs, closed your eyes, and taken a deep breath...only to sigh in frustration mere moments later, you’re not alone . For some of us with (ahem) perfectionistic tendencies , the pressure to do everything "right” can sneak into every corner of our lives, including the practice of meditation . Oddly enough, meditation is about the exact opposite, and it can actually help unhook you from the drive for perfectionism that could be keeping you stuck in your recovery process.

I'm a recovering perfectionist myself and have learned a thing or two about it �� In this post, I'm exploring how meditation can help you break free from perfectionism and empower your healing.

The Pressure to Heal “The Right Way”

If you’re a perfectionist and in recovery, you know what it’s like to hold yourself to an impossibly high standard. You worry you’re not doing enough. You ruminate on what others are thinking about you. Or you imagine that if you could just get it right, everything else would finally fall into place.

This kind of self-induced pressure is incredibly common and incredibly exhausting . It comes from a valid, completely understandable desire to feel safe, accepted, and in control.

But here’s the thing: true recovery is not something you can perform or be the best at . It’s a process of awareness, acceptance, and small, incremental shifts.

And that's why meditation can offer just the thing you need to break out of a recovery rut.

How Perfectionism Keeps You Stuck

Perfectionism shows up not only as high standards but also as terror at the thought of failing or disappointing others, and chronic self-criticism. It convinces you that your worth depends on how much you're doing and how well you're doing it all. I’ve seen this happen again and again with my clients: they dive into recovery with the best intentions, but then are quickly overwhelmed by the desire to be "the perfect patient."

Highly Sensitive People may be especially vulnerable to perfectionism. We tend to internalize feedback very deeply, worry about getting things wrong, and pick up on unspoken expectations others may not even be aware of.

Recovery is a hard process, and perfectionism offers an enticing yet false path to getting through it as quickly as possible.

But perfectionism doesn’t create peace. It creates more pressure . And when that pressure builds, many people find themselves giving up on recovery altogether.

Meditation: The Other Path

At its core, meditation is the practice of being with yourself in the present moment, exactly as you are . There’s no measuring stick, no grade, and no “wrong” way to do it. ( Although I like to jokingly say that the only way to do it wrong is to worry about doing it wrong.) You’re allowed to show up distracted and all over the place. You’re allowed to struggle through it. You’re allowed to try and try again. Over and over. You're allowed to just practice .

This is why meditation can be so transformative for perfectionists navigating recovery. It’s not about emptying your mind or achieving zen, although that sure sounds nice, right?

It’s about pausing long enough to notice: What’s happening inside right now? And can I meet it and allow it to be there, with just a little more compassion and understanding than before?

Even when the answer is no, guess what - you’re still practicing . Even when your mind races, or your feet start tingling (��‍♀️), or you unconsciously pick up your phone and start scrolling two minutes in...

You’re still practicing. And every one of those moments chips away at perfectionism.

Here are some more examples of "perfectly imperfect" meditation:

Setting a timer for 10 minutes and fidgeting the entire time.
Beginning to cry during a body scan because it brings up grief.
Listening to a guided meditation and falling asleep.
Setting a goal to meditate every day for a week, falling off on day 4, but continuing anyway.

The point isn’t to “do it well.” The point is to keep showing up, without judgment, and with the willingness to try again. And again. The willingness is where the healing happens.

Om.

Every time you resist the urge to hustle for your worth, you’re healing . Every time you choose compassion over criticism and judgment, you’re healing . Every time you meditate without striving for some non-existent gold star, you’re healing .

The more we practice the kind of quiet, imperfect presence, the more we create space in our body and mind for real recovery to take root.

Remember, meditation is not about wrestling your mind into submission. It’s about making room for ALL of you, in the present moment. And that includes the messy, sensitive, perfection-driven parts too. So if you try to meditate today and it’s clunky or chaotic or short-lived…that’s still a win. You showed up. You practiced. You did enough .

And when it comes to recovery, that’s everything .

��‍♀️

Micro-Rest & High Sensitivity: Tiny Breaks, Big Results

Fri, 01 Aug 2025 14:03:29 GMT

Learn how micro-rest (small, intentional breaks) can support Highly Sensitive People by preventing overstimulation and promoting more calm and clarity.

As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), I love rest, but I've always struggled with naps due to a hyperawareness of my environment and the ever-present To-Do list. If you’re also Highly Sensitive, you probably already know that your nervous system needs a little more care than the average bear’s. But here's something you might not know: sometimes the most powerful kind of care is the smallest kind. Maybe a nap isn't in the picture, but...how about a micro-rest?

Micro-rests are short, intentional pauses that you can weave into your day that help soothe overstimulation (even prevent it) and boost calm and clarity. These moments don’t require a bed, a yoga mat, or a full hour carved out of your already-full day. Micro-rest is accessible , flexible , and surprisingly effective .

And for HSPs, that's what we want. ��

What Is Micro-Rest?

Micro-rest is exactly what it sounds like: brief moments of rest, relaxation, and rejuvenation that help you regulate your nervous system. Think of it as the nervous system's version of a power nap, just without the nap. These breaks might last 30 seconds, a minute, or maybe 5. The point isn’t duration, it’s intention . You’re not checking out but consciously checking in.

A micro-rest might be:

Three deep, slow breaths with your hand over your heart
Sitting still with your eyes closed for 90 seconds (Eyes love a break!)
Gazing out the window and watching the clouds
Sipping tea while paying mindful attention to the taste and temperature
Rolling your shoulders or relaxing your jaw
Walking to the mailbox (or the bathroom ��) without your phone

These aren't just other tasks on your to-do list. They are pauses that create more capacity for everything else.

Why Micro-Rest is Especially Beneficial for HSPs

As HSPs, our systems are wired to take in more information and process it more deeply. This makes us observant and empathetic...but it also makes us more prone to overstimulation and overwhelm. Loud noises, strong smells, bright lights, emotional intensity, or even just too much to do in one day can fry our circuits, fast.

You might notice signs of this in your own body:

Brain fog or irritability
A sudden drop in energy or mood
Feeling jumpy or tightly wound
A desperate urge to cancel everything and pull a blanket over your head

Micro-rest helps keep your system from getting to that point in the first place. It's a preventative tool - one that works best when it becomes a regular rhythm and not just a rescue mission .

Many of us are used to pushing through discomfort until we have to stop. But what might happen if we practice easing up before we reach our limit?

Rest Doesn’t Have to Be Big to Be Worthy

There’s a cultural story that says rest needs to be earned. That it has to be long and uninterrupted and productive in its own way. You know what I mean? But as an HSP, your body benefits from small, consistent regulation much more than occasional collapse.

Think of your nervous system like a sponge. Once it’s saturated with input, it can’t take anything else in until it’s squeezed out. Micro-rest gives you gentle squeezes throughout the day, so you don’t end up dripping all over everything.

And no, this doesn’t mean you’re fragile. It means you’re aware. You’re tending to your needs as they arise, instead of only responding when things feel unmanageable.

Listening to the whispers instead of waiting for the scream.

Simple Ways to Add Micro-Rests to Your Day

The beauty of these small, intentional moments of rest is that they’re accessible almost anywhere , at any time . You don’t have to change your schedule, just your approach. Here are some ways to try it:

1. Habit Stack It

Pair micro-rest with things you already do. After brushing your teeth, take three grounding breaths. After closing your laptop, sit still for 30 seconds. When your coffee’s brewing, do some gentle stretches.

2. Use Visual Cues

Sticky notes, calming images, or a gentle reminder on your phone can prompt you to pause. Try writing a simple phrase like “Soften” or “Be Here Now” and place it where you’ll see it often.

3. Body-Based Breaks

HSPs can disconnect from our bodies when we're overstimulated. A few moments of gentle movement, like neck rolls, shoulder shrugs, and placing your feet flat on the ground, can bring us back into the moment and into ourselves.

4. Anchor in the Senses

Micro-rest can be a sensory reset. Touch something soft. Smell an essential oil. Listen to soothing music. Let one sense take center stage for a minute or two.

5. Try 5-and-1

Commit to five micro-rests today, just one minute each. See how you feel. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to start.

Rolling With Resistance

If you find yourself skipping over this idea or feeling like you “don’t have time” for micro-rest, I get it. That’s perfectly human. Many of us (especially those with a history of eating disorders or trauma) have learned to ignore our bodies’ needs to feel safe , productive, or in control.

But denying your need for rest doesn’t make you stronger. It just makes you more exhausted .

You’re allowed to take up space. You’re allowed to have needs. And those needs might be small, frequent, and completely valid. Start where you are. Start small. Trust that these tiny moments add up to something wonderful.

You don’t have to earn rest.

You don’t have to wait for a breakdown to care for yourself.

You’re allowed to pause - frequently , imperfectly , and with compassion . Because tiny breaks? They really can create big results .

��

Social Media Freedom: How It's Going 6 Months Later

Fri, 25 Jul 2025 14:03:17 GMT

After quitting social media, I’m sharing what’s changed - from stress levels to spending habits, to how many books I’ve read.

Six months ago, I decided to step away from social media (specifically Instagram and Facebook), not just for a mental health break, but more so to experiment with what life might be like without it altogether.

If you've followed my blog for a while, you'll know that this wasn’t a spontaneous decision for me. In fact, I agonized over it for months. Like many Highly Sensitive People , I often found social media to be overwhelming and overstimulating . The constant influx of information, comparison, and noise left me feeling ungrounded and less-than more often than not. And although I was grateful for the ways it helped me connect with others, I also noticed how much it pulled me out of the present moment, away from myself, my true calling, and from the people right in front of me.

So I walked away. Went back to my millennial analog roots , if you will.

Now that I’ve hit the six-month mark, I wanted to reflect on what I’ve noticed (Spoiler Alert: it was a GREAT decision) , and offer some gentle insights in case you’re also wondering what it might feel like to opt out for yourself.

Emotional Check-In

�� TLDR Verdict: Success! From anxious and irritated to peaceful and free.

The first week or so after logging out of Instagram and completely deleting my 20-year-old Facebook account, I felt a wee bit panicky.

Did I make a mistake?

Will I regret this?

What if someone tries to find me and can't?

I did my best to practice mindfulness - to allow the emotions and thoughts to move through me, with non-judgmental curiosity . Huh . How interesting. It wasn't long before things started to improve for the better.

Within two weeks, my fingers had stopped unconsciously drifting toward where the apps used to be on my phone. Within a month, I was barely thinking about social media at all. When visiting with friends, having adventures, and traveling, I took some pictures, but they were just for me , and that was FINE. And if I really wanted to share them, I texted them to 2 or 3 friends or family members. No biggie.

I live in a small town, and much of what's happening around here gets advertised solely on social media. That's been a little tough, but I don't think I've missed out on anything life-changing. My friends have informed me about upcoming auditions, street fairs, and other events they think would interest me. You know, just like Ye Olden Times. So, FOMO came and went faster than I thought it would.

While scrolling on social media, I was almost always either bored, anxious, or furious. Ha, yeah . And now? Just a lot more content overall. No, not con -tent...con- tent . (Interesting that those two words are spelled the same.)

So overall, a massive emotional win .

Time and Stress Check-In

�� TLDR Verdict: Success. More free time and less stress!

One of the biggest things I’ve noticed since stepping away from social media is that I actually have more time . And not just a few extra minutes here and there, I mean real, open space in my day (and night) that used to get quietly eaten up by mindless scrolling.

Without that constant pull to “just check for a second" - one that, mind you, was almost completely unconscious - my brain feels less fragmented . I’m no longer bouncing between posts and reels, fretting over why so few people have seen my content, and then suddenly realizing that 45 minutes have passed (and now I want to rearrange my living room, overhaul my skincare routine, and question all my life choices)!

Even better than having free time? Using it to actually nourish me. That reclaimed time has gone toward things like reading. I've finished 10 books so far this year, something that hasn’t happened in a long time. I’m taking more walks too. Yay!

My stress levels? Noticeably lower. There’s just less input, and for a sensitive soul like me, that alone can be life-changing.

Purchasing Habits Check-In

�� TLDR Verdict: An unexpected win! I'm spending less money!

A surprise benefit of getting off social media has been spending less money. Yep! Not having targeted ads thrust into my face every single damn day makes a difference! If I don't see that must-have summer blouse or that miraculous new mineral foundation, guess what? I don't buy it.

I've always been more of a saver than a spender (and typically over-analyze and over-research every purchase because hello , HSP here ��‍♀️), but I swear, IG ads could really do a number on me. I was so susceptible to those little squares of beautiful editing.

Not anymore.

More Changes in the Works

Pinterest: As I mentioned in my leaving-social-media post, I was going to try Pinterest for a while, as a way to keep putting my blog and courses out into the world wide web. Eh, it's not been great. Pinterest seems to have become more social media-ish in the last few years, and I'm noticing the same number-checking habit that drove me nuts on Instagram. Just not worth it. I'm going to stop posting on there, too.

Bluesky: I still find this platform nice and certainly less stressful than the other ones I used to be on. That said, the time I'm spending on it is starting to creep up. I definitely do more lurking than sharing, so I might decide to get off of this one, too. I have mostly been using it for news commentary, but my daily podcasts like The David Pakman Show and Letters From an American are more than enough, and they meet my need for less sensory input (being audio-only).

Bookclub: I've joined a new book club with my besties, all of whom are spread out across the country. It's a great way to nail down a monthly video chat and make sure we're catching up regularly. Love y'all!

A Note on Recovery + Sensitivity

As someone who works closely with folks in eating disorder recovery, I want to gently name that social media often plays a very complicated role in the healing process nowadays.

Social media can feel like a lifeline in recovery - a way to connect with people who get it, to learn from others’ healing journeys, and to share your own voice along the way. But it can also quickly become a trap: for endless comparison , unhealthy misinformation , addictive urges , and overstimulation .

So if you’ve ever wondered whether stepping away might serve your nervous system, your healing, or your heart, I’m here to say: it’s okay to try stepping away . You can always go back.

Funnily enough, I say that about trying recovery, too. I tell clients often, "You can always go back to your eating disorder. But try living in solid recovery first, before you choose. Make it a fair decision."

Will I Return? Probably Not.

Things are going too well for me to consider getting back on social media. Not only do I NOT miss it like I thought I would, but the surprise benefits have just been so pleasant.

So, no. I'm good, thanks.

Wherever YOU are in your relationship with social media, I hope this post gives you permission to pause and notice how it’s actually affecting you. There’s no “right” way to consume (or not consume) social media.

You’re allowed to choose the environments that support your recovery and life beyond it, even if it looks different from what others are doing.

And you're worth it. ��

Food Is Not the Enemy, But It Might Be the Messenger

Fri, 18 Jul 2025 14:03:03 GMT

Food isn’t the problem; it could be trying to tell you something. Learn how your eating habits can be powerful messengers of your emotional needs in disguise.

In our weight-loss-focused society, we often hear talk about food as if it's the enemy, something to fight, resist, or control. But what if food isn’t the villain in your story? What if it’s the voice trying to speak the truth of your emotional experience?

For sensitive souls who have been disconnected from themselves through overwhelm, trauma , or conditioning, our bodies and behaviors can often speak louder than our conscious awareness. Food, then, becomes a kind of emotional translator, showing up in patterns, cravings, or compulsions that carry hidden messages.

If you're familiar with me, you know I firmly believe that food choices are neither good nor bad, but meaningful .

This post explores how food might be trying to speak to you, and how, by tuning in, rather than cracking down or numbing out, you can find peace and healing.

The Way You Eat Can Tell a Story

The things you crave, the way you approach eating, and the patterns you create around food are often shaped by more than hunger. They’re shaped by your history, your environment, your relationships, and, most powerfully, your emotions.

For example:

Eating quickly might indicate a sense of urgency, fear, or a need to numb.
Restricting might reflect a need for control , perfection, or to disappear.
Eating past fullness might signal emotional deprivation, self-soothing, or a desire to feel comforted or “held.”
Craving sugar or carbs could be your nervous system’s way of seeking quick energy or emotional regulation in times of stress or exhaustion.
Craving crunchy items can indicate a need to process anger or frustration.

None of these behaviors makes you weak, bad, or broken. They make you human. They tell us something about what you’re going through and what your system is trying to manage.

Food Behaviors as Emotional Clues

Let’s break this down further with some common emotional states and how they can show up through food. Remember, everyone is different, so you may resonate with different combinations of feelings and behaviors.

1. Loneliness �� Eating to Feel Full

Most people experience a deep longing for connection, but some of us end up feeling overwhelmed in social spaces. Eating may become a surrogate for closeness when you're isolated or struggling to connect. It can be a way to “fill” emotional emptiness. It's perfectly human to seek comfort like this.

2. Overstimulation and Overwhelm �� Controlling Food

When the world feels too big or too loud, controlling what you eat can feel like a lifeline. It offers structure, predictability, and a way to create order. This is especially true if you grew up feeling like your emotions and experiences were "too much" for other people. Restriction or rigidity might be your nervous system’s way of saying, "I need safety."

3. Shame �� Secretive or Chaotic Eating

If you grew up believing that your needs were “too much,” you might feel shame for eating at all. This can lead to secretive eating or cycles of binge eating followed by restricting. Rather than judging the behaviors, ask what your shame is protecting . What parts of you were never allowed to be seen, or were criticized if they were?

4. Fatigue �� Craving Quick Energy

If you're tired (emotionally, mentally, or physically), your body may crave sugar, caffeine, or high-carb foods. These substances are the quickest forms of energy for your body. This isn’t a failure of willpower. It’s biology , and it's important you pay attention to what your body is telling you.

Food Is Not the Problem; It’s a Signal

So often in recovery, we try to “fix” eating behaviors directly. There's nothing wrong with that, but when we do so without addressing the underlying emotions, we miss the point, and we could miss the healing.

Instead, we can get curious.

Rather than saying, “Why can’t I stop eating this?”
Ask: What am I really hungry for?

Rather than saying, “Why do I keep doing this when I know it’s harmful?”
Ask: What am I trying to control or avoid?

The shift from judgment to inquiry changes everything . It makes room for compassion and allows food to become a guide , not a battleground.

Listening to the Messenger: A Gentle Practice

Here’s a gentle practice you can try the next time you notice yourself in a challenging moment with your eating choices or habits:

1. Pause

Before jumping to judgment, analysis, or self-shaming, take a slow, deep breath. Perhaps change your environment slightly, like stepping outdoors or into a quiet space. Put your hand on your heart. Just notice what’s happening.

2. Name it to Tame it

Name the behavior, without judgment. Keep the tone neutral. This is just information.

“I’m eating even though I’m not hungry.”
“I’m avoiding food right now.”
“I’m craving sweets.”

3. Take Note of What You’re Feeling

With gentle curiosity, check out what your body might be trying to manage for you.

"What am I feeling right now?"
"What was going on just before this moment?"
"Was there a conversation, memory, stressor, or shift in mood?"

4. Offer Compassion

Instead of forcing yourself to simply stop the behavior, see if you can first offer a supportive message first.

“No wonder this is hard. I'm carrying a lot right now.”
“It makes sense that I want comfort."
“I am allowed to feel this way.”

If you still want to eat, that’s okay . This isn’t about stopping behaviors; it’s about connecting with yourself through them. Behavioral change without this skill is much more difficult.

Recovery Involves Trust

So much of traditional recovery work focuses on shifting what and how you eat. But true healing requires something much deeper: reconnecting to the messages beneath the behavior.

When you stop fighting the messenger and start listening to the messages, you begin to build trust with yourself, your body, and your emotions.

And that’s the heart of recovery. That’s what makes it sustainable.

If this post resonates with you, please know you’re not alone. Many sensitive souls carry deep stories around food, and many of those stories are not really about food at all. So be gentle with yourself. The messages your body is trying to send are not betrayals, they're invitations.

You don’t have to decode them perfectly. You just have to be willing to listen. ��

Healthy News Habits for Highly Sensitive People

Fri, 11 Jul 2025 20:11:02 GMT

Stay informed AND sane with these 5 gentle yet powerful ways for HSPs to engage with news in a healthier way.

For many Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) , staying responsibly informed feels like walking a tightrope. You care deeply about what’s happening in the world, and to some extent, you really want to know! But the constant flood of distressing news headlines, graphic images and videos, and endless hot takes can quickly lead to emotional overwhelm , hopelessness , and burnout .

If you’ve ever found yourself spiraling after reading the news, or avoiding it entirely because it just feels like too much, you’re not alone. Being sensitive doesn’t mean you’re fragile. It means your nervous system is more responsive to input, especially emotionally-charged content .

This world needs more people like YOU. More people who deeply care. But caring sustainably requires boundaries, intention, and rest.

In this post, I’ll walk you through five gentle but powerful ways to engage with news in a healthier way, so you can stay informed and stay sane.

1. Know Your Limits (and Honor Them)

First, let’s normalize that we all have limits. And that’s not a flaw. It’s part of being human (and especially a part of being a Highly Sensitive one). Think of them not as obstacles, but as messages from your nervous system, asking for your attention and letting you know what it needs.

Signs you may be nearing your media limit:

Feeling emotionally flooded or frozen
A sense of helplessness or hopelessness
Obsessive checking or compulsively refreshing headlines
Guilt for not doing "anything" or "enough"
Trouble sleeping or relaxing after consuming news

Instead of pushing through, try acknowledging those signs as your system’s way of saying, "Hey, I need a break."

�� Try this:

Create a simple “stoplight” system for yourself. If you're in the yellow or red zone, it's time to pause.

�� Green: I'm clear-headed and calm

�� Yellow: I feel tense or emotionally activated

�� Red: I’m spiraling or shut down

Stepping back from the news doesn't mean you're ignoring reality; it just means you're resourcing yourself to keep showing up over time.

2. Curate Your Media Sources

Not all news is created equal. Some outlets profit mightily from sensationalized stories that spark panic and outrage, while others aim to inform with more balance and clarity.

Choosing trustworthy sources can help reduce your anxiety. It also prevents you from accidentally absorbing misinformation (we're all at risk for that) or doom-heavy speculation .

�� Try this:

Pick 2-3 reliable sources you trust (variety is healthy), and skip the rest.
Consider podcasts instead of visual media to limit sensory input. (Doing this helped me immensely!)
Subscribe to a once-daily or weekly news digest (I like News Not Noise on Substack).
Turn off push notifications for news apps and social media.
Avoid sensationalized headlines or clickbait.

Curation is not denial; it’s discernment .

3. Consume Consciously

How you consume media (and when) matters . Passively scrolling through headlines while half-distracted or while you're trying to fall asleep can obviously be more damaging than helpful. Instead, choose to consume consciously , with care and intention . Not every headline deserves your attention.

�� Try this:

Don’t read the news first thing in the morning or right before bed.
Pair it with grounding rituals, like a cup of tea, deep breathing, or walking (proceed with caution for this last one).
Ask yourself before reading: "Why am I reaching for this now? Am I curious? Bored? How do I want to feel afterward?

Give your energy, clicks, likes, and shares to what aligns with your values , not what hijacks your nervous system.

4. Take Compassionate Action

One of the hardest parts of being an informed Highly Sensitive Person is feeling powerless . We care deeply, and it hurts when we can’t fix things. Compassion without action can lead to despair , so it's important that we take action.

Having a difficult conversation, making a small donation, sending a message to your representatives, and taking care of yourself are some ways to create powerful ripples.

�� Try this:

Choose one cause or issue to support this month.
Set a recurring reminder to take one action step (however small).
Talk to others about what you care about

None of us can do everything. But we can all do something.

5. Balance It With Beauty

When you’re Highly Sensitive, joy and beauty aren’t distractions from the “real world” - they’re survival tools. Your system needs reminders that there is still good in the world.

You can grieve and enjoy laughter. You can be angry and hold hope. You can stay informed and protect your energy.

�� Try this:

Create a “nourishment menu” of uplifting activities. Think favorite poems, uplifting playlists, feel-good friends, comfort TV shows, and places in nature.
After your conscious-media-time, deliberately do something gentle or beautiful to rebalance.

Celebrating life is not ignoring suffering. It's resisting despair.

We're All In This Together

If you’ve felt overwhelmed by the state of the world recently, you’re not broken or too sensitive. And you're certainly not the only one.

Let's face it, things feel particularly chaotic right now. It's far too easy to pull the blanket over our heads and stop paying attention. Doing just that is completely okay sometimes. But we must realize the privilege in that.

The truth is, this world needs you. Your compassion, your drive for good, your empathy, and your discernment are all gifts in these frightening times. Your sensitivity is not the problem. It’s the reason you care so deeply. And when you care with boundaries, you don’t just survive the world—you help heal it.

Staying responsibly informed doesn’t mean staying overwhelmed. Healthy news habits help you care in ways that are real, empowering, and sustainable. Do it for you, do it for the world.

�� ❤️‍��

Forgiving Yourself: An Essential Skill for Recovery

Fri, 04 Jul 2025 14:02:46 GMT

Forgiving yourself is a vital part of eating disorder recovery, but it can often be one of the hardest things to do. Here's why it matters and how you can start.

If you’re in recovery, chances are you’ve had moments (maybe years) where you felt like you were failing or were undeserving of healing. Perhaps you had recurring thoughts like: “I should be further along,“ "Why did I do that again,” or “I’ve ruined everything.” Forgiving ourselves is not easy. It may feel like letting yourself off the hook or minimizing your pain. But true self-forgiveness isn’t about excusing behavior. It’s about choosing to meet yourself with compassion so that healing is even possible.

In my experience, both personally and professionally, forgiveness is an essential life skill . And this is especially true for sensitive humans who have ever struggled with an eating disorder , addiction, or any kind of situation where other people think it should be easier than it is to heal and to move forward. For those of us who often carry deep self-blame and shame, learning to forgive ourselves is the crucial key to doing just that.

Let’s explore why it’s so hard to forgive yourself, why it matters , and how you can begin to practice it today, even if it feels impossible .

Why Forgiving Yourself Feels So Hard

Highly Sensitive People tend to be very conscientious. You likely have strong values and a fierce inner drive to do the right thing.

When your actions don’t align with your ideals, like relapsing, falling back into old patterns, and engaging in behaviors you swore you'd never do again, it can feel unbearable.

Here are some reasons self-forgiveness can feel so challenging:

You have internalized shame: Shame says, “I am wrong,” while guilt says, “I did something wrong.” When we confuse the two, we believe our mistakes define us and that we don’t deserve forgiveness.
You believe punishment is necessary for change: Many of us mistakenly believe that we can hate ourselves into positive change. But research shows that punishment rarely leads to long-term change.
You're stuck in black-and-white thinking: Recovery isn’t linear. But if you’ve adopted an all-or-nothing mindset, setbacks feel like complete failures. This perfectionism blocks self-forgiveness.
You've equated forgiveness with permission: If we forgive ourselves , aren't we really just giving ourselves an excuse to continue staying stuck? No way. Withholding forgiveness depletes your motivation, and that is what actually keeps you stuck.

Why Forgiveness Is Essential for Recovery

Recovery is built on a foundation of self-trust, self-compassion, and resilience. When we hold onto shame and self-blame, we’re reinforcing the same systems that the harmful behaviors developed and thrived in.

Self-forgiveness creates space for:

Learning and growth: If you can forgive yourself, you can get curious instead of critical. You can explore what happened and what you need, rather than spiraling into shame.
Sustainable motivation: Compassion fuels change. When you believe you're worthy of healing (mistakes and all), you're more likely to keep showing up for yourself.
A more honest relationship with yourself: Forgiveness allows for wholeness. You no longer need to deny or justify parts of yourself. You can face your full humanity with grace.
Reconnection with your body and emotions: Forgiveness softens a stressed-out nervous system. It helps you return to the present moment, where healing happens.

5 Steps to Begin Forgiving Yourself

Self-forgiveness is not a one-time decision but rather an ongoing practice. Here are some steps to help you begin:

1. Acknowledge what happened.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened. It means allowing yourself to name the behaviors honestly, but without judgment. Bringing clarity and compassion into the moment is the first step toward moving into the next.

Instead of: “I can’t believe I binged again. I’m such a failure.”
Try: “I had a binge last night. I was feeling overwhelmed and alone.”

2. Recognize the pain underneath.

The behaviors we hold shame around are, more often than not, attempts to cope with something difficult. What's going on emotionally? No one chooses suffering on purpose. Your behaviors made sense, given what you were feeling and what you had access to in the moment.

Self-forgiveness doesn’t ignore the consequences of our actions, but it does help us see them in context.

3. Talk to yourself like someone you love.

I often ask clients (and myself!) , "Would you say that to a friend?" If not, it probably isn’t something you should say to yourself. Imagine the younger version of you who first developed the survival strategies you now have trouble forgiving. Could you offer that person understanding? What do they need to hear right now?

Maybe it sounds like:

“You were doing the best you could.”
“You didn’t deserve to go through that.”
“It makes sense that you felt scared and overwhelmed.”

4. Make room for nuance.

Recovery doesn’t require perfection. However, it requires persistence . Can you let your progress be messy? Can you be both someone who struggles and someone who’s growing?

Forgiving yourself means holding the full truth: Yes, I made a choice I regret. And yes, I’m still worthy of healing.

5. Return to the Present Moment.

Guilt and shame keep you stuck in the past. Forgiveness brings you back to now . You are not the you of yesterday. You are here, reading this, still committed to your recovery. That matters.

Try placing a hand on your heart, noticing your breath for a moment, and saying to yourself, “I am here now. I am in process.”

A Gentle Reminder

You are not a failure because you struggle. You are not broken because you make mistakes. You are not unworthy of love, rest, or healing. You don’t need to be perfect to be deserving.

Forgiving yourself isn’t a sign that you’ve given up or that you're shirking responsibility. It’s a sign that you’re choosing to keep going, but with softness instead of shame. It’s a skill you can build, one gentle moment at a time.

Real, deep, sustainable healing asks us to become our own safe place. That starts with learning to forgive the parts of us that hurt.

So be willing to begin again.

And again, and again. ��

Cultivating Body Respect When Your Body Brings You Pain

Fri, 27 Jun 2025 14:02:36 GMT

How Body Respect can help when loving your body feels out of reach.

Loving, or even liking your body, can feel out of reach for many people. It can be tough when it feels like your body has betrayed you and brings you more pain than pleasure .

Maybe you're living with chronic illness or a disability, and your body doesn't do the things it once could, or the things the world expects of it. Or maybe your pain stems from a history of trauma, body shaming, gender dysphoria, or a lifetime spent believing the way you look is more important than anything else about you. Whatever is at the root of the struggle, the idea of loving your body might feel like a stretch , to say the least. But what if the goal doesn't have to be love ? What if you could begin by practicing Body Respect instead?

What is Body Respect?

Body Respect is about thoughtfully caring for your body , not because it looks a certain way, or even because it feels good, but because it is YOURS . It’s about meeting your body where it's at and offering it care, support, and dignity, even when it hurts - especially when it hurts.

Many of us have been sold the idea that we need to love our bodies to be mentally well , or to fully recover from an eating disorder or other bodily trauma .

But Body Love is not always accessible, especially when you're in pain, or when your body feels unfamiliar or untrustworthy.

That’s why Body Respect can be a better path. Below are a few ways to begin cultivating Body Respect, even when your relationship with your body may feel complicated.

1. Redefine What Caring for Your Body Looks Like

Caring for your body doesn’t have to mean the same thing for everybody. And it certainly doesn't need to look like daily pilates, green smoothies, and sleep gummies (although that's all totally fine). Sometimes, caring for your body means taking your medication, saying "no," packing a snack in your bag, changing plans, using a mobility aid, bringing a heating pad to the office, or asking someone for help.

Body Respect is personal. It will look different for someone with chronic fatigue than it will for someone healing from disordered eating . There is no one-size-fits-all path. What matters is that you honor your body’s needs as they are , not as you wish they would be.

Consider these questions:

What does caring for your body look like?
Is there a caring act you've been avoiding because you think you shouldn't need it?
How can you give yourself permission to care for your body in ways that actually help?

2. Stop Measuring Your Worth by Your Body’s Output

Another really personal thing about Body Respect is you're body's capabilities and functions.

We live in a culture that overvalues nonstop productivity, the Thin Ideal, and "wellness." When your body can’t “perform” in the ways society deems acceptable, it’s easy to internalize the idea that you are broken, not enough, or too much .

Part of cultivating Body Respect means challenging these cultural norms. You are not your productivity. You are not your weight. You are not how well you function on any given day.

Your inherent worth is not up for measurement. It never changes, even when your body does .

Start by noticing the ways you might tie your self-esteem to how much you “get done” or how “in control” your body feels. Can you begin to untangle from those ways?

3. Speak To (and About) Your Body Differently

The way we speak to ourselves matters . If your internal dialogue is filled with criticism, shaming, or blaming, it’s hard to cultivate respect, much less any helpful change you might be seeking.

Start by noticing your self-talk. If you catch yourself thinking or saying things you would never say to someone you love, something needs to shift. Get curious about where the thought is coming from. Whose voice is it? How does believing it or not affect your actions?

Please know that you don’t need to fake positivity or force gratitude that isn't there. You just need to stop the spiral of self-rejection and offer something softer, or maybe even just neutral , in its place.

Try phrases like:

“My body is doing the best it can.”
“I deserve care, even when I’m struggling.”
“It makes sense that I feel this way.”
"I am working ot be kinder to my body."

4. Make Room for Grief and Compassion

Body Respect doesn’t mean you have to pretend everything is fine . Sometimes body respect begins with acknowledging grief : grief for what your body has been through , grief for what it's lost , or grief for what it never had the chance to have or do.

Maybe you grieve the years spent at war with food and your weight. Or the freedom you had before chronic pain took up residence in your nervous system. Or the childhood where you first learned your body was “wrong" or you needed to look or act differently to be safe, loved, or accepted.

This grief is real, and it deserves space. Let yourself feel it without judgment. And then, invite in compassion.

Instead of demanding your body change, try asking:

What does my body need today?
What would be the kindest thing I could do for myself right now?
What would I do for a friend in my shoes?
If I can’t offer kindness, can I offer neutrality?

Compassion doesn’t mean denying your struggles or allowing yourself to wallow in them. Compassion is responding to them with care (which is actually quite proactive) rather than criticism.

Showing Up

Your relationship with your body might be layered, painful, or unresolved. That’s okay .

Body Respect doesn’t require you to have it all figured out.

It simply asks you to show up for your body with consistency, compassion, and care, especially on the days that feel the hardest. It asks you to stop punishing yourself for things beyond your control, and to meet your body's needs, even when you don't want to.

You don’t have to love your body to treat it with dignity . You just have to believe that you’re worthy of care, even now. Whether it's eating regularly, resting when you need to, setting boundaries, or simply choosing not to speak cruelly to yourself when you're struggling, THAT is body respect.

And you, as much as any other human, deserve it.

��

Intuition or Anxiety? How to Tell the Difference

Fri, 20 Jun 2025 14:02:25 GMT

How to practice separating intuition from anxiety and strengthen your connection with your inner knowing.

As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), you may already know that you have a strong intuition . Perhaps you haven't called it that, but you've recognized the ways in which you pick up on subtleties, sense shifts in energies, and just seem to know things without understanding how.

But if you also struggle with anxiety , things can get... confusing . Your deep inner knowing might feel clouded or hijacked by fear. So, how do you tell whether it’s your intuition speaking or your anxiety sounding the alarm?

In this post, I'll explore how to practice separating intuition from anxiety and strengthen your connection with your inner knowing.

The Intuitive Nature of Highly Sensitive People

I was sitting in the audience at the theater recently when a calm, clear thought crossed my mind: "The power is going to go out." Sure enough, not two minutes later, the power in the building went out.

Granted, there was a thunderstorm passing through the area, so I imagine that other folks in that theater thought about the possibility of a power outage too, but for me, it was one of many frequent occurrences when my inner knowing said, "Oh yeah, I knew that was going to happen."

I used to second-guess these moments. Was I just making a lucky guess, or reading too much into things?

However, the more I learned about what it means to be a Highly Sensitive Person, the more I understood that these flashes of insight, those gut feelings or sudden knowings, are often signs of a finely-tuned intuition.

Because an HSP's brain is wired to process information more deeply , we can often (and sometimes without even realizing it) arrive at insights that seem to come out of nowhere . Whether it’s sensing someone’s mood before they speak, choosing the right words at the right time, or simply knowing something that's seemingly impossible to know , it's our intuition at work.

When Anxiety Gets in the Way

Of course, intuition isn’t the only inner voice we can hear. For many HSPs, especially those with a history of trauma or chronic stress, the voice of anxiety can get loud , sometimes drowning out your inner knowing altogether.

Anxiety can seem to mimic intuition. It can nag at us in much the same way and make it hard to tell whether a sensation is a warning from our wise inner voice or a reaction from a taxed nervous system.

As a survival response, anxiety is always trying to protect us. But unlike intuition, which is grounded in presence and perception , anxiety pulls us out of the moment and into a cycle of what-ifs and catastrophizing. It feeds on fear and urgency, not clarity.

3 Steps for Separating Intuition from Anxiety

The good news is that you can learn to tell the difference between your inner knowing and your anxiety. To do this, it's important to focus on the qualities of the message, not just the content.

1. Check the Tone

Intuition often speaks in a quiet, grounded tone. It might be firm, but it is rarely urgent, except in life-threatening situations. It's a sense of knowing that doesn’t demand immediate action. Anxiety, on the other hand, often feels loud and intrusive. It’s quick , urgent , and tends to spiral into worst-case scenarios.

2. Notice the Physical Sensations

Intuition typically comes with gentle clarity, even when the message is uncomfortable. It could be a soft nudge in your chest or a settling in your gut (a.k.a. "a gut feeling"). Anxiety is packaged with physical tension : tight shoulders, shallow breathing, or a clenched jaw. If your body feels like it’s bracing for impact, that’s a clue you're likely in an anxious state.

3. Look for Patterns

Intuition often speaks in situational statements , which can be quite specific . It gives clear direction: “Don’t go that way” or “Reach out to this person.” Anxiety tends to be repetitive and more generalized , like “I'm going to fail" or "Something bad is going to happen.” Anxiety also may speak in questions , using "what ifs" and "shoulds."

Strengthening Your Inner Knowing

One of the most powerful tools you have is the PAUSE. Take your time . Slowing down, even for 30 seconds, can give you the space to tune in more clearly. Intuition waits for your attention; it doesn't compete , so you can invite it forward by creating small moments of stillness in your day.

Writing down your gut feelings or inner nudges (even if they don’t make sense at the time) is another powerful way to strengthen your ability to hear your self-guidance. You’ll begin to see patterns. Maybe you sensed a boundary was needed in a certain relationship and later realized you were right. These reflections strengthen your confidence in your inner knowing.

Part of why anxiety becomes so loud is that it brings the perpetually unfulfilled promise of certainty . Intuition doesn’t guarantee outcomes; it just points toward alignment. The more you’re able to sit with uncertainty , the easier it is to hear what’s true for you, beyond the noise .

High Sensitivity is easily dismissed and looked down upon in our culture. But the truth is, it's a gift. You don’t need to “toughen up” or push through your sensitivity. When you can fully accept your trait , it can truly be your compass .

The world may have taught you to override or dismiss it, but the voice of your inner knowing has always been there, quietly guiding you back to yourself.

Be patient. You may not always get it right. You may still confuse anxiety with intuition from time to time, and that’s okay. What matters most is that you keep listening and keep honoring the part of you that knows.

And you will know.

Getting Unstuck: Decision Fatigue and High Sensitivity

Fri, 13 Jun 2025 14:02:13 GMT

Learn what decision fatigue is, why it can be so common and so draining for HSPs, and how to move through it when it shows up.

Have you ever been paralyzed by the seemingly simple question, "Which restaurant should we go to tonight?" Or maybe you've read product reviews for so long your eyes are blurring, yet you're unable to just click that "buy" button? That mental strain and that sense of exhaustion at the mere thought of making a choice is more than just a rough day. It’s decision fatigue , and if you’re a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) , you might be especially prone to it.

In a world full of countless options and the pressure to get everything just right , it’s no wonder we often get so stuck . This post explores what decision fatigue is, why it can be so common and so draining for HSPs, and a few gentle tools to help you move through it when it shows up.

What is Decision Fatigue?

In the way that physical fatigue is a bodily weariness, decision fatigue is the mental and emotional weariness that comes from having to make too many choices over a period of time. It’s what happens when your brain simply runs out of decision-making energy.

You might picture this as something only super-busy, high-powered individuals deal with, but the truth is, decision fatigue impacts all of us . It can show up in a hundred tiny moments, from picking out what shirt to wear, to choosing which route to take to work, to deciding which brand of peanut butter to buy.

The tricky thing about decision fatigue is that it can masquerade as laziness , avoidance , or anxiety . But really, your brain has just hit a limit, tuckered out from weighing options, predicting outcomes, and trying to keep you safe or “right.”

What it can look like:

Flipping endlessly through a menu only to settle on the meal you always get but don't necessarily want.
Putting off important yet manageable tasks that involve choices.
Avoiding a necessary purchase, only to suffer from the lack of it later.
Spending hours researching, reading reviews, and getting feedback from others.
Feeling numb, irritable, or tearful over something that isn't a "big deal.”

Why Decision Fatigue Hits Harder for HSPs

As a Highly Sensitive Person, you take in more sensory and emotional information from the world around you. You think deeply, feel deeply, and often carry a strong sense of responsibility, not just for your own well-being but for how your choices might affect others.

Each decision, then, isn’t just about “this or that.” It's much more layered. HSPs are more likely to experience perfectionism and people-pleasing, two drives that can turn even simple choices into mental marathons .

To sum it up, Highly Sensitive People tend to consider the following four categories when making decisions, large or small:

What feels best?
Will I regret it later?
What’s the most ethical or aligned choice?
Would this disappoint someone else?

Even the noise of options, like having too many tabs open on your browser, too many voices in your head, too many “shoulds,” can lead to overstimulation and, eventually, overwhelm.

Simple Tools to Get Unstuck

My big brother's wise words come back to me when I find myself facing decision fatigue. I vividly remember the moment when this man, whom I've always looked up to, put his hands on my shoulders to stop my worried pacing, turned me to face him, and said,

"Josie, you've got to stop looking at every single decision as 'right' or 'wrong.' They're not. They're just different paths."

Now, this shifted things immensely for me - my approach to a lot of things, really. But you don’t need to overhaul your whole life philosophy to move through decision fatigue. What helps most is softening your approach and letting things be a little easier, a little lighter, a little more guided.

1. Default to Some Simple Routines:
Pre-deciding some daily choices, such as what to eat for breakfast, when to leave for work, or what you’ll wear tomorrow, frees up mental space for bigger decisions that may require your attention later. Think of it as creating a loving, helpful autopilot mode.

2. Use Gentle Structure:
Rigid schedules can feel overwhelming, but a flexible rhythm can provide just enough of a container to reduce overwhelm. For example: “ I’ll check in with myself at 3:30 and decide then whether to rest or take a walk,” instead of trying to plan your whole day upfront.

3. Make Value-Based Choices, Not Perfection-Based Ones:
Instead of asking, “What’s the right/best choice?” try asking, “What aligns with my values today?” This simple shift reduces pressure and invites self-trust. Make a conscious effort to put aside what other people might think by asking, "I f nobody ever found out about this decision, what would I choose?"

4. Put a Cap on Input
When you’re already stressing about a decision, seeking too many opinions or researching more options only adds fuel to the fire . Try setting a limit, like asking one trusted loved one or reading just the 20 most recent reviews, then stop.

5. Take breaks
Sometimes you’re not indecisive, just genuinely tired. Give your brain a reset. Go outside. Take a nap. Stop scrolling. Do something physical. You don’t have to solve everything right away, and oftentimes, physical rest and rejuvenation can make a big difference.

You've Got This

Dear sensitive soul, if you’ve been feeling stuck or overwhelmed by even the smallest of choices lately, know this: it’s not a character flaw. It’s not because you’re lazy or incapable. It’s decision fatigue, and it makes perfect sense , especially for someone who thinks and feels as deeply as you do.

You don’t have to get every decision “right.” You just have to make one kind, aligned choice at a time. ��

The Weight of Weighing: Letting Go of the Scale

Fri, 06 Jun 2025 14:02:03 GMT

Why weighing yourself can be so harmful, and how to finally break free.

For longer than I care to admit, my weight was one of the most important things in my life. It still feels icky to say that, even almost two decades later, but it's true. I was obsessed with what I ate and what I weighed, and therefore, with the scale . That little appliance had the power to make or break my day, lift or wreck my mood, and determine what I did with my time. I was addicted to weighing myself.

If you've ever owned a scale, chances are, you have a bit of a love-hate relationship with it. Maybe it's collecting dust in the corner of your bathroom, yet you don't dare throw it out. Maybe you step on it occasionally for reassurance that you're "okay." Or maybe, like I once did, you step on it multiple times a day with near-religious devotion.

Whatever you believe it's doing for you, is it actually helping? Does it make your life better? Or are you a prisoner to a number that never delivers on its promises?

This post is all about why weighing yourself can be so harmful and how you can finally break free.

The Illusion of Control

As a child, I never thought about my weight. I unknowingly benefited from "thin privilege." My parents had a scale in their bathroom, but I barely noticed it...until I did .

Home from college one day, I spotted the scale and wondered, "Did I gain that 'freshman fifteen' people talk about?" I didn't really know what I weighed before school, but the number I ended up seeing still didn’t sit well with me. I have cultural programming to thank for that.

From then on, weighing myself became routine. Every trip home or to the gym was an opportunity to check whether I was “on track.”

But access to a scale, a sensitive and high-achieving temperament, and a few difficult life experiences created the perfect storm. What I was actually "on track" for was an eating disorder.

Why did I keep weighing myself?

"I'm just curious."
"I need to keep myself in check."
"I have to know my weight to make sure I'm healthy."
"I don't want to be afraid of the number."

Eventually, these were no longer reasons. They were excuses . The real reason? I was addicted.

The Real Cost of Weighing

At a glance, stepping on the scale seems harmless ; just a number, just data. But for many people, especially for those prone to disordered eating , those few seconds can come at a high cost. Weighing yourself can quickly become a harmful ritual loaded with meaning .

Besides dictating your mood and altering your food choices for the day, that number may even start to determine whether you are “allowed” to rest, eat, or enjoy yourself. You may tell yourself you're just curious , but if seeing the number sends you into a spiral of self-criticism or anxiety, the cost is already too high .

For Highly Sensitive People , the impact is often amplified. We process deeply, feel intensely, and can become overwhelmed more quickly.

A small fluctuation on the scale can feel like a loud alarm bell, even when nothing is actually wrong.

Many clients I work with end up in a choose-your-adventure from hell:

Take your weight → Happy? → Double down on disordered eating behaviors to stay happy.

Take your weight → Unhappy? → Double down to perhaps feel happy tomorrow.

Either way, you're stuck. The truth is, weighing yourself isn’t neutral if you don’t feel neutral afterward. Letting a number override your internal cues reinforces the belief that something outside of you knows better than your body.

That’s not neutrality. That’s control masquerading as care.

What Happens When You Stop Weighing Yourself

At first, it’s disorienting to let go of a number that once defined your day. I even thought about my weight more for a while. But when I stayed with the discomfort and didn’t let it alter my eating or movement, it started to fade.

Freedom follows the discomfort.

Instead of a hyper-focus on the scale, there’s room to gently tune in to facets of health and well-being that I all but ignored when I was weighing myself. Now I listen for (and can hear) my body's cues for food, fullness, variety, movement, rest, community, play, and more.

Yes, the weight our bodies want to naturally settle at does shift with time. I won’t lie about that. As is true for most people, my “set point” now, in midlife, is higher than it was in my 20s. I could guess at the reasons, but honestly? My body’s reasons are her own. And that’s okay. You do you, body.

The Top 3 Tips for Breaking Free From the Scale

If you want to stop weighing yourself, or at least decrease the hold the scale has over you, here are some things that helped me break free:

Replace the weighing ritual. Track how you feel instead of how much you weigh. Create a routine of checking in with yourself. Note your mood, any emotions swimming around, physical sensations, and your current state of mind. This is a way better indicator of how you're doing than a number.
When you want to weigh, write. Journal about the urges you have to check your weight. Are they prompted by a habit? Anxiety? A rough day? What are you really looking for in that moment?
Move the damn thing out of sight (or get rid of it altogether). I gave my therapist my scale multiple times during my eating disorder recovery. She always promised to return them if I really wanted, but after our talks, I usually agreed to leave them with her for another week. And then another.

You don’t have to be ready to let the scale go completely. It’s okay to feel fear or resistance. Be gentle with yourself.

You don’t need a number to tell you how to feel in your body, how much care you deserve, or whether you're doing ok. Often, the healthiest choice is stepping away from the scale and stepping into your life .

Overstimulation vs Overwhelm: What Every HSP Needs to Know

Fri, 30 May 2025 14:01:52 GMT

What distinguishes overstimulation from overwhelm in the HSP nervous system? And how do you cope?

We've all had moments where we've felt like everything was JUST TOO MUCH . For a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), these moments might seem to come more often. Maybe you suddenly needed to leave a crowded space, shut your laptop mid-task, or burst into tears over spilled milk, as they say. It's easy to label times like this as "overwhelm" - but often, what's really happening is overstimulation .

Though the two experiences are closely related, there’s a subtle but important difference between being overstimulated and being overwhelmed . Understanding this difference can be a game-changer for everything from your self-care to your relationships, especially if you’ve spent years thinking you're just not "good" at coping.

In this post, I’ll walk you through what distinguishes overstimulation from overwhelm in the HSP nervous system, the connection between the two, and practical ways to cope with both.

"I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed...but can you ever just be whelmed?"
- 10 Things I Hate About You

Defining the Terms

As HSPs, it's not too hard for us to feel a bit out of sorts when it comes to living in this chaotic world. However, overstimulation and overwhelm are two distinct experiences, and learning to tell them apart can help you respond in ways that will better support your nervous system.

Overstimulation

Usually sensory-based and stemming from external circumstances. Essentially, overstimulation is the experience of our senses having taken in more than our system can process. You might have used the term "sensory overload" to describe it. Common triggers include busy locations like airports, obnoxiously bright lights or loud noises, hurried movement, feeling rushed, too many people talking at once, etc. For HSPs, who take in more detail and process it more deeply, overstimulation can build faster than it does for others.

Overwhelm

Usually emotional/thought-based and stemming from internal or a combination of internal and external circumstances. Being overwhelmed is more about exceeding your emotional or mental bandwidth. It’s what happens when you're juggling pressure, responsibilities, and expectations - especially when they all feel urgent or impossible to handle. Common triggers include: too many options, last-minute changes, looming deadlines, multitasking, arguments, being put on the spot, etc. Overwhelm can happen in any environment, even calm ones.

Name It to Tame It: Which Are You Dealing With?

Different problems have different solutions. That's why it's so important to recognize which experience you're having, so that you can use the right tools to cope.

What overstimulation can look like:

Irritability or agitation
Strong urge to escape the current situation or to isolate
Mind suddenly going blank
Feeling hot and flushed
Tense muscles, especially around your jaw, neck, and shoulders
A desire to cover your ears or eyes

What overwhelm can look like:

Racing or looping thoughts
Feeling the pressure of time
Sudden and sometimes intense low mood or hopelessness
Small or routine tasks feel impossible or paralyzing
Feeling teary, irritable, panicky, or completely numb
Negative thoughts about yourself and your worth

Here's a simple question to ask yourself that will help you identify what you're dealing with:

"If everything got quiet and calm for a few minutes, would that help me? Would I feel any better?"

If the answer is " yes ," you’re likely overstimulated. If " no ," you're probably feeling overwhelmed. If you're unsure , you just might have both experiences going on! Yep, the two states are closely connected, and overstimulation can play a role in tipping you into overwhelm .

When your nervous system is bombarded by too much sensory input, your internal resources start to dwindle. That’s when emotional regulation gets harder, small decisions start to feel huge, and you may find yourself crying, snapping at loved ones, or shutting down.

Learning to spot what's happening doesn’t just help you cope - it helps you show up for yourself with more understanding and compassion. Remember, both overstimulation and overwhelm are universal experiences, even for non-HSPs.

How to Cope

Once you’ve named whether you’re overstimulated or overwhelmed (or both), you can meet yourself with tools that actually help, rather than trying to push through or shut down.

��‍�� If You’re Overstimulated

When your nervous system is overloaded in this way, the goal is to reduce or change sensory input and restore calm. Think of it like turning the volume down on the world so your system can reset. Try these tips:

Change your environment: Step outside. Go into a quiet room. Dim the lights. Get off your screen.
Sooth your senses: Use noise-canceling headphones. Get under a weighted blanket. Inhale some calming aromas. Turn on some nature sounds.
Ground your body: Incorporate some gentle movement like stretching. Breathe deeply and slowly with a hand over your heart. Name the different colors you see around you.

The key here is less. Less input, less noise, less pressure.

�� If You’re Overwhelmed

When you’re emotionally or mentally maxed out, your nervous system needs reassurance, clarity, and compassion. Instead of tuning out, you may need to tune in, gently. Try these tips:

Name your feelings: Saying, for example, “I feel overwhelmed and afraid I’m failing,” can actually help reduce the intensity of the emotions. Check out this post for an effective distancing tool.
Do a brain dump: Write down everything swirling in your head without stopping to re-read or edit. Then step away from it.
Mind your meaning-making: Be careful not to make statements about what overwhelm means about you. Don't add a negative story on top of an already difficult moment.
Prioritize the next step: Ask, “What’s the next small thing I can do?” Maybe it’s having a snack or a glass of water, texting a friend, taking a nap, or paying one bill.

You don’t need to handle everything perfectly. You just need to notice what you’re needing, and offer yourself something small and soothing in return.

A Gentle Reminder

If you’ve ever felt like you’re “too sensitive” because the world is often overstimulating or overwhelming, please know this: there’s nothing wrong with you . You’re simply processing more information. And that’s actually pretty cool, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.

Think back to the last time you felt like everything was “too much.” Was it more sensory, or more emotional and thought-based? Or both? The more you practice noticing the difference, the easier it becomes to respond with the kind of care that actually works.

Peace and calm to you, sweet friend ��

Meal Plans, Mindful Eating, and the Messy Middle

Fri, 16 May 2025 14:01:40 GMT

Help for the confusing but important phase in eating disorder recovery that lies between structure and intuition.

If you've ever sought help for an eating disorder or disordered eating, you may have encountered a little thing called a meal plan . Honestly, they're big tools, and they're extremely common in most treatment settings, from outpatient sessions with a dietitian to more intensive treatment programs. The structure of a meal plan can feel both stabilizing and stifling. And yet, they can play an essential role in early healing.

On the other end of the spectrum is a more mindful, conscious form of eating guided by our intuition and connection with our body. This "intuitive eating" is beautiful in theory but can be very overwhelming in practice , especially after months (or years) of relying on external rules, cues, and routines.

So, how do you transition from one phase of healing to the other?

Welcome to the messy middle , friend. ��

Why Meal Plans Matter

In early recovery, your mind isn't always in the best place to reliably interpret your body's natural hunger and fullness cues. Difficult emotions that may have been kept at bay by disordered eating are starting to surface, and critical thoughts about food and your worth are paralyzingly loud. For times like this, a structured meal plan can be particularly helpful for reestablishing rhythm and consistency in your nourishment, taking the guesswork out of eating, and giving you a foundation to heal physically and emotionally.

This is especially helpful for Highly Sensitive individuals who are easily overwhelmed by too many choices or decisions. Analysis paralysis in recovery can be a beast!

A meal plan can offer clarity and predictability, both of which can be calming to a sensitive nervous system.

But meal plans aren’t meant to be forever, and if they feel more like a prison than supportive scaffolding, then they might not be the best fit for you .

What Mindful Eating Actually Means

Mindful or intuitive eating gets a lot of buzz, but it’s not always fully understood. It’s not about eating only when you’re hungry and always stopping as soon as you notice fullness. It’s about tuning IN - not just to your sensations, but to your emotions, your thoughts, your environment, and your needs.

This kind of attunement can be a huge strength in your recovery once you’ve had enough time and support to reconnect with your internal cues.

But going straight from a rigid plan to total freedom? Now, that’s a recipe for anxiety, and oftentimes disappointment and frustration. That's where the messy middle comes in.

Tips for Navigating the Transition

If you’re in that in-between space, where you're needing more flexibility and freedom but are unsure how to trust yourself again, here are some gentle suggestions:

1. Test out your portioning skills.

This tip is particularly helpful if you've been measuring your food per your meal plan. (If this hasn't been a thing for you, feel free to skip it, although it can be interesting to see how you do.) Try "reverse portioning," where you do your best to eyeball a portion (a cup of rice, say) and then place it into a measuring cup to see how well you did with your estimation. If you're way off, give yourself permission to practice until it becomes easier to gauge what you're going for.

2. Instead of ditching structure, layer in flexibility slowly.

You don’t have to give up structure entirely; in fact, most peaceful, balanced eaters have flexible structure . Let yours evolve. Maybe breakfast and lunch stay predictable while dinner gets a little more intuitive. Maybe you plan your snacks, but let your meals be more responsive. You might even start by choosing one meal or snack a day where you explore a bit of freedom. Maybe that’s honoring a craving, or letting hunger guide you rather than the clock. For example, if you notice you aren't hungry for your usual snack, pay attention to how skipping it affects your next meal. Do you feel uncomfortably hungry? More anxious? Do you notice a moment of sneaky eating-disorder-joy about "getting away" with something? This is all helpful information.

3. Try an awareness-tracking tool.

The app Peace With Food is unlike most other food-related apps. You're not asked a ton of questions, or even to log what you ate at all. It's simply a tool for checking in with your hunger/fullness in the moment , helping you build awareness and look for patterns over time. This app can be particularly great if you are used to logging your meals and snacks (no, not for calorie counting - those suck ) and are ready to change that part of your recovery.

4. Practice curiosity over judgment.

Perhaps the most important thing you can do for yourself when transitioning to a more intuitive-based approach to food is to adopt a curious, judgment-free stance . When things feel messy, ask yourself, "What am I learning about myself right now?" The struggles you have during this time are not failures; they're information. Know that it’s normal to feel a little wobbly. The messy middle is... well, messy. You might swing between wanting full freedom and craving structure. That’s part of the process, not a sign you’re doing it wrong.

5. Use your sensitivity as a guide.

Guess what, HSP! You’re wired to notice the subtleties. You can use this characteristic to your advantage when you tune in (without judgment, of course) to how different foods, routines, or rhythms make you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Making Peace with Food (and Yourself)

Healing your relationship with food isn’t about being 100% structured or 100% easy-breeze- mindful. It’s about learning to hold both. Structure can support you. Intuition can guide you. Flexibility allows both to coexist.

In that space, food becomes less of a battleground and more of a bridge: to connection, to care, to being fully, and gently alive in your body.

✌

Eating Disorder Treatment and Finding the Right Fit For You

Fri, 25 Apr 2025 15:18:23 GMT

Navigating the many options for eating disorder treatment can be confusing. Explore the different levels of support so you can choose the best fit for YOU.

Finding the right eating disorder treatment can feel like a huge, confusing task, especially when you're already anxious, emotionally raw, and unsure of what to expect or even what you need. If you’re a Highly Sensitive Person , you may be especially overwhelmed by the many options available. You might delay your decision due to uncertainty - a move that can have devastating repercussions.

In this post, I’ll walk you through the different levels of eating disorder care from lowest to highest, with brief overviews of what each one offers, and help you begin to understand which kind of care might be the best fit for you.

By the way, I'm using the phrase "level of care" throughout this post because that's the standard when discussing treatment, and that's the terminology you'll come across in your searches. It's a bit of a misnomer, however, because how much your provider cares is and should always be high. A more appropriate phrase would be "intensity of support" or "treatment environment."

Let's get started.

Outpatient Eating Disorder Treatment

Brief Overview: This is considered the lowest level of care because time-wise, it's a commitment of 1-3 hours/week. These appointments are all self-scheduled, and you'll typically be looking at 1-2 weekly therapy sessions and a weekly dietitian session if indicated. You can also schedule doctor and psychiatrist visits as needed.

Who is a good fit? Outpatient is a good place to start if your motivation to get better is moderate to high, you're able to resist some of your eating disorder urges, you have some healthy coping tools already, and you can ask for support and be honest and forthcoming with your providers about your eating disorder behaviors.

Can I do it online? Yes.

Does it require medical stability? Yes.

Do I need time off from work/school? No.

What amount of independence will I have? A high amount.

Intensive Outpatient Eating Disorder Treatment (IOP)

Brief Overview: IOP is considered a "step up" from outpatient. Generally (and this can vary widely depending on the program), it's a commitment of 5-15 hours a week. That might look like 2-3 hours/day, 2-5 days/ week. You can expect 2 weekly therapy sessions, a weekly dietitian session, a few hours of therapeutic groups, and 1-2 group meals + a snack each day you're at the program. Doctor and psychiatrist visits are typically with your outpatient providers, who are seen outside of program hours.

Who is a good fit? IOP may be right if outpatient therapy hasn’t provided enough support. Your motivation to get better is fair to high, but you need more accountability to resist eating disorder urges. You might also struggle to ask for help or to be fully honest about your behaviors.

Can I do it online? Yes.

Does it require medical stability? Yes.

Do I need time off from work/school? Maybe, depending on the schedule.

What amount of independence will I have? A moderate to high amount.

Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP)

Brief Overview: Don't let the name throw you. PHP programs were originally held on hospital grounds (hence the name), but many are now housed in separate facilities. This mid-level treatment is similar to going to work or school full-time: 5–8 hours/day, 5–7 days/week. It typically includes 2 weekly therapy sessions, a weekly dietitian session, a weekly psychiatry session, multiple therapeutic groups, and 2+ group meals and snacks daily. Nurse or doctor visits may occur weekly or as needed.

Who is a good fit? PHP can be helpful if you’re medically stable, but your motivation wavers and you’re struggling to interrupt eating disorder behaviors. It’s often recommended when co-occurring issues like depression or substance use are also present and need more intensive support.

Can I do it online? Not likely.

Does it require medical stability? Yes.

Do I need time off from work/school? Most likely.

What amount of independence will I have? A low to moderate amount.

Residential Eating Disorder Treatment (Res)

Brief Overview: Residential programs are 24/7 and often located in home-like environments. These programs are highly structured, with 2–3 weekly therapy sessions, 1-2 weekly dietitian sessions, a weekly psychiatry session, a weekly medical session (with daily vitals by nursing staff as indicated), 1–2 group outings per week, multiple therapeutic groups each day, and 3 meals + 2–3 snacks per day.

Who is a good fit? Residential care may be needed if you require consistent monitoring to stay safe. Motivation can range from low to high. Co-occurring mental health concerns may make this level more appropriate. A good amount of medical stability is usually required, though frequent monitoring ensures safety.

Can I do it online? No.

Does it require medical stability? To some degree, depending on the facility.

Do I need time off from work/school? Yes.

What amount of independence will I have? A low amount.

Inpatient Eating Disorder Treatment

Brief Overview: Inpatient care is also 24/7, but more medically focused and restrictive. The priority is stabilizing medical or psychiatric crises. Some programs offer brief therapy and groups for emotional support, but deeper therapeutic work typically happens later, at lower levels of care.

Who is a good fit? People experiencing acute medical issues (like low heart rate, electrolyte imbalances, or needing tube feeding) or psychiatric crises are likely to begin here. Stays are typically brief, with direct transfers to residential or PHP strongly encouraged and often arranged for you.

Can I do it online? No.

Does it require medical stability? No.

Do I need time off from work/school? Yes.

What amount of independence will I have? A very low amount.

Choosing Where to Start and Where to Go From There

Many professionals recommend starting at the least restrictive level of care and adjusting as needed. For some, that means beginning with outpatient. For others, a higher level might be more appropriate from the start. Personally, I encourage folks to trust their gut. You know yourself and your eating disorder better than anyone else. That said, if you plan to use insurance, their level-of-care guidelines will likely influence what treatment you receive and for how long.

It’s not uncommon to be “stepped up” to a higher level if your current treatment isn’t meeting your needs. This doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It simply means you're being given the support you need to heal.

Higher levels of care are designed to prepare you for the next step down. For example, someone in PHP 7 days/week may taper to 5 days before transitioning to IOP. It’s almost always best to move through eating disorder treatment levels gradually and without skipping levels, like going from residential to outpatient. Treatment can be hard, but doing it alone too soon can be even harder—and may increase the risk of relapse.

The Courage to Consider

There’s no shame in needing help for your eating disorder. These illnesses are cunning, confusing, and deeply painful. Most people need some form of professional care to fully recover.

If you're even reading this right now, it's a sign of your courage . Eating disorders have a way of convincing us that we are just fine ...that others are worse off , so we don't really need help.

False. Eating disorders can not only damage your physical health, but they can wreck your mood, strain your relationships, and severely dim your hopes and dreams.

If you’re even considering eating disorder treatment, that alone is a sign that you need it...and you deserve it.

You don’t have to wait until things get worse. (Please don't.) You’re allowed to ask for help before you hit rock bottom. And with the right support, healing is absolutely possible.

I believe in you. ��

Why Highly Sensitive People Can't "Just Let It Go"

Fri, 11 Apr 2025 15:16:39 GMT

There's a reason why you can't "Just let it go," and it's not your fault. I've got some tips on what to do instead.

If you're a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) , you probably already know that just letting it go isn't something you can simply will yourself to do. Maybe it's an argument, a mistake you've made, a disappointment, or an insensitive comment; yeah , you'd like to move on. You try to. But the harder you try to force it, the more stuck you seem to feel.

Whether it's been reinforced by a well-meaning friend, an exhausted partner, or your own inner critic, being told to "just let it go" doesn't help, and most of the time, it makes things worse.

Well, you're not broken. And for heaven's sake, you're not being too sensitive. You're just wired differently, and understanding why it’s harder for HSPs to move on from things is the first step in learning to do just that in your own time and without shame .

Let's explore a few of the main reasons why this common, unhelpful piece of advice doesn't work and what we can do instead.

Captain Nemo Would Understand: Depth Is Your Nature

Your brain is the Nautilus , not a speedboat. You're built to run deep . That's your "depth of processing" at work. This core HSP characteristic means you don't just think and feel things - you absorb them, analyze them, and reflect on them intensely.

At any given moment, you're thinking about your thinking and having feelings about your feelings.

Highly Sensitive folks take in more information from their environment, and then they mull it over, a lot , sometimes consciously, sometimes not. When something upsetting or confusing happens, it doesn’t pass through you quickly. It sinks in and gets tangled up with your memories and your drive for meaning-making. It all takes some time to unravel.

The same goes for the good stuff! You probably get a big, lasting hit from positive experiences. That's one of the gifts of your depth of processing. But it's so important to remember that when it comes to letting things go or moving on from them, it isn't so much a choice; it’s a process .

The Weight of “What’s Wrong With Me?”

Many HSPs carry around the burden of shame for feeling they are “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” or “too dramatic.” This doesn't come out of nowhere. We've internalized it because it's been said to us throughout our lives (often by the same people who suggest we just let things go ).

So when you can’t move on as quickly as you or someone else would like, you're faced with a double whammy: feeling bad about the experience itself AND about the way you are handling it.

That extra layer of shame becomes its own obstacle, trapping you in a cycle of self-judgment that makes it even harder to move through whatever you were processing in the first place.

It goes without saying that a Highly Sensitive Person's emotional experience is layered and complex. When you're faced with challenging emotions, there is more to process, more to understand, and more to integrate before a sense of resolution, acceptance, or safety (whatever is needed to move forward) can arrive.

Still Buzzing? That's Your Beautifully Wired Nervous System

Even after a difficult experience is “over" and you feel you've mentally processed what you needed to, your body might not be done responding. Your nervous system may still be in a state of activation.

Highly Sensitive People tend to have more responsive nervous systems, meaning we stay in a state of hyper or hypo-arousal (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn) longer than a neurotypical person might. This is especially true for sensitive folks who have a history of trauma .

"Letting it go" is simply not possible until your body feels safe enough to do so.

And safety, for sensitive folks, can take more time and intention to restore. The more you try to force yourself to move on before you're ready, the more stuck and unbalanced you will feel.

What If You Were Allowed to Take Your Time?

Speaking of time, what if "just letting it go" could happen on your terms? When you give yourself permission to move slowly and to fully honor your experience, including your thoughts and feelings about it, you create space for the healing and resolution to unfold naturally .

Now, I understand that there are times when we feel pressured to move things along (so you can get through that meeting with your boss or the dinner party you're hosting in 5 minutes). In these times, if we choose to stuff it down, compartmentalize it, and get on with things, do yourself a favor and make a point to come back to the following questions later.

Instead of pushing yourself to “just let it go,” try asking these 3 questions:

What am I still holding, and why does it matter to me? If it's an emotion, what is it? If it is an unmet need, can you name it? Don't focus on letting it go . Focus on letting it be heard .
What would the gentle possibility of letting go look like if it's not a command? What would need to happen, and what steps within your control would you have to take? (Focus on steps that you can take, rather than on what you'd like someone else to do.)
What would the right support or compassion look like right now? Consider what it would look like coming from other people and from yourself . It's not always possible to receive it from another, but giving it to yourself is entirely within your control.

There is nothing wrong with you, you highly sensitive wonder . You don’t need to try to become less sensitive in order to be ok in this world. You just need the right tools and someone to understand and reflect to you that you are amazing, just as you are. ��

Big Little Recovery Lessons That Changed My Life

Fri, 28 Mar 2025 15:16:12 GMT

Some of the most profound lessons I learned in my eating disorder recovery were not about food or body image. Check them out.

It's a dark, lonely road, moving through life with an eating disorder in tow. Few people knew the depths of despair I sank into during those years. I was good at hiding. Good at faking a smile. But even at its worst, my eating disorder journey is not something I would wish away. I'm grateful for it because it gave me recovery , and recovery gave me something I never expected.

There are nuggets of wisdom from that time in my life that I carry with me even to this day. Some of the most profound lessons I learned in my eating disorder recovery were NOT about food or body image; they were about how to live and how to trust myself.

Today, I want to share some of my favorite big little recovery lessons with you. I hope they resonate and remind you that recovery (the excruciatingly difficult moments and all) is worth it .

1. Feeling is Healing and What You Resist Persists

Emotions can be SO uncomfortable! I get it. I'm a Highly Sensitive Person , remember? But avoiding feelings certainly doesn’t make them go away. In fact, it often makes them stronger. When you allow yourself to truly feel and process emotions instead of pushing them down, you create space for real healing.

What emotions do you tend to resist the most, and what are you afraid could happen if you allowed yourself to fully feel them?

2. Nobody Can Read Your Mind

You might wish that others just knew what you needed (I certainly do), but expecting others to read your mind usually leads to frustration and disappointment. Clear communication is essential for recovery and beyond. When you express your needs openly, you allow others the opportunity to step up and support you.

Is there something you’ve been hoping someone would just know about you? How might things change if you voiced it instead?

3. You Will Find Whatever You Look For

Your brain is always gathering evidence to support what you already believe, whether that belief is helpful or harmful. If you expect failure, anticipate rejection, or fear you're a burden, you’ll unconsciously look for proof. But the same is true when you search for evidence of hope, proof that you're loved and that you're worthy just as you are.

What stories about yourself or your recovery have you been reinforcing? What might shift if you started looking for evidence of your strength and progress instead?

4. It's Only Possible if You Believe It's Possible

If you don’t believe something is possible for you, you’re unlikely to take the steps needed to make it happen. Doubt can keep you stuck, while even a small willingness to believe in recovery opens the door to real change. Once I believed full recovery was possible, it made it possible .

Where in your recovery or your life have you been telling yourself that you can’t? What would happen if you allowed yourself to believe, even just a little, that you can?

5. Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes

Recovery, like everything else you may want in life, requires action. Waiting and wishing for things to get better is not enough. If you keep doing the same things, you’ll keep getting the same results. But the good news is that even teeny tiny changes can create momentum toward healing and can add up to wonderful progress.

What's one small change you could make today that would support movement toward your goals? And could you break that small change down into two even smaller changes? Go for it!

6. You're Never Back at Square One

I've been through relapses. I understand that it can feel like you’re starting over when you struggle, but every experience, especially the hard ones, teaches you something. You can't un-grow and un-learn the lessons you learn in recovery. Setbacks don’t erase your progress; they’re part of the process. You’re always moving forward, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

When have you faced a setback and still found a way to move forward? What lessons from past challenges can you carry forward now?

7. You Don't Get Anywhere in a Rocking Chair

Worry can make you feel like you’re doing something, but in reality, it just keeps you stuck - much like rocking back and forth in a rocking chair and going nowhere. While your worries may be valid, it's important to remember that endless overthinking does not create solutions. Action, even a small one, is what leads to real change.

What’s something you’ve been worrying about instead of taking action on? What’s the first small step you could take instead?

8. The Only Constant is Change

Change is inevitable, whether we welcome it or resist it. Learning to embrace change allows for growth, new possibilities, and way more peace. And if you're going through a tough time, no matter how hard things feel right now, they won’t stay this way forever because, well...change!

How does it feel to remember that even your hardest moments are temporary? What’s one way you can support yourself through the changes you’re facing?

9. Pain is Pain is Pain

Pain should never be a competition. Whatever pain you experience is just as real and just as valid as anyone else’s. Comparing your struggles only distances you from the support and compassion you deserve, and is really just a way of avoiding your emotions (see Feeling is Healing above). All pain matters because you matter.

Have you ever minimized your own pain because you felt that someone else had it worse? How might it be to simply acknowledge your pain without comparison?

10. The Harder Thing Is Probably the Right Thing

More often than not, the path that feels most difficult is actually the best one for you and leads to the greatest growth. Avoidance and comfort keep us stuck, while the harder thing, whether it’s challenging a fear, setting a boundary, or speaking your truth, moves us toward healing.

Where in your recovery are you choosing the easier path, and what might change if you leaned into the harder choice?

Go Forth, Warrior

Eating disorder recovery is not easy, but the lessons learned along the way can help guide you forward. As you reflect on these ideas, remember that change happens one small step at a time, one moment at a time. Which lesson speaks to you the most right now? What’s one way you can apply it to your life today?

Sending love and hope ��

Orthorexia and High Sensitivity: Pursuit of "Pure"

Fri, 21 Mar 2025 15:16:01 GMT

Discover the overlooked connection between orthorexia and High Sensitivity, and why embracing sensitivity is key to a lasting recovery.

Welcome back to my final post in this blog series exploring how High Sensitivity can influence the development and maintenance of disordered eating . This post concerns an all too common food-focused struggle that flies under the radar in our health-obsessed, diet-centric culture...so much so that it isn't even a diagnosis. But it's real, and so are the consequences. I'm talking about Orthorexia .

Orthorexia presents as an obsessive preoccupation with "healthy" eating that is not necessarily driven by the pursuit of thinness, but more so by the perception of optimal health . Anyone can be at risk for developing this eating disorder, yet Highly Sensitive People , with our depth of processing, may be uniquely vulnerable. But full recovery is real , and with the right tools and support, it can be YOUR reality.

If you or someone you know is struggling with or at risk of developing orthorexia, please read on.

�� NOTE: While this post focuses on orthorexia, the information in this post may also apply to folks with Other Specified Feeding and Eating Disorders (OSFED), or non-diagnosed disordered eating where there's an extreme focus on the health or "cleanliness" of foods.

Am I a Highly Sensitive Person?

So what exactly is High Sensitivity? Well, I'm glad you asked. High Sensitivity is not a diagnosis or a disorder; it's a natural trait found in 15-30% of the population, and its scientific name is Sensory Processing Sensitivity. HSPs process information deeply, notice subtleties others may overlook, and often experience emotions and sensory information more intensely. It's a totally natural variation on the spectrum of sensitivity.

Highly Sensitive People have usually heard that they're "too sensitive" so many times throughout their lives that it has become internalized as truth . But let me be clear, you are not too sensitive. You're wired this way, and your sensitivity is not a flaw.

"It was so validating to finally put words to my experience. I've felt different my whole life...more vulnerable and more intense. Now that I know I'm an HSP, I can take care of myself so much better."

- Carol (61 yrs)*

While High Sensitivity truly has its gifts, it can also make navigating life's numerous choices, including making food and health decisions , feel especially complicated.

For some Highly Sensitive People, the drive to find safety and calm in an overstimulating world can transfer into their relationship with food.

This is where orthorexia can take root. Understanding the basics of this eating disorder can help you recognize if your pursuit of health has crossed into harmful territory.

The Basics of Orthorexia

What separates orthorexia from other eating disorders, like anorexia , is that orthorexia is not necessarily driven by body image or the desire for weight loss , although that can play a role. What primarily drives orthorexia, however, is the relentless pursuit of a diet or dietary habits that are perceived as most beneficial for one's physical health.

Coined in the late 1990s, the term orthorexia translates to "correct appetite" and can very much look like a diet or "food lifestyle" gone awry. People who struggle with this eating disorder feel compelled to only eat "clean" or "pure" foods, or will hyper-fixate on finding the "perfect" eating habits for optimal health. (This is a trend commonly referred to as bio-hacking , by the way.)

The problem is that food is not a moral issue, and what is deemed healthy or unhealthy is extremely subjective.

Due to restricting or eliminating certain types of food, malnutrition is common, but sometimes the mental side effects can be even more damaging. In addition to strict food rules, people with orthorexia often experience intense anxiety when facing decisions related to eating . They may spend hours researching foods and diets, scrutinizing nutrition labels, and may become fearful of social situations where they don't know or can't control the food being served.

"I just want to be the best that I can be for my sport, but there's so much conflicting information about the 'right' way to eat. I've been eliminating more and more things from my diet. Now hardly anything seems good enough."

- Kyle (20 yrs)*

What starts as an attempt to be healthy can quickly become all-consuming, leading to guilt, shame, and distress when the self-imposed rules are broken.

When I talk about obsessions as a part of orthorexia, I don't use that term lightly. Orthorexia shares many similarities with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), particularly in the way that it involves rigid thinking, compulsive behaviors, and an overwhelming need for certainty .

The fear of making an "unhealthy" choice can trigger intrusive thoughts, which are then temporarily relieved by compulsive behaviors (excessive meal planning, macro tracking, etc.). And just like in OCD, the cycle reinforces itself , which makes it increasingly difficult to eat intuitively or flexibly.

How High Sensitivity Can Fuel the Orthorexic Obsessions

For Highly Sensitive People, it's primarily our depth of processing that may increase our risk of crossing over from "health-conscious" to "health-obsessed." HSPs often struggle to make decisions when there are too many options and, therefore, may be more susceptible to the influence of diet trends or "lifestyles" like veganism, gluten-free eating, or intermittent fasting.

For an HSP already struggling with food sensitivities, sensory struggles, or health anxiety, eliminating food groups or habits (like eating after 7 pm, for example) can reinforce avoidance behaviors and make it even harder to meet nutritional needs.

Being that Highly Sensitive folks are wired to take in more information and mull everything over on a deeper level, there is a higher likelihood of us becoming overstimulated , and sometimes even paralyzed by overwhelm. HSPs are naturally often on the hunt (consciously or not) for ways to feel more balanced, clearheaded, and relaxed.

Nobody chooses to have an eating disorder, but the fixation with food in orthorexia does at first offer structure and control in a way that can be very appealing and even helpful for HSPs... until it's not .

Prioritizing an HSP-Friendly Recovery

Full recovery from orthorexia is absolutely possible, and for Highly Sensitive People, it’s essential to address not just the symptoms but also the underlying sensitivity that may have influenced disordered eating. While orthorexia can be a part of your past, your sensitivity is here to stay .

Key Areas to Focus on in Recovery:

Continue Exploring High Sensitivity: The more you learn about your trait, the better. You'll gain a greater understanding of how to approach the challenges of living as an HSP and how to utilize its innate gifts as assets in your recovery.
Embrace Rest: HSPs can often feel driven to "get things right" or "go-go-go" almost as a way to make up for the perceived "fault" of being sensitive. In recovery, learning to rest , physically, mentally, and emotionally, is vital. Give yourself permission to slow down.
Grieve the Struggles: Acknowledge any pain associated with living as a sensitive person in an insensitive world. Grieving what orthorexia may have taken from you is also so important and so powerful.
Work in Exposures Gently: Orthorexia treatment often involves exposure therapy, which can be extremely helpful but sometimes overwhelming for HSPs. Make sure you go at your own pace and build up to harder and harder challenges.
Focus on Other Aspects of Your Identity: Many people with orthorexia see their health and their food choices as integral parts of their identity. Consciously pay attention to and nurture the other values, passions, and relationships that make up your sense of self.
Practice Self-Compassion: Counter your perfectionistic and self-critical tendencies with the same kindness you would show your favorite people. Consider how you would interact with a young child who was exploring eating food for the first time. You'd probably be pretty gentle and encouraging, right?
Find Your People: Connect with other Highly Sensitive People, as well as other folks who are healing from or have recovered from disordered eating. Validation and support are essential ingredients in a full recovery.

Your Sensitivity is Beautiful

It didn't cause orthorexia. But as I see all the time in my work with clients, we can take our natural traits to the dark or the light (ex, i mpulsive becomes spontaneous ). So if you see yourself in this connection between High Sensitivity and orthorexia, know that you can take your sensitive characteristics into the light .

By embracing your High Sensitivity as a source of strength, and working to prioritize HSP-friendly recovery tools, you can be free from obsessive food thoughts and the behaviors that are keeping your life small and rigid.

You are not too sensitive. And you CAN heal. ��

* Names and other identifying details have been changed to protect privacy.

ARFID and High Sensitivity: Not Picky, Purposeful

Fri, 14 Mar 2025 15:15:51 GMT

Discover the overlooked connection between ARFID and High Sensitivity, and why embracing sensitivity is key to a lasting recovery.

Lately, I've been diving deep into how High Sensitivity can influence different eating disorders and alter recovery needs. In this post, we’re exploring the challenges that Highly Sensitive People with Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) face. Familiar with this eating disorder? Not everyone is, including people who may be dealing with it right now.

Unlike many other eating disorders, ARFID is not about body image but rather sensory and/or fearful responses to past eating experiences.

Because of this, some folks who meet the diagnostic criteria may not recognize that they have an eating disorder because they aren't preoccupied with their weight. But ARFID certainly does manifest in ways that can feel isolating and confusing . For Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), this fraught relationship with food can be even more pronounced and tricky to treat because of the natural HSP characteristics.

But there's good news. With a compassionate and curious mindset, healing can occur in a way that supports the sensory and emotional aspects of recovery and opens you up to a life of true nourishment and peace.

�� NOTE: While this post focuses on the ARFID diagnosis, the information in this post may also apply to folks with Other Specified Feeding and Eating Disorders (OSFED), or non-diagnosed disordered eating where similar behaviors are present.

The Science of High Sensitivity - What Is It?

Sensory Processing Sensitivity is a biological trait found in individuals on the high end of the sensitivity spectrum; hence, the colloquial term, High Sensitivity . But this trait is about much more than just emotional sensitivity. It also includes heightened environmental and social sensitivities, meaning that Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) process the world around them more deeply and intensely than others.

HSPs feel more deeply, think more deeply, experience more intensely, and absorb more stimuli from their surroundings.

This "depth of processing" can be a profound gift, allowing for heightened awareness, creativity, and empathy. However, because our nervous systems take in more information , it means we have more to cope with and a greater likelihood of becoming overstimulated . Everyday experiences that others may not think twice about, like strong smells, chaotic environments, or even a breathtaking concerto, can lead to HSPs feeling maxed out.

"It just doesn't seem like anyone else is affected like I am. I'm the only one crying over my new baby niece or plugging my ears at the movie theater."

- Danni (36 yrs)

When it comes to eating, sensitivities can play a significant role. Some qualities of food can trigger a stronger reaction in HSPs, making eating feel unmanageable .

Understanding the Struggles of ARFID

For those with ARFID, food avoidance isn’t about pickiness or preferences; it’s purposeful and tactical ; a response to physical or psychological discomfort. As I mentioned earlier, this eating disorder is not driven by body image concerns or an attempt to cope with stress or emotions through food, as seen in anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating disorder.

Instead, Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder presents as a fundamental difficulty with eating itself, whether due to sensory sensitivities, fear-based reactions, or a general lack of interest in food.

These difficulties become labeled as "disordered eating" when they begin to create significant challenges, such as unhealthy weight loss, malnutrition, and/or the need for tube feeding.

ARFID is commonly diagnosed in childhood; however, it can also develop in adulthood, often in these cases, triggered by a traumatic food-related experience. Additionally, ARFID is frequently seen in individuals with autism, as sensory processing differences can make certain qualities of food overwhelming, leading to restricted eating patterns. Not all people with ARFID are autistic, but the overlap highlights the role that neurodivergence (including High Sensitivity) can play in the development of the disorder.

ARFID can present in these 3 main ways:

Sensory Sensitivity: Some people with ARFID experience intense aversions to the taste, texture, smell, or temperature of certain foods. Even seemingly minor variations in food preparation or brand can make the food item feel inedible.
Fear-Based Avoidance: A frightening or overwhelming experience with food, like choking, vomiting, or having an allergic reaction, can trigger the development of ARFID. The body remembers these moments, and the fear of it happening again can make certain foods feel extremely unsafe.
Low Interest in Eating: Some individuals who develop ARFID do not experience the hunger drive in the same way others do, leading to a general disinterest in food. Eating may feel like a chore rather than a necessary source of nourishment or a way to experience pleasure.

"It just doesn't feel right. I like the taste...I just take one bite and it's like way too much in my mouth."

- Patrick (17 yrs)

For Highly Sensitive People, these struggles may be even more pronounced. The heightened sensory and emotional processing that comes with High Sensitivity can amplify food-related challenges.

Why Highly Sensitive People May Develop ARFID

For many folks, eating isn’t just about nourishment - it’s a full sensory experience . And as you can imagine, for HSPs, sometimes those experiences can be overstimulating. Because HSPs process stimuli more deeply, a food that seems harmless to someone else may feel unbearably slimy, bitter, or grainy to an HSP, making it difficult to eat a wide variety of foods.

But beyond sensory sensitivities, HSPs also have a strong emotional memory.

Just one negative experience with food, like an intense stomach virus, for example, can leave a lasting imprint. Unlike non-HSPs, who may be able to move on from these experiences more quickly, an HSP’s deep processing can cause food-related anxiety to linger. This can lead to the avoidance of foods that even slightly resemble the ones that caused distress, reinforcing restrictive eating patterns over time.

"I've been terrified of throwing up for as long as I can remember. I know I'm underweight and I don't like it, I just really struggle to eat enough."

- Gabe (25 yrs)

Additionally, HSPs tend to be more aware of their body’s internal signals like hunger, fullness, and digestion. This is called interoceptive awareness , and while this can be very helpful in many ways, it can also make natural bodily fluctuations feel more intense or unsettling for some individuals. Sensations like mild nausea or bloating after a particular food item may be experienced more intensely, contributing to anxiety around and potential avoidance of more and more foods.

For Highly Sensitive folks with Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder, sensory and emotional responses can make a varied and nutrient-dense diet feel nearly impossible. But it's not.

Recovering from ARFID with Sensitivity in Mind

Understanding the connection between High Sensitivity and ARFID can help guide a unique recovery approach that respects sensory needs and the nervous system’s responses to food.

Key Areas to Focus on in Recovery

Learn About Your Trait: Get to know Sensory Processing Sensitivity, both its challenges and its gifts. This can be so important and validating.
Define Your Own Progress: Eating behaviors considered "normal" might not be your normal, and that's okay . Be an active participant when creating your recovery goals and defining your movement toward them.
Make Space for Grief: Acknowledge the pain of living as a sensitive human in an insensitive world, and if applicable, any overly pathologizing treatment experiences that may have attempted to force you into a "neuro-normative" mold.
Challenge Fear and Avoidance Gently : Exposure therapy with any challenging foods should happen gradually, at your own pace, and only with your complete consent. Small, low-pressure steps can help build confidence without overwhelming your nervous system.
Strengthen Self-Trust: People with ARFID may have learned to doubt their body’s signals due to familial and societal pressures and general invalidation. Rebuilding trust in your own sensory experiences and cues is essential to long-term healing.
Build a Support System: Connect with other HSPs for support and educate loved ones about your unique needs. Consider working with a professional who understands both ARFID and High Sensitivity, so there's a balance between safety and progress.

There's Nothing Wrong With You

If you see yourself in this connection between High Sensitivity and ARFID, you're not alone, and you're not broken . While sensitivity may have played a role in the development of the eating disorder, it also allows you access to wonderful gifts that can help propel you forward in your healing.

There is space for your differences, your preferences, and your needs.

By developing HSP-friendly tools and learning to embrace your true self, you can find true, deep nourishment through food and a supportive lifestyle.

You're worth it. ��

* Names and other identifying details have been changed to protect privacy.

Gentle Coping Tools For The Easily Overwhelmed

Fri, 07 Mar 2025 15:15:38 GMT

Find calm, reduce stress and overstimulation, and move through life with more ease.

With the internet, AI, and an endless stream of TikTok mental health influencers at your fingertips, it might seem like good coping tools are everywhere . But for sensitive folks, finding the ones that are actually helpful (tools that feel effective, enjoyable, and easy to use ) can be surprisingly tricky.

When you're easily overwhelmed, having the right tools isn’t just nice; it’s essential for creating a more balanced, joyful life. That’s where I come in.

I’ve curated a list of my favorite coping tools for Highly Sensitive People.

These aren’t just any tools - they’re the ones that can help you find calm, reduce stress and overstimulation, and move through life with more ease.

If you're ready to find your �� "ahhh," let's dive in.

Sensory-Based Coping Tools

As a Highly Sensitive Person , your nervous system picks up on everything , so your senses can be a source of both joy and overwhelm. Sensory-based coping tools help you regulate your environment and soothe overstimulation, bringing you back to a place of calm and comfort.

Have a Cuppa: A warm cup of tea can be a simple but powerful sensory tool, offering both physical and emotional comfort. I love Chamomile, Peppermint, and Lemon-Honey.
Citrus Delight: Explore a citrus fruit like you’ve never encountered one before. Notice the texture as you roll it around in your hands. Breathe deeply as you take in the aroma. Pay attention to the explosion of taste upon your first bite.
Auditory Support: Loud or sudden noises can be overwhelming for HSPs, making it hard to focus or relax. Try noise-canceling headphones or earplugs for relief. As a true HSP, I'm particular about my earplugs and have found that this brand works well for me.
Aromatherapy: Use an essential oil diffuser to add a positive shift to the atmosphere. Experiment with different scents for calming or invigorating responses.
Gentle Nature Walk: Take a mini escape to a place in nature and let it fill your soul. Be on the lookout for the imperfection in the beauty around you. As HSPs, we spend a lot of time trying to shut out overwhelming sensory information. In nature, we don't have to do that.
Weighted Blanket: The gentle, even pressure of a weighted blanket, lap pad, or stuffed animal can feel like a calming hug for your nervous system, reducing anxiety and promoting relaxation. Experiment to find the right weight for you.
Textured Objects for Fidgeting: Engage your sense of touch with smooth stones, stress balls, or textured fabrics. These small, portable tools can help redirect excess energy.

Emotion-Regulation Coping Tools

HSPs feel deeply, which can be both a beautiful gift and a challenge when emotions become intense. Emotional regulation tools support you in processing and expressing your feelings in a way that feels grounding rather than overwhelming.

Have a Cry: Tears are a natural (and essential) way for your body to process and release emotions. Instead of holding them back, allow yourself to cry whenever possible. Crying is 100% normal and ok! Although you may fear you'll never stop, I promise that you will.
Free-Flow Journal: Set a timer for 5 minutes and just write. Don't stop to think - just let your thoughts flow and write as quickly and as messily as you need. Destroy after if desired.
Shred It: I love this tool when I'm angry or frustrated. Rip up a few sheets of paper. Go for the smallest shreds possible. Let it rip! (For extra oomph, try snapping dead twigs!)
Dear Fear: Imagine that Fear is a person. Perhaps a sweet, young child. Write them a letter. Share whatever you think they need to hear. Let them know how you understand them and will be there for them through this challenging moment.
RAIN Meditation: This practice helps you gently sit with and explore challenging emotions.
First, r ecognize what’s going on inside and name it. A llow the experience to simply be what it is, then i nvestigate it with kindness. With N on-attachment, experience the emotion without becoming it .
Worry Box: Whenever you experience a worry, write it down and place it in a special container. From time to time, look through it and remove the worries that have been resolved or no longer apply. This is such a great way to see how often things take care of themselves.
Ball of Energy: If you're wrestling with a difficult emotion, visualize it as a ball of energy. First, see it in your body - where it is, what color it is. Then, see it begin to shrink and dissolve, or maybe float out and away from you.

Grounding Coping Tools

When life feels like too much, grounding techniques help bring you back to the present moment. These coping tools reconnect you to your body and surroundings so you can feel more stable and secure.

Ice Cube: Hold an ice cube and gently move it around over your arm or leg. Pay attention to the temperature changes as you do so. You may wish to wrap the cube in a paper towel.
Earthing: Place your bare feet on grass, sand, or soil. Visualize your connection to Mother Earth and the transfer of energy with her. Many HSPs find this practice deeply soothing.
P.A.T.H.: Sitting quietly, bring your awareness to where on/in your body you feel the following sensations. P ressure (maybe where your legs meet your chair?), A ir (your cheeks or backs of your hands?), T ension (shoulders or jaw tight?), and H eat (from your hair on your neck?).
The Beat: Use an external speaker if possible to play a song with a strong, steady bass beat. Lie on the ground next to the speaker & focus on the reverberations in your body.
Oasis Spot: Scan your body for a location that feels totally neutral, or maybe even comfortable. Rest your attention on this area for however long you’d like. (The tip of your nose is often a great place to try.)
5-4-3-2-1: This simple exercise helps bring you into the present. Around you, identify 5 different colors you see, 4 textures you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste.
Humming: The vibrations from humming activate your vagus nerve. This can be incredibly grounding and can even create a sense of joy or lightness after a while.

Cognitive Coping Tools

Your thoughts profoundly impact how you feel. Cognitive coping tools help shift unhelpful thought patterns, reduce anxiety, and cultivate a more compassionate, balanced mindset. No toxic positivity, here.

Dialogue: Write out a conversation between an activated part of yourself (maybe Anxiety, or Loneliness), and your Self with a capital S. (Self is the integrated, healthy you that you can access when supporting other people.) Make sure you always let Self have the last word.
Fact-Checking: If you catch yourself in a spiral, pause and ask, "Is what I'm thinking a fact or is it a story I'm telling myself? Do I have evidence either for or against this thought?"
Leaves on a Stream: Instead of getting overly attached to a distressing thought, visualize the thought as a leaf landing in a stream and floating away from you and out of sight.
Defusion: By simply adding a defusing phrase to the beginning of a thought, you begin to separate from it and reduce its power. Instead of, "I am always going to be alone," try, "I notice I am having the thought that I am always going to be alone."
Progress Report: Write a list of ways you’ve made progress throughout your life. Notice both large and small achievements and moments of pride. This helps shift us out of our natural negative bias and lets us see the truth - that we are always learning and growing!

Distraction Coping Tools

This might be my favorite category of coping tools. Let me be clear: distraction is a legitimate kind of tool. Just make sure that it's not the only kind you use. Sometimes all you have energy for is something distracting. And for those times, let that be completely ok.

Dinner Party for 1: Play nice music and light some candles. Cook (or order) your favorite meal and eat it on the “nice” dishes. Savor and enjoy your company as your good friends would.
Play with a Pet: If you have a furry (or feathery) friend, spending time with them can be a wonderful way to shift focus and boost joy. You can always watch cute animal videos for a similar hit of lighthearted delight.
Puzzles: Jigsaw puzzles are one of my favorite tools and never fail to calm me down. If needed, play music or listen to a podcast while you puzzle for extra distraction power.
Coloring Books: Time to let your inner child have some creative fun. Check out coloring books for adults that are super detailed for an extra challenge. Experiment with different mediums. Perhaps you like gel pens or prefer colored pencils.
Playlist: Let's go, Maestro! Create a playlist for a particular mood, an upcoming trip, or for a certain loved one. You may discover a new favorite song while you're at it!
Burrito Me: Have a loved one tuck you in tight under a blanket (like a burrito) and pop in your favorite, nostalgic movie or TV show. Snuggle down and relish the safety and comfort. If needed, you can also tuck yourself in. Nothing wrong with that.

How to Choose the Right Coping Tools for You

When it comes to coping tools, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach.

What works beautifully for someone else might not feel quite right for you. The key to finding the right tools for you is to experiment, stay open, and notice what genuinely helps you feel calmer, more grounded, and more at ease.

Let go of the pressure to use a tool just because it “should” work.

If something doesn’t feel good or helpful, you don’t have to force it. However, when possible, I do think it's worth giving a new tool a few chances before deciding that it isn't a fit. Just like with actual tools, different situations call for different approaches, so be sure to pull tools from different categories.

Good, healthy coping tools usually do not completely eliminate distress.

If your tool is taking you from a 10 to a 0 in terms of distress level, that might be a sign that you're using an unhealthy tool (think drugs or alcohol). Good coping tools will ideally bring you a moderate amount of relief from distress and/or help you gain useful insight so that you can adjust your behavior if indicated. The goal is not necessarily just to feel better . The goal is to be better , as in to heal and take care of ourselves.

Above all, trust your sensitive intuition to choose tools that truly support you.

You're worth it, friend. ��

Bulimia and High Sensitivity: Craving Release

Fri, 28 Feb 2025 14:55:17 GMT

Discover the overlooked connection between bulimia nervosa and High Sensitivity, and why embracing sensitivity is key to a lasting recovery.

Welcome to post number three in my blog series exploring High Sensitivity in different eating disorder diagnoses . This week, I’m focusing on Bulimia Nervosa , a disorder defined by the binge-purge cycle . For some Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), bulimia develops as a way to regulate overwhelming emotions and sensory overload. Often misunderstood as simply a problem with impulsivity or a lack of self-control, the cycle of bingeing and purging serves a deeper purpose , and especially for a certain subset of HSPs (more on that soon), it can act as both an escape and a release.

Let’s move beyond shame and stigma and explore how High Sensitivity can contribute to the development of bulimia. By better understanding what needs to be addressed for true healing, those struggling can break free from the damaging and painful cycle.

�� NOTE: While this post focuses on Bulimia Nervosa, much of the information can also apply to folks with Other Specified Feeding and Eating Disorders (OSFED), or non-diagnosed disordered eating where bingeing and purging behaviors are present.

Are You a Highly Sensitive Person?

If you’ve ever been told you’re “too emotional” or “too sensitive,” you might be among the 15-30% of the population who are Highly Sensitive People. High Sensitivity, also known as Sensory Processing Sensitivity, is a biological trait that causes the nervous system to absorb and process information to a greater depth and degree . HSPs don’t just pick up on more information - they feel more, think more, and can react more intensely to the world around them.

"When I look at my partner's face, I can immediately tell if something's bothering them. I can get a little obsessed about the tiny shifts in their expression, and then fixate on whether or not I caused those shifts."

- Skye (35yrs)

This heightened awareness of the HSP's inner and outer world comes with many strengths, but it also can present challenges, especially in a society where sensitivity is synonymous with weakness .

Strong emotions (both your own and other people’s) and fast-paced or high-pressure environments can easily lead to overstimulation . When there’s no time or space to process everything, it can feel like too much to hold .

Without understanding their sensitivity, many HSPs develop coping strategies to manage the intensity of their experiences. Some withdraw, others seek the illusion of control, and for some, the need for both stimulation and relief leads them to a cycle of bingeing and purging food .

Understanding Bulimia

Bulimia Nervosa is an eating disorder characterized by cycles of binge eating followed by compensatory behaviors to prevent weight gain. Unlike Binge Eating Disorder, where episodes of excessive eating occur without purging, bulimia involves an urgent need to “undo” a binge . Purging behaviors can include not only self-induced vomiting but also the misuse of laxatives or diuretics, excessive exercise, fasting, and other behaviors aimed at eliminating calories or regaining a sense of control.

While binge eating in bulimia can provide a temporary reprieve from emotional overwhelm or sensory overload, the purging phase of the cycle adds another layer to the disorder.

Purging acts as a way to release tension and restore balance after a period of feeling out of control. However, this cycle ultimately causes not only physical harm to the body but also a great deal of shame . For Highly Sensitive People, who tend to experience emotions and sensations more intensely, bulimia can seem to help someone cope with shame, while unfortunately reinforcing it at the same time.

Understanding the connections between this eating disorder and High Sensitivity is key to developing a more compassionate and effective approach to healing.

Sensitivity, Sensation-Seeking, and the Binge-Purge Cycle

While many Highly Sensitive People attempt to avoid stimulation to prevent overwhelm, a subset of HSPs are actually High Sensation Seeking (HSS) sensitives, meaning they crave novelty, excitement, and intensity . This creates a unique internal conflict.

An HSS-HSP individual might feel a deep need for calm and predictability, yet also a strong drive to seek out stimulating and even high-risk experiences.

It's like having the heart of an explorer inside a homebody’s soul; always pulled between the excitement of the unknown and the comfort of the familiar.

Bulimia, an intensely sensory experience, fits the bill for some folks, providing both the rush of binge eating and the relief of purging. The textures, flavors, and sheer volume of food in a binge can create a temporary sense of escape and excitement. Purging acts as a "reset," reinforcing a cycle of highs and lows that can be difficult to break.

"I can't tell you how much I look forward to a binge-purge. At this point, it's like I don't even crave the food anymore, but more the whole experience."

- Malia (22 yrs)

Over time, some individuals with bulimia may begin to meticulously plan out their binge-purge episodes in advance, looking forward to them as a form of stress relief, distraction, or even as a reward for enduring difficult emotions or situations. This pattern aligns with the HSP/HSS tendency to seek out intense experiences, even when those experiences have negative consequences.

A Sensitive-Supporting Recovery

For HSPs, especially those with sensation-seeking tendencies, breaking free from bulimia requires addressing both the need for emotional and sensory soothing and the craving for intensity and or/release . Finding alternative ways to experience stimulation can help put the binge-purge cycle "out of its job."

Key Areas to Focus on in Recovery:

Keep Learning About High Sensitivity: Research your trait and start focusing on its strengths, not just its liabilities.
Address Impulsivity with Awareness: Practice pause and delay techniques, like urge surfing or grounding exercises, which can help create space between impulse and action.
Balance Stimulation with Rest: HSS-HSPs crave novelty but also need downtime (like all HSPs) to avoid burnout. Your recovery should intentionally include both.
Channel Sensation Seeking Into Healthier Outlets: If your binging and purging feels like an adrenaline-fueled escape, seek out alternative, healthy ways to engage the nervous system. Think sports, art, music, dance, and travel.
Grieve the Struggles: Acknowledge the difficulty of living as a sensitive person in this world, and if applicable, the tug-of-war that you may face as an HSS-HSP.
Tap Into Curiosity: Reframe recovery as a journey of discovery rather than a rigid set of rules you have to follow. This can better align the process with your nature and your needs.

You're Not Broken

If you’re a Highly Sensitive Person struggling with bulimia or a High Sensation Seeking HSP caught in this challenging cycle, know this: you are not broken . Your sensitivity is not a flaw, and your need for both comfort and stimulation is not a contradiction. These traits may have shaped your eating disorder, but they can also shape your healing.

Recovery isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about learning to accept the truest version of yourself and work with your sensitivity instead of fighting against it. By understanding your unique needs, creating a supportive environment, and finding healthier ways to regulate and seek excitement, you can break free from the binge-purge cycle.

You are worthy of healing, just as you are. ✨

* Names and other identifying details have been changed to protect privacy.

Binge Eating and High Sensitivity: Numbing the Noise

Fri, 21 Feb 2025 14:55:06 GMT

Discover the overlooked connection between binge eating and High Sensitivity, and why embracing sensitivity is key to a lasting recovery.

Welcome back to my blog series exploring High Sensitivity in different eating disorder diagnoses . This week, I'm diving into Binge Eating Disorder , sometimes referred to as compulsive eating or overeating . As an eating disorder therapist and Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), I’ll walk you through the often-overlooked connection between binge eating symptoms and the traits of High Sensitivity, scientifically referred to as Sensory Processing Sensitivity .

Binge eating is not about a lack of willpower. It’s a frustrating yet simple coping strategy that is deeply misunderstood and heavily stigmatized in our culture.

It’s time to dispel the shame so that sensitive souls struggling with this eating disorder can recognize their underlying needs and break free from the cycle of overeating and self-criticism.

�� NOTE: While this post focuses on Binge Eating Disorder, much of the content can also apply to folks with Other Specified Feeding and Eating Disorders (OSFED), and sub-clinical disordered eating, where eating beyond comfortable fullness is a frequent behavior.

What is Sensory Processing Sensitivity?

Being an HSP means you have a biological trait called Sensory Processing Sensitivity, colloquially known as High Sensitivity . You're a deep thinker, a deep feeler, and you experience the world with extraordinary awareness.

Sensitivity shows up on a spectrum . There's the low end, the middle range (most common), and the high end (hello, HSP!), which encapsulates roughly 15-30% of the population.

While High Sensitivity comes with innate gifts like deep empathy, on-point intuition, and free-flowing creativity , it also comes with challenges. A world that prizes toughness over tenderness can leave HSPs feeling out of place, overwhelmed, or emotionally exposed.

"I cry a lot. It's so frustrating because other people think it's a weakness. When people tell me I'm 'too sensitive,' it just makes me feel worse, like I'm defective."

- Becca (19y)*

For some HSPs, the weight of their emotions and the constant sensory input can feel unbearable, and food can serve as a temporary reprieve.

Without recognizing and therefore being able to tend to their sensitivity, HSPs can fall into a cycle of bingeing to numb what feels like just too much .

Understanding Binge Eating Disorder

Binge eating is characterized by having a relatively large amount of food (what most folks would consider large) in one eating episode and the sense of being out of control . This "out-of-control-ness" can show up as the inability to stop eating when comfortably satisfied or full, eating much more quickly than normal, and/or feelings of disgust and shame during and after the binge.

The diagnostic criteria for Binge Eating Disorder (sometimes referred to as BED) also state that the binges are not regularly followed by compensatory behaviors such as purging or fasting.

However, many folks who struggle with binge eating attempt to "make up" for binges by cutting back on calories the next day, thus creating a vicious cycle.

Restricting leads to intense hunger, which leads to binge eating (sparks shame), which leads back to restriction (sparks hope), then back to intense hunger (more shame), and so forth. This is a very difficult pattern to break because it is not only fueled by painful emotions, but it is also biologically driven.

Did you know that this same cycle can occur even when there isn't any actual physical restriction, but simply mental restriction ? Mental restriction comes from self-shaming thoughts like, "I shouldn't eat that...I should wait until x time to eat...I can't be hungry yet" ...etc.

Whether called binge eating, compulsive eating, or "overeating," this behavior is one that is incredibly misunderstood . In fact, I've seen clients show up in my practice time and time again, reporting binge eating episodes only to find with gentle exploration that they are actually under-eating or eating completely normal amounts of food. Why is this?

Shame and stigma.

Food is intensely tied to morality in our culture, and it is absolutely ruining people's relationships with food and their ability to trust their bodies.

Why Highly Sensitive People May Develop Binge Eating

Sensitive humans take in a lot of information from their environment, and because of that, we're prone to overstimulation. This can lead to intense fatigue, mental and emotional overload, and social burnout.

One reason HSPs may turn to binge eating is that food provides a quick, easily accessible way to physically, mentally, and emotionally recharge.

Food, of course, offers a quick boost. Carbohydrates, in particular, provide an almost instant source of energy, and certain foods may temporarily soothe an overtaxed nervous system. Because sensitive folks feel everything so deeply , the soothing or relaxing effect of food is powerful .

Beyond nourishment, eating can be deeply comforting for sensitive people on a sensory level. In some ways, tasting, chewing, and swallowing can mimic the grounding effects of a hug or weighted blanket , especially when eating to the point of fullness or even over-fullness. While this may not feel good in the long run, for the moment, it offers a sense of stability and containment that Highly Sensitive People often crave.

Speaking of hugs, food can also be a relational salve . For people who have felt misunderstood or judged by others (as many sensitive folks do), food offers a form of companionship that feels safe.

"Food is there for me whenever I need it. I look forward to eating in a way I've never looked forward to spending time with people. Food never rejects me."

- Kaya (28y)*

Food does not criticize us, make demands of us, or abandon us. In moments of emotional pain, binging can feel like a reliable source of comfort.

Turning to food is not inherently wrong . We all do it, and that's okay . But as I mentioned earlier, our society, which is so heavily steeped in diet culture and weight stigma, makes it really hard to heal a relationship with food when it's constantly feeding the shame cycle that may be driving someone to cope with food in the first place.

What to Focus on Instead of Stopping the Behavior

As we grow up, many HSPs get the message that their sensitivity is a problem and something they have to fix. This can translate into a belief that healing from disordered eating requires someone to become less sensitive and rein in their needs.

The goal in healing from binge eating disorder is NOT to remove the need and craving for comfort but to find more sustainable ways to meet those needs - ways that truly honor sensitivity.

Key Areas to Focus on in Recovery:

Create Gentle Structure: Prioritizing consistent, nourishing meals and snacks goes a long way in reducing biological triggers for bingeing.
Understand High Sensitivity: Learn about your trait. Increase your awareness of its challenges and its gifts.
Grieve the Pain: Acknowledge the struggle of living as a sensitive person in an insensitive world and the pain inflicted on you by others and the culture at large.
Practice Unconditional Self-Compassion: It is essential to counteract shame when attempting to break the cycle of guilt that can fuel binge eating.
Build in Other Soothing Strategies: Rather than taking food away as a coping technique, add in other sensory-friendly ways to cope (e.g., soft textures, music, deep breathing).
Focus on Emotional Awareness: Practice frequently identifying and naming your emotions. Google "Feelings Wheel" if you need help. They're super useful!
Seek Validation : Connect with other HSPs for support and educate loved ones about your unique needs.

Finding True Relief

If you recognize yourself in these patterns, please know that you are not alone. There is nothing wrong with you for seeking comfort in food. As a Highly Sensitive Person, it makes sense that you would turn to something as readily available, soothing, and reliable as food to cope.

But you deserve more than just temporary relief.

You deserve comforting strategies that truly support you and honor your sensitivity. And you deserve a relationship with food that feels peaceful and balanced. With curiosity, compassion, and the right tools, full recovery is absolutely possible.

You are not too much, and your sensitivity is not a flaw. You are learning to care for yourself in a way that feels both effective and safe.

Stay tuned for more posts in this series exploring how High Sensitivity influences the development and maintenance of other eating disorders and why addressing sensitivity is key to a full recovery!

* Names and other identifying details have been changed to protect privacy.

Anorexia and High Sensitivity: Coping By Control

Fri, 14 Feb 2025 14:54:55 GMT

Discover the overlooked connection between anorexia nervosa and High Sensitivity, and why embracing sensitivity is key to a lasting recovery.

As a therapist specializing in the treatment of eating disorders , I've come to learn that individuals with Anorexia Nervosa tend to exhibit the characteristics of High Sensitivity (also known as Sensory Processing Sensitivity). Yet, this connection is often overlooked. Reflecting on my own recovery from anorexia, I can see how my emotional, sensory, and environmental sensitivities shaped my struggle, and how the eating disorder became a way to cope with a trait I didn’t even know existed .

Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) are uniquely affected by both inner and outer experiences, making them more vulnerable to maladaptive coping mechanisms such as an eating disorder.

This post is the first in a series exploring how High Sensitivity influences the development and maintenance of different eating disorders and why addressing sensitivity is key to a full recovery.

�� NOTE: While this post focuses on Anorexia, much of the content also applies to Atypical Anorexia, Other Specified Feeding and Eating Disorders (OSFED), and sub-clinical disordered eating (even dieting!) where restriction is a primary behavior.

What Does It Mean to Be Highly Sensitive?

Being a Highly Sensitive Person means experiencing the world with extraordinary awareness . HSPs are deeply attuned to their emotions, the energy of others, and subtle shifts in their environment. Only 15-30% of the population is thought to be Highly Sensitive.

While this biological trait imparts a sense of deep connection and intuition, it can also lead to stress, self-doubt, and overstimulation in a society that undervalues sensitivity.

"I'm constantly aware of what everybody around me is feeling. Even watching new TV shows feels too intense. I never know what emotions I'll have to deal with."
- Aiden (42 yrs)*

For some HSPs, especially those in high-pressure or invalidating environments, the intensity of life can drive them to seek distraction, power, and a sense of safety - sometimes through food restriction. Without understanding their sensitivity, HSPs may turn to the hyper-control of food and weight as a way to manage whatever else feels unmanageable.

Understanding Anorexia Nervosa

Anorexia nervosa is an eating disorder characterized by intense fear of weight gain, severe food restriction, and obsessive behaviors like calorie counting, frequent weighing, and rigid eating rules. These behaviors often initially develop for the pursuit of weight loss, but over time, they begin to serve other purposes, which we'll explore shortly.

While anorexia may outwardly seem to center on food and body image, its roots are much deeper.

At its core, it reflects profound emotional and psychological struggles, like perfectionism, people-pleasing, fear of failure, and difficulty processing and expressing emotions.

For many, the act of restricting food and fixating on body size creates an illusion of control over their lives, offering a temporary reprieve from feelings of powerlessness or uncertainty. However, the idea that anorexia is simply “about control” oversimplifies the experience. Beneath the surface, individuals with anorexia often describe feeling as though they are caught in a relentless cycle of self-doubt and rigidity, and fear they are always seconds away from losing all control.

How High Sensitivity Can Fuel Restriction

For HSPs, life can feel like a constant balancing act between deeply experiencing the world and managing its intensity. Restriction can dull emotional reactions and quiet sensory overload.

"I was so exhausted from taking care of my toddler that I started eating less unintentionally. I realized it made me feel less overwhelmed by his constant needs and noise. I couldn’t physically step away from him, so I kept disconnected emotionally by starving."

- Sarah (29 yrs)*

In the quote above, anorexia served as an obvious coping mechanism and provided Sarah with temporary relief from emotional and sensory overload. Unfortunately, it ultimately led to her feeling disconnected from her child, her partner, and everything that gave her life meaning .

Unlike non-HSPs, who often feel increased anxiety when restricting food, many Highly Sensitive People report a sense of "calm" or numbness instead. For some, this numbing effect can be addicting, and it can feel absolutely necessary to protect it.

Along with numbing, the hyper-management of food offers a distraction from overwhelming life situations. It becomes something that people-pleasing HSPs can have all to themselves - something with which nobody else can interfere . Over time, it can feel like a "trait" in its own way.

"The longer I struggled with my eating disorder, the more it felt like who I was. I became known as the small, super-disciplined one. I finally felt normal, and I didn't want to give that up."

- Cameron (26yrs)*

HSPs often grow up feeling different. We're told that our sensitivity is a problem to be fixed, and we wrestle with feeling like we're too much AND not enough at the same time .

Being deeply attuned to the expectations and judgments of others, Highly Sensitive People are more susceptible to peer and societal pressures . In our fatphobic culture, thinness is the dangling carrot of success, acceptance, and happiness, and weight loss can feel like the path to belonging.

Honoring Sensitivity in Recovery

To fully recover from anorexia, it’s essential to address not just the symptoms and behaviors, but also the underlying sensitivity that may have contributed to the eating disorder.

Key Areas to Focus on in Recovery:

Understand High Sensitivity: Learn about the trait - both the challenges it presents and its gifts.
Grieve the Struggles: Acknowledge the pain of living as a sensitive person in an insensitive world and the pain of letting go of a coping mechanism that worked .
Practice Unconditional Self-Compassion: Counter perfectionism and self-criticism with kindness, no matter what. No "earning it" required.
Reframe Your Cues: Begin seeing your body's signals as intuitive messages rather than liabilities, weaknesses, or annoyances.
Seek Validation : Connect with other HSPs for support and educate loved ones about your unique needs.
Set Boundaries: Reduce overstimulation by protecting your energy wherever possible.

You Are Not Too Sensitive

If you see yourself in this connection between High Sensitivity and anorexia, know this: your sensitivity is not a flaw . While it may have shaped your eating disorder, it also holds the key to a fulfilling recovery.

Your sensitivity is a powerful and beautiful part of who you are.

By developing effective HSP-friendly tools and embracing your sensitive characteristics as a source of strength , you can create a life that is balanced, nurturing, and truly fulfilling .

You are NOT too sensitive, too broken, or too far gone. You are learning how to navigate the world in a way that supports your sensitive heart.

And that is a journey worth taking.

* Names and other identifying details have been changed to protect privacy.

Leaving Social Media to Honor My Recovery and Support Yours

Fri, 31 Jan 2025 14:54:11 GMT

What led me here, how it's been going, and what's next in my social media-free life.

I was a young adult when social media entered my life. Back then, it was simple and fun - a way to connect with close buddies, share casual updates ( "Watching Top Gun in my dorm room - come on by!" ) and grainy photos of our latest shenanigans. But over the past two decades, as social media became less about connection and more about competition and endless distraction , my feelings toward it shifted dramatically.

As I used it more to promote my business, I began to notice something unsettling: my relationship with social media was starting to echo the patterns of my old eating disorder; an unhealthy fixation on external validation, relentless comparison, and the overwhelming drive to keep up. I KNOW I’m not alone in this. Something had to change.

The decision to leave social media wasn't easy to make, but I'm doing it to honor my recovery, realign with my values as a mental health provider, and offer others the most authentic support I can.

This post is about what led me to this point, how it's been going, and how I'm shaping a healthier, more sustainable path for myself. I'm not here to scare anyone with frightening statistics about social media and mental health, nor to shame anyone who stays on the apps - because you do you! However, if I can inspire a pause...a moment to consider your own relationship with social media, then that's great.

Once Upon a Social Media: It Used to Be Fun

Twenty years ago (TWENTY!) I joined a new website just for college students called Facebook. It was a natural step, after having spent a few years learning basic coding to decorate my MySpace page. But with Facebook, I could now poke my friends (in hindsight - this is just weird), and I could easily share photos from my first digital camera. Wow!

It was the beginning of a new era. The Social Media Era.

Maybe you also remember when social media was actually social - when it used to feel meaningful and enjoyable. It's been a long time since it felt that way for me. I was finding more and more that social media was feeling manipulative, transactional, and shallow.

The Dark Side: Echoes of My Eating Disorder

I've known, subconsciously, for quite some time that my relationship with social media was not great. It also wasn't terrible , which is how I’ve managed to keep convincing myself to stay . I didn't pick up my phone and scroll in the presence of other people. I was able to get my daily tasks taken care of without a problem... so it wasn't really a big deal, right? (This is awfully familiar to how I used to justify my disordered eating .) But then one day, the problem of it all slapped me in the face.

A Dangerous Numbers Game

Chasing followers, shares, and likes felt too similar to how I once chased validation through different numbers: calories and pounds . Both were dangerous games, and none of these numbers could measure my true worth, or anybody’s.

I thought back to a time in my eating disorder recovery when I promised myself I'd never again use numbers to define my worth...and here it was happening again.

I was seeking validation from apps! Maybe you think that, as a therapist, I should have known better. But that's why I'm sharing this - you can "know better" and still fall into the same trap as everyone else. Social media has kept me in a vicious “compare-and-despair” cycle with other therapy professionals and "mental health influencers" who appeared to be crushing it in their careers.

I kept telling myself that I didn't have what it took to be successful in the social media arena. (And did I even want that to be how I defined success?) Spoiler Alert: It turns out, I heavily resisted the work it takes to be super visible on these apps because my body KNEW before my mind that it simply was not healthy for me.

Highly Sensitive and Highly Susceptible

As a Highly Sensitive Person , I am highly susceptible to being overstimulated , and social media pushed me into overstimulation so often that I stopped recognizing when it was happening . As my time on the apps increased, my ability to focus and concentrate tanked . I was more easily irritated, and the quiet downtime that I used to look forward to was becoming difficult and uncomfortable .

Social media discouraged me from going at my own pace, making it feel like I had to stay constantly plugged in. This, of course, is terrible for our mental health.

It's not just Highly Sensitive People who are susceptible to the negative effects of social media. That's clear. It was becoming harder for me to justify promoting my mental health business on these apps. Even though I was providing helpful, recovery-oriented content, I was still playing a role in keeping people on apps that have been proven to really harm many of us.

Working My Way to a Decision

I was tired of getting so angry at Instagram. Here I was spending my valuable time crafting some really helpful, empowering posts...only to end up feeling punished by the app. Yes, actually punished.

The algorithm seemed to chastise me for stepping away from the app or for not loving reels and stories, or the latest music clips...and it did so by burying my content . Even my close friends reported that my posts rarely showed up in their feeds anymore. I tested spending more time scrolling, and sure enough, my "reach" would increase. Bleh.

I was also tired of feeling manipulated into buying things that I suddenly NEEDED (even though 5 seconds ago I definitely did not). Every time I saw an ad on my browser for an item I had just seen mid-scroll on Facebook or Instagram, I felt invaded.

I was desperate for a solution that didn't involve me deleting these apps completely.

On the way to true acceptance of a problem, we often hit something called The Bargaining Phase, where we try to figure out a way around the problem without actually facing it.

Tactical Failures: What I Tried

Deleting the Facebook app and only using it on my computer. This had the opposite effect I was going for because I spent even more of my "work time" on that site.
Instagram "Time Limits." Ha! Laughable. That little notification would come up saying, "Maybe it's time to take a break," and I was swiping away from it in milliseconds.
Only getting on socials to share my blog post from that week. This one helped...but of course, my engagement stats were even more abysmal... causing more unnecessary anger.
Unfollowing every account that wasn't that of an actual, real-life friend. This was interesting because I'd check my feed every few days and find no new posts - just ads. ( Wow , and I thought I was staying connected with these apps.)

The last straw was when I read about Meta's decision to stop fact-checking. I am sick and tired of contributing to the insane wealth of tech billionaires who are choosing not to protect their users (a.k.a. their real products). I had already ditched Amazon a few months earlier, and on a whim (but also not at all), I completely deleted that 20-year-old Facebook account.

Life Beyond the Algorithm

It's been a little over a week since then. Instagram's head is resting on the chopping block now. But as of today, I'm planning to leave that profile up (along with all the hard work I've done for it over the years). Maybe there are still ways it can help. I'm open to my thoughts and feelings changing about that, though, and hey, I may eventually demolish that profile too.

How It's Going

I've been checking out Bluesky (it’s lovely), and sharing my blog posts on Pinterest . Both of these sites include the numbers thing, so I will have to pay attention to that. Those things may or may not continue. It remains to be seen.

I've mostly felt extremely empowered since deleting Facebook. Only a few momentary experiences of regret. You know...that's not really it. It's more accurate to say I've experienced the fear of regret.

I fear that I won't find replacements for the therapist groups I participated in, or that I won't be able to check and see what's happening in our little town...but I'm really ok. I'm just fine. Along with that Fear Of Missing Out, comes the Joy Of Missing Out. FOMO vs JOMO. ��

Boredom is Good For Us

We've all forgotten how to handle boredom. And we need to be reminded! Boredom used to be when our creativity would tap us on the shoulder, saying, "Hey, I've got an idea!" Or it was when we'd look around at all the projects we'd been putting off and think, "Now is as good a time as ever!" I look back on summer days in the 90s when I felt "bored out of mind"...because those times were actually peaceful, and there was room for anything .

I was more intentionally connected before social media, more productive, and more content .

What about you? How does social media make YOU feel?

If your relationship with social media has been weighing on you, I invite you to pause and consider whether or not it aligns with your values and really supports your well-being. You deserve a truly fulfilling life - not one dictated by the algorithms. Here's to honoring your needs and finding joy offline."

It's my Post-Algorithm Era. And I'm looking forward to it.

��

10 Body Image Beliefs to Bust During Recovery

Fri, 24 Jan 2025 14:53:30 GMT

The thoughts holding you back, and more empowering perspectives to embrace instead.

Bad body image can be a beast. A negative perception of your body shape and/or size is not only a risk factor for the development of an eating disorder but a symptom in and of itself that can maintain disordered behaviors. It is extremely challenging to live with negative body image and to be bombarded by seemingly non-stop, hypercritical thoughts about your shape, size, and weight. But there IS hope!

Many people develop eating disorders while on a quest to improve their body image. However, it's important to note that not all eating disorders include a preoccupation with weight. For me, my eating disorder developed at a time when I actually had fairly good body image; however, as the illness progressed, that positive self-perception crumbled quickly. But for some folks (like those with ARFID or Pica, for example), body image is not typically a part of their eating disorder experience.

The beliefs we hold about our bodies can either support or sabotage our healing journey, and this is the case for both body image-related eating disorders and those that are unrelated to body image. In this post, I'll share 10 common beliefs that might be holding you back in recovery and offer healthier, more empowering perspectives for you to embrace instead.

First of All, What Is Body Image?

Before we dive in, I'd like to shed some light on what body image actually is, because it's more complex than we tend to think it is. We typically think that body image is solely about what we FEEL about what we SEE. And yes, that's part of it...

Body image is a "Greatest Hits" collection of our perceptions, feelings, thoughts, and beliefs about our bodies.

This collection includes how we see our body visually, how we physically experience it, and most importantly, the thoughts we have and the meanings we make of all these things.

10 Body Image Beliefs to Challenge

Alright. Let's dig in now to common beliefs related to bodies and body image. I'll share why each is harmful and give you a new perspective, plus an action step you can take to begin creating a new body-image creed. ��

1. I'll be happy once I reach a specific weight or size.

Why it Hurts: Tying happiness to a specific weight or size keeps you stuck in a cycle of deep dissatisfaction and despair. And when it comes to eating disorders, that specific number you're going for will never be enough . Eating disorders are constantly moving back the goal line each time you approach it. It's maddening and so dangerous.

A New Perspective: True happiness is never a destination. I know it sounds cheesy, but it really is about the journey. Happiness does not come from external measures but develops as a result of prioritizing your well-being and living a life aligned with your values.

Action Step: Take a few minutes to journal about non-appearance-related sources of joy and meaning in your life.

2. My worth is defined by how I look / how much I weigh.

Why it Hurts: This belief reduces your entire identity to Just . Your . Appearance . And the world would LOVE for you to go right along believing that, because when you're focused on getting smaller or fitter, you might not have energy left over to deal with the really important shit that's happening - like the world literally burning up .

A New Perspective: Your true worth is inherent and not dependent on your appearance. You are valuable simply because you exist . And you have WAY more to bring to the table and always have.

Action Step: Create a list of your qualities, skills, and achievements you admire that have nothing to do with your body.

3. “Being thinner means being healthier.”

Why it Hurts: We cannot determine health by weight. We just can't. It’s so much more complex. It's about behaviors, genetics, and other factors...like STRESS levels. And you know what's stressful? Trying to consistently shrink . Let's say it louder for the people in the back: Correlation is not the same as causation!

A New Perspective: It's way more beneficial to your health to increase behaviors that you know will nourish your body and mind, like eating regularly, moving in ways that feel good, practicing mindfulness, and resting.

Action Step: Do some research on the principles of Health at Every Size (HAES). There's a lot of scientifically sound, peer-reviewed, jaw-dropping information out there that I can't wait for you to find .

4. “I can’t love and accept myself until my body looks different.”

Why it Hurts: Self-love is not something that occurs as a result of your body-related achievements. It's a choice and a practice . Placing conditions on self-love delays your healing and keeps you on a merry-go-round; you're moving , but only going in circles.

A New Perspective: Self-compassion is an action you can practice now, regardless of your body’s appearance. It's a billion little actions, actually. Dig in!

Action Step: When you come across to a decision in your day, ask yourself, "Which option is most loving toward me? What would I encourage my best friend or my child to choose in this situation?"

5. “My body is broken / is the enemy / is against me.”

Why it Hurts: It's all too easy for a body to become a scapegoat. It makes sense because we think that if i t's our body's fault , then just maybe we can do something about it. When we make an enemy of our body, it fuels a combative relationship with ourselves, making it harder to recover and flourish.

A New Perspective: Your body is constantly striving for optimal functioning , even when it doesn't feel that way. It is trying to protect you and keep you alive, even if it is struggling to do so due to illness or circumstances. It has been your ally since day 1 and deserves your care and kindness.

Action Step: Write an apology letter to your body for the ways you may have mistreated it and the way you've spoken to it. (It can be powerful to use a pronoun for your body if that feels ok. It's harder to be cruel to something we humanize.)

6. “I have to control my body so I'm not out of control."

Why it Hurts: We only try to control what we don't trust. And it's almost impossible to live in this society and NOT internalize the message that our bodies cannot be trusted. If we believed we could trust our bodies, how would they sell us so many things? The more you focus on controlling your body, the more out-of-control, or just on the verge of out-of-control, it begins to feel. You're feeding the illusion.

A New Perspective: Real control comes from accepting what you cannot change and focusing on what you can , such as your thoughts and your behaviors. If acceptance feels like giving up to you, I encourage you to Google the difference between acceptance and resignation.

Action Step: Practice acceptance through mindfulness or grounding exercises. Try being with what it is , even if just for a minute at a time. If we're practicing acceptance, the loud voices will eventually quiet down, because their panicked cries will be falling on deaf ears. We hear them, but we realize we do not have to act on them.

7. “Everyone is judging how I look.”

Why it Hurts: This belief stems from our own internalized judgment and amplifies our anxiety and self-consciousness. Someone out there will judge you because of how you look. And that will happen no matter how you look. YOU will also judge someone else for the way they look. We're all swimming in this sea. Do you wanna get out?

A New Perspective: Get out of everyone else's head. What they're thinking is none of your business (although, yes, sometimes they try to make it your business). And to those folks, I say kindly f*ck off.

Action Step: When the fear of judgment arises, whisper to yourself, "Get out of their head." And while you're at it, practice correcting any body-related automatic judgments you have of others.

8. “I’ll never feel confident in my body.”

Why it Hurts: This kind of belief makes the assumption that confidence is a fixed state rather than a skill you can build over time. And if you made it out of your teenage years, you have probably realized by now just how much confidence can wax and wane. What's cool is when we realize how much more powerful confidence is when boosted by our own self-validation , and not the validation of other people.

A New Perspective: Confidence grows from self-acceptance and showing up for yourself, not from meeting society's standards about bodies and beauty.

Action Step: Take small steps to challenge body shame, like wearing an outfit that makes you feel good, or going without makeup for a day. Warning: This can begin to feel like a fun act of resistance - enjoy. ��

9. “If I gain weight, I won't be loved or accepted.”

Why it Hurts: It ties your acceptance to external factors and ignores the quality and fit of your relationships. And how frightening, indeed. A belief like this fuels anxiety around the state of your past, current, and future relationships.

A New Perspective: Deep love and acceptance are not conditional on size; they're built on mutual respect, trust, and connection.

Action Step: Reflect on relationships in your life where love and care aren’t dependent on appearance. How do these relationships differ from some others that you felt maybe were?

10. “I have to love my body to recover.”

Why it Hurts: Expecting and needing to jump from self-hate all the way to self-love can feel overwhelming and frankly, is unrealistic. There are many stops along the way, like tolerating, accepting, appreciating, respecting, maybe liking...and then yes, maybe loving your body one day. But loving your body, much like happiness, is a conscious path we walk more than a destination.

A New Perspective: Body neutrality, respecting your body for what it does rather than how it looks, is a powerful step toward healing. Could that be a more supportive intention for your recovery?

Action Step: Practice gratitude for your body’s functions, like breathing, walking, or hugging loved ones. Make a list of 100 things you're glad your body does or can do.

Your Body - Your Home, Your Vessel.

Recovery, in so many ways, is about coming home to yourself . Your body has been with you through every step of your life's journey, carrying you through all the highs and lows. While it may feel like an adversary at times, it is truly your soul's home ; a vessel uniquely equipped to hold all of your emotions, experiences, and growth.

As you move through and beyond recovery, I encourage you to approach your body with curiosity and compassion. Rather than battling against it , seek to understand its needs, honor its signals, and nurture it as you would a beloved friend.

You are not defined by your eating disorder, but rather by the courage it takes to heal, the resilience it takes to grow and embrace your truest self, and the love you offer yourself and others along the way. Trust in your vessel, and it will carry you toward the freedom and peace you deserve. Remember: you don’t have to go through this alone. Support is available, and you’re capable of building a healthier, more peaceful relationship with your body.

❤️‍��

Compassion Fatigue Recovery as a Highly Sensitive Person

Fri, 17 Jan 2025 14:53:18 GMT

A personal, real-time look into compassion fatigue and recovery from it.

As a Highly Sensitive Person, your natural, deep wellspring of compassion and empathy allows you to easily connect with the experiences and emotions of others. In so many ways, this is a beautiful, beautiful gift. But when your heart is heavy , as mine is now with devastating events and situations like the currently raging Los Angeles wildfires, your sensitivity can also leave you drained, depressed, and overwhelmed. Compassion Fatigue is real and powerful , and it can affect everyone... yes, even a seasoned therapist .

In this post, I'd like to share my personal, real-time struggle with Compassion Fatigue and the practical tips I'm using that will help us both nurture our sensitive hearts and stay engaged with the world without losing ourselves in the process.

Los Angeles Wildfires and Hitting the Emotional Wall

For over a week now, the news has been inundated with footage and stories of the absolutely devastating wildfires in the Los Angeles area. As they raged, I noticed that the flame in my heart was struggling. My usually strong hunger cues were dull, my desire to connect with others was waning, and I was struggling to sleep, concentrate, and maintain my typical optimistic outlook. I hit an emotional wall and was staring Compassion Fatigue in the face.

Currently, I feel deep sadness, as well as a strange survivor's guilt - something that hit me quite unexpectedly. You see, my husband and I met in Los Angeles and called it our home for the better part of the last two decades. Slowly...and then all at once , the seemingly never-ending threat of wildfire, extreme drought, and rough air quality for my asthmatic lungs became too much. We decided to leave the West Coast in late 2022 for the green mountains of Vermont.

We missed California terribly that first year and spent our snowed-in days playing a game where we took turns listing off what we DIDN'T miss about L.A (crawling traffic, how the windows in our old apartment leaked every time it rained, the near-constant sound of leaf blowers, the way ash and soot would coat everything during fire season...). The grief hit particularly hard when shortly after moving, SoCal had the kind of wet winter that we hadn't seen since the early and mid-oughts. We wondered if we had made a mistake. We saw from friends' photos how those perma-brown hills had finally, once again become lush and beautiful.

But sadly, it didn't last. Fast-forward to last week and multiple fires were consuming parts of Los Angeles that many had assumed to be safe or at least safe-ish . Watching the news with a look of horror on our faces, we felt a mix of deep empathy, boundless sorry, gratitude...and guilt; guilt for leaving unscathed, jumping ship in a way, and for wanting to turn off the TV and put down our phones.

Getting Stuck in "Compare and Despair"

I have experienced and heard other HSPs describe this sense of guilt that arises when they choose not to consume, or choose to limit their consumption of disaster-laden media. We can feel wrong protecting ourselves by turning away. Because yes , being able to turn away is a privilege . However, continuing to consume nonstop media does not help the victims and survivors of disasters. It does not stop the crises. But it does keep our nervous systems hijacked in a way that will likely prevent us from playing a meaningful role in the support and recovery efforts. This kind of guilt can directly contribute to Compassion Fatigue.

I do believe that being an informed citizen is part of our civic duty. I also believe that there needs to be a limit to the amount of information we consume. I certainly know my nervous system longs for the days of "dumb" phones and news that wasn't streaming 24/7.

We are more informed but more overwhelmed.

Even as I sit here writing this post, a berating voice tells me I do not have the right to feel overwhelmed. I'm sure you've heard a similar voice at one time or another. Even my friends and clients currently in Los Angeles are experiencing that voice.

"I'm actually fine. So many people have it worse. It's not fair of me to cry when I haven't actually lost my home. I feel silly being so affected by this."

The critical, "inner roommate" always has something unhelpful to say. It is a painful form of gaslighting. You might feel crazy because comparing your pain to someone else's makes you question and doubt the validity of your own emotions. It is SO tiring.

Highly Sensitive People can become so fatigued not just from the unstoppable outpouring of compassion for those suffering, but also from the anxious pressure of helplessness . Should I be doing something? Should I be doing more? Should I have prepared for this better? With our depth of processing, we can get stuck in this questioning loop. Nobody is equipped to deal well with ongoing pain and anxiety.

Compassion Fatigue is emotional burnout, and we either choose to start numbing our emotions, or our body does it for us.

Instead of waiting for the burnout to take place, what if we practice responding gently to the critical, should-ing voice? What if we ask ourselves with genuine curiosity, " What is happening inside? What am I needing?" Maybe we'd find sadness and gratitude, rage and hopelessness. And a longing for a hug, for someone to say, "I see you, and I care."

Rekindling Hope: Coping with Compassion Fatigue

Coping with Compassion Fatigue is much like how you would cope after a traumatic event. They both involve tending to the emotional and physiological overwhelm.

Here's what I'm doing during this time to take care of myself:

Paying attention to my physical safety. This doesn't just mean making sure I'm safe from harm (but of course that IS imperative). It also means signaling to your nervous system that you are safe by regularly eating and hydrating, sticking to normal routines as much as possible, prioritizing rest and downtime, connecting with loved ones, etc. I noticed the other day that I've been rather under-hydrated this past week. I'm consciously checking in more with myself now to see if I could use a glass of water.
Allowing a deep acknowledgment of the impact. There is no room here for comparison. Pain is pain. Any comparison of your pain to someone else's will halt the healing process. Whether you've been impacted directly by a traumatic event or are experiencing it vicariously, let it be painful . (Did you know PTSD can develop from witnessing trauma - not just from a direct experience of it?)
Sharing with safe people. Whether with a therapist, a friend, a support group, or a trusted family member, being able to verbalize what you're experiencing is more helpful than you might think . I attend a small, intimate acting class once a week and during our check-in, I shared about my recent grief, the grief I'm holding for my clients in Los Angeles, and how it's been affecting my day-to-day. Nobody needed to respond to what I shared. It was enough that they held space for me that evening and just acknowledged my struggle.
Looking for the helpers. They are everywhere. We all learned this from dear Mr. Rogers, and boy, is it accurate. The community of Los Angeles is rallying in a profound way. Even people who have lost all their earthly belongings are out there now volunteering to help feed and clothe others. It's nothing short of miraculous. It's the decency of the human spirit at work. As an HSP, these stories of hope and camaraderie fill my heart. Fair warning - these heart-warming stories produce just as many tears as the sad stuff, so I have to keep an eye on my emotional bandwidth for this as well.
Finding ways to contribute. Whether it's money, goods, time, love... it counts . As someone who specializes in helping those recovering from trauma, it's clear to me what I can offer. But even if you don't have something tangible to give, or you're unsure where to start, calling a suffering loved one and offering a heartfelt conversation, a momentary blip of hope and laughter...a "You matter and I'm thinking of you" chat can go a long way.
Exercising some media boundaries. Yes, this means limiting exposure to the amount of information I'm taking in. As I stated previously, being able to turn away is a privilege, so when (I say when , not if) you feel guilty for limiting your exposure, simply acknowledge the privilege with genuine gratitude and then release the guilt. We are all interdependent, and taking care of yourself enables you to be available for others in the great give-and-take we are all a part of.

One Foot in Front of the Other

As I reflect on my own experience of Compassion Fatigue during these recent wildfires in Los Angeles, I’m reminded that even the largest, most empathetic hearts need care and restoration - maybe even especially so. It’s not easy to admit when we’ve reached our emotional limits. But it is a powerful act of self-compassion to do so, and it enables us to begin moving forward, one foot in front of the other.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed right now, I see you , and I hope you’ll give yourself the same grace and kindness you so freely give to others. Healing from Compassion Fatigue is not about closing off your heart but learning how to balance an open heart with intentional and vital self-care.

You are worthy of peace, rest, renewal, and the gentle understanding that your sensitivity is a strength, even during a crisis; especially during a crisis. Together, we can navigate the path to better days with courage, curiosity, self-compassion, and care. My thoughts are with those who are in pain right now, and if I can be a resource of comfort, support, or recovery for you during this time, please reach out.

�� To connect with someone for immediate assistance, please use these crisis lines:

Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: 988
Frontline Helpline: 1-866-676-7500
Fire/EMS Helpline: 1-888-731-3473
Firefighter/Family Crisis and Support Line: 1-844-525-3473
Disaster Distress Helpline: 1-800-985-5990, or text LA to 741741

Eating Disorder Relapse and The Pep Talk You Need

Fri, 10 Jan 2025 17:25:37 GMT

A no-nonsense pep talk to get back on track, plus self-exploration prompts for deeper learning.

When facing an eating disorder relapse, it's easy to get swept away in a stormy sea of negativity by self-disparaging thoughts like, "I'm not good enough," or "I don't deserve recovery," or "I'll never get better." Relapse, though frightening and disheartening, is a common, understandable, and sometimes necessary and important part of the recovery process.

But man, it's rough!

I know that sea of negativity all too well. As a therapist who has personally been through eating disorder relapses and has helped many others through their own, I'm here to share the truth about what relapse is, some self-exploration prompts to understand your risk, and the no-nonsense pep talk you need to navigate your way back to shore.

Knowledge is Power: Understanding Relapse

First things first: relapse is not a singular event. It's actually a string of smaller slips or lapses . These missteps are not just typical behavioral ones you might commonly think of, like a missed meal, a binge, or an episode of compulsive exercise. They also include events and experiences like shifts in your thinking, lies and dishonesty, skipping an appointment, choosing not to reach out, placing yourself in unnecessary, high-risk situations, etc. When these slips and lapses start to pile up, you've got a relapse in the works.

It's a painful experience that can leave you feeling defeated, frustrated, and uncertain about the path forward... on one hand . But, on the other hand (your eating disorder's hand), it might not actually feel that bad , and that's how you know that you're in dangerous territory.

�� Self-Exploration Prompt

List examples of lapses specific to your eating disorder. How do you honestly feel when these lapses occur? (Think about your emotions before, during, and after the lapses.)

Slips and lapses are more likely to occur around red-flag situations . These situations increase disordered thoughts and urges to use behaviors. Your red flags might be certain people, places, events, things, time periods, or emotional states. Think about going to a party, being on vacation, catching a cold, having too many late nights, feeling lonely, etc.

�� Self-Exploration Prompt

List some of your own red-flag situations. For the ones that may be unavoidable, how do you (or could you) shore up your resources when facing them?

A Hard Pill to Swallow

There are a lot of reasons why it can be difficult to admit to a relapse and get help for one. To someone who has never experienced an eating disorder or an addiction, this might not make a lot of sense. They might be thinking, "Why would you CHOOSE to keep suffering this way?"

Of course, it's not so simple, and it certainly isn't black and white. Eating disorders serve very real purposes , and the purposes served go far beyond the typical "need for control" spiel. To add to that, secondary gains begin to develop .

Secondary gains are the indirect benefits or advantages you may unconsciously experience as an eating disorder strengthens.

These gains are not intentional, and they're separate from the primary purposes the eating disorder served. Secondary gains can make it harder to choose recovery , even when the majority of you genuinely wants it . Here are some examples of secondary gains that can keep you stuck:

a sense of accomplishment or achievement
receiving attention, care, or even praise from others due to behaviors
a way to get out of responsibilities or social pressures by being too sick to participate
feeling less overwhelmed in life by narrowing your life to a numbers game
a sense of identity, differentness, or specialness from the disorder

I know that it can be very uncomfortable to start acknowledging secondary gains, but bringing them out from your unconscious and into the light is extremely important.

�� Self-Exploration Prompt

What might be some of your secondary gains? What are you getting out of staying in your disorder? (If you have trouble with this question, consider some of your honest fears about getting better. Be brutally honest. It's ok if your fears don't make sense or feel illogical.)

You know that saying, "When you know better, you do better." I like to think of it this way when it comes to recovering from an eating disorder: When you know better, you try to do better , and when you struggle to do better, it usually means there's a lack of support, a lack of a needed skill, or secondary gains at play.

That's not your fault, but it is your responsibility to get real about the situation and seek the help you need to build that support, learn that skill, and/or deal with the secondary gain(s). When you allow self-criticism and self-shaming thoughts to run amok, unchecked, you give your eating disorder permission to thrive .

Relapse is not the time to spiral into self-pity. It's the time to meet yourself with honesty and firmness, as well as compassionate understanding.

Think: The Coach Approach. The best coaches push you (yet respect your ultimate limits), are boundaried (yet understand the need for flexibility), and care deeply (yet don't let you get away with bullshit).

Be your own best coach.

Righting the Ship

If you find yourself in the midst of a relapse or starting to slide down that slippery slope, I want you to know that you're not alone and there is ABSOLUTELY hope for course correction. Here are some strategies to help you navigate your way back to solid ground:

Watch the Dramatic Thoughts: Practice viewing a lapse for what it is: important, difficult, and temporary . It's not a harbinger of irreversible doom. When you challenge overly dramatic thoughts about it being the end of the world ("F*ck it, I might as well give up"), you're better prepared to respond positively and successfully.
Talk About It: Reach out to your support system. Tell somebody - a therapist, a trusted loved one, an online support group - SOMEBODY. This makes it real and solidifies the severity of the situation in a necessary way.
Be Compassionate With Yourself: Relapse is a difficult, emotional experience. Remind yourself that this is not about failing or giving up. Compassion doesn't mean pity or permission to wallow, so don't let the negative self-talk get the best of you. You DO have some control here.
Celebrate Small Victories: As you work to get back on track, be sure to celebrate the small victories along the way. Every little step matters. Whether it's reaching out for help, practicing a new coping skill, or simply getting through another day, acknowledge and honor your progress.
Seek Additional Support: If you're struggling to regain your footing, don't hesitate to seek additional support. This might mean working upping sessions with your team, joining a support group, or exploring a more comprehensive and supportive level of treatment.

The Silver Lining of Lapses

You are a human going through a natural and difficult part of your journey. It's important to acknowledge ALL of your feelings without judgment, from disappointment to relief, and from fear to hope.

Both lapses and relapses are valuable teachers that will strengthen your recovery if you let them by showing you what you need to pay more attention to in order to heal.

Stay curious, honest, and open on this journey. Relapse is a testament to the strength and resilience it takes to recover. You don't need to expect or hope for a relapse, by any means...but if you find yourself there, you can embrace the opportunity to rise up and face it. Remember, countless individuals have walked this path before you, and are cheering you on.

You can do this. ��

Overthinking, Overwhelmed, and Over It: How to Break Free

Fri, 03 Jan 2025 17:25:25 GMT

Understanding the cycle so that you can get out of and get on with life.

Maybe you've heard eating disorder recovery described as thousands of small choices made every day. Well, speaking from experience, this is not an exaggeration . The decisions seem never-ending, and they can leave your mind tangled in a web of overthinking and teetering on the edge of overwhelm-shutdown-mode . Because of our depth of processing, Highly Sensitive People are particularly susceptible to this.

Overthinking intensifies our worst fears and insecurities, resulting in a cycle that feels impossible to escape. But you absolutely can . In this post, I've got some strategies to help you better understand the cycle, break free from it, and keep yourself from throwing in the towel.

Understanding the F*ck It Cycle

Overthinking that occurs in eating disorders can manifest in a variety of ways; there's over-analyzing every single meal and snack choice, obsessively counting and tracking calories, replaying perceived mistakes, and desperately calculating compensation techniques. This doesn't just drain your mental energy, but it also drowns out the voice of your healthy, true Self that offers you encouragement and gently nudges you toward the next right thing .

Becoming overwhelmed by this non-stop brain chatter can feel inevitable.

Consequently, you may find yourself in a cycle of frustration, inaction, and a nasty case of The F*ck It's.

Here's what it looks like altogether:

The naturally challenging circumstances of recovery ➡️ overthinking ➡️ feeling overwhelmed ➡️ giving up ➡️ slips, lapses, and relapses.

Becoming aware of this pattern and how it affects you lays the groundwork for change. If you look at the chain above, what do you think is the earliest point where you could make an effective change?

If you guessed overthinking , you're right. Bringing more awareness to your thought processes and learning how to shift out of disordered thinking is KEY to breaking the pattern.

Working With An Overactive Mind

During eating disorder recovery, overthinking often revolves around deep-seated fears of failure and making wrong decisions . It's not a personal failure that you deal with these persistent thoughts. Your mind has developed this protective tendency in an attempt to feel safe and gain a sense of control in a chaotic and unpredictable environment. (If you're Highly Sensitive, that's the whole world in general , right?)

Fear of doing the wrong thing occurs on two fronts when you're in recovery, making it that much more difficult :

Your brain is simultaneously concerned about doing the wrong thing according to your eating disorder and also doing the wrong thing according to your recovery .

This is part of why giving up on recovery can feel so alluring during the challenging moments - you can be tempted to reduce the amount of overthinking by focusing solely on the eating disorder's desires.

Common cognitive patterns that can screw with you include: creating elaborate "what if" narratives, catastrophizing, and engaging in negative self-talk. The following tools can help you begin to separate yourself from these thoughts, understanding that they are experiences passing through your mind, not absolute truths. Like that popular bumper sticker warns, "Don't believe everything you think."

Cognitive Defusion:

If you've followed my blog for a while, you know I love this one. Cognitive Defusion helps you gain distance from your thoughts by adding short phrases to the beginning, such as "I am having the thought that..." and "I notice that I am thinking that..." Read more about this tool in my post, A Simple Tool for Intrusive Eating Disorder Recovery .

Journaling:

This is a great outlet for overthinking. By writing down your thoughts, journaling also helps give you some distance and a tangible narrative. It helps you identify patterns in your thoughts that lead to triggers and can also highlight your progress, reminding you of just how far you've come.

Dialoguing:

Write out a dialogue (much like you'd see in a script) between your Eating Disorder-Voice and your Recovery-Voice. Go back and forth responding to your eating disorder's thoughts as you would those of a scared friend. This strengthens the recovery muscle and lets you gain distance from overthinking. Be sure to end with your Recovery Voice getting the last word. ��

Use Community:

Sharing your struggles with others is a powerful antidote to the isolation of overthinking and can help combat the effects of overwhelm. Talk to a therapist, join a support group, or confide in a trusted loved one. Often, simply verbalizing what's going on up there can help you find clarity and move through the stickiness.

Getting Up Instead of Giving Up: Reigniting Your Motivation in Recovery

The desire to give up is an incredibly frequent and common experience in eating disorder recovery, especially in earlier stages when progress feels slow and setbacks occur. Remember, every struggle in your recovery is an opportunity to learn and grow . It’s important to acknowledge feelings of frustration, discouragement, AND overwhelm without judgment .

One of the most powerful ways to combat the urge to throw your hands in the air is to reconnect with your "why." Why did you choose recovery in the first place? Write down your reasons, whether it’s wanting to have more energy, mend your relationships, or simply because you want to live a life free from obsessive thoughts about food. Return to these reasons whenever motivation wanes.

Breaking free from the cycle of overthinking-overwhelmed-and-over it in eating disorder recovery is a doable process that requires patience and self-compassion.

Celebrate your victories, no matter how small they may seem. Each step forward, each challenge overcome, is a testament to your strength and commitment to healing. You are capable of fully recovering and reclaiming your life.

Keep going, warrior. ��

Rituals Over Resolutions: New Year's Tips for Recovery

Fri, 27 Dec 2024 17:25:12 GMT

Move over, resolutions! Here's a fresh take on the New Year's tradition that will actually support you and your recovery.

Well, it's that time of year. If you had no calendar or phone, or way of marking the passage of time with the stars, you could still count on the advertising industry to let you know that the New Year is upon us. Everywhere you look, it's "New Year, New You!" and "Make Your Resolutions Count!" (PS: Did you know that the second Friday is referred to as "Quitter's Day" because most folks have "given up" their resolution by then? This was news to me.) Woof. What pressure!

Personally, I don't like the idea of New Year's resolutions. It's always seemed silly to me to think that with the simple flip of a calendar page, I could suddenly stick to society-sanctioned habits that have long eluded me.

Nope. Not for me.

But you know what I do dig? Rituals. And the idea of fresh starts. And really, any reason to focus more on self-care.

Move over, resolutions. I've got gentle rituals and practical tips to support your recovery AND your sensitivity and make your brand-spanking new year ✨shine✨ (if you're into that).

Why I Don't Do Resolutions

Back in the day, January meant a whole new Josie was about to emerge. If I could just check the boxes each day on a couple of brand-new activities, I'd finally be who I was meant to be!

But without fail, I'd get sick. Or take a trip. Or burn out. Or figure out for the umpteenth time that I actually hate running. Cue the SHAME SPIRAL!

New Year’s resolutions usually involve rigid goals and dramatic changes, which can easily set the stage for disaster in a Highly Sensitive Person already prone to perfectionism and overstimulation.

The pressure to achieve a resolution's desired outcome with immediate consistency can amplify feelings of inadequacy and overwhelm when inevitable setbacks occur.

Resolutions also carry subtle messaging about something in us needing to be “ fixed ,” creating an untenable atmosphere of constant self-criticism . For HSPs, this mindset can negatively impact our well-being and hinder recovery by reinforcing patterns of control and shame.

When I gave up New Year's Resolutions once and for all, I found that I still longed for something I could do around December 31 or January 1st to mark the transition and set the tone for the coming year.

I found that gentle rituals and intentions were ideal for me. They both encourage flexibility and mindfulness, and they nurture a connection to the self that supports my sensitivity. Even now, being fully recovered from my eating disorder, I'm picky about my activities and want to choose things that honor my recovery .

Rituals For a Grounded 2025

These rituals I've discovered or created over the years have been a meaningful part of my life. Give them a try if you like the sound of them!

End-of-Year Review: Spend time on New Year's Eve reflecting kindly on the past year. Write down any milestones, accomplishments, or changes (big or small) that you experienced. Reflect on the qualities in yourself that helped you through everything and what you'd like to continue cultivating in the coming year.
New Moon & Full Moon Intention Setting/Review: On each New Moon, write out your intentions, what you're looking forward to, what you'd like to draw toward you, and how you'd like to feel. At the Full Moon, review what you wrote and identify successes and what you'd like to release for the coming cycle.
Evening G.L.A.D. Ritual: Before bed, write out the following in your journal specific to the day: one thing you're G rateful for, one thing you L earned, one thing you A ccomplished, and one thing that D elighted you.
Loving Kindness Candle: Light a candle and spend a few minutes reflecting on loved ones, ending with yourself. Bring each person to mind and send a wish or prayer, such as, "May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be at peace." Let the gentle glow of the flame represent your love.
Gentle Nourishment Blessing: Before meals, take a moment to acknowledge your body’s hunger and thank it for carrying you through the day. If you'd like, also set an intention for the meal that aligns with your recovery goals.

Avoid New Year's Perfectionism and Burnout

Try the tips below to help make sure you're not setting yourself up for failure, a headache, or a general womp-womp as you enter into January.

Focus on Intentions, Not Goals: Frame your ideas as ways to nurture yourself rather than objectives to achieve or boxes to check.
Choose Gentle Accountability: Partner with a supportive friend or use a journal to celebrate progress without judgment . Avoid environments that foster competition or use shaming tactics.
Build in Intentional Flexibility: Allow room for adjustments as needed. HSPs thrive when they can adapt their intentions to their current energy levels and circumstances. Proceed cautiously with rigid tools like streak counters.
Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection: Consistently acknowledge small victories to reinforce self-compassion and positivity. The more we look for these, the more we find them.
Stay Aligned with Your Values: HSPs have great intuition. Use it as a guide by asking, “Does this intention/action feel nourishing to my mind, body, and spirit?” Trust the answer.
Limit Overcommitment: Prioritize a few meaningful intentions rather than spreading yourself too thin with numerous goals.

�� Cheers to the New Year

As the New Year unfolds, remember that your recovery journey is uniquely yours, and doesn’t need to be defined by rigid resolutions or expectations. By embracing gentle rituals and setting intentions that honor your sensitivity , you’ll create a foundation of self-compassion and sustainable growth. Remember, recovery is not about perfection; it’s about showing up for yourself, one day at a time, with kindness and care.

Trust that small, intentional steps lead to profound transformation over time.

What if this year, you gift yourself the grace to grow at your own pace? May it be so. And while I'm at it... may you be happy, may you be healthy, and may you be at peace.

Shift Toxic Guilt With This Simple Technique

Fri, 20 Dec 2024 17:24:58 GMT

Some guilt is helpful to our growth. Most is not . Here's what to do when you're trapped in a wave of toxic guilt.

I've always been sensitive to the experience of guilt. When I would upset my parents as a child (and this didn't happen often because, hello! Tried and true people pleaser here! ), I would grab my crayons, draw a cute little picture with the words, "I'm sorry, Mommy and Daddy," and slip it under my parents' bedroom door.

Sometimes these little apology doodles were 100% warranted, and the way I was feeling was an appropriate emotional response. That's right - it's okay to feel guilty . You see, feeling guilty can actually be helpful because it gently nudges our behavior back in line with our values and protects our connection to our loved ones. Thank goodness for this nudging, right?

However, there were definitely times when I would apologize for things like how someone else was feeling , or for expressing a different opinion . The type of situations that I had no business feeling bad about. This was a different kind of experience, and it stayed with me well into my adulthood, particularly intensifying during the years I battled anorexia. I'm talking about Toxic Guilt.

While I can't say that I'm completely rid of this kind of toxicity in my life today, I have learned one simple tool that works really well to combat it . Curious? Read on, my friend!

Is it helpful or toxic?

In a previous post, I mentioned how common it is for sensitive folks to feel guilty when they try to slow down and rest in a world that is constantly pushing us to do more .

As in the above example, toxic guilt often originates from unrealistic expectations (like perfectionism) or when we're being manipulated by another person or system of power.

When left unchecked, it can turn into shame , which isn't so much about doing something "wrong/bad" but being "wrong/bad."

And of course, when we're dealing with a chronic, ongoing sense of shame, self-esteem plummets, our ability to set and hold boundaries weakens, and we become more and more susceptible to the trappings of the unrealistic expectations and/or manipulations that fed shame in the first place . It's a terrible cycle.

Questions to Help You Identify If You're Experiencing Toxic Guilt:

Is the word " should " dominating your thoughts about the situation? (YES)
Are you trying to take responsibility for something that's out of your control? (YES)
Has the issue already been resolved, or have you already made amends? (YES)
Will acting on the guilty feeling lead to positive growth or help repair a relationship? (NO)
If your best friend were in your situation, would it make sense for them to feel this way? (NO)

If your answers mostly match those in the parentheses, bad news - you're dealing with some uber-toxic sludge. But hey! There's good news too! You can start using the tool below to shift away from it. Go you! ��

From Guilty to Grateful

Ok, hear me out. I know some people immediately start to tune out when someone says the word gratitude, but I promise you, this tool is a game-changer .

How To Do It: Once you notice that you've fallen into the toxic guilt trap, take a moment to acknowledge the ickiness of the experience using an "I feel"-statement . This helps to create a bit of separation between you and the emotion. Then, come up with at least one specific gratitude related to the experience. You can do it - it just might take a minute or two.

As with all cognitive tools, you don't need to stop the negative thought from popping up. (We often aren't capable of that.) Instead, focus your energy on recognizing the distorted thinking and challenging and/or replacing it once you do.

This is what it looks like...

From: "I feel guilty resting when there's laundry to be done."
To: "I am grateful for this couch and the power to choose to sit here when I want."

From: "I feel guilty that my family is helping me pay for my treatment."
To: "I am grateful that my family is in a position to help me pay for my treatment."

From: "I feel guilty that I'm not looking forward to the holidays like everyone else."
To: "I am grateful for the people in my life who accept me even when I feel sad or anxious."

That's it! Simple right? Gratitude is a powerful emotion. Have you ever heard the saying, "Gratitude begets gratitude?" It essentially means that the more you practice being grateful, the more genuinely grateful you feel. Gratitude is a self-watering garden and an inhospitable environment for toxic guilt seeds.

So give this tool a try. At best, you start feeling better and experience compassion for yourself around the difficult experience. At worst, you identify some things for which to be grateful. You know I love a win-win!

Letting It Go

If you find you're feeling guilty way more than you like and that the emotion continues to resurface around the same type of experiences over and over, it's worth talking to a professional about it. You may be dealing with unresolved trauma, and therapy can help you get to the root of the issue and find healing .

Learning to release the weight of past mistakes or the shackles of perfectionism is a transformative process. By focusing on appreciation for the moment, the support you’ve received, the progress you’ve made, or the insights now available to you, we can begin to shift those heavy, toxic feelings into something lighter and healthier.

Gratitude doesn’t erase challenges, but it provides a new, constructive lens through which to view them , helping you move forward with greater compassion for yourself and others. ��

A Restorative Recovery Begins With Rest

Fri, 13 Dec 2024 17:24:48 GMT

Why rest can be challenging and how to prioritize it for optimal healing.

We're in a season that historically has been a time of turning inward, recharging, and embracing rest. It's a natural rhythm reflected in the quiet and stillness of winter. But in today’s go-go-go world, the holidays and the societal pressures of " New Year, New You!" demand the opposite of us: a relentless pace fueled by consumerism, social obligations, and the pressure to do more and BE more . This pressure can be overwhelming for anyone, but especially if you're a sensitive human in recovery from disordered eating.

In this post, I'm exploring why rest is challenging for many of us and how it's not only a gift to give yourself (now and beyond the holidays) but a necessity for your healing journey . You'll also learn some simple ways you can reclaim the season's natural, restorative rhythm and prioritize being over doing .

Why Rest is Essential for Highly Sensitive People

As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), your brain is wired to be extra sensitive to stimuli. You take in and process more information from your environment than non-HSPs do .

Because of this fact, sensitive folks require more time to rest and recharge to avoid overstimulation, and when you aren't willing or able to give yourself that time, your overstimulation can turn to full-blow overwhelm.

I don't know about you, but my line between overstimulated and overwhelmed is pretty fine. My heart rate starts to increase, my breath becomes shallower, and if I had a visual representation of my thoughts, it would look like an out-of-focus pinball machine game . From here, if I don't take steps to engage in grounding techniques or change my environment , I'll quickly enter shut-down mode.

When I am well-rested (and I'm not just talking about getting enough sleep at night - more on that soon), I can recognize overstimulation more easily and am better equipped to manage it.

The Role of Rest in Eating Disorder Recovery

Consistent, unmanaged overstimulation takes a toll on our overall well-being and is fertile ground for the siren call of eating disorder urges that promise release, relief, and reward . Disordered behaviors in Highly Sensitive People often stem from a desire to control or escape experiences like overstimulation and overwhelm, and challenging emotions related to them.

Rest is essential for recovery because it provides space for emotions to rise to the surface and be processed - meaning we can listen to and understand their messages , often regarding what we want and need . Recovery is about honoring these needs and the truest version of yourself. So many folks get stuck in recovery because they begin to compare their journey to someone else's and try to rush the process. Feeling rushed, experiencing relapses, and wanting to throw in the towel are all signs that you could benefit from a more restful approach.

Eating disorders are damaging to health, not just for obvious reasons but because of the insidious way they perpetuate bodily stress and trauma when they often develop as a way to try to mitigate these things. The restoration of physical health in recovery, in addition to mental and emotional health, cannot occur without intentional, adequate rest.

Common Barriers to Rest in HSPs

A dear friend once shared with me what happens to her when she sits on the couch for a break during the day. The "should-ing" begins, and she's immediately overcome with guilt - afraid that if she's witnessed just sitting there (when there are tasks she could be attending to), she'll be seen as lazy and unproductive. It breaks my heart because this amazing woman not only does so much, but IS so much - to me, to her loved ones, and to her community.

The HSP's struggle with rest often stems from the fear that we'll be perceived negatively by others.

We're already used to being labeled as different, and often too much or not enough of something due to our trait.

And the emotional impact of this is awful and longstanding. To avoid future pain, sensitive folks often go above and beyond to appear "normal", more go-with-the-flow, and hyperproductive.

Remember, we feel things so deeply . Comments and labels about who we are leave scars, and it can be really difficult to sit with that pain. Difficulty coping with emotions is another common barrier to rest for HSPs. Sometimes there is a frightening amount of space for things to surface when we are still and relaxed.

Look, we live in a culture that literally says we have to "earn a living." How weird is that when you really think about the word choice? So, of course, we would come to believe that we would need to earn rest too. It's not a coincidence. Capitalism needs you to feel bad about resting for the system to thrive.

Embracing Different Types of Rest

I'm not a napper. I don't think I have been since early childhood. It takes me so long to fall asleep during the day that I've had to find ways to engage in intentional rest.

And YES! There are multiple types of rest! This isn't just about sleep (although please prioritize that). Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith views rest as a holistic approach to recharging your body, mind, and spirit and identifies 7 different types of rest in which to do so.

Here are the 7 types of rest, plus things I do that promote each:

Physical Rest (active or passive): Well, you already know I don't really nap...But I do stick to the same sleep-wake times, engage in stretching/yoga, and go for massages when I can.
Sensory Rest: Low, soft lighting in the evenings, the Do Not Disturb function on my phone, and avoiding artificial fragrances in home and personal care products.
Mental Rest: I use to-do lists and my Reminders app to free up "storage space" in my brain. Journaling, reading, and jigsaw puzzles also serve as my mental rest.
Emotional Rest: Letting myself cry when I feel the need. (This is hugely important for me.) Validating and not judging my emotions. Sharing with a trusted loved one.
Creative Rest: Using nature to replenish my inspiration and creativity. Engaging in community theater. Seeking out movies or performances that inspire awe.
Social Rest: Making time for friends and family in ways that feel authentically replenishing. Not saying yes when I want to say no. Asking for help. Drawing and holding boundaries.
Spiritual Rest: Loving-Kindness meditation, gratitude lists, and my career as a therapist help connect me to a sense of belonging and purpose.

What about you? Perhaps you recognize ways in which you could incorporate more or different types of rest into your everyday life.

Being Over Doing: Renewal in Action

Rest should not be a luxury. It's foundational to your ability to survive and thrive. Intentional, consistent rest renews not just our energy, but our sense of self. It creates the space we need to safely deepen our self-awareness and listen to what our bodies, minds, and hearts truly need. With this space, recovery becomes less about striving and more about embracing .

Begin today to prioritize being over doing, and you can open yourself up to the possibility of progress that is not rooted in productivity, but in the meeting and honoring of your needs. Rest is your birthright, and when you choose it, it's a declaration of your natural worthiness and deservingness of care, attention, and compassion .

I invite you today to reframe rest as an act of courage and a cornerstone of your recovery, and life beyond it. Give yourself permission to pause and trust that you are laying the foundation for a resilient, self-renewing life. ��

Eating Disorder Advocacy for the Sensitive Introvert

Fri, 06 Dec 2024 17:24:40 GMT

Yes, you can make an impact that protects your energy and honors your natural gifts and strengths.

Healing from an eating disorder is an incredible milestone , yet it often leaves a sort of void where the struggle once lived. Many people in recovery yearn to turn their difficult experiences into something meaningful. Could eating disorder advocacy fill that void?

I remember my own "void experience" quite clearly. The challenge of my eating disorder recovery was mostly behind me, and I was feeling rather directionless. A part of me wished that I had another "mountain" to climb. Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) often crave structure, routine, and clearly defined goals. An eating disorder might meet those needs at first. Eventually, the journey of recovery meets them instead. But once recovery is solid, and no longer so much of a mental and emotional challenge, what's next ?

Sensitive, introverted folks can feel hesitant and daunted by the thought of advocacy. We're used to seeing stories of advocacy that resonate as monumental, loud, and life-changing.

Being prone to comparison, HSPs can easily turn away from opportunities, thinking they aren't a fit. If you’re not drawn to public marches or large financial donations, you might wonder if there’s truly a place for you in anti-diet, body liberation, or eating disorder prevention advocacy work. THERE IS. Advocacy comes in many forms , and sensitive introverts have unique gifts to offer .

In this post, I’ll share different ways that you can make an impact while protecting your energy and honoring your natural strengths.

Redefining Advocacy: The Many Roles in Change

In order to thrive, every movement relies on dedicated humans filling a variety of different roles, many of which sensitive introverts are uniquely suited. Deepa Iyer ( @deepaviyer ), an activist and social change strategist, created the Social Change Map to identify and highlight these different roles. They are:

Weavers , who connect people and ideas.
Experimenters , who innovate and take creative risks.
Frontline Responders , who act during crises.
Visionaries , who articulate bold futures.
Builders , who create sustainable systems.
Caregivers , who nurture relationships.
Disruptors , who challenge oppressive systems.
Healers , who address trauma.
Storytellers , who craft inspiring narratives.
Guides , who mentor others and share their wisdom.

As a sensitive introvert, you may only feel drawn to a few roles that align with your authentic gifts and tendencies. Perhaps you like the idea of Guides, Caregivers, or Storytellers. Each role is equally important, and nobody needs to attempt to fill all the roles, especially the ones that don't match your nature.

Many introverts thrive in solo work environments, but advocacy is really a team effort. Consider the wisdom shared in The Gap and The Gain by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy. They emphasize the idea of focusing on "who, not how." Instead of burning out trying to figure out how to master a task you aren't suited for, you instead focus on finding people who can complement your strengths and support your efforts. For example, you could partner with a Visionary to help articulate the bigger picture of a project or a Builder to create a structure for your advocacy work. Collaborating with others who are aligned with your values can amplify your impact while protecting your energy.

Putting Your Sensitive Gifts Into Action

From writing an informative blog post (Hi! ��), mentoring someone in early eating disorder recovery, or calling out and boycotting harmful diet culture trends, you can make a valuable impact, just as you are . Here are some more ways you might get started:

Share your recovery journey in safe spaces, online or offline, to help end the stigma. This can happen not just through words but through visual and performing arts as well.
Create or share educational content, such as infographics, to spread awareness of the causes you want to support.
Have meaningful conversations with family and friends about diet culture and body image.
Refuse to participate in negative body talk toward yourself and others, as this perpetuates the oppressive belief that certain bodies are more valuable than others.
Facilitate or participate in peer support groups for eating disorders recovery.
Support organizations by helping with administrative tasks, event planning, or outreach efforts.
Contact policymakers or companies to advocate for changes such as ending harmful advertising practices.
Offer your professional skills, whether writing, graphic design, data analysis, or financial know-how, to existing advocacy organizations.

Start Where You Are

Eating disorder advocacy is just one of many ways you might utilize what you've gained throughout your recovery journey and "pay it forward" if you so wish. For me, I became an eating disorder therapist, and it was one of the best decisions of my life. It allowed me to have true gratitude for the dark years I spent lost in my illness.

But this full-circle experience can occur in so many different ways. As a sensitive introvert, you don’t need to go back to school for psychology, march in the streets, megaphone in hand, or empty your bank account to make a meaningful impact.

Your unique strengths are invaluable to movements like eating disorder awareness and prevention, body liberation, and anti-diet culture.

Remember, advocacy isn’t about how much you do or how visible you are; it’s about contributing in ways that are aligned with and support your authentic values. Start small and lean into your strengths. Explore the roles that align with YOU and embrace the "who not how" mindset to make ripples of transformation that are both fulfilling and sustainable.

Are you ready to take your first step? Pick any idea that resonates with you from this post and give it a try! You might be surprised at the difference you can make. Your voice and actions matter, my sensitive, introverted friend.

And this world needs you . ��

The Sensitive Person's Guide to Feeling Safe Inside

Fri, 29 Nov 2024 17:24:31 GMT

Building an internal sense of security you can turn to again and again.

As a Highly Sensitive Person, the world often feels like it's just too much - too loud, too fast, too overwhelming. In those moments, the need for inner safety isn’t just about locking the door or finding a quiet corner to hide in. It’s about creating a sense of security deep within ; a place where your spirit can find rest, no matter what’s happening around you.

But how do you cultivate that sense of security when everything feels jarring or unsettled? This post is here to guide you with gentle practices that can help you feel safe inside.

Getting Acquainted With Your Sense of Safety

Feeling safe is an extremely subjective experience. For folks who have experienced trauma, especially complex, ongoing trauma, an internal sense of safety might be completely foreign.

Yet even without the additional burden of traumatic experiences, Highly Sensitive People can struggle to find inner safety due to their tendency toward overstimulation and overwhelm.

When you consider feeling safe, what comes to mind? It's ok if you aren't yet acquainted with the bodily experiences of safety. To help you start thinking about this, I'll share some of my own personal "safety identifiers."

When I am feeling safe...

My jaw is relaxed, and my shoulders are fully dropped.
I can smile and laugh with ease.
I can easily close my eyes for several minutes without the urge to look around.
My heart rate is slower and feels steady.
I feel free to be myself (no masking or hiding necessary).

If you'd like to become better acquainted with your own safety identifiers, it's important to be on the lookout for them without judgment. The more curiosity you can bring to the moment ( "Hmm, my neck feels really tense" instead of "I can't believe my neck is killing me AGAIN." ), the better.

A Compassionate Landscape

If your sense of safety feels elusive, that's okay . Being a sensitive human does not mean you are doomed to feel hypervigilant and stressed out for the rest of your life. Developing inner safety IS possible with patience and practice.

On that note, I want to acknowledge that some people l ive in a genuinely unsafe environment , whether due to abusive relationships, unstable circumstances, or other adverse situations. If this is you, please know that your experience is valid, and your lack of inner safety is not a character flaw.

Feeling safe can seem impossible when the world around you IS unsafe, and it’s okay to acknowledge that safety, in some ways, is a privilege.

Still, there are ways that you can nurture a sense of inner safety, even in the worst of circumstances, and it starts with compassion and small acts of kindness toward yourself.

Contrary to popular opinion, self-compassion is NOT weak or self-indulgent. It's a powerful tool of healing and resilience, and it's absolutely essential for cultivating inner safety. Self-compassion fosters a nurturing internal landscape where mistakes, imperfections, and vulnerabilities are met with kindness and understanding instead of criticism.

Yes, this can be very challenging, especially for those who have internalized criticism from other people or have learned to equate their worth with their achievements. Replacing these ingrained beliefs with a compassionate mindset takes time and effort, but the rewards are well worth the effort.

Evoking and Enhancing Inner Safety

The following practices can act as momentary life preservers, whether you're floating in a sea of traumatic experiences or overstimulation and stress. Give each exercise a few different tries before deciding whether or not they are a fit for you. It's important to remember that inner safety may initially feel uncomfortable, simply because it's foreign.

Self-Holding

With eyes open or closed (as you prefer), gently place one hand over your forehead and one over your heart. Hold this for a few minutes, paying attention to the heat of your palms and the space between your hands. You may also try a hand on the back of your neck. Each of these locations are common "soothing spots" where you might instinctively touch a child who is scared or doesn't feel well.

Oasis Places

Scan your body for any areas that feel completely neutral, or maybe even relaxed and peaceful (but neutral is good enough for this exercise). This can be especially helpful when experiencing chronic pain or tension. Some good locations to test out are the tip of your nose, your ears, and the tops of your feet. Spend a few minutes just paying attention to the neutrality you discover.

Clench & Release

This exercise helps remind your body how to release and let go of distressing sensations and thoughts. Start with a deep inhale. Clench your fists tightly. Hold the tension until it feels difficult or you are ready to exhale. Relax your hands completely as you begin to slowly exhale. Pay attention to the sensations in your fingers as the tension dissipates. Repeat as desired.

Calm Place Visualization

Picture a place (real or imagined) that evokes positive thoughts and feelings. As you allow this location to come into focus, slowly scan each of your senses and allow each one to experience your surroundings. Notice what time of day it is, the amount of light, and any colors you see. What is the ground beneath you like? What textures nearby can you touch? What is the temperature like in this place? Can you hear any sounds of nature? Do you notice any smells? Just keep noticing what you notice, knowing that you can change any quality at any time to better suit you.

Small Steps Matter

Creating a sense of safety inside yourself is one of the most powerful gifts you can give your Highly Sensitive soul. It’s not about pretending everything is okay —it’s about building an internal refuge, a place of calm and compassion that you can return to whenever you need.

You truly are deserving of both inner and outer safety, and your ability to face whatever day-to-day challenges come at you is a testament to your resiliency. (By the way, you're still facing it even if it looks like staying in bed all day. No judgment.)

Let small steps toward your safety be enough. It may seem like just a minute or two of feeling relaxed and at peace isn't worth the effort. But even the tiniest of moments are valuable in your overall journey of developing your sense of inner safety.

Wishing you the best. ��

Fearless Feasts: Recovery Support for Holiday Meals

Fri, 22 Nov 2024 17:23:10 GMT

Surviving holiday meals in recovery is one thing. But what about thriving?

With the holiday season in full swing, anticipation for gatherings with friends and family isn't always positive. For folks in recovery from eating disorders and disordered eating , even just thinking about the upcoming holiday meals can evoke fear, panic, and dread . Add in being a Highly Sensitive Person, and you might just want to dip out on the events altogether. I get it.

If this is you, I encourage you to take a pause and reflect on how you might prioritize your recovery and your sensitive needs during this often stressful time.

Lapses and relapses, as well as overstimulation and overwhelm, are common during this time of year. But it IS possible to stay grounded and not only survive holiday meals but thrive through them. And I've got 7 unique tips to help you do just that.

1. Set Your Intentions

Ideally, how would you want to feel during and after a holiday meal? We often ruminate on what we don't want to happen, but thinking about and visualizing what we DO want is a powerful step in creating it for ourselves.'

Your eating disorder values certain things - maybe control, restraint, or release. But what are YOUR values? What do you want to be more important to you than what's on your plate ? Quality time with loved ones? Giving to those in need? Gratitude for all you have? Use your values and desires to set positive intentions for the day - and let your mind hang out there instead.

2. Frame the Meal as Just a Meal

Many people (in recovery or not) have a tendency to view holiday meals as an Olympic event. There's intentional restricting leading up to the meal, and then overdoing it to the point of discomfort or pain. This is not only a bad idea, but it is also understandably triggering for people healing from disordered eating. You can't control how, what, or when anybody else eats , but for you, frame this meal in your mind as just one meal.

Feed yourself adequately and consistently both before and after a holiday meal . Sometimes they are scheduled at an odd time, so think about how you might utilize snacks or switch the timing of a meal and snack to make sure you aren't going into the meal overly hungry.

If your scarcity mindset is triggered by the knowledge that certain types of food are only going to be available NOW, reality-check that . Isn't it true that you could decide to make that Sweet Potato Casserole recipe in January?

3. Recruit a Buddy

Beforehand, connect with one safe person who will be at your gathering or can be readily available for text check-ins throughout the day. This trusted person will serve as your recovery ally . Maybe they can help redirect triggering conversations or simply provide you with a grounding presence. If they are with you at the meal, agree on a subtle signal you can use to ask for support.

It's important to decide together what will be helpful and what will not be . If choosing a buddy who is also in recovery, it's important to discuss how you might support each other without the pressure of doing it perfectly or denying one of your needs to protect the other.

4. Bring a Comfort Kit

Pack and bring a small comfort kit with you to your holiday gathering that includes grounding or sensory essentials you might use at home. Some ideas include a stress ball or fidget toy, a calming essential oil roll-on, noise-canceling earbuds, a memento that reminds you of why you want to recover, and a small journal to jot down your feelings.

When you notice you're beginning to feel overstimulated, grab your kit and head to a safe space where you can utilize your tools in peace -- which leads me to number 5...

5. Identify Your Safe Space

Once you know where your gathering will be held (particularly if it's not at your own home), decide in advance where you might take a little time for regrouping or sensory rest. Maybe you could ask the host if there is a spare room they wouldn't mind you using. Is there a backyard or a balcony that could provide you with a breath of fresh air? If all else fails, find a bathroom (if possible, one farther away from the main gathering space) and lock the door.

You have the right to step away from any conversation, any room, and any meal - no explanations are needed. (Although a brief, "Please excuse me. I need a few minutes" can be helpful.")

6. Design a Post-Meal Ritual

After you finish eating, what would be a helpful way to relax and re-ground? Would a brief walk around the block feel nice? Or stepping away to leave a voicemail on your best friend's phone? Once you know what you'd like to do, share it with your recovery buddy. They can help remind you to engage in your ritual.

Be sure to think about what is going to be recovery-supporting at this time . For example, if you typically struggle with the urge to compensate after eating, maybe a walk is not the best idea, and standing outside taking deep breaths is a better fit.

And for the love of kitties of puppies, please make sure your post-meal ritual doesn't include a scale. I promise you that the number is meaningless.

7. Reflect Through a Positive Lens

When the gathering winds down, and for the remainder of your day or evening, direct your entirely normal reflections toward the positive. Due to our evolutionary needs, humans have what's called a negative bias , which means we typically reflect on negative things more than positive ones. But just because this is our tendency, it doesn't mean we can't shift out of it.

If you find that you're stressing about what or how much you ate, or whether or not you met your intentions for the day, gently nudge your thoughts toward what went well . Even if you can only identify something small, or just one or two things, keep going back to these wins. The more you focus on them, the better you will feel, and the more likely you are to add to these wins in the future.

�� Happiest of holidays to you. You deserve to enjoy yourself.

Looking for more? You might like this post - Sensitive in ED Recovery: Mini Mealtime Tips .

Art Therapy in Recovery: Silence to Self-Expression

Fri, 15 Nov 2024 17:22:58 GMT

How art can step in to speak what words cannot.

When recovery feels like an endless tangle of thoughts and feelings you can’t fully articulate or even understand, art therapy can offer a language all its own. Especially in the early stages of recovery, many individuals with deeply entrenched eating disorders can be so detached from their emotions that the effects of traditional talk therapy are limited. That’s where art can step in, allowing colors, shapes, and textures to speak what words cannot.

In this post, I'll delve into how art therapy can build a bridge from silence to self-expression , and how collage, painting, and other creative forms were integral in healing my own eating disorder.

Navigating the Inexpressible

Most people, at one point or another, have had the experience of being unable to find and use words to describe an emotional experience. For some, this struggle is more familiar and more persistent.

Alexithymia is a condition or trait characterized by difficulty identifying, describing, and processing emotions . It is not a medical diagnosis, but does commonly occur alongside certain mental health conditions - eating disorders included. For those who struggle with alexithymia, progressing in traditional "gold standard" therapies for disordered eating can be challenging, to say the least.

I first heard of this term during my own eating disorder when my therapist explained it to me. As a highly empathetic, sensitive person, I had always assumed I was what one would call emotionally literate . However, when I read the description for alexithymia, it seemed to fit my current experience. A malnourished brain certainly didn't help me identify and articulate what was happening in my emotional landscape, but there may also have been something else at play.

The Rise of Art Therapy

Since the dawn of time, humans have used creative expression as a means of communicating and processing emotions. However, it wasn't until the 1940s that art began to gain recognition as a distinct therapeutic practice.

Margaret Naumburg, a psychotherapist and "the mother of art therapy," viewed artistic expression as a form of symbolic speech and as a potential pathway to uncovering unconscious thoughts. She was the first American psychologist to provide formalized training and graduate-level courses in art therapy.

Over the decades, art therapy has continued to evolve as a profession. Today, art therapy is widely embraced in a variety of settings, from hospitals to schools to treatment centers, offering us a way to explore and express what is often beyond words .

My Voice, In Snips and Slips

I would sit silently in therapy, seemingly unable to speak. Once, I described it as akin to wandering through the desert, parched and sunburnt, desperately searching for an oasis—the right word, the thought organized in such a proper fashion that it would all finally make sense. (Fast forward to the future when my dear husband wrote a song about this experience, lovingly calling it Desert Mode .)

I discovered, however, that when I would flip through a magazine, my eyes would land on a certain word, image, shape, or color, and a lightbulb would seem to flicker on - YES. This is what I mean.

Collaging became an integral way of tuning into my thoughts and feelings. At first, they reflected a chaotic , trapped mind. As I became better acquainted with the purpose my eating disorder was serving, my art took on a more introspective tone.

Finger painting was another profound discovery in my healing journey. As a perfectionist with some sensory struggles, it was initially rather challenging, but as I let go of the need for it to be j ust right and relaxed into the sensation of my fingers slipping across the slick paper, my feelings led the way.

I loved using finger paints when I was experiencing intense emotions, particularly anger . The physical aspect was such a release.

Getting Started With Art Therapy

There's no right or wrong way to create art. I used to think, "Well, I'm not an artist. I can't make art." But creating is what makes you an artist. I know that a blank canvas can be daunting, especially if you resonate with being a typically over-controlled human.

Granting yourself permission to just see what happens, without attaching to any sort of outcome, is essential to healing through art. You want to let the creation live of its own accord.

Collaging, fingerpainting, and working with modeling clay are all simple and cost-effective - great for beginners. Watercolor, while sometimes requiring more costly supplies, is also another lovely way to ease into judgment-free creation. Watercolors have a way of never looking like how you expect them to. They expose you to a kind of intentional imperfection, which is a great way to combat perfectionistic tendencies.

If you need a jumping-off point, try creating art with the following prompts:

My Past, Present, and Future.
What Am I Not Saying?
How I Currently Feel
I'm Afraid of...
The Real Me
My Inner Critic and My Inner Ally
An Affirmation Collage

And let's not forget about the power of writing and performance art . Profound healing can also occur through poetry, drama, music, dance, and more. Take note of which art medium, whether visual or performing, gives you a little jolt in your heart and soul. There's an important message waiting to be expressed.

For anyone navigating recovery, art can be a safe place where healing can unfold without judgment or expectation. Whether through collage, painting, or rhythmic dancing, art invites us to explore our inner world, process complex feelings, and foster self-compassion along the way.

I hope that my personal examples and reflections inspire you to pick up some art materials of your own and see what unfolds when you allow your creativity to speak.

❤️‍��

Eating Disorder Recovery and The Stages of Grief

Fri, 08 Nov 2024 17:22:45 GMT

No, you're not crazy. Grief is absolutely involved in an eating disorder, and in the recovery from one.

Grief is a natural, multifaceted response to loss ; a response that is not exclusive to death, but can occur during a variety of significant life changes, including eating disorder recovery .

The journey of healing often involves a variety of losses. There's the letting go of familiar, comforting coping tools, the shifting of an identity built around food or exercise habits, the pain of a changing body, and the recognition of the lies from the diet industrial complex that harmed and oppressed so many of us. Dealing with these losses doesn't happen in tidy, sequential steps. It's a unique, personal experience that can shift daily, even moment-to-moment.

The ever-changing tides of grief can be extremely powerful and confusing. In this post, you'll discover important insights about the stages of grief, your rights as a griever, and how each stage may look on your path to healing.

Phases More Than Stages

The stages of grief and loss were first introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying . To this day, her insights have been somewhat misinterpreted, leading grievers to believe these "stages" are concurrent steps that will and should occur in a particular order.

But as Kübler-Ross explains, "There is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grief is as individual as our lives."

Individuals in eating disorder recovery may or may not experience each one of these stages/phases, although they are all quite common. It can be harmful, however, to expect your grief to look a certain way or to occur sequentially. At times, you may feel lost and confused as to why, out of nowhere, you suddenly miss your eating disorder , for example. These powerful moments are sometimes called Grief Bursts. Knowing they are likely to occur can soften the blow and help you move through the bursts with self-compassion and grace.

Your Rights as a Griever

Before we explore the phases, let's get clear on your rights: You have the right to experience your own personal grief as you move through eating disorder recovery. You have the right to move in and out of these phases in a way and timing unique to you. You have the right to talk about any ambivalence you may feel about getting better. And you have the right to struggle through your eating disorder recovery and the grief process.

How Denial Might Look

Denial is a powerful sense of disbelief , where you may struggle or refuse to accept the reality of what is. With an eating disorder, this stage often occurs before you've consciously chosen recovery, and can resurface during slips and relapses. Examples:

“I’m not that sick. I’ve been worse. Plus, other people are much sicker.”
“Things aren’t out of control. I actually feel in control, for once.”
“My eating disorder isn’t really interfering with my life.”
“My weight is the real problem. I’m just trying to be healthy.”
"Everybody I know does this. It's not a big deal."

How Anger Might Look

Anger can manifest as frustration, helplessness, or resentment, and it can be directed at yourself, at other people, or even at the situation. Any anger you experience, both during and beyond your eating disorder recovery journey, is an important messenger and deserves to be explored. Examples:

“I’m mad at myself for developing an eating disorder. I should know better.”
“My parents are imposing recovery on me by making me go to therapy."
“Nobody really cares. They just want me to be fat.”
“I’m frustrated that stopping behaviors is harder than I thought it would be.”
“I’m angry nobody stepped in to help me sooner.”

How Bargaining Might Look

Bargains are an attempt to negotiate with yourself, others, or a higher power, as a means to avoid the change or alleviate its consequences. While the bargains we make can harm us, if they're simply dismissed, it can undermine autonomy in treatment. Exploring bargains in a supportive therapeutic relationship is important.

“I’ll do whatever else I need to do to get better, but I won’t gain weight.”
“Yes, I'll stop purging, but only if I'm not binging.”
“I can focus on recovery after I lose a little weight.”
“I'll follow the meal plan, but only if I can exercise more.”
“I don’t need to work with a therapist and a dietitian. I can do it on my own.”

How Depression Might Look

Depression looks like deep sadness or despair, as you begin to understand the weight of the loss or change. In this stage, you can often be grieving the eating disorder experience and the experiences you missed out on because of it. While surrendering to the need for recovery can be empowering, it also opens you up to a host of heavy thoughts and emotions for which we must hold space . Examples:

“I regret the time, energy, and opportunities I lost pursuing thinness.”
“I feel bad for making everyone worry about me.”
“I'm ashamed that I didn’t want help before now.”
“I’m so sad to be giving up something that has really helped me cope.”
“I don’t know who I am without my eating disorder, and I feel so lost.”

How Acceptance Might Look

Acceptance means coming to terms with the loss and its consequences, and allowing space for all the feels, the big adjustments, and the deep healing. You may move in and out of this phase multiple times, even before your eating disorder is fully behind you. Examples:

“I know now that I will never be truly fulfilled by my eating disorder.”
“There are more important ways to measure my worth and success.”
“Even when I miss my eating disorder, I know that I can't go back to it.”
“I’m not sure life without my eating disorder is better, but I’m trusting it will be.”
“I don’t like my body right now, but I choose to no longer blame and abuse it.”

Coming Out the Other Side: One Day at a Time

The pain of your grief will be somewhat proportional to the emotional investment in what you've lost or are leaving behind. If you've had your eating disorder for years , a lengthy, arduous grief journey makes sense. But even with a shorter duration, if your eating disorder served a huge purpose (they all do) or perhaps saved your life in some way, you may also be in for a wild ride.

Make space for grief to be messy . Remember that sometimes feeling okay can be really unsettling.

More than anything, I want you to know this: You are worthy of eating disorder recovery, no matter how your grief manifests or how long it sticks around.

You are valuable and deserving of good when you're ranting and raving about the unfairness of it all...when you're crying through the pain of change...when you're mid-relapse and drowning in hopelessness... and when you're putting one foot in front of the other and making recovery-oriented choices.

Grief is heavy work...and inspiring...and heartbreaking...and empowering .

As you accept and integrate the emotional experience of this massive, life-altering change we call eating disorder recovery, it will take its place in your life's story and will be a chapter you can close once and for all. However, it will not be erased from your narrative - and that's a good thing.

Grief and recovery alike bring with them a host of important insights, a deeper level of understanding and compassion, and the kind of growth you might not otherwise experience. These gifts are yours to keep and nurture .

And they will serve you for the rest of your life.

The HSP Paradox: Too Much and Not Enough

Fri, 01 Nov 2024 17:22:32 GMT

Why do sensitive people often feel both at the time?

We all know the experience of worrying that we're too much - too emotional, too loud, too reactive, too anxious. There's also the fear that we're not enough - not lovable enough, smart enough, thin enough, talkative enough...But what about when you feel that you're both of those things at the same time ? This too-much-not-enough push and pull is a unique paradox the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) is likely to face, one that is rooted in both the gifts and the challenges of sensitivity.

In an often overwhelming and demanding world, HSPs battle a fear of not measuring up to societal standards, while simultaneously feeling driven to diminish their needs in order to fit in. It can be a daily and rather exhausting battle that negatively affects an HSP's self-esteem, relationships, and quality of life.

This post takes a closer look at this paradoxical struggle and offers a strategy that will help you find balance and strength in your sensitivity, as well as acceptance of it.

Too Much: An Outside-Inside Pressure

Highly Sensitive folks are used to experiencing a world that's a little bit or seriously too much . Many of us are prone to feeling overstimulated by crowds, loud noises, harsh lights, and otherwise uncomfortable surroundings. On the inside, our deep emotions can also be overwhelming, whether we're fearing we'll be washed away in a tidal wave of our own tears, or overtaken by anger and accidentally turning into The Hulk.

While we're not always demonstrative with our big feelings, and others may not even be aware they're happening, they feel so big to us that we can tend to try and stuff them, or deny them altogether.

Similarly, with our sensory input threshold, it's not uncommon for HSPs to attempt to "tone down" their needs so that we can instead "go with the flow"

Hearing that we're too sensitive or over-reacting more times than we can count definitely plays a role in how HSPs end up internalizing the message that our experience, and by extension, ourselves , are too much.

Not Enough: The Struggle of Self-Worth

Meanwhile, as the feelings of too-much-ness simmer away, another form of seeming inadequacy brews.

As a sensitive person, maybe you've recognized that in your career, you can't take on as many projects or clients as your colleagues. I certainly hold a much smaller caseload than other non-HSP therapists I know, and I've had to reassure myself on several occasions that it's ok!

Perhaps in your school days, you were more selective about your extracurricular activities or found that your average college course load was rather daunting. You wonder why you just can't seem to take it with a grain of salt like other people.

In a culture that overvalues productivity as a standard of worth, it can be far too easy for Highly Sensitive People to feel like they're not measuring up.

Self-doubt and anxiety abound around our merit and our significance. And it sucks the joy right out of life. With our depth of processing, it's not hard for us to recognize areas for "improvement," and we can end up pushing ourselves too much, too long, to try and fit the mold of "normal," and "enough."

Feelings Aren't Always Facts

If you resonate with this so far, you're certainly not alone. It's shame that kicks up the painful thoughts about being too much or not enough. Shame says not that you've done something wrong, but that you are wrong, at your core.

But there's good news.

You can learn to hold space for this pain and shift how you approach your needs, limits, and self-talk. The first step is recognizing that the feelings we feel, while important and valid, are not always fact-based.

Emotions are tricky, nuanced things, and they often come not from what we experience, but from the story we tell ourselves about the experience.

As the storytellers , the power and responsibility lie within us to formulate a narrative that's non-judgmental and accepting of our experience and our personhood. At the end of the day, it's your voice you've had to listen to the most, by far .

It's essential that you make that voice a supportive, compassionate one.

Redefining Enough: The Coach Approach

You might be thinking now, "But if I'm just compassionate with myself all the time, won't I be giving myself an excuse to be lazy and unproductive, or to not try when I don't feel like it?"

I get it! Been there!

I want you to think about your favorite coach . And if you're like me and have literally never played on a team, use your imagination. I never had a coach, but I can certainly imagine the type of coach that I would consider the best. Here's what I think of:

This coach is confident in my abilities but recognizes and respects my limits. This coach knows when to yell with passion (not with anger) and when to speak softly with me in a 1-on-1 huddle. This coach is kind and loving but doesn't just let me mess around at practice. This coach pushes me when it's appropriate and calls me out when I'm letting my mind dictate the game rather than my body.

That's the kind of person I want you to embody when you think about taking a compassionate stance with yourself.

It's The Coach Approach .

Fighting with and squashing your sensitive needs will keep you forever stuck in the too-much-not-enough paradox.

When you fully accept and begin to honor your high sensitivity, that's when it becomes a source of strength.

You, dear HSP, have the gifts to cultivate amazing relationships, express your unique, unrivaled creativity, and revel in the wildly beautiful experiences this world has to offer.

Although you may wonder at times if you're too much or not enough, know that you are exactly enough , and always will be...just as you are.

��

High-Functioning Eating Disorders: The Mask of Wellness

Fri, 25 Oct 2024 17:22:15 GMT

Super healthy? Or super sick? Sometimes it's hard to tell.

On the surface, everything seems fine... great , even. They’re killing it in their careers, juggling social commitments like a pro, are dedicated to health and fitness, and have an unending air of bubbly confidence. But beneath that well-maintained exterior lies a different story —one of control, obsession, and inner turmoil . High-functioning eating disorders often hide in plain sight, concealed behind a mask of “wellness.”

As Halloween approaches, it’s a fitting reminder that the scariest struggles are often the ones we can't see. Even what one might consider a "mild" eating disorder can quietly wreak havoc on an individual's mind, body, and spirit. As the battle rages on unnoticed by others, those wearing the mask may be barely holding on .

If this sounds like you or someone you know, I see you ...and you're not alone.

Under the Surface: A Whole Other Story

I was halfway through college when my eating disorder developed. It blindsided me and those close to me. I was on the Dean's List, performing in theater, co-captaining the dance team, and enjoying a full social calendar while living with my best friends.

But as the eating disorder strengthened, the cracks in my façade became evident. I was stuffing emotions like a pro and keeping wild anxiety at bay; a master of distraction.

In Disney's Encanto, there is a song called Pressure that takes me back to that time in my life, 20+ years ago. Luisa, who bears the gift/curse of infinite strength, intimately shares with her younger sister how the pressure to be "the strong one" and handle all of her family’s needs is slowly crushing her. (Go listen to that song - seriously, it's amazing. Thank you, Lin-Manuel Miranda.)

"Under the surface, I think about my purpose, can I somehow preserve this?
Line up the dominoes, a light wind blows
You try to stop it tumbling, but on and on, it goes."

It wasn't long before I knew, as did my loved ones, that I was not ok . But for many, many people who are wrestling with eating disorders, their struggles can fly under the radar for years, decades even, delicately concealed by a mirage of wellness, success, and smiles.

No Big Deal: The Dangerous Game of Minimization

Eating disorders can be life-threatening no matter how "mild" they might appear. Unfortunately, there is still an abundance of misinformation about these illnesses that puts folks at risk. It's far too easy to dismiss your "food issues" when they don’t match the extreme stereotypes portrayed by the media, or when your behaviors are considered a "bio-hack" or part of your quest for “health."

Dieting, which is often one of the first things people turn to when they want to "get healthier," is a major risk factor in the development of eating disorders.

Eating disorders can kill you or permanently damage your health even without weight loss - meaning, your weight is not equal to your risk.

Diagnostic criteria can also be misleading and unhelpful. For example, I never lost my period when I struggled with anorexia, but back then (thankfully not anymore), the loss of menses was one of the criteria for diagnosis. I knew that and used it to convince myself that I was fine.

In my work as an eating disorder therapist, I'm used to hearing other common, minimizing statements from those who struggle, as well as their family members, and even other medical providers:

"I only throw up once in a while."
"They don't need treatment. I see them eat all the time."
"I've never had to go to the hospital, so it's not that bad."
"They could stand to lose a little weight anyway."
"My blood work is all normal. It's not a big deal."
"Everybody watches what they eat."

It's a dangerous game, minimizing or normalizing disordered eating. Men are especially vulnerable to these dangers. Due to stigma and societal pressures, they are less likely to seek help for food and body image struggles. Eating disorders do not discriminate, and it is NOT your fault if you've fallen victim to one.

Unmasking: Early Intervention Matters

Early intervention in eating disorders can be life-saving. The longer disordered behavioral patterns persist, the harder they can be to break. Remember that eating disorders usually start small and escalate over time, causing compounding physical, mental, and emotional damage. But if you've already struggled for years, hope is not lost . Recovery is still possible even in the case of long-term illness.

While someone with a high-functioning eating disorder might appear to be managing their life quite well, the internal toll can be immense, as well as the risk of long-term health complications. Addressing these issues early not only prevents the disorder from deepening its hold but also increases the chances of a full recovery.

Wondering if it's time to get help for your eating disorder? Let your curiosity be your sign. You don’t have to wait for things to get visibly bad. Intervening before an eating disorder becomes critical can save someone from years of unnecessary suffering and make the recovery journey less daunting.

You don't have to be “falling apart” to be deserving of help.

We all need to be more mindful of the less obvious signs of disordered eating. Beneath the mask, you may find guilt and shame after eating, exercising to compensate for food or to give permission to eat food, eating in secret , extreme body dissatisfaction , ongoing self-criticism , isolation , or difficulty taking downtime .

Check in on your loved ones, especially the "strong ones" or the "super healthy ones," even if they seem fine. A devastating eating disorder may be lurking alongside excellent academic or career achievements, a full social life, and a happy-go-lucky attitude.

Don't let the mask of wellness steal any more of your life away. You are worthy of true peace and balance in your relationship with food and your body. And it's totally possible.

Learning to Cope Without Using Food: What You Need to Know

Fri, 18 Oct 2024 17:22:03 GMT

Yes, it's totally possible to stop using food to cope with life. Here's how.

If you've been using food as your go-to coping mechanism, trying to break the cycle can feel frustratingly futile. Healing disordered eating isn’t as simple as just eliminating harmful behaviors; It requires finding healthier ways to cope with the challenging emotions and compelling thoughts that fuel them.

This post walks you through what you need to know about learning to cope without turning toward or away from food. Plus, get your hands on a free resource I created just for you. Your Ultimate Coping Toolbox for ED Recovery is designed to guide you in choosing the right coping tools at the right time.

Types of Coping Tools

Almost any action can become a coping tool. Healthy or not, you likely have several tools already at your fingertips. When it comes to healthy, effective coping tools, there are many different types: tools for grounding and getting present, self-care tools, tools designed to shift your perspective, and more.

One of the most common categories of tools people use is actually distraction . While some people look down upon distraction as a means of coping, it IS a legitimate tool! What's important, however, is that it's not the only type of tool in your toolbox.

What types of tools do you use? Do you feel like you have enough to choose from?

Trial & Error: Progress, Not Perfection

Taking a gradual approach to incorporating new tools is vital . Stopping disordered behaviors cold turkey can lead to an increasing sense of overwhelm, intensifying urges, and sometimes a violent resurgence of the behaviors. Slow and steady wins the race here.

It's helpful to know ahead of time that more often than not , a new coping tool is NOT going to immediately bring you the same relief as whatever you've been doing with food.

It's important that you practice a new coping tool a handful of times, in different situations, before deciding that it "doesn't work" for you.

It's just like building new muscle. It takes repetition to get anywhere. When you first started turning to binge eating or restricting, for example, it solidified itself as a coping mechanism by you engaging in it repeatedly.

3 Steps to Testing New Tools

My work with clients has shown me that practicing new coping tools works best when they're introduced slowly, and with less pressure for them to work perfectly. When you're first trying out new tools and skills, you want to practice them while still giving yourself the option to engage in the disordered behavior afterward, if it's still desired and needed. That may sound counterintuitive, but without this option, your psyche will be much more resistant to trying the new tools.

Here are 3 steps you can follow to begin testing out new ways to cope:

Awareness: First and foremost, begin building awareness around what happens right before you have an urge to cope with food. Most commonly, an urge is triggered by a combination of a difficult emotion and a thought. Let's say you have a habit of compulsive eating after work to help you calm down after a stressful day. You notice that you feel overstimulated and have the thought, "I can't deal with this." Rate the strength of your urge from 1-10.
Alternative Action: Once you recognize the emotion-thought trigger you're dealing with and how strong your urge for a disordered behavior is, choose a new tool/behavior that fits the situation. Continuing our example, say you'd like to try introducing a self-care tool like a hot shower after work instead of mindless snacking. Commit to practicing this new tool for at least a handful of days after you get home from work.
Ability to Choose: After each time you engage in your new alternate action (the hot shower), re-rate the strength of your urge to turn to food. If the urge remains high and feels unmanageable, give yourself permission to then choose food. The success is that you practiced an alternative coping, not necessarily that it immediately worked.

As you build your repertoire of coping skills and get some practice time under your belt, you can lengthen the time you commit to spending engaging in the healthier, alternative actions before choosing your disordered action. You may even start stacking healthy tools to extend that time. You will come to find that urges do decrease over time.

Building Your Coping Toolbox

Understanding the different types of coping tools and which are likely to work best when is key to a sustainable recovery. Practicing new tools several times and having multiple types of tools available will boost your resiliency and ability to deal not only with urges but also with life.

Go on, you coping master ��

Interview With an Eating Disorder

Fri, 11 Oct 2024 17:21:53 GMT

An exclusive interview with a notoriously private Eating Disorder.

Today, I’m sitting down with someone familiar to many of our readers, but rarely understood: Eating Disorder . Though often viewed as the enemy, Eating Disorder does indeed have a voice , a purpose, and a story that shouldn't be ignored, and they're willing to tell it now, on the record.

In this conversation, we touch on the roots of Eating Disorder's influence, their skills and jobs, and how they inadvertently took over. Through this dialogue, Eating Disorder and I hope to shed light on why these disorders develop and, more importantly, how we can move toward healing by listening and understanding .

(In this post, I use language from a therapeutic approach called Internal Family Systems. This framework is based on the premise that each person is made up of different "parts," which serve different purposes. Using "we" in this post refers to all the parts of a self that develop in response to different stimuli, including pain, stress, and trauma. Through this lens, the eating disorder is considered its own "part.")

"I never intended for things to go where they did."

Interviewer: "So, tell me. Obviously, this is a big deal for you. You've never really been one to use words to share your story. You've mostly spoken through actions. What is this like for you right now, to be given a voice?"

Eating Disorder: "That's correct. Well, it's always been challenging for me to verbalize what's happening. I don't know...I feel quite nervous now. I actually can't stand taking center stage. That's something the media has misrepresented about me for ages. I know that many people believe I'm just looking for attention, but I would always rather fly under the radar."

Interviewer: "But, even if you were looking for attention, what's so wrong about that?"

Eating Disorder: "My thoughts exactly! If my existence were simply a bid for attention, it would signal that we felt very much incapable of receiving attention in other, healthier ways. That really points the finger at a larger problem within the system, you know?"

Interviewer: "That's so true. So what would you say it is about for you?"

Eating Disorder: "Gosh...so much. You know, I began as one thing, and over time, I just took on more and more tasks. It's pretty difficult to pinpoint the beginning. I never intended for things to go where they did. At first, it was simply a way for us to feel a little more in control. I remember when I came around, there had been several incredibly difficult experiences happening. It seems everyone felt rather shaken and unsure of how to move forward. I thought I could help."

Interviewer: "And did you?"

Eating Disorder: "Certainly! Especially at first. Nobody else could evoke the sense of calm that I was able to bring to us. I not only numbed the pain of those experiences we were facing, but I also quieted the general anxiety we'd wrestled with for years. I narrowed the world down to one simple focus. That felt like a relief."

"I got too good at my job, in all honesty."

Interviewer: "As I understand it, other people became pretty upset at you and blamed you for quite a lot of pain."

Eating Disorder: "Yes...Well, I got too good at doing my job, in all honesty."

Interviewer: "Say more about that. What is it you thought your job was?"

Eating Disorder: "This might be hard to articulate, but I'll give you some examples. We felt empty inside. I filled a very real void. The rules and the goals I created gave us a sense of purpose that was unmatched. We've always been a bit of a perfectionist, and it just so happened that this was something we felt really good at. I kept us company during a lonely time. And for a long while, we got a good deal of praise and validation for being so disciplined. Also, I figured out how to communicate things that were just too hard to come out and say."

Interviewer: "Like what?"

Eating Disorder: "I'm cautious right now about other parts of us feeling betrayed by this...but...for one thing, me sticking around made it clear to other people that we were not ok; that we couldn't handle all the responsibilities that had been placed on us, or that we believed had been. And, well...we didn't know how to say things like that we were angry. Very, very angry. With me, and I don't like to admit this...it almost seemed we could punish other people for hurting us, even though I knew we were now the ones suffering the most. "

"We were just so scared of failing."

Interviewer: "It's making sense now just how important your role was. And when it became clear that you were creating suffering in your attempts to alleviate it, why didn't you just back off?"

Eating Disorder: "We were scared. I was really strong at this point, so much so that the rest of us had become very, very quiet and small. To be honest with you, there were times that I truly forgot the rest of us existed. I became our whole identity. That felt good in a way, but it also embarrassed us immensely. There were times when I thought we needed help , and that someone else should step up and take over. I tried a few times to let that happen. We were just so scared of failing. Truthfully, it felt safer not to try. I wasn't happy being the leader anymore, but I didn't know how to give up that role either. And I was afraid that if I did, we'd be worse off. My goals for us got so out of control, and nothing we did ever felt good enough, like it once had. We were truly miserable, and I felt so powerless to change it. I kept telling us that I was here and it was ok...that I could take care of us...but..."

Interviewer: "I know this is bringing up a lot of emotion for you. Can I just reflect something to you? I am so moved by just how much you truly cared about everyone. You tried really hard to make everything bearable...and it all backfired."

Eating Disorder: "Thank you. That's exactly what I'm trying to say. I felt so ashamed about it for so long."

Interviewer: "And now?"

Eating Disorder: "Maybe you've gathered from this discussion that I'm no longer at the head of the table. I wouldn't have been able to be this open and vulnerable with you now if I were."

"Our stories are so important."

Interviewer: "How were you able to surrender?"

Eating Disorder: "It was a different approach someone took with us. We were presented with the idea that I was not the enemy. I was not someone to be obliterated, but rather...integrated. Healed. When we began to understand this new perspective, something clicked. I knew that I could step down and that we would be ok...and through that, I actually became ok. I'm still here, but I'm changed. I can confidently say that I'm not ever going to take the reins again. I don't need to or want to. Too much healing has happened to go back."

Interviewer: "You're not afraid that you'll make a grab for the reins in the future?"

Eating Disorder: "No. I'm not. And the rest of us aren't afraid either. That probably makes the biggest difference. We considered ourselves fully recovered from that chapter. We're all really gentle with each other now. We ask each other what we need, and we listen. We're all a great team today. I feel truly cared for, but in a way that makes us strong, healthy, and balanced, as a unit...as one."

Interviewer: "And we'll end on that, Eating Disorder. Thank you so much for your time and your truth today."

Eating Disorder: "Thank you for taking the time to listen. Our stories are so important. I want everyone to know that, and to know that you're not alone. Not ever."

Balance and Boundaries: Protecting Your Energy as an HSP

Fri, 04 Oct 2024 17:21:40 GMT

As a Highly Sensitive Person, you already know how the world can feel like too much . Even simple day-to-day situations can drain your energy, leaving you feeling exhausted and overstimulated . But what if instead of trying to control your environment and other people in it, you practiced protecting your energy by setting healthy boundaries and embracing balance?

In this post, I’ve got some must-know information about why boundaries are essential for HSPs and some practical strategies that can help you accept your sensitivity and honor your need for balance, rest, and replenishment.

Understanding Your Energetic Sensitivity

Highly Sensitive People have incredible "spidey senses." This can be such a great asset! We can often find the nuance in a situation. We may pick up on non-verbal cues with ease. We're experts at reading the room and can understand everyone's perspective without much effort.

However, because we take in more information from our environment than non-HSPs, the downside of having access to all of it is that we're likely to reach our threshold more quickly . It's important to note that this can happen even with positive experiences. Stimuli is stimuli.

There's a tendency to believe that HSPs just can't tolerate as much as other people, but truthfully, your nervous system is tolerating more than others usually know.

It's not uncommon for sensitive folks to deal with fatigue, irritability, and difficulty concentrating due to the overload of environmental or relational stimuli. These sensations and experiences are important signs that our bodies need our attention. Ignoring the cues of overstimulation can mean you're headed into overwhelm territory , and likely an intense emotional reaction or a complete system shutdown.

One surefire way we can begin to lessen overstimulation and help prevent overwhelm is by implementing and maintaining...yep, you guessed it.

What HSPs Need to Know About Boundaries

Boundaries are like an insurance policy for your needs. Each time you set and uphold a boundary, you're making a steady investment in your safety and well-being.

Boundaries empower you and others.

They allow you to protect and support your energy without disregarding the needs or limits of those around you. While consistency is important, good boundaries can also be flexible when necessary. Remember, you're managing your needs - not trying to control others.

A healthy boundary is clear, concise, and well-communicated.

Not everyone can correctly anticipate or assume someone else's needs like an HSP can. If you're hoping your boundary will be understood and respected without directly sharing it, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. I had to learn this truth the hard way!

Self-awareness is a boundary's best friend.

A deep understanding of your own limits, triggers, and needs is key to setting effective boundaries. As a Highly Sensitive Person, it's vital for you to pay attention to what depletes you so that you know where to draw a line before you reach overwhelm.

Boundaries come in several forms.

A physical boundary might look like making sure you go to bed at the same time each night so you'll get your optimal amount of sleep. An emotional boundary might look like asking your partner to check if you're in the right headspace to listen and support them before they dive into a story. A mental boundary might be responding to all requests with, "Let me think about it and I'll get back to you," instead of agreeing to something you haven't had time to truly consider, or out of guilt or obligation.

It's ok to set boundaries that other people may not like.

Highly Sensitive folks often struggle with this due to a conflict-avoidant nature. If another party is feeling disrespected by your boundary, a discussion and search for a compromise may be warranted; however, remember that people-pleasing (which is often based on guilt) will ultimately undermine your boundaries and deplete your energy.

Practical Tips for Protecting Your Energy

Honor your natural rhythm by scheduling your most demanding tasks during peak energy times. Similarly, allow yourself to rest during your typically low-energy periods.
Limit accidental overcommitment by allowing yourself to say no to extra tasks or social events when you feel drained.
Practice a few minutes of intentional transition time between different environments or activities. For example, practice deep breathing in your car for a few minutes before heading inside to your family after work.
Create a Calm Place by designating a spot in your home or office to which you can retreat when you're feeling overwhelmed. This might be a peaceful corner with soft lighting, soothing colors, and yummy-feeling textures.
Schedule Me-Time and make it a non-negotiable part of your routine. Whether it’s a daily walk, reading, or resting, prioritizing and scheduling time for yourself ensures consistent energy replenishment.
Take technology breaks and limit or turn off notifications from social media, news, or emails. Let's be real - these notifications are usually unnecessary anyway.
Utilize mantras when toxic guilt arises around prioritizing yourself. A few of my favs: My needs are just as important as anyone else's. I cannot pour for an empty cup. I deserve to feel safe and at peace.

Boundaried and Balanced

As a Highly Sensitive Person, your energy is a precious resource that requires intentional care and protection. By setting healthy boundaries and maintaining daily practices that nurture a sense of balance, you can create a life that encourages peacefulness and is more aligned with your needs. Remember, protecting your energy isn’t selfish - it's an act of self-respect that is essential for your emotional, mental, and physical health.

By honoring your sensitivity and taking steps to guard your energy, you’re giving yourself room to truly thrive, to connect more deeply with others, and live a more fulfilling life.

��

5 Signs You're Using Food to Cope With High Sensitivity

Fri, 27 Sep 2024 00:05:06 GMT

If High Sensitivity is negatively influencing your relationship with food, here's what you can do instead.

As a Highly Sensitive Person, navigating the world can often feel overwhelming. The intensity with which we experience emotions, process information, and respond to the environment can lead us to seek comfort in different ways. For many HSPs, food (or the over-control of it) becomes a powerful, self-perpetuating coping mechanism.

Whether it's using food to numb emotions or quiet the mind , or using it in a way that gives you the illusion of control , the relationship between High Sensitivity and disordered eating habits can be complex and tricky to untangle. Because disordered eating can have many root causes, it's important to stay open to new knowledge and understanding that may come to you during your recovery journey.

In this post, I explore 5 signs that your High Sensitivity may be negatively influencing your relationship with food and what you can do instead.

Sign #1: You seek out food to recharge mentally or emotionally, regardless of your physical hunger level.

What's Happening: After depleting social interactions or overstimulating experiences, you may attempt to compensate for the resulting energy depletion by eating even if you're not physically hungry . This is sometimes referred to as " mouth hunger" as opposed to physiological "stomach hunger."

A Different Approach: Highly Sensitive People indeed need more time than others to recharge and bounce back from fatiguing activities and experiences. Sometimes, simply bringing awareness to your habit of turning to food can be enough to start making changes. Take a minute to check in with your hunger-fullness cues before heading to the kitchen. If you're indeed experiencing physiological hunger, give yourself full permission to eat. If you find you're hungrier for the idea of food , ask yourself what other things feel recharging to you? Perhaps you need to lie down in a quiet room for 15 minutes, or take a shower to "rinse off" the accumulated stress and stimuli.

At first, you may want to try a combination of getting a meal or snack and engaging in another rejuvenating activity. Above all, watch how you talk to yourself if you end up choosing to eat. No shaming yourself. Neither being hungry nor working toward being a more attuned eater deserves any mean comments from the internal peanut gallery.

Sign #2: You're preoccupied with how food choices might disrupt your physical or emotional balance.

What's Happening: You feel overly anxious or perfectionistic when making decisions about what or when to eat. Because you are so tuned in to how food makes you feel physically, you may often delay or avoid eating because of the stress around potential discomfort, such as bloating or heartburn.

A Different Approach: Being attuned to your body is wonderful, but it's possible for an HSP to pay too much attention to their body sensations, to the point of increased stress and analysis-paralysis . To start shifting this pattern, self-compassion is key. Kindly remind yourself that food choices don't need to be perfect to support your sensitivity, your health, or your recovery. Instead of striving for rigid control, start tuning into how your body feels in the moment, trusting gentle, intuitive cues rather than external rules.

For example, begin by noticing your body's response to whether you want something warm or cool. How about savory or sweet? Crunchy or soft? Questions like this create more space for nourishment that truly feels supportive, not stressful.

Sign #3: You often seek comfort by eating or through rigid eating patterns.

What's Happening: Both comfort-eating and rigid rules and routines around eating can provide HSPs with a sense of security and predictability, especially when other aspects of life feel overwhelming. While these habits may provide temporary relief, they can ultimately disconnect you from your true needs and your body's hunger-fullness signals.

A Different Approach: First, it's important to acknowledge that it's okay to seek comfort in food at times, but doing so with awareness, rather than with mindlessness or fear, is key to fostering a healthy relationship with eating. HSPs can practice pausing before meals or snacks to check in with the question, “What emotions am I experiencing right now and what unmet needs might I have?"

By gently exploring what lies beneath the urge to eat for comfort or cling to strict rules, HSPs can gradually replace these habits with more mindful, flexible choices. If you're dealing with several food rules or eating habits, you may want to work on removing them one by one instead of all at once. It's important to build your emotional tolerance to eating without your routines in a way that feels safe and is sustainable. Get help from an eating disorder therapist, dietitian, or coach, if needed.

Sign 4: You plan out disordered eating behaviors as a "reward" after certain activities or experiences.

What's Happening: It's not uncommon for folks to plan, for example, a binge or a fast as a reward for getting through something challenging or tiring. For HSPs, that "challenging" thing can be simply getting through a day in this often overstimulating world.

A Different Approach: A key step to moving away from this habit is reframing the idea of a reward. A healthy reward comes in the form of something self-nurturing. Because rewards promote the idea that you've earned something, you don't want to encourage the pattern of 'earning" something that is ultimately harmful to you. This is self-punishing and never works to truly better ourselves. It's also important for Highly Sensitive folks to recognize that this type of reward planning often stems from emotional exhaustion or a deep need to replenish comfort. HSPs can start by finding alternative ways to soothe themselves after challenging moments, such as engaging in calming rituals like deep breathing, journaling, gentle movement, or a phone call with a good friend.

Sign #5: You restrict the amount or type of food you eat to alleviate the fear of being "too much."

What's Happening: HSPs may consciously or unconsciously use food restriction as a form of self-punishment for a whole host of reasons. If someone has a strained relationship with their sensitivity (stemming from the all-too-common comments like, "You're too sensitive" or, "You shouldn't take things so personally" ) they often carry guilt and shame for simply being themselves. And food restriction becomes an easy tool with which to beat themselves.

A Different Approach: A little louder for the folks in the back...YOUR SENSITIVITY IS A GIFT, not something to eliminate or suppress! Shifting away from restriction as self-punishment starts with self-compassion and the understanding that your needs, including your need for food, are always valid. You deserve to be fully cared for, emotionally, mentally, and physically, just as you are.

A fun way to start challenging thoughts of restriction or not being "deserving enough" of food is to replace the need to eat with the need to pee. Just look at how ridiculous the thoughts you have about eating sound when you connect them to emptying your bladder instead: "I peed two hours ago. It's too soon to pee again", "I didn't pee healthily yesterday, I should try not to pee today", "That person isn't peeing, so I shouldn't either", "I heard I shouldn't pee after 7p. " Silly, right? ��

Sensitive and Healing

Recognizing the ways in which your high sensitivity influences your relationship with food is an important step in creating a healthier, more balanced connection to nourishment. While it may feel comforting to use food or the restriction of food to cope with overwhelm, emotional intensity, or sensory overload, it will likely compound those challenges over time.

You can absolutely break these damaging cycles and instead create routines that support your mental, emotional, and physical wellness.

One of the reasons why I created Your Sensitive Recovery was to help Highly Sensitive People understand that they do not have to become less sensitive to recover from their eating disorders . By learning about your trait and embracing the fullness of who you are, you can empower your sensitivity, heal your relationship with food and your body, and learn t o truly thrive .

I believe in you ��

Why Full Recovery Requires Self-Forgiveness

Fri, 20 Sep 2024 20:04:56 GMT

Why self-forgiveness is such an essential part of the healing process, and how it can help you leave your eating disorder behind for good.

Full recovery from an eating disorder is more than a journey of healing your body and stabilizing your eating behaviors. There's a deeper, less visible element that gets overlooked: Self-Forgiveness . If you've ever battled an eating disorder or an addiction, you know that it comes with a uniquely heavy burden; one of guilt, shame, and regret ...not only for the pain inflicted upon yourself but upon your loved ones who struggle to understand "why you're doing this."

These emotions can feel insurmountable and often delay or sabotage treatment. Even individuals who are firmly on the recovery path may not recognize the power of self-forgiveness and just how crucial it is to a full and lasting recovery.

From my own process, and throughout the almost 15 years I've spent working with individuals in recovery, I've learned why self-forgiveness is such an essential part of the healing process, and how it can help you leave your eating disorder behind for good .

The Shackles of Shame

"You're a net loss."

Those were the words my former partner said to me as I sat crying, explaining how I once again needed to step up to a higher level of care. I don't know if he meant anything beyond how we'd spent more money on my eating disorder treatment than I had made during our marriage, but the words meant something much deeper to me.

What I heard was that I was not worth it . Eating disorder or not, on a fundamental level, I must be worthless. Not worth loving, and certainly not worth recovery.

Guilt, shame, and regret are part and parcel of the trajectory of an eating disorder's development and maintenance. And it's no wonder! Here are just a few of the things that survivors might experience that often feed these challenging emotions:

the financial burden of treatment
relapsing, sometimes multiple times
the emotional pain of loved ones who have witnessed the eating disorder's destruction
delaying or leaving school, or taking time off work for treatment
medical complications, especially irreversible ones
lies and secrecy that have eroded trust in relationships
"wasting" a spot in treatment that "someone sicker should have"
"lost time," and missed opportunities and experiences

All of these and more amount to heavy chains of self-punishment and self-abuse that survivors can drag around for decades. Self-forgiveness is the key to breaking free from these chains. Only then can we toss the emotional and mental baggage and create actual space for transformative self-compassion and deep healing.

Better, But Still Paying the Price

Whether you're fairly new to recovery or have been walking this path for a while now, learning to forgive yourself is vital in claiming the freedom you deserve. Nobody chooses to become trapped in the hell that is an eating disorder; not even people who make a conscious choice to engage in dangerous crash diets or seek out pro-eating disorder content on social media.

Not everyone believes full recovery from an eating disorder is possible. I do, and I think that the power of authentic self-forgiveness is part of what makes it possible . Maybe you've been in recovery for years, and the behaviors subsided long ago. Your thoughts are mostly healthy now, and you utilize a variety of supportive, effective coping tools.

But if you haven't consciously done the forgiveness work around your eating disorder and its ramifications, you may be out of prison, but you're keeping yourself on parole.

Unconsciously, you may hold yourself back from exciting opportunities. You might continue to prioritize others' needs as an attempt to "make up" for past pain without realizing you're doing it. Perhaps it's difficult to spend money on yourself or to trust yourself enough to make decisions. These are just some of the ways that a lack of self-forgiveness can impact your life and your spirit.

Maybe you're on the lookout for ways to continue to punish yourself without knowing it .

Liberation is Not a One-Way Street

If you allow the grace of self-forgiveness to grant you freedom from your eating disorder and everything that came along with it, your freedom will empower the freedom of others .

Here's an example: Let's say you've been choosing to stay in a loveless relationship because your partner was there for you during your recovery, and you feel like you owe it to them . You're not the only one being held back. Freeing yourself ultimately means freeing your partner, even if there will also be pain.

The act of self-forgiveness is ultimately about you , but it's not selfish. In fact, it's an invitation . It models to others that full recovery is achievable, not through discipline and atonement but through compassion . When you liberate yourself, it becomes a visible act of courage that paves the way for others, whether it's your loved ones, fellow recovery warriors, or even future generations, by offering them the permission to free themselves from their own cycles of self-blame and punishment.

In essence, self-forgiveness radiates outward. It lights a lamp in the darkness for others to follow.

For me, that lamp is my career now as an eating disorder therapist. But even if your future has NOTHING to do with directly paying it forward in such a way, know that your light matters . We are all connected, and by embracing self-compassion and allowing self-forgiveness, you create an environment where others feel safe enough to extend that same kindness to themselves.

True freedom, after all, thrives not in isolation but in community . This shared experience can shift perspectives and change lives, not only yours but all of the lives you may one day touch. What a gift. ��

Feel-Good HSP Habits That May Be Sabotaging Your Peace

Fri, 13 Sep 2024 00:04:42 GMT

Learn how these 4 common, feel-good habits might actually be sabotaging you, and more importantly, the small shifts you can make to help you reclaim your serenity .

As a Highly Sensitive Person, your depth of emotion, appreciation of beauty, and seemingly preternatural awareness can be wonderful characteristics. Yet, sometimes the same things that make you unique can also leave you feeling drained and overwhelmed . In the search for comfort, it’s easy for us HSPs to fall into feel-good habits that actually undermine our sense of peace , leaving us anxious, irritable, or disconnected from ourselves.

With the Autumn Equinox approaching, we HSPs are reminded of the importance of equilibrium in our own lives. The equinox is a time of natural balance, equal light and darkness. Just as nature prepares to shift into a quieter, more introspective season, we too can make space for more calm by identifying and releasing habits that can throw us off balance.

Ready? Let's dive in...

#1 - People-Pleasing to Avoid Conflict

THE PROBLEM: Most HSPs detest conflict (��‍♀️) and go to great lengths to avoid it. Which, phew , crisis averted …but trying to keep everyone around you pleased often leaves us with growing resentment, exhaustion, and disconnection. At its root, people-pleasing is not so much about wanting others to be okay, but about controlling the environment so that WE can be okay and hopefully avoid upsetting and overstimulating emotions. And that's kinda ick. Avoiding conflict like the plague ultimately erodes trust and intimacy in relationships. No good.

THE SHIFT: Practice engaging in conflict by expressing your opinion on low-stakes issues . Start with minor opportunities, such as what you want for dinner or what movie you want to see. Through this practice, you will develop comfort around voicing your needs and desires and the confidence to communicate openly. As your ability to tolerate the anxiety around conflict grows, you can progress to addressing more significant issues, maintaining the understanding that conflict can be respectful and constructive .

#2 - Procrastinating The Hard Stuff

THE PROBLEM: Delaying tough tasks like a difficult project or uncomfortable discussions feels good in theory...at least for a time. The truth is, however, that putting off hard stuff creates ongoing internal stress and tension, which can sap your energy. This is true for most, but especially for us Highly Sensitive folks. Because of our tendency to process things deeply, we're likely to ruminate on unfinished tasks or the consequences of procrastination. So while we're putting off the hard action, we're not putting off the emotional discomfort of it.

THE SHIFT: As HSPs may feel overwhelmed by large or complex tasks, breaking them down can reduce the pressure and get the ball rolling. See if there is a way to break the tasks you tend to procrastinate into smaller, manageable steps. By simply focusing on tackling the first of those steps, HSPs can ease into productivity without overwhelm and can witness their momentum build.

#3 - Dialing Down Hope to Avoid Disappointment

THE PROBLEM: Feeling let down or disappointed is hard for anyone, but the emotions can be particularly intense for Highly Sensitive People. As a means of avoiding potential discomfort, you may find that you try to convince yourself that the outcome "doesn't really matter" or that you "don't really care." This habit is meant to be protective, but dialing down your hope or optimism typically involves some self-criticism, which prevents you from experiencing peace and contentment in your daily life and can eventually stop you from taking important risks.

THE SHIFT: HSPs will benefit from some improved self-talk around disappointment. Start by reminding yourself that disappointment is temporary and that the outcome doesn't necessarily define your efforts . With this shift, you can allow yourself to maintain a sense of hope without feeling crushed when things don't go as planned. It's all about building that resilience!

#4 - Just "Going With the Flow" With Your Senses

THE PROBLEM: Do you find that the way you take care of your sensory needs is different when you're alone versus when you're around others? Highly Sensitive People sometimes experience guilt or discomfort when asking for things like the volume to be lowered or for the heat to be turned on. While sure, you might come off as easygoing, trying to push through your sensory sensitivities will keep you in a state of ongoing physiological stress .

THE SHIFT: I know when I'm uncomfortable, I can't be as present as I'd like to be for the people around me. Advocating for my sensory needs becomes easier when I can reframe it as a way of being more present. If it still feels hard to ask for what you need, try presenting an option along with your request. For example, if you're getting too warm at a friend's house, you might say, "Would you mind turning on that fan, or could I move my seat a bit closer to the window?"

The Nuances of Nurturing Your Sensitivity

As a Highly Sensitive Person , it's natural to gravitate toward habits that feel comforting in the moment, but not all of them are truly nourishing your nervous system or your well-being. It's so important to become mindful of these sneaky patterns, like avoiding conflict or dialing down your hope, so that you can begin to make changes that will truly honor your sensitivity while also protecting your precious peace.

Remember, nurturing your sensitivity cannot mean sacrificing your emotional health. By breaking free from these habits, you can create more space for authenticity, connection, and the deeper sense of balance you deserve. ��

Coping When You Neither Want to Live Nor Die

Fri, 06 Sep 2024 23:58:12 GMT

On behalf of World Suicide Prevention Day, I'm shedding light on this area of mental health and offering practical tips for staying safe and coping during times when life feels like too much, yet so does death .

There’s a gray space many people find themselves in that’s hard to articulate—a space where you neither truly want to live nor wish to die. It’s a quiet, lingering torment. You're not exactly in crisis, but it's not an experience that should be ignored by any means. Feeling this way is more common than you might think, and coping during this ambiguous time is possible.

The Importance of Normalization

When I meet with new therapy clients, I approach the topic of suicidal thoughts in a particular way. I've been at this for years, so I've had plenty of practice messing up and honing my skills in this area. I share just how common it is to have thoughts of death and dying, and how talking about them is important. And most importantly, I share that I understand the difference between n ot wanting to live and intending to die . I assure clients that involuntary hospitalization is a last resort and that I won't "freak out" on them for telling me they wish they wouldn't wake up tomorrow.

They need help coping with these thoughts. They do not need a panicking therapist.

Over the last decade, I've seen the stigma around suicide decrease. While this is a hopeful sign, there is still MUCH to be done to increase understanding and compassion around suicidality, get help for those at risk, and improve a system that often feels punitive and unsafe during someone's darkest hours.

Recognizing the Many Selves

I turned 40 this past year, but I'm not just 40. I'm also 39, 27, 18, 11...There is an internal part of me that is every age I've ever been. We all have multiple aspects of ourselves, different "selves." Recognizing this and beginning to work to understand and hold compassion for these parts can be essential when coping with suicidal thoughts.

Each individual I've worked with who has wrestled with suicidality has been able to identify, with gentle exploration, different parts of themselves with distinct desires. There is a part that wants the pain to end, at all costs. There are other parts, perhaps, who hold hope, who continue to reach out for support and understand that change is possible.

No part is wrong , but simply operating from their own understanding, through their own wounds, and toward their own goals.

Tips for Coping and Staying Safe

Name and validate what you're feeling.
As the saying goes, you have to name it to tame it . Acknowledge that what you're feeling is valid. Naming what you're experiencing, whether hopelessness, numbness, or anger, can help reduce its power over you. Just because you may not be in a full-blown crisis doesn't mean your feelings are less important or that you are less deserving of support.
Focus on the next small thing.
When your future feels so unclear, bring your focus to this present moment. Ask yourself, “What’s the next small thing to do right now?” Simple, low-pressure things like taking your medication, having a snack, hopping in the shower, or putting your clothes in the dryer are a good start. Small steps like this can gradually lead to a better mental space. Check out this great website for a nice walkthrough of small steps.
Create a Small Routine
Even if everything feels pointless, attempt to establish a simple routine that can provide you with a small sense of stability and purpose. Consider steps like making your bed as soon as you get up, having a soothing cup of tea, and taking 5 minutes to walk around outside in the fresh air after lunch. Try pairing self-care with things you already know you'll do (like coming home from work or school, going to bed, and getting up, etc.) These small acts can help anchor you when you feel adrift.
Practice Self-Compassionate
Struggling with neither wanting to live nor die means your mind is probably full of negative thoughts and images. The goal is not to "stop thinking that way," but rather to adopt gentle, compassionate acceptance that you are thinking that way. Remind yourself that it's okay to feel the way you do. This can be especially powerful if you can picture the part of you (from the Many Selves section) who doesn't feel they can go on. Maybe it's a younger version of yourself that was desperately lacking loving guidance from an adult. Can you give a little of that to this part right now? You are deserving of care and kindness - especially from yourself.
Reach out, even when you don't feel like it.
Isolation can deepen feelings of despair, so try to reach out to someone you trust, even if you don't want to talk about what you're going through. Maybe you know someone who is also going through a tough time. Reaching out for a little hello can go a long way for both of you. What a gift! A reminder that we are a part of something bigger than ourselves is a wonderful thing.
Keep a Safety Plan Handy
Even if you're not in immediate crisis, having a safety plan in place can give you a sense of security. Your list should include emergency contact numbers, coping tools, and a list of reasons to keep going
Consider Professional Support
It’s totally okay and highly recommended that you seek professional help even if you feel like you don’t “deserve” it because you may not be fully suicidal. You DO. A therapist can help you understand and navigate this ambiguous place and help you come out on the other side, alive and thriving .

You're Not Alone

I've been through the darkness of suicidal thoughts. I'm so grateful that I took the time to lovingly listen to the messages from the parts of me that no longer wanted to live. They needed my attention. Change is not only possible, but it's inevitable. Circumstances are always changing, and that's a relief when you're in a tough place. If you need to, take it one minute at a time. Stick around to see the change. I believe in you. ��

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.

- Emily Dickinson

�� Dial 988. If you are in crisis or just need someone to talk to, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available. Share confidentially with a trained, non-judgmental counselor and get the support you need. ��

Challenge Perfectionism With These Tiny Tools

Fri, 30 Aug 2024 00:04:25 GMT

Get unstuck from perfectionism and find more peace and joy in life.

Perfectionism is a relentless taskmaster, driving us to chase an unattainable ideal and leaving us feeling exhausted and never, ever good enough. Whether it shows up in our career, relationships, or self-image, the pressure to be perfect or "the best" can paralyze us, preventing us from enjoying life’s simple pleasures. But what if the answer isn’t in a personality overhaul but in small, manageable changes?

Taking the Trait to the Light Side

Your chances of dealing with perfectionism stem from a combination of factors, including your temperament, societal influences, and life experiences.

I like to consider myself a recovering perfectionist . I've worked hard to overcome my tendency toward perfectionistic behaviors, yet I'm still vulnerable to perfectionism, especially during times of stress or when I fall into comparison traps. Because I yam what I yam (��), it helps me to look at perfectionism not just as a liability, but as a potential asset.

When taken to the Dark Side, perfectionism fueled my eating disorder, caused difficulty in my career, and made it challenging for me to be authentic and vulnerable in relationships.

But how about the Light Side? What if we labeled it as tenacity or conscientiousness instead? Feels different, right? Building awareness around your traits that seem all negative and working to keep them in balance can help you grow and manage life's challenges.

The Peril of the Three P's

If you wrestle with perfectionism, chances are you also wrestle with procrastination and paralysis . These "Three P's" often go together. Let's say you have an assignment coming up that you anticipate will be difficult. Because dealing with perfectionism is exhausting , you may notice that you try to put things off until the last minute.

Or perhaps you struggle with decision-making due to the need to make "the perfect decision." Perfectionists can end up ruminating over options and delaying decisions for so long that they feel completely paralyzed and unable to move forward. They've overloaded their system.

Challenging perfectionism is crucial for boosting your mood, your self-esteem, your productivity, and really, your whole life.

Confused as to how to get started? Don't worry - I got you!

Tiny Tools You Can Start Using Today

Adopt Helpful Mantras: Perfectionists are in the habit of engaging in negative self-talk, which further ingrains the tendency and regularly depletes self-esteem. Incorporate new, empowering language when you notice the Perfectionist Voice getting loud. Here are some of my favorite mantras: "Done is better than perfect." | "Good enough is good enough for me." | "Progress, not perfection."
Celebrate All Outcomes: Get in the habit of purposefully celebrating your process , no matter the outcome. If you know that you tried your best or put a great deal of effort into something, you are allowed to celebrate that, even if the outcome isn't what you hoped for. This will feel strange initially, as you've conditioned yourself to think that beating yourself up will help you perform better in the future. But that's just not true. Be open to a new way and see how it can help you. The more you celebrate all outcomes, the easier it will become.
Set Time Limits and Revision Limits: Give yourself a set amount of time to complete a task, and then move on, even if it’s not up to your typical standard. (Your standard is not helping you thrive, remember?) Limits encourage efficiency and help prevent you from getting into analysis-paralysis . Also set a limit on how many times you’ll revise or edit a project/task. Trust that your initial efforts are often more than sufficient.
Insert Purposeful Imperfections: Where you can afford to, pepper in purposeful mistakes throughout your day. This can help you desensitize to the rigid drive of perfectionism. For example, if you're texting a friend and accidentally send a grammatical error, just don't correct it. Take a moment to pause and observe the discomfort and any associated urges, and then move on . You can even try this with something silly like wearing mismatched socks. Looking for ways to be imperfect may even start to feel fun!
Do New Things Often: It's not usually possible to be good at something you don't do much or have never tried. While these experiences are incredibly good for brain health, perfectionists tend to shy away from new things. Give yourself permission to consistently experiment in new, creative endeavors whether it's painting, learning an instrument, or cooking. Much like the above tip, this can also help you desensitize to the perfectionist drive and access "the beginner's mindset" that is so valuable to personal growth.

Letting go of perfectionism helps build your resiliency. Accepting that mistakes and imperfections are a natural part of life, and are actually a requirement for our growth , equips you to handle adversity more effectively and bounce back stronger and more confident than ever before.

Go on, you perfectly imperfect, amazing human! ✌️

When Bad Body Image Threatens To Ruin Your Day

Fri, 23 Aug 2024 00:04:16 GMT

Bad body image can strike out of nowhere, turning a perfectly fine day into a spiral of self-doubt and frustration. Here's what to do.

Picture this. It's 10 am on a Saturday, and you're about to leave and meet a friend for brunch. You step out of your PJs and into your jeans, and suddenly... they don't feel right. You stand in front of the mirror, a critical eye fixed on your lower half. The storm clouds gather...and BAM . Bad body image strikes.

"This can't really be how I look in these pants. This is unacceptable. I look disgusting. What is wrong with me? I can't go out like this. WHY DOES EVERYTHING LOOK AWFUL ON ME?"

It’s all too easy to let negative thoughts take over, convincing you that your worth is tied to your appearance and that the best course of action is turning toward disordered behaviors like restricting, binging, purging, etc.

The truth is, this is a moment in time that you can move beyond.

In this post, we’ll explore practical strategies to prevent bad body image from sabotaging your day, empower you to reclaim your mood, and stay on track in your recovery.

Get Back to the Basics

The top priority today is ensuring you stay nourished, despite how you feel about your body. This means following your meal plan if you have one, or simply eating a variety of nutrients at regular intervals. As eating often becomes harder on a bad body image day, give yourself permission to put some of the day's other goals or tasks on pause if you can.

Pop on some clothing that prioritizes comfort. Restrictive clothing, even if it fits, can exacerbate bad body image thoughts and make nourishing yourself feel more difficult. Opt for something soft, flowy, and breathable, and instead.

Let it Out, Then Let It Go

Give yourself a small window of time to get the frustration, panic, and pain out of your system. Call a trusted friend who can hold space for you while you vent. Make sure to ask for permission, as not everyone is capable of safely witnessing someone else's bad body image thoughts. If someone can do this for you, ask that they respond simply with, "Thank you for sharing" when you're finished.

If you don't feel you have someone to share with, grab a piece of paper and let it out there. Set a timer for 5 minutes and write as fast as you can without stopping. When the time is up, that's it. Stop, breathe, then tear that paper into teeny tiny pieces.

Observe Negative Thoughts and Urges

After you've consciously released the ick, your job now is just to observe . As I wrote extensively about in the post A Simple Tool for Intrusive Eating Disorder Thoughts , you are not your thoughts . Just because you think it doesn't mean it's true.

Practice simply observing any negative body image thoughts as they float in and out of your consciousness without the need to change or fix them. It's just some neurons firing. Nothing more.

As urges arise in response to difficult emotions fueled by your negative thoughts, observe those too. Notice the sense of urgency . Notice the promise of how following through on the urge will bring relief. Then play the tape forward and notice how temporary and illusory that relief really is. If you need help surfing the urges, read this .

Do What You Can To Trigger-Proof Your Day

It's not possible to stay away from everything that could potentially trigger negative body image. But here are some things you can try to avoid or reduce today:

Avoid trying on different outfits to "test" how they fit.
Avoid weighing or measuring yourself.
Avoid or reduce scrolling on social media.
Avoid or reduce TV and movies that you know are not body-positive.
Reduce time spent in environments that evoke a high degree of self-consciousness.

Remember, you're giving yourself permission to do what it takes to get through this day WITHOUT turning to disordered behaviors. There will be a time and place for challenging bad body image triggers. It just might not be today.

If You've Got Somewhere To Be, Ask These Questions

Will I likely feel better or worse if I go do this thing?

Will I regret doing this thing or not doing this thing?

These questions can help you determine if it's best for you to re-engage with the world or take some time for yourself. There may not be a right answer here, so go toward what feels warm. In the example at the top, if you're headed to see a friend, chances are, that could boost your mood. You probably will feel a bit of regret if you don't go, and likely none if you do. So perhaps this is a thing worth pushing yourself to get to.

If you decide to cancel on something or someone, do your best to give notice, be upfront, and offer to reschedule. Guilt may arise. Chances are, it will be toxic. But if you're taking care of yourself and your needs with your decision, observe the guilt too, and let it float on by. It's not yours.

Affirm That, Like All Things, This Too Will Pass

Your body has carried you through every challenge you've had in your life thus far. It will carry you through this one, too.

Your body is on your team.

Feeling critical about your body right now does not mean that you are doomed to feel this way about it forever . And you want to know something really cool? Your body doesn't even have to change for your thoughts and feelings about it to change. That's how powerful you are.

It takes damn hard work, but it's true. ��

Urge Surfing in Recovery: Yes, You Can!

Fri, 16 Aug 2024 23:56:01 GMT

To someone who has never experienced an eating disorder or something similar, dealing with urges might not seem like a difficult battle. If you have experienced or are experiencing one now, I'm sure you've heard plenty of well-meaning but incredibly minimizing suggestions that don't actually help your recovery at all...

You just need to eat a cheeseburger.

Why don't you eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full instead of binging?

If you don't want to purge anymore, just stop.

(Sigh.) These state ments are painful. Easier said than done, obviously. Why? Because of just how powerful and complex urges can be.

What Exactly Are Urges and Why Do They Occur?

An urge is an incredibly seductive psychological, physiological, and emotional experience that can lead to someone engaging in damaging behaviors, even when they've decided they no longer want or can afford to do so.

Urges feel like demands; like there is an insatiable inner tyrant who is hell-bent on having a front-row seat to your self-destruction.

Urges can occur for a variety of reasons. When it comes to eating disorders, here are some of the major ones:

Recovery Ambivalence: Recovery is significantly challenging. Even if you feel mostly ready to let go of your eating disorder, there's likely another part of you that fears the change, the loss of a coping mechanism, and the process of facing difficult, underlying issues.
Changes in the Brain: Complicated shifts in brain chemistry occur with behaviors like restricting, bingeing, or purging. Chemicals like serotonin and dopamine, involved in mood regulation and our brain's reward system, are altered and support the formation of strong, yet unhealthy neural pathways in the brain. The saying "what fires together wires together" describes these pathways well. It's a lightning-fast process from feeling full to the urge to rid yourself of your meal, for example.
Physical Deprivation: Our bodies are constantly striving for homeostasis - whether or not it's a state we accept (I'm talking about our natural weight and the amount of food needed to maintain it). The drive to satisfy hunger and correct specific nutrient deficiencies is intense. Malnutrition can also make it more difficult to break those unhelpful neural pathways described in number 2.
Mental Deprivation: Even if individuals do not physically restrict nutrients, mental deprivation, in the form of stressful food thoughts (e.g., "I can't/shouldn't have this") or rigid rules, such as only eating during certain windows of time, can send the body into a state of hyperarousal and trigger urges and a general sense of insecurity.

When faced with these demanding emotion-sensation-thoughts, what can we do? Allow me to introduce...Urge Surfing.

What is Urge Surfing and How Do I Do It?

It may sound simple, but it's supposed to be! Urge Surfing is a mindful delay tactic modeled on the rise and fall of ocean waves. Like a wave, urges rise up, crest, and fall, meaning the intensity of the experience will always ebb with time.

Here's how to do it in 5 steps.

Notice and label the urge. Observe it without judgment . If you criticize yourself for having the urge, it will only make things worse. Trust me. It's not your fault that an urge has surfaced.
Recognize how specific thoughts or emotions are fueling the urge. For example, let's say the urge is triggered by the sensation of fullness. Take note of thoughts like, "I can't tolerate this," and the feelings of fear and panic.
Rate the urge and set a timer for 10-20 minutes. On a scale of 1-10, rate how intense the urge feels in this very moment. Beginners may want to try for as little as 5 minutes if needed.
Ride the Wave. The idea is not to just sit still and white-knuckle it through this time. If urge surfing is new to you, you may find distraction most helpful. Distraction is a legitimate coping tool, as long as it's not the only one you have. With practice, you can start to use this time to engage in mindfulness instead of distracting yourself. Use grounding tools to stay in the present moment and simply observe the wave.
When the timer is up, re-rate your urge and reflect. If it still feels higher than you'd like, reset your timer and repeat step 4. If the urge has successfully passed (meaning, it feels manageable and possible to ignore it), take a moment to reflect on the experience. Congratulate yourself for successfully riding the wave. Doing so helps reinforce this practice and strengthens your ability to handle future urges.

Tips for Better Surfing

Change your environment by stepping outside or moving to a different room.
Use a mantra like, "This too shall pass."
Remind yourself of the long-term consequences. Is the momentary satisfaction of giving in to the urge worth it?
In the beginning, it's still a success to delay an urge even if you end up engaging in the behavior later on. I often tell my clients who are new to recovery to even give themselves permission to engage in the behavior after 10 or 20 minutes if they really still feel they must. The win is that you demonstrated to yourself that you CAN ride the wave at least for a bit. And that's awesome.

Why Facing Urges Is Important

In recovery, urges are a natural part of the healing process. They will and must happen in recovery . Each time you successfully face an urge without giving in, you build your recovery resilience.

By consciously facing urges, you can gain insight into what triggers them, and this is imperative in recovery because it shows you what you need to explore further and where you may need more support.

Remember, your urges are not demands you HAVE to meet.

Use the powerful technique of Urge Surfing to help you gain control over those seemingly uncontrollable impulses and make recovery-oriented choices that will benefit you now and in the long term.

Surf's Up! ��‍♀️

Permission to Pause: The HSP Characteristic We All Need

Fri, 09 Aug 2024 23:55:51 GMT

Being Highly Sensitive is a beautiful thing. But it's hard to live in a culture that doesn't support the trait or fully recognize it for the gift that it is. If you're an HSP, I'm sure you've heard more times than you count: "Toughen up", "Don't take things so personally", "Stop caring so much" , or my personal favorite (not ��)...

"Hurry up."

Whether I'm entering a new place, window shopping, or making a decision, I'm wired to go a little more slowly than your average bear...

And I'll tell you why that's a great thing, and why it's something we could all use.

Pause & Check: An Evolutionary Win

"Pause & check" is both a technique and a tendency of Highly Sensitive People. Essentially, it's a deliberate, yet sometimes subconscious pause taken to assess the situation or environment and respond to any internal and external cues.

Maybe you're an HSP and notice this in yourself. Let's say you enter a new restaurant. You take time to scan what's around you. You take note of the number of patrons, whether there is a line or not. You notice the level of cleanliness, the lighting, and the volume of the music.

You're using your senses to figure out what’s happening and what your next action is going to be. Perhaps you head for the host station to snag a table. Or maybe you turn right around and leave with a, "Nope!"

When this characteristic occurs in childhood, adults sometimes label the child as shy or scared. But it's very different. You're just doing what you do best: noticing.

And I bet you can see why this is a huge plus for species survival. When you're attuned to the subtleties of the environment, you're given a natural boost in your ability to keep yourself safe. "Pause & Check" in new places and situations may feel unnecessary in this saber-tooth-tiger-less world we currently live in, but it is still incredibly valuable.

Slower Decisions = Better Decisions

Making decisions can be pretty excruciating for an HSP. With our unique depth of processing and tendency toward risk aversion, our brains excel at identifying all sides of an issue, all possible outcomes, and the potential consequences and results of those outcomes. It's a lot.

Being more cautious and deliberate means our decision-making process is indeed slower. But guess what? HSPs tend to make better decisions because of it.

However, we can be prone to analysis paralysis . I can't tell you how many times I've hoped someone else would just decide for me when I feel overstimulated or overwhelmed. (Especially small ones, such as what to have for dinner or whether I should do laundry today or wait until the weekend.)

To help combat this propensity, find your sweet spot for how much time you need to make a decision. It's a Goldilocks thing. Too much time, and you may push the decision farther and farther out. Too little time, and you'll feel overstimulated by the pressure.

All-in-all, trust yourself and your intuition . I know I can trust my decisions. My ability to pause and check in the decision-making arena serves me and my loved ones well.

Taking Our Time

If we, as Highly Sensitive People, can add a level of non-judgment to our hyper-awareness, then we create a state of mindfulness. As you undoubtedly know, the benefits of mindfulness are numerous.

In relationships, it can reduce reactivity and enhance communication. In work or schooling, it can improve our problem-solving skills and boost creativity. In our quest for wellness, it can reduce stress and symptoms of anxiety and depression. The list goes on and on.

The benefits of "Pause and Check" go far beyond keeping ourselves safe from harm, though that's nothing to scoff at. When we take our time and are thoughtful, everyone benefits.

So the next time you think about telling someone to hurry up, just don't. ��

A Simple Tool for Intrusive Eating Disorder Thoughts

Fri, 02 Aug 2024 23:55:40 GMT

This is one of simplest and most effective tools I've found.

One of the hardest parts of dealing with an eating disorder is suffering through the relentless barrage of negative, intrusive thoughts. The eating disorder voice can be vicious, cunning, and deceitful.

At times, many attempt to ignore the thoughts, white-knuckling through each day using distraction as a primary means of coping. At other times, that voice prevails over reason, leading to disordered behaviors that further strengthen the power of the intrusive thoughts.

Through my years as an eating disorder survivor and as a therapist specializing in treating these issues, I've gathered quite a few tools for dealing with a mind that feels hell-bent on self-destruction.

We Are Not Our Thoughts

It's far too easy to believe that our thoughts should define who we are. But it's not that simple. Thoughts are mental events that reflect how our brain processes information and attempts to make sense of situations. At any given moment, our thoughts are directly influenced by our experiences, emotions, and perceptions.

It's dangerous to put too much stock in our thoughts.

Here's an example you may relate to: During an eating disorder relapse, you think, " I'm not capable of recovering." This is an easy thought to believe in a moment when you are already beaten down and compromised mentally, emotionally, and physically. But if this same thought were to occur during a time in recovery where you are progressing and doing quite well, you might not give it too much attention. In fact, you might barely even register that it floated through your consciousness.

Humans, at times, are capable of extreme thoughts that never "see the light of day." Or if they do, there is a recognition that we've thought or said something we didn't really mean or don't really believe .

Making Space for the Observer

As thoughts come and go, like weather across the sky (notice that the sky is still the sky no matter the weather), we have two choices: we latch on to them, or we let them float on by . Our ability to let them pass lies in our ability to separate ourselves from our thoughts.

We do this by observing.

Cognitive Defusion is a powerful tool from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy that allows us to do just that. You can see from the name of the tool how it works; it is de-fusing, or separating us from the thought itself.

Look, you are not responsible for a thought popping into your head. You are responsible, however, for what you do with that thought.

Do you latch on to it, mull it over, ruminate on it, and let it fuel other unhelpful thoughts? Here's how to use Cognitive Defusion to stop that process. The next time you notice a negative, intrusive thought, add one of the following phrases to the beginning of it:

I am having the thought that...
I notice that I am thinking that...

So instead of, "I can't tolerate this if I don't purge now" , it becomes: "I am having the thought that I can't tolerate this if I don't purge now," or, "I notice that I am thinking that I can't tolerate this if I don't purge now."

Do you sense that power shift? When you are the Observer of your thoughts in this way, you cannot be the thoughts themselves.

Don't Believe Everything You Think

Unfortunately, our thoughts don't always serve us, but they may serve some purpose. Getting curious about that purpose is worthwhile.

I remember a moment back at the height of my eating disorder when I fought with my partner at the time. I was distraught and overwhelmed, shame running on all cylinders. I ended up alone in the bedroom facing the thought that I was unworthy of love because of my eating disorder.

We all want to be able to believe what we think. We want to be right. It feels safe to trust our brains. But we often use experiences as "evidence" for beliefs that keep us sick and stunted.

It occurred to me at that moment in the bedroom that believing the thought that I was unworthy of love would continually lead me back into the arms of the eating disorder. As long as I agreed, I could stay stuck, and I wouldn't have to face the fear and challenge of healing myself.

A little dose of humility in that moment went a long way.

Strengthening Our Resilience

Understanding that we are not our thoughts is a powerful insight that can transform how we experience life. When we can pause long enough to recognize that thoughts are temporary, not always fact-based, and are absolutely changeable, we can more easily bounce back from challenging situations and emotions. This is how we strengthen our resilience .

By practicing cognitive defusion, we can learn to observe our thoughts without being overwhelmed by them .

Remember, you are the sky , and your thoughts are just weather moving through you.

Embrace this perspective, and you’ll find greater peace and clarity that will continue carrying you through your recovery and beyond it. ☀️

The HSP Guide To Exercise You Won't Dread

Fri, 26 Jul 2024 23:55:28 GMT

Finding true joy in exercise can be a challenge, especially for those of us who are Highly Sensitive or are navigating recovery from a disordered relationship with food and our bodies. If the thought of "working out" fills you with dread , you're not alone, and there's hope for a more positive experience.

In this guide, you'll learn...

signs of a disordered relationship with movement,
myths to bust and Movement Mottos to live by instead,
and tips for approaching movement in an enjoyable and HSP-friendly way .

Throughout this piece, you'll find the �� emoji. That means you've stumbled across an Exercise Science Tidbit . There are some pretty interesting ones, so be on the lookout!

Are you ready? Let's say goodbye to the dread and discomfort, and hello to a new way of moving that honors your body, mind, and sensitivity.

Is Your Relationship with Movement Healthy?

How would you describe your relationship with exercise if it were a person? Are you lovers? Frenemies? Do they boost your self-esteem or leave you feeling criticized or shamed?

What about how just the word exercise makes you feel? And working out ? Or movement ? These three words may elicit very different internal responses. Take a moment to notice those now.

We're all susceptible to the brainwashing of Diet Culture to some degree or another, which not only damages our relationships with food and our bodies but also our relationship with movement, too.

Below are some signs of a disordered relationship with exercise:

The thought of exercise brings up dread , shame , discouragement , or guilt .
You exercise when you're sick, injured , or exhausted OR you feel guilty when you cannot do so for those reasons.
You have an overly rigid workout routine that may interfere with other obligations or opportunities, OR you may go weeks or longer without any intentional movement.
You use exercise to make up for eating OR as permission to eat OR as punishment for what or how much you've eaten.
You're at the point where you dislike all physical activity.
You feel compelled to abide by movement rules such as choosing standing over sitting whenever possible, always sneaking in exercise during commercial breaks, etc.
Your exercise habits feed your ego and promote a feeling of being better than others .
If you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that exercise wouldn't change your body, you'd never do it .

If any of these signs resonate with you, you're not alone. A troubled relationship with exercise is treatable, and hope and help are available.

Movement Myths to Movement Mottos

Movement Myth: Changing my body is a good motivator for exercise.

New Movement Motto: PURSUE LOVE, NOT LOSS.

The DL: Unfortunately, the most common motivator for exercise is also the motivator that's most likely to sabotage you, sooner or later. �� Did you know that the people who are motivated primarily by weight loss end up doing the least amount of movement?

There are so many problems with using weight loss as a motivator, but here are just a few. First , the weight loss goal (hopefully) has an endpoint, and even if you do end up getting there, you'll likely drop the routine soon after. Motivation = gone. Second , chasing weight goals usually means people gravitate toward more intense workouts, and for Highly Sensitive People, this might not be the most sustainable or enjoyable option. (More on that later.)

There are so many health benefits of exercise that you can still achieve even if your weight never changes . Move your body out of love for yourself, not the desire to shrink.

Movement Myth: If I'm not sweating or breathing hard, it doesn't count.

New Movement Motto: EVERYTHING COUNTS.

The DL: What do you think is generally better for someone: a 5-minute walk or no walk? Well, yes! The 5-minute walk, of course! (This does not include people who need to prioritize rest due to weight restoration, illness recovery, etc.) �� Did you know that it's being sedentary that's most harmful and not so much the lack of exercise?

When we put limits on what "counts" as exercise, we miss out on so many opportunities for joyful movement. The flaw in thinking goes like this: "Well, I don't have time to walk around the whole block, so I might as well skip it" - instead of choosing to walk halfway and back.

Everything counts, and you can feel good about every little bit of movement you do. Whether it's a 5-minute walk, a yin yoga class, a game of fetch with the pup, parking a little farther away than normal, or a few minutes of lifting heavy objects, give yourself credit . You deserve it.

Movement Myth: I should/have to do [insert activity] even though I hate it.

New Movement Motto: I CAN MAKE IT MORE ENJOYABLE OR CHOOSE NOT TO DO IT.

The DL: There's a lot of "should-ing on ourselves" when it comes to exercise. This is a sign that there's shame involved in the decision to move or not. Shame can be a strong initial motivator for change, but it never lasts. Instead, we can offer ourselves a compassionate choice.

There are a ton of options for how we can choose to move our bodies, and another ton of options for how we can alter those activities to make them more enjoyable. �� Did you know that how you feel about an activity is a better predictor of whether you'll stick with it than how you feel about the value of the activity (why you're doing it)?

Movement Myth: Exercise is a chore.

New Movement Motto: EXERCISE IS A GIFT. NOT A CHORE.

The DL: Can you imagine what would change if we looked at the things that we didn’t feel like doing as privileges rather than chores ? I really loathe doing laundry. But when I frame it like this - "I get to do laundry. I actually have clothes to wash and can use this machine instead of scrubbing my clothes in the creek "...WOW, what a change.

Being able to move our bodies is a gift. For some, mobility is severely limited or not available at all. Choosing to see movement as a gift is not about shaming ourselves for taking things for granted. It's about gratitude .

Movement Myth: I'm lazy if I don't work out.

New Movement Motto: REST IS NECESSARY. TIRED IS NOT THE SAME AS LAZY.

The DL: The word lazy is overused. We usually throw it around every time we have "an attack of the shoulds." But truthfully (as I KNOW you've heard), rest is a requiremen t for good fitness. In fact, it's a requirement of any kind of productivity. Exercise itself is a bit oxymoronic. It's a stressor that decreases overall stress. It's a fatiguing activity that increases your overall energy levels. The initial hurdle of getting started is challenging, indeed. It's not just you. It helps to look at it like how you'd look at other coping tools and wellness behaviors like meditation. The immediate, short-term benefit will likely not be NEARLY as profound as the long-term benefit. So rest when you need to. You're not doing anything wrong, and you're NOT lazy.

Tips for Exercise You Can Look Forward To

First of all, give it a good name.

If the word exercise has always been equated with punishment to you, ditch it. Here are some alternatives: Activity, Intentional Movement, Joyful Movement, Me Time, Fitness, or simply whatever you're doing (walking, swimming, rollerskating). Your meaning of the word you're using or your associations with it are important. �� Did you know that a more positive meaning leads to higher levels of motivation?

Take time to make it more comfortable.

Highly Sensitive folks can be particularly susceptible to the irritating parts of high-intensity workouts. I'm talking about the heat, the sweating, the chafing, the bouncing boobs, the out-of-breath feeling...I get it. It's ok to make things more comfortable for yourself. It's not cheating. �� Did you know you can tolerate high-intensity activity better when you enjoy it and when you choose it for yourself (i.e., not doing it because you feel you "should")? Invest in that good sports bra, work out in front of a fan, or choose an indoor activity if the humidity is unbearable. And if you simply can't stand high-intensity activities, please, j ust don't do them . Permission granted. Always.

Let your body tell you when to stop instead of a timer, or (god forbid) a calorie counter.

Look, I get why these can be motivating for some individuals. It can also be really dangerous for others because we disconnect from our bodies' internal cues and choose external, not-at-all-personalized cues instead. Remember, everything counts. You don't have to reach a certain level or number to make movement worth it.

Nobody is judging you like you're judging you.

I promise, if you have to go into Child's Pose mid-yoga class, nobody is going to think twice about it, and they probably won't even think once. What other people think about us is none of our business anyway. We all have major Main Character Syndrome . Nobody is thinking about us as much as we are thinking about ourselves.

Find your "why."

�� Did you know that as a motivator, "being healthy" is not specific enough to keep most folks moving? Find a reason that resonates on a more personal level. What about your health is important to you? Are you lifting to keep your bones healthy? Do you want to improve your endurance to keep up with your kid? Is strength training helping your anxiety? �� Interestingly enough, having too many motivations can negatively impact your overall motivation level. So choose just one or two that really resonate with you.

Focus on what felt good.

It's not uncommon for folks to criticize themselves after a workout sesh, class, or even just a walk around the block. You might have thoughts like, "Ugh, I got so winded," or "I looked so uncoordinated next to that other person," or "I should have been able to lift more weight on that set." Talk about unmotivating. As you're wrapping up, be intentional about finding at least a few things that felt good . It can be as simple as noticing that you got yourself going even when you weren't sure you had the energy. What a win!

You Deserve a Happy Relationship With Movement

I hope this guide was helpful for you. Remember, listening to your body and choosing activities that genuinely bring you joy are key to engaging in exercise without dread and shame. As a Highly Sensitive Person, your needs may be different, and that’s perfectly fine. Embrace what feels right for you, take it one step at a time, and celebrate the little opportunities for movement.

If you're struggling with exercise addiction or compulsivity, or your relationship to movement feels fraught with pain, reach out to a qualified eating disorder therapist in your area. You deserve it. ��

�� Exercise Science Tidbits brought to you by:

Segar, M. (2015). No Sweat: How the Simple Science of Motivation Can Bring You a Lifetime of Fitness. New York, AMACOM--American Management Association.

Recovery Affirmations That Aren't Cringe

Fri, 19 Jul 2024 23:54:55 GMT

Affirmations can be powerful tools in your eating disorder recovery toolkit, but most of them are, well... cringe . I, too, have been known to stand in front of the mirror, repeating phrases that made me feel absolutely ridiculous.

Cue the eye-rolling.

But wait. What if I told you that affirmations DO work, but that you're probably just doing them wrong? Read on to learn...

�� why affirmations can really change your life

�� what makes them suck, and

�� how a few magic words can make them feel honest, believable, and palatable.

Counteracting The Negative Bias

Negative bias is what we call our brains' fun little tendency to focus more on negative information than positive. Have you ever noticed that most people's first memories from childhood seem to be frightening or painful? This is because of negative bias. My two earliest memories, for example, are taking a tumble down the stairs in my walker (ouch) and accidentally going underwater for the first time in a baby pool (cough, cough, sputter). It sounds crappy, but negative bias is simply our brains' way of keeping us safe from potential threats.

Unfortunately, it often means we focus too much on the negative side of things.

In psychology-land, affirmations are an effective way of training our brain to adopt a more positive outlook and approach to life.

When we think certain thoughts, especially repetitively, we affirm them, and they become our truth. Whether you know it or not, you're already practicing affirmations - but are they the right affirmations?

You may be unwittingly affirming...

"I'm such a bad sleeper," or, "I don't have the body for a bikini," or, "I'm so behind in life."

You KNOW, of course, that these thoughts aren't exactly helpful. But do you know how damaging they really are?

Your Subconscious is Listening

To the subconscious, our thoughts are everything , and language is key. We often have thoughts that sound like definitive facts - and that has a massive impact on how we feel, and even how our bodies respond.

When we have definitive internal dialogue like this, our subconscious minds hear these statements almost like directions.

And what do they try to do? Everything they can to make those statements become or stay true! Because we all want to be right about what we think! We all want to be able to trust our thoughts.

This is especially true when you verbalize or write negative statements because you're activating so many neural pathways in the process. You're speaking the words, hearing yourself speak the words, writing the words, seeing yourself write the words...

Smart Brains Won't Be Fooled

Unfortunately (or, fortunately), our brains know when we're just lying to ourselves. This is precisely why people feel really cringe when they're repeating affirmations, and why they just don't seem to do anything.

Your brain isn't dumb.

If you are depressed, out of work, and reeling from a breakup, an affirmation like, "My life is amazing and uplifting," is just not gonna cut it. I can see your brain eye-rolling from here. Quality affirmations need to be HELPFUL and TRUE.

Okay, but how can I make affirmations true and positive if my life actually sucks, NOW?

Magic Words for Cringe-Free Affirmations

It's easier than you think. Add these magic words to take your Affirmation Game from ho-hum to awe-some . (Yes, you can cringe at my rhyme. I don't mind. �� )

"I am working on..." For example: Instead of, "I love and respect my body" , make it, "I am working on loving and respecting my body."

"I am excited for when..." For example: Instead of, "I have a peaceful relationship with food" , make it, "I am excited for when I have a peaceful relationship with food ."

"I look forward to..." For example: Instead of, "I no longer binge ", make it, "I look forward to when I no longer binge."

"I choose today to start believing..." For example: Instead of, "I am worthy of love" , make it, "I choose today to start believing that I am worthy of love."

Remember how I said that verbalizing and writing negative statements are dangerously powerful? Well, doing the same for positive statements is wonderfully powerful. Again, you're activating more parts of your brain if you say your affirmations out loud and write them down. So have it!

Go affirm your way to a better life, friends. You've got this! ��

When To Get Help For Your Eating Disorder

Fri, 12 Jul 2024 23:54:38 GMT

Recognizing you have an eating disorder and admitting you need help can be a daunting and overwhelming experience. Eating disorders are serious, complex mental health conditions that affect millions of people, of all ages, genders, and backgrounds. They can go unnoticed and unaddressed for years, leading to severe physical, mental, and emotional consequences.

Understanding when to seek help is crucial.

In this blog post, I'll explore early intervention for eating disorders, some signs that your relationship with food or your body is in trouble, and some of the barriers that can delay people from reaching out. If this post is a wake-up call for you, I'll also share some resources at the end to help you find the support and treatment you need.

Getting help is a courageous and vital step toward healing. You're worth it.

From Diet to Disorder: Is There A Problem?

When someone falls down the rabbit hole into eating disorder territory, it's often by tripping over a very thin, very subjective line. Here's what I mean:

In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual , there's a line amongst the diagnostic criteria that states symptoms "cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning." This is where it gets tricky. First of all, subjective . Second, someone with a severe eating disorder may report little to no distress from it.

Usually, deep down, a person knows that their relationship with food or their body is causing significant dis-ease, but denial can run incredibly deep in a malnourished mind.

When I'm assessing new therapy clients for disordered eating, if things are unclear, one of the questions I may ask is this: If you could snap your fingers and things would be immediately, miraculously different, what would you want to change about your relationship with food, exercise, or your body?

This question often illuminates immense pain in the present.

Are there beliefs or behaviors related to food, exercise, or your body that are depleting your energy? Causing you to miss out on important things in your life? Isolating you? Increasing feelings of depression or anxiety? Making you feel trapped and out of control?

If yes , there is a problem ...and it's worth addressing.

Sick Enough: The Waiting Game

It may seem like it goes without saying, but this is going to matter to someone, somewhere: You do not need an eating disorder diagnosis to get help for your food and body image struggles.

If you want to use insurance benefits for therapy or a treatment program, a diagnosis will be required, but to simply get the assessment part going , you do not need an official diagnosis of any kind.

Getting to the point of being "sick enough" to warrant help is a construct created by the eating disorder. It's also a point you will never reach, not by its standards at least.

The truth is that all eating disorders have the potential to be deadly , at any weight, after any length of time. They not only create physical issues but can complicate and exacerbate ones that individuals may not even know they have.

This isn't about scaring you. Medical consequences typically are not enough to push someone into treatment, and that fact really speaks to the severity and complexity of the disorders themselves.

I just want to be clear that waiting until you feel "sick enough" is a deadly game you cannot win.

Sooner Rather Than Later

The longer an eating disorder exists unchecked, the more embedded it can become in a person's psyche.

In a recent post, I touched on the four stages of eating disorder development as described by psychotherapist Stephen Levenkron. Briefly, they are:

Achievement (behaviors, especially early on, can bring about feelings of worth, satisfaction, and esteem)
Security (turning toward an eating disorder rather than supporters)
Secondary gains (amassing indirect benefits from the illness)
Identity (embracing the role of an "eating-disordered-person")

As coping tools, eating disorders can offer relief, structure, escape, distraction, and many other things. As individuals "benefit" from this form of coping, eating disorders begin to feel more and more necessary and more and more worth holding onto and protecting.

I sometimes hesitate to discuss how studies show that early intervention is associated with better treatment outcomes . While it's true, I don't want people who have struggled for years to misunderstand this and think there is no hope for them.

I've worked with amazing humans who struggled for years with their eating disorders and were able to recover .

Taking Action

If you're considering taking action and reaching out for help with any eating disorder - way to go! Amazing. And, it is totally normal for your motivation to wax and wane. In fact, you're likely to feel intense regret after reaching out for the first time. That's okay .

Feelings aren't always facts. Just because you feel regret about reaching out doesn't mean you've done something wrong . Your eating disorder self is just frightened.

Start by talking to a trusted loved one. If you want help seeking treatment, ask for it. You can also speak to your primary care physician about wanting help for your relationship with food, exercise, and/or your body. They will likely run some labs and tests and then give you some referrals for psychotherapy or nutrition therapy that will be good places to start.

It's important to work with someone who specializes in eating disorder treatment . Most licensed professionals get very little education on how to properly address and treat these issues. Specialists have specific training and experience that will go a long way in helping you stay safe , feel heard , and make progress in your healing.

Remember, seeking help is a brave and important step toward recovery. You deserve support, understanding, and the opportunity to lead a fulfilling life free from the grips of an eating disorder. By taking action now , you can pave the way for a healthier, happier future. Check out some of the resources below to get started. ��

Resources

Websites:
National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)
Academy for Eating Disorders (AED)
Eating Disorders Anonymous (EDA)
National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD)
Psychology Today Therapist Finder
Open Path Collective (Low Fee Therapy Finder)

Helplines:
ANAD: 1-888-375-7767
NEDA: 1-800-931-2237 or text NEDA to 741741
Beat (UK): 0808 801 0677
SEED (UK): 01482 718130
Butterfly Foundation (Australia): 1800 33 4673
Eating Disorders Victoria (Australia): 1300 550 236

Financial Assistance Programs:
Kirstin Haglund Foundation
Moonshadow's Spirit
Project Heal
WithAll

Better Sleep for HSPs: Mind, Body, and Soul

Fri, 05 Jul 2024 23:54:29 GMT

Unique tools for your unique system. ��

As a Highly Sensitive Person , you experience the world in a uniquely intense way. This heightened intensity can be a beautiful gift, allowing you to perceive subtleties and nuances others may overlook. However, it can also make certain aspects of life, such as sleep , even more necessary and more challenging.

The constant barrage of stimuli can leave HSPs feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, so getting restorative rest is a MUST . As an HSP and someone who has dealt with insomnia on and off throughout my life, I'm the QUEEN of sleep routines and have tried ALL the tricks and tips for improving my slumber time.

In this blog post, I'll be sharing my favorite holistic strategies that will help you enhance your sleep by nurturing your mind, body, and soul. Whether you're struggling with falling or staying asleep, these strategies will help you find the peace and rest you require and deserve.

At Ease, Brain: Strategies for the Mind

As HSPs, we think deeply. And then we think deeply about thinking deeply (ha), so it makes sense that our minds might mistake the moments we lie down for rest as a time to go crazy with thoughts. In childhood, I often would lie awake, concerned with big, existential concepts such as eternity. Nowadays, I'm more likely to get stuck looping on tomorrow's to-do list or the things that didn't go too well today.

Below are my top 2 favorite strategies for calming the mind:

Buttoning Up:

(Falling Asleep) Keep a small notebook by your bed, and before turning off the light, mentally review your day. Whenever you reach a moment in your review that turns a little light on in your brain, write down one word to summarize what it is.

For example, if in your review you think about the rough phone call you had today and feel your stomach clench, write down "phone call." Or, if when recalling that you did laundry today, and you then have a random thought about the new shirt you need to return, write down, "return." It's just a way of signaling to your mind that you have noted this stressor and that you've got it . No rumination required, thank you very much. You don't even need to come back to these lists. They are just mental tools for "buttoning up" your day and your mind for sleep.

Dialogue With the Unconscious:

(During the Night) Waking up throughout the night is very normal , as we cycle through the different sleep stages. However, some people are not aware of these intermittent awakenings and seem to snooze soundly all night long. I don't seem to be one of them. Maybe it's an HSP thing, but I am fully conscious during my brief awakenings. While this used to bring about frustration and panic, now I use it as a time to talk myself back into rest.

I reassure myself, with gentle language, like soothing a child back after a nightmare. For example: " It's not a problem that I have woken up. I am still resting. I have plenty of time left for sleep. I can rest deeply now. I am falling asleep again now." Our unconscious is always on alert for orders and wants to make what we're thinking our reality. So make sure you give it some good thoughts to work with.

Gently Drifting: Strategies for the Body

Our dear, sweet bodies do SO much for us, day in and day out. Getting forty winks is essential for your body's optimal functioning. Here are my favorite strategies for preparing the body to gently drift off.

Heavy Eyes

(Falling Asleep/During the Night) This technique mimics the way our eyes become heavy when sleep is rapidly approaching. Don't worry too much about the counts for this exercise - go with what feels good. Slowly close your eyes for 5 seconds, then open them slowly for a few counts. Close your eyes again for 10 seconds, then slowly open them again. Close your eyes for 30 seconds with another brief opening. After a few rounds of closing and opening, allow your eyes to remain closed and observe the sensations of heaviness.

Vagus Reset

(Falling Asleep/During the Night) The vagus nerve plays a crucial role in the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps regulate relaxation, among other things. Resetting the vagus nerve can help reduce stress and anxiety and promote the onset of sleep.

For this exercise, avoid straining your eyes as the goal is to keep them relaxed. If comfortable, lie on your back with your head straight. Take a few deep breaths, then without moving your head, slowly shift your gaze to the right as far as you comfortably can. Hold for 15-60 seconds or until you yawn, sigh, or swallow. This indicates the activation of the vagus nerve. Return your gaze to the center, then repeat by looking to the left.

State of Surrender: Strategies for the Soul

Let's not forget your soul. Your spirit, your essence, is also deserving of a good snooze. Try these strategies to ease your soul into a state of peaceful surrender.

Whispered Mantras

(Falling Asleep/During the Night) Gently reciting mantras, either whispering out loud or silently in your mind, is a wonderful way to soothe the soul and quiet a racing mind. I love using the statement, "I did my best, and now I rest," after a stressful day. A "loving-kindness meditation" is also a wonderful mantra. Begin by imagining the people you love, and one by one, wish them a variation of the following: "May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be at peace."

Restful Rituals

Create your own evening ritual that sets the tone for a soulful release into sleep. You may choose to incorporate gratitude journaling, warm baths, a special tea, gentle stretches, a guided meditation or visualization, etc. Over time, as you participate in rituals, initiating the beginning of one allows the body to instinctively relax, as it can anticipate the soothing routine that it is embarking on. Routines can be especially helpful for Highly Sensitive People as they can provide a sense of predictability in an often chaotic world.

Sweet Dreams

Incorporating effective sleep habits is an important way Highly Sensitive People can nurture their minds, bodies, and souls. Prioritizing self-care and recognizing personal triggers for overstimulation can further enhance the ability to achieve a restful slumber.

Remember, quality sleep is a necessity for your overall well-being. It is worth the time and effort to find the strategies that work best for you.

May you be happy, may you be healthy, and may you rest peacefully.

Uncaged: How I Knew I Was Fully Recovered

Fri, 28 Jun 2024 23:54:19 GMT

Is full recovery from an eating disorder possible? While there are plenty of discussions and differing opinions around this topic, I feel confident in saying, YES - because I AM fully recovered.

"But how do you know?"

"How can you be sure you won't relapse?"

I understand questions like that, and the fear beneath them. That's what this blog post is all about. Can I tell the future? No. But I know myself in a way now that I definitely didn't back then. Let's dive in, shall we?

Defining Recovery

From what I've experienced in the decade and a half (or so) that I have lived without an eating disorder , I see now that the word recovery is not the best word for it. Here's a peek at what the Oxford Dictionary says:

Recovery: re·cov·er·y /rəˈkəv(ə)rē/
noun

a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.
the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost.

Ok. So, a return . A regaining . To some extent, this fits. But if that's all we're going for, getting back to the baseline , I'd call that a partial recovery. And I would also be concerned about relapse, once again wiping out this progress.

Full recovery , however, goes beyond this. And that's precisely why relapse is no longer a threat . If we returned to who we were before the eating disorder developed, it makes sense that we could very well develop it all over again.

No. The change must go deeper . Farther. Here's what it looked like for me.

Getting to the Roots

If you've ever dealt with an eating disorder, you know good and well that it's about food ...but it's mostly not about food . It's way too simplistic to say eating disorders are about control, or a fear of maturation (tell that to the person who develops one in their 50s), or vanity (seriously, don't say that). Perhaps there's a little of all of that tied into some of our journeys, but there is always more.

For me, it was about having a highly sensitive nature and misunderstanding it . It was about fearing anger and having no idea how to feel it or express it. It was about being a Good Girl and parroting my way through life, unsure how to explore my own authentic needs and desires. It was about being taught that my body needed to be managed , lest it take up too much space, go out of bounds, or "make men sin." And on and on.

Dealing with the roots of my eating disorder may be a lifelong process, even now, as a recovered person. I've had to face how I've been indoctrinated by diet culture, purity culture, patriarchy, etc, and work to deprogram myself.

But my relationship with food and with my body is leaps and bounds from where it was. I now listen closely to my body, with all its wisdom, and align with what feels honest and true. Acknowledging the roots and being open to the gentle, consistent excavation is part of what took me from recovering to recovered .

Trial By Fire

One of the biggest indicators to me that I had recovered was the recognition that I had made it through several extremely stressful times in my life without returning to eating disorder behaviors - without even considering returning to them. They just weren't an option anymore.

This was a big thing, considering I used to turn to the arms of my eating disorder at every opportunity, at every slight stressor.

Being a therapist has helped that, for sure. I strive to live congruently with what I say to my clients, the tools and skills I encourage them to use, and the behavioral shifts they strive for. I have to walk the walk , and at this stage in life, it comes quite naturally. It can for you, too.

But you don't need to work with eating disorders in the future to have this benefit. Connection with anyone you care about is enough because we heal in relationships, and we come to see the part that we play in the greater good. This world needs recovered, empowered humans to dismantle the systems of oppression that are strangling us from within.

Struggle Is Ok

I don't want to mislead anyone by pretending I never have a negative body image day or have considered here and there what it might be like to "lose a little weight." We have to normalize the fact that recovery doesn't take us OUT of diet culture. Yes, it certainly strengthens our resilience to it...

But we're still swimming in that sea.

These disordered thoughts are fleeting when they arise, and I make a point to neither hear them as demands to DO SOMETHING nor freak out about having had them in the first place.

It's not your fault if you struggle sometimes. Like when you get that stupid song stuck in your head. You're not at fault for that. But it is your responsibility to put a stop to it by singing a different song . Nobody else can do that for you.

Believing It's Possible Makes It Possible

That very thought, "Believing it's possible makes it possible," dawned on me during my recovery, and it has become a bit of a mantra over the years. It's now something I share with my clients.

Think about it. If we don't believe something is truly possible, why would we ever put our all into the process? Why would we try that hard for what we might consider a mediocre outcome?

If you have in your mind that you might one day be recovered enough to eat "normally," but will always hate your body, you're not going to put your energy toward the work of deep body image healing.

Look, the truth is, we are so, so powerful .

It's easy to see that disordered thoughts and belief systems fuel and perpetuate disordered eating. Wouldn't it also be true that our thoughts could instead fuel our healing and recovery?

So how do YOU define recovery? What would help you feel confident that your eating disorder was firmly behind you? I love this definition of full recovery by Carolyn Costin. It fits well for me. Maybe for you too.

"Being recovered to me is when the person can accept his or her natural body size and shape and no longer has a self-destructive or unnatural relationship with food or exercise. When you are recovered, food and weight take a proper perspective in your life, and what you weigh is not more important than who you are, in fact, actual numbers are of little or no importance at all. When recovered, you will not compromise your health or betray your soul to look a certain way, wear a certain size or reach a certain number on a scale."

Creating your own definition is extremely important because you are the person it will matter to the most. ONLY YOU get to choose to say whether you are recovered or recovering. And either is completely acceptable. You are worthy and valid wherever you are, whatever you call it.

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Healing Your Eating Disorder With Value-Based Living

Fri, 21 Jun 2024 23:54:09 GMT

If you or someone you know has ever struggled with an eating disorder , you understand full well that the behaviors and thoughts associated with one are very often misaligned with one's true values.

This is one of the reasons why coping with an eating disorder can be so maddening.

While there are numerous approaches to healing eating disorders, one powerful yet often overlooked tool is value-based living . This holistic approach focuses on aligning our actions with our core values, fostering a sense of purpose and fulfillment that transcends the need for the type of external validation that an eating disorder craves.

Value-based living encourages us to identify what truly matters to us, be it relationships, personal development, or creativity. By prioritizing these intrinsic values, we can begin to shift our focus away from destructive eating behaviors.

Challenging the Eating Disorder Identity

Stephen Levenkron, a psychotherapist and author, describes the development of an eating disorder in four stages:

Achievement (behaviors, especially in the beginning, can bring about feelings of worth, satisfaction, and esteem)
Security (turning toward an eating disorder rather than supporters)
Secondary gains (amassing indirect benefits from the illness)
Identity (embracing the role of an "eating disordered person").

As an eating disorder progresses, it begins to feel like a part of who someone is - a label, a title, a descriptor. That's why the fourth stage of development can seem to so firmly cement an eating disorder into someone's way of being. It's also part of what heavily increases the ambivalence around recovery.

It's frightening to think of dismantling part of one's identity, right?

But truthfully, an eating disorder is not and never will be who you are. It is something you are going through.

This is why I am careful to avoid terms such as anorexic, bulimic, binge eater, etc.

It's no secret that eating disorders thrive on self-hate. When you live out of alignment with your values, you know it, even if you try to ignore it, and you unwittingly give the eating disorder ammunition to use against you. Value-based living and recovery fuel each other. Even just being willing to release the identity built around suffering and contempt for yourself can go a long way.

Assessing Your Personal Values

To live a more value-based life, the first thing we must do is get in touch with our personal values! I like to use value categories so that it's easier to understand and reflect on what is important. Set aside some time to reflect on the value categories below:

relationship/social (e.g., respect, generosity, commitment)
personal development (e.g., curiosity, growth, wisdom)
ethics & morality (e.g,. honesty, justice, responsibility)
school/work/career (e.g,. dedication, learning, professionalism)
cultural (e.g,. tradition, diversity, heritage)
spirituality (e.g., gratitude, faith, connection)
recreation/leisure (e.g., adventure, nature, rest)
financial (e.g,. security, generosity, frugality)
health/wellness (e.g,. self-care, fitness, mental health)
community/advocacy (e.g., equality, sustainability, interdependence)

Step 1

In a journal, list the categories that apply to you, regardless of how aligned you are with these values at this time. Feel free to list any other categories if they come to you.

Step 2

Start by rating the importance of each area on a scale of 0-3 (0 being Not at all important to me , and 3 being Very important to me ). These numbers are just for you. It’s okay if you don’t value some of these areas at all. Simply rate each area according to your own, honest sense of its importance.

Step 3

Let's look more closely at the areas you rated as moderately or very important to you. Pause and reflect on each, then rate your satisfaction level for each area at this particular time in your life on a scale of 0-3 (0 being Not at all satisfied , and 3 being Very satisfied ).

Step 4

Finally, take a moment to write a sentence or two for each area about the impact your eating disorder has had on your ability to engage with this value or how it has altered your perception of it. Are these values different or similar to the things your eating disorder values?

Step 5

Star the values in both lists that have an importance level of 2 or 3 and a satisfaction level of 0 or 1. These are the values to focus on for now.

Settings Value-Based Intentions

What do you want these values to look like in your life? Begin by listing one or two intentions for each of your starred values. An intention reflects the direction you want to move in for the foreseeable future. It’s simply a statement of how you’d like to live.

Examples:

Relationship/Social: "I want my friends to feel valued and truly known by me."

Community/Advocacy: "I want to live sustainably in a way that protects future generations."

Health/Wellness: "I want to treat my body with respect regardless of how I feel about the way it looks."

Take time to reflect on and journal about these starred values and the intentions you have set. What could you begin doing today to help you move towards your intention? Remember, small steps lead to great change.

Making Space for Change

As is the case with many things, it's easy for your intentions to become "out of sight, out of mind." Place reminders in visible areas to keep your intentions alive. Perhaps write them on sticky notes or create a phone alert that will pop up every so often. Make time to regularly reflect on why living more aligned with your values is important to you.

Behavior change is challenging. It's so important that we allow ourselves grace when we act out of alignment with our values. Grace is not the same thing as giving ourselves permission. You can read more here about why this is necessary for change.

I wouldn't be in this line of work if I didn't think it was possible for humans to make profound changes, even in the grimmest of circumstances. With some value realignment, grace, and time, you too can make great strides toward a life that makes you truly proud.

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Before & After Recovery: Understanding my Sensitivity

Fri, 14 Jun 2024 23:53:59 GMT

Overcoming my eating disorder remains one of the greatest triumphs of my life. But I had no idea then how my High Sensitivity played into my struggles or how embracing it helped me through my recovery and beyond.

Looking back, things make a lot of sense. In many ways, I was walking around like an exposed nerve. I understand why I began to crave the numbing, over-control of anorexia. When it began, I didn't know I'd be falling down the rabbit hole for the next several years, but for a time, it helped. Until it didn't.

This is one story in a million. One in about 28.8 million , to be more precise. That's how many people in the US alone will have an eating disorder in their lifetime.

I believe that many of them will also be Highly Sensitive People.

Bird Funerals

I can trace my High Sensitivity back to infancy (it IS a trait you're born with, after all). I've heard the stories over and over; when family members would coo over me, I'd turn my tiny face away.

"Too close for comfort!", I would have said, if I could.

My mom was struck by how she could hold my brother for hours on end, yet I would push away from her when I was ready to sleep. Sleep remains something I still prioritize, to this day.

As a kid, I spent much of my time outdoors. I loved it. But I would cry if I accidentally stepped on a bug. I facilitated countless funerals for any dead creatures I came across in the woods. I would climb trees and happily pretend to be one of its leaves. I had great friendships in childhood, but often felt the need to be alone to recharge. The neighborhood could be oh so loud . The woods were my peaceful place.

At the dinner table, I ate quietly. I processed things a little too deeply to participate much with my mother and brother, who were gregarious and quick-witted. By the time I had something to add, the conversation would have moved on. If I knocked something over, I'd leave the table and return soon after with a blanket over my head, finishing my meal like a ghost.

Shame was an intense experience.

I believe I experienced my first depressive episode in fourth grade. I had a particularly loud, angry teacher who often criticized students. This was a nightmare for me. As a Highly Sensitive child, I was bright, but I didn't perform well under pressure, especially when I was being yelled at. I complained of stomach aches each day, slowly retreating into myself, until finally, I was transferred to a different classroom, where I slowly came back to life.

Learning to Mask

As I grew older, I became increasingly tired of hearing that I was "too sensitive" or that I took things "too personally." I tried to stifle my emotions, be tough, and be unaffected.

To those who weren't close to me, I was a bit aloof. I learned from a friend or a friend that some called me Ice Queen behind my back. Truthfully, that made me a little proud, but it mostly broke my heart because I cherished my compassionate, empathic nature.

I had recurring dreams around this time (and through much of my young adulthood) about tidal waves and tsunamis. I'd watch in horror as a wall of water rose higher and higher, threatening to wipe everything out with its power. Water in dreams tends to symbolize emotions.

I understand now that I often felt on the verge of drowning in the intensity of my feelings.

In college, I discovered that alcohol not only kept me on the surface of my frighteningly deep emotional ocean but it quieted my brain enough to allow a fun, carefree persona to take over. I remarked to someone once that I liked myself better when I was drinking. That makes me so sad now, and I'm grateful I don't feel that way anymore.

After a series of distressing events during that time, I felt depression creeping in again. I struggled to maintain my appetite, and without thought or effort, I began to lose weight...and with that, it seemed a switch was flipped.

The Fall of The Ice Queen

I spiraled into an eating disorder rather quickly. " This is better than alcohol ," I thought to myself. My world narrowed to a singular focus: losing weight. Things got quieter , slower , and dimmer in a way that felt very addicting.

I felt truly untouchable, for the first time in my life.

I (somehow) managed to graduate, and I moved out to Los Angeles. There, fairly support-system-less , things got progressively worse. I pursued a career that praised my illness. At a casting call, someone once said to me, "You're so skinny! But not like scary skinny. Cute skinny." I wasn't sure what to make of that, but the very unwell part of me heard it as a challenge .

Yet, my brain chemicals could only handle so much self-destruction. Things began to crumble, and I felt worse and worse. At this point, my only coping mechanism was starving, so I leaned on it more.

Recovery didn't really feel possible, but it scared me that I was going to bed with a passive prayer to not wake up, so I sought out intensive therapy. I was ambivalent about doing the recovery work because I had made my disorder a part of my identity. I was embarrassed that I didn't have a "good enough reason" for having developed an eating disorder.

"I'm just broken," I thought.

During a hospital stay, I cried and cried over peanut butter, not because I was afraid of it - I just didn't have the words then to talk about my sensory struggles with certain foods. My sensitive system had a hard time adjusting to the sudden change in intake. I developed reactive hypoglycemia and was interrogated over and over again about whether I was purging (I was not). I left those encounters in tears, and angry at my body for "misbehaving" whether or not I fed it.

But slowly, I continued to eat, and the fog began to lift. I also felt a deep calling to start using my struggles for the greater good.

Thawing Out

One thing that scared me more than gaining weight was being alone. I knew that my way of coping was also a life sentence of loneliness. That was one emotion I hadn't figured out how to numb. I made skipping meals non-negotiable, and slowly, added other non-negotiables.

No matter how I felt or what I thought, recovery meant I had to feed myself like I would feed a good friend.

By this time, I was finishing up my graduate degree in psychology and was ready to start working with clients. Knowing that others would soon be looking to me for support helped me to kick the remnants of my eating disorder behaviors out of my life. I was intrinsically motivated to show up as the best version of myself that I could be. It felt too incongruent to be helping others learn to care for themselves if I was not also "walking the walk."

Without my armor, emotions were hitting me, hard and fast, but I continued to choose to use the tools I'd learned in therapy and in school.

I found myself amazed at how much more quickly my emotions moved through me when I didn't spend my energy trying to ignore, manage, or shrink them. They rose like giant, intimidating waves, but always flopped innocently onto the shore of my consciousness.

I had made peace with food and made trusting and respecting my body's needs a priority. I began to consider myself recovered when I realized I had been through several extremely difficult periods of time and did not turn toward the siren call of anorexia. That siren call had been exposed for what it was - just a desperate attempt to control and change what was unmanageable at the time.

And it was an attempt that would always, always make things worse in the long run.

Embracing Sensitivity

Fast forward to about 2019. My private practice specializing in eating disorder treatment was thriving. I found myself taking a break in the park by my apartment. I had started reading the book, The Highly Sensitive Person, by Dr. Elaine Aaron, which a fellow therapist had suggested to me.

Tears splashed onto the pages as I furiously highlighted words that resonated so, so deeply. I felt seen.

"I am a Highly Sensitive Person. This is a thing!"

Ever since then, I've been deep-diving into the science of this amazing trait and how it interacts with eating disorders and the recovery process.

Walking with other sensitive souls on their healing journeys has become one of the best parts of my life. I am motivated each day to offer a more personalized form of therapy and eating disorder recovery that better supports sensitive folks.

I actually feel more sensitive now than I did in my youth. This is not uncommon with HSPs as we age. Partly, my sensory needs are shifting, and my stimulation threshold is lowering, but mostly, I think it's because I have dropped the mask. I am who and what I am. I am no longer an Ice Queen. I have melted into a puddle. Puddle Queen , perhaps. �� (I can indeed easily become one over a commercial, seeing someone kill a spider rather than kindly deliver it outside, or a random, viral wedding video.)

High Sensitivity is a package deal.

While a tendency for overstimulation can be a frustrating liability to manage, the other characteristics of this trait are true assets. Gifts, really. And more than the overstimulation ever did, it was the misunderstanding and rejection of my trait that made life as an HSP difficult.

Awareness is such an important step in growth. This was true for my eating disorder recovery, and especially true with my High Sensitivity. Befriending my trait has allowed me to learn how to better structure my life and support my needs. I am no longer exhausting myself trying to live like a non-sensitive person.

Acceptance is another critical part of growth, after all.

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Facing and Embracing Weight Gain In Recovery

Fri, 07 Jun 2024 23:53:37 GMT

Individuals with eating disorders face many intense emotional and psychological challenges every day during recovery. One of the most difficult aspects of this process for many is coping with weight gain.

Allowing the body its due sovereignty to reach and maintain its "happy weight" is a vital part of healing, but it can, of course, trigger a whirlwind of emotions and self-doubt.

This post explores insights and strategies that can support you as you navigate a changing body during recovery in a fatphobic society. I hope to provide compassionate guidance to help you foster a more resilient and embracing mindset for your healing journey.

There is No Avoiding This

While fewer than 6% of people diagnosed with an eating disorder are classified as "underweight," all individuals will experience some degree of bodily change through the process of recovery.

I understand that the above sentence may be incredibly frightening. But please keep reading.

It's important to remember that your body may be quite compromised at any size, including times when you feel "fine." Even if you're physically stable, having an eating disorder means your body is experiencing a great deal of stress and trauma . Its needs, its trust, and its sense of safety have been altered. Sometimes drastically.

The recovery process will mean many things for you. Your body will change. But truthfully, it would have changed anyway, even if you never developed an eating disorder. Because that's what bodies do.

We celebrate this SO much in children. We document it in photos, in journals, and in diaries. And over time, we swallow the lie that this is supposed to cease entirely in adulthood, and if we don't stay the same size from college to our 30s, 40s, and beyond, it somehow means we failed .

Well, someone certainly profits from this belief system - and it's not us.

The Hard Truths

Another lie we swallow when we live with an eating disorder is that we can control or dictate our body's size ad infinitum. That's just not the case. Our bodies are extremely intelligent and adaptable and will fight to maintain the weight at which all systems are optimally functioning, AND the body feels safest in regards to the availability and consistency of nourishment and care.

This is different for every single body.

Nobody knows where your body will settle post-eating disorder.

Professionals can make educated guesses regarding the likely range of this weight for your body, based on your history, your family history, and more. But nobody knows for sure. This is a seemingly terrible truth that recovering individuals (who so often try to base their lives on black-and-white facts) must accept:

Here are some other important truths I have learned through my own experience and my work with others:

Recovering into any body size is hard
Recovering into a larger body has additional challenges due to weight stigma and barriers.
Recovering into a larger body does not mean you did recovery wrong.
Even if your body settles at its "happy weight", it will not be there forever. Bodies are meant to change.
How you feel about your body IN recovery is not the same as how you will feel when you're RECOVERED.

Let me add that not everybody jives with the idea of being recovered . I use this language because it is true for me. Some folks use the language of recovering indefinitely, and that works for them. To each, their own! The sentiment remains - then is not now , and now is not later . The only thing constant is change.

Making Space For Grief

All change is associated with some form of loss. Whether you are recovering into a body similar in size and shape to that of your pre-eating disorder body, or into a very different one, we must make and hold space for grief.

Grief for prior versions of your body.
Grief for lost privilege or a lost perception of safety.
Grief for letting go of what may have been a lifelong pursuit.
Grief for the pain and torment your body endured for the sake of that pursuit.
Grief for the injustices that exist in our fatphobic society.

It is important to feel and honor all of this and to let it move through you. Some ways to do this include:

processing with a trusted, affirming therapist, support group, friend, or family member
crying, shaking, trembling, and screaming
writing and visual and performance art

Coping Through The Process

There are several ways to support yourself during this phase of your recovery (and whenever you experience distress related to your body's shape or size.

Prioritize Comfort

Choose clothing that feels good . When shopping for new clothing, avoid shopping by numerical size as much as possible and instead take several choices into a dressing room to assess by fit only. Donate clothing that is too small, tight, or simply uncomfortable. Dress in light layers so you can quickly adjust to temperature changes as needed.

Ditch the Scale

I knowwwww. This is really hard and really scary. But having a scale around will almost always sabotage your progress. Why? Because you're used to this number (this little appliance) dictating not only how you think you should behave, but also how you feel. Would you take advice from another appliance? Say...your toaster?

Look, this step was a process for me. I ditched and then re-purchased (in moments of panic) 3 or 4 scales before I kicked the habit for good. I know that you could always buy another, but not having one in your home increases the precious, essential time between urge and action. If you need consistent monitoring at this stage (either for accountability or your own peace of mind), check out some of the number-free scales that are available now that you could possibly use with your treatment team.

Set Supportive Boundaries

Here are a few ideas: Ask your loved ones not to make any comments about your weight, even ones they think are compliments. If a provider is monitoring your weight, collaborate about whether and how you will be informed of any changes. When at medical appointments, especially when unrelated to your eating disorder, you have the right to opt out of being weighed (in almost all cases), and you can ask that no weight (not even estimations) be added to your paperwork since most patients have access to their digital charts.

Adjust Your Language

Words matter. You may find it helpful to refer to this process for now as weight restoration or stabilization instead of gain. If you notice a lot of negative assumptions about the process (e.g., "This is going to be intolerable" or "I'm so scared of weight gain", practice small shifts that leave room for the process to be better than expected. Try, "I used to try and make my body smaller to please others" , or "Up until now, I couldn't imagine being at a higher weight." Some folks find that using pronouns when speaking about their body automatically increases the level of compassion and care. For example, "She [my body] feels fatigued and stiff today."

Journal

Perhaps write about what you are gaining besides weight , or write an apology letter to your body , allowing it to then write back to you. You could explore the qualities you care about in your loved ones that have nothing to do with their body size. Or, you can simply use your journal as a space to empty your mind of its fear and anxieties related to this process, and document small wins and successes.

You Can Do This

Recovery is challenging. Continuing to live with an eating disorder is a different kind of challenge. You may be tempted to give up too soon, deciding that it's just too intolerable to experience a changing body. You are not alone. Remember, how you feel now will 100% change.

It is possible to make peace with your soul's home. One bite at a time, you can do this.

Eating Disorder Myths Sensitive People Must Bust

Fri, 31 May 2024 23:53:27 GMT

Don't let these myths keep you stuck.

For Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), misinformation about having an eating disorder and recovering from one can be particularly damaging. With heightened empathy and awareness, HSPs can internalize false beliefs, and their loved ones can struggle to support them effectively.

Let's explore some myths about eating disorders and shed light on the truths that Highly Sensitive individuals need to know. By busting these myths, HSPs can foster a more knowledgeable, empowered approach to these serious conditions, and loved ones can become more compassionate, informed supporters.

Myth: "My sensitivity caused my eating disorder."

Truth: Highly Sensitive People have an increased risk of developing an eating disorder because our culture is not one that particularly supports or values sensitivity.

If sensitivity caused eating disorders, every HSP would have a history of one, and that's certainly not the case. We are human-tuning forks and can easily sense what's happening both on and below the surface. But HSPs are also the "canaries in the coal mine." We are more susceptible to cultural toxicities - e.g., Diet Culture.

Like all traits, there are upsides and downsides. Generally speaking, High Sensitivity is mostly a wonderful trait and a huge asset.

One liability, however, is the tendency to become overstimulated more quickly than non-HSPs, and that overstimulation can turn to overwhelm if sensitive folks don't have the right tools to manage it.

Eating disorders can become a way of coping with that overwhelm.

Myth: "I'm just being dramatic. My problems aren't that bad."

Truth: All eating disorders (no matter your weight, how long you've struggled, or what behaviors you do or don't engage in) are serious and deserving of proper treatment.

This myth is internalized invalidation at its finest. HSPs are not being dramatic. We genuinely experience stimuli more intensely than other people. Our reactions are actually proportional to our heightened perceptions and internal processing - it's just that outsiders can't clearly understand this because their brains are wired differently.

I grew up hearing I was "too sensitive." All HSPs do, to some degree. The label "too sensitive" is usually used in a situation where the sensitive person is not responding or behaving in a way the other person expects. Our sensitive response can throw a kink in the system. But our responses are guided that way by our inner compass for a reason. When we're not encouraged to explore that or are invalidated by being told we're "too sensitive", we start doubting ourselves.

So, of course, we'd doubt that our problems are real and deserving of support.

Myth: "I'm not capable of handling the stress of recovery."

Truth: If you are living with an eating disorder, you have what it takes to recover from one.

Highly Sensitive People often need more recovery time after stressful situations, but it does not imply an inability to manage stress. HSPs can actually handle stress quite effectively when they can employ coping strategies that work for them. Coping tools are not "one-size-fits-all", especially for neurodivergent folks.

Yes, eating disorder recovery is very challenging. Living with an eating disorder is also very challenging. When you begin to see that it does indeed require strength and fortitude to sustain one, you also begin to see how you could channel that energy into something better.

I want to be clear - I don't mean that I think the ability to engage in behaviors (like skipping meals or purging) indicates strength . What I mean is that people who develop disordered eating have found a way to survive - and many continue to do so for years until they sadly no longer can. Recovery is a different kind of hard. But it's a good hard.

Myth: "If I can just change my eating habits, I'd be fine."

Truth: Stabilizing nutrition and eating patterns is a crucial part of recovery, but it's only one piece of the puzzle.

If changing the way you eat was enough (and as simple as it sounds), people who develop these disorders would likely develop them again at some point or would develop other addiction-type struggles. That's because the root causes are not being addressed.

Recovery is a holistic process. Dealing with the psychological, emotional, behavioral, and environmental aspects of the disorder is crucial for a lasting, full recovery. HSPs must understand how their trait contributed to the development of the disorder and learn new ways to approach their sensitivity. The word "recovery" doesn't really fit here because you're not returning to a previous version of yourself. You're evolving.

Myth: "I have to become less sensitive to recover."

Truth: HSPs benefit not from stifling their sensitivity, but by learning strategies that help them manage and empower it.

The High Sensitivity trait cannot be erased by sheer willpower. It's not a matter of "toughening up." You can heal from an eating disorder, but your sensitivity is with you for life. However, it IS a trait that you can not only come to accept but also embrace.

Yes, my sensitivity has made things challenging for me, and there were years when I would have wished it away if I could have. I would never do that now. My High Sensitivity makes me ME . It is a gift to my life and to the lives of those around me.

I actually feel that I'm getting more sensitive now in my post-recovery years. That's not uncommon with aging, but I believe it's also because I've stopped masking. Doing so has allowed me to revel in the gifts of this trait, and to continue to collect tools that support and empower me. I want that for you, too.

You, dear HSP, have a mission.

Your sensitivity can be a beacon of hope and understanding in a world that is often lacking both. As you continue to learn about your sensitivity and grow in your recovery, let's vow together to challenge misconceptions, advocate for those in need, and promote a more empathetic approach to mental health and whole-hearted living.

You are so needed, so capable, and so deserving.

��

Avoid Eating Disorder Relapse With This Question

Fri, 24 May 2024 23:53:16 GMT

The path to recovery from an eating disorder is a courageous and often tumultuous journey. As you navigate the struggles and successes, the threat of relapse can sometimes loom like a dark shadow, ready to undo the progress you've fought so hard to achieve.

And eating disorder relapse is nothing to scoff at. They can be deadly.

While there are many relapse prevention strategies available, there’s one powerful tool that often goes unnoticed:

A single, transformative question.

Read on to uncover how asking yourself this simple, crucial question can serve as a mental check-in, guide you through moments of vulnerability, and even steer you clear of a relapse.

I'll dive into the psychology of this question and give you tips on how to successfully integrate it into your recovery toolkit. Making it a regular part of your daily routine can strengthen your resilience and keep you aligned with your recovery goals.

Ready for it?

�� (drumroll) ��

"What's the next right thing?"

One of the vital skills of eating disorder recovery is being able to interrupt the "f*ck it" mentality that occurs when you slip up, as you inevitably will. (Recovery is a learning process after all.) Asking, "What's the next right thing," does just that.

So how does this protect you from relapse?

Well, relapse does not just happen to you. First, there is a lapse . A lapse is a single behavior that falls outside of your recovery plan. It might be skipping one snack or having one binge. When that lapse is coupled with negative, reactionary thoughts and challenging emotions like shame or anger, it makes future lapses much more likely . When many lapses are strung together, it's a re-lapse in the making.

Asking yourself right after you engage in a disordered behavior, "What's the next right thing?" can mean the difference between a lapse and a relapse. It's like bowling with bumpers. Maybe that ball is headed for the gutter, but the bumper gives it enough of a nudge to keep it in the lane.

To take your next recovery-oriented action, you first must identify it. This question puts a temporary pause on the "f*ck it" chain of events that are typically purely reaction-based and not response -based. Reactions are knee-jerk and usually involve intense emotions. Responses are balanced and thought-out.

Learning to respond instead of react is immensely important for your recovery process.

Pausing to identify your options is a pattern-interrupt. It can keep your amygdala (your brain's fire alarm) from co-opting your decision-making process, and help engage your prefrontal cortex instead. You're also intentionally connecting with your Healthy Self , and telling your Eating Disorder to take a back seat.

How to Ask It

In order to get the full benefit of this magic question, you want to be prepared to gently but firmly dialogue with the part of yourself that is definitely not going to be interested in the next right thing. This part believes that using shaming and blaming can create positive change. But we know better, right? �� Ask "What's the next right thing" with curiosity and with as much of a beginner's mindset as you can muster.

If you want to be a real pro, try pairing this question with 5 deep breaths for an extra boost of grounding.

When to Ask It

You can use this question at just about any point, but it's especially important right after you have a lapse. But you don't need to experience a lapse for it to be helpful! You might even find it useful to build it into your daily routine. For example, if you tend to struggle the most after meals, form a habit of asking yourself what the next right thing is after you finish eating and before you leave the table.

So?

No matter where you are in your healing process, this question can be a game-changer. What about right now? What's your next right thing?

��

4 Eating Disorder Thoughts Hurting Your Recovery

Fri, 17 May 2024 23:53:02 GMT

4 common, recovery-sabotaging thoughts, what they really mean, and how to respond to them.

Navigating the road to recovery from an eating disorder is not for the faint of heart. Aside from the daily behavioral challenges you have to face, it seems just around every corner there's an insidious, self-sabotaging thought that can threaten your progress and hinder your healing.

It's not always enough to simply dismiss disordered thoughts when we notice them. They're often a sign that there is something beneath the surface that needs our attention.

We all have multiple parts of ourselves that are vying for attention, sharing their needs and concerns, and viewing life solely through their own very specific lenses. Think about the internal characters in Disney's Inside Out ; it's a perfect illustration of this concept. This is why we can continue down paths that we KNOW are not best for us - another part of us is in the driver's seat and is very much convinced that we don't have any other options. All of these parts, with their own unique levels of knowledge and experience, are always trying their best to take care of us .

By recognizing the messages beneath self-sabotaging thoughts and understanding the needs and desires of the Eating Disorder part, we can take back the reins and empower the true Self who can and will ultimately guide our healing.

By the way, I tend not to experience critical thoughts in the first person. Supportive, positive thoughts are almost always in the first person, but not critical ones. I've often wondered if this is the case for other people. For this post, I'm writing out the thoughts in the second person, the way I used to "hear" them.

"If you don't do recovery perfectly, it's not going to stick."

Ahh perfectionism. You probably already know how perfectionism is a risk factor for the development of an eating disorder. It's also a common trait for Highly Sensitive People! If there was one thing that would sabotage recovery, it would be this: trying to do it perfectly.

Because you just can't. Nor should you try, because your slipups and your lapses are EXACTLY what you need to experience to understand where you need to shift your mindset, change up your coping tools, garner support, and more.

➡️ The Message & The Need

Underlying this thought is almost always a fear of failure. Perfectionism is, after all, a tactic meant to protect us from potential harm. If you've associated failure or mistakes with harm in the past (as many of us have), perfectionism swoops in, thinking it has the solution! The Eating Disorder part needs reassurance that failure is not final and that mistakes are an essential part of growth.

➡️ A Loving Response

"I know how scary it is to risk failing. We've been hurt and rejected in the past when we've made mistakes. But I know now just how important mistakes are for my recovery, and I'm going to embrace them, and us, through this process."

"Your therapist is going to be mad at you if you're honest."

Hear this. Are you listening? A good therapist will not take your eating disorder behaviors personally. Trust me. As much as we root for you and hold REAL hope for you, we are not invested in your recovery in the same way that your loved ones may be. We are trained and capable of holding space for you, whether or not you're doing well in recovery.

➡️ The Message & The Need

Typically, it's shame that lies beneath the reluctance to be honest. When you're in the deepest, darkest depths of an eating disorder, you experience shame for engaging in behaviors and shame for not engaging in behaviors. It honestly feels like a no-win situation. You're so used to at least one part of yourself being disappointed and upset, not to mention potentially your real-life supporters, too, who are frightened by your struggles. The Eating Disorder part needs to know that they are in a safe place and deserve support and compassion even when experiencing ambivalence about recovery.

➡️ A Loving Response

"It makes sense why we're feeling ashamed about our ambivalence. Somewhere along the way, we've picked up the message that we have to be a certain way to experience love, connection, and validation. But silence and secrecy keep us sick. I will take care of us as we stand together vulnerably in our truth."

"You're not sick enough to get (more) help right now."

If you have ever experienced an eating disorder, you have almost certainly had a thought similar to this one about your deservingness of attention, worry, care, treatment, etc. As I've written about many times before, having this thought is a hallmark sign of a powerful eating disorder.

➡️ The Message & The Need

This thought hints at the way an eating disorder developed as a coping mechanism and the frightening thought of it being taken away. The Eating Disorder part truly doesn't know how to define success outside of sickness and the severity of struggle. It's also an incredibly painful experience to open up about a struggle to someone and have it dismissed or minimized. The Eating Disorder part needs validation that the pain and struggle experienced are valid, no matter what.

➡️ A Loving Response

"I recognize the ways that our pain has been invalidated by others in the past, and how we, ourselves, have contributed to that pattern as well. But I will no longer dismiss or ignore our pain. No factor makes our pain less real, less important, or less deserving of compassion and healing."

"If you don't understand why you got sick, you'll never get better."

Oh boy. This one was such a time-suck for me! I didn't know about High Sensitivity during my eating disorder or my recovery from it. I didn't understand how my temperament put me at risk, and I didn't identify with the more prevalent theories of the time as to why I suddenly began self-destructing.

➡️ The Message & The Need

This thought is commonly a product of two things: the immense confusion that someone experiences when what is considered a most basic act, nourishing oneself, becomes so very complicated, and, from the top-down therapy approaches that focus heavily on managing symptoms via thought awareness and shifting. Now I 100% support cognition work - our thoughts are extremely powerful after all, but it's just our thinking that's sick. The Eating Disorder part needs hope and assurance that positive change can occur even when things don't make sense.

➡️ A Loving Response

"It's ok to be confused. We have spent a lot of energy trying to figure out the WHY of our eating disorder - and that's all well and good, but we're not going to forget to shift some of that energy toward the HOW of healing. We can still experience a full recovery without a clear understanding of why we got sick. If that clarity does eventually come to us, it will be in good time."

Try It Out For Yourself

The next time you recognize an Eating Disorder thought, take a moment to shift the lens. Practice holding space for the thought with patience, compassion, and curiosity. Is there a need you can meet or, at the very least, one you can understand and validate?

Cutting off the parts of ourselves that we don't like is not what healing is about. We must learn to integrate these parts so they no longer feel the need to run the show. By actively working to understand and lovingly respond to these harmful thoughts, we can create space for self-compassion, true resilience, and deep healing.

Remember that each step you take, no matter how small, is a victory.

Sensitive Sanctuary: Designing a Supportive Space for HSPs

Fri, 10 May 2024 23:52:37 GMT

Do you often long to retreat to a dimly lit room? Do libraries and bookstores illicit a deep sigh of relief? Do you look forward to sinking into your bed at night? Yes, me too. Creating and maintaining a "sanctuary" space is a game-changer for us Highly Sensitive People who navigate a world that is all too often overstimulating.

From soothing color palettes to carefully curated textures, HSPs thrive in environments that foster tranquility and comfort.

In this post, I'll share some tips for designing a sensitive sanctuary specifically tailored to the needs and delights of HSPs, as well as some specific items that have improved my life in one way or another!

So cozy on up and let's dive in!

What is a Sensitive Sanctuary?

The word sanctuary means a place of refuge . Sounds nice, right? Having a place to which to retreat when you're feeling overwhelmed, depleted, tired, or just in need of some peace and quiet is ideal for both HSPs and non-HSPs alike.

Particularly for HSPs, we want our environment to be as soothing as possible because we take in a huge amount of information from it.

Your sanctuary doesn't need to be a whole room. It can be the corner of a sofa, a window seat, a spot on your porch or in your garden, or maybe even your car.

Components of a Sensitive Sanctuary

There are three main elements of designing a supportive space that I think HSPs will appreciate most. They are Sensory Comfort, Emotional Comfort, and Physical Comfort.

Sensory Comfort

Creating an environment that is soothing to the senses is probably the most important of the sanctuary building blocks for sensitive folks. The impact of sensory discomfort and overwhelm can be great, and it can happen all at once (like when walking into a loud, crowded room) or sometimes slowly over time (like sitting under fluorescent lights). Consider the following elements:

Colors: Choose colors that choose you. Color Psychology suggests that blues and greens have a relaxing effect on humans, but this is highly personal. Maybe yellow hues feel more appropriate. You do you! Pay attention to color saturation and patterns as well, noticing whatever you're naturally drawn to.
Lighting: I think most people would agree that overhead light is not the greatest. I much prefer natural light where possible, and some well-placed lamps. Experiment with different wattages and colors, too. I have a red bulb in my bedside lamp, as this hue is easier on the eyes at night and can actually improve sleep.
Texture: Do you have a mountain of blankets but find you're always going for that one? Texture is so important for HSPs. Make sure your sanctuary space has an abundance of items that are soft, cozy, and not at all scratchy.
Sound and acoustics : If there's an annoying echo in your space, try adding some extra material in the form of pillows, rugs, curtains, or wall hangings. How do you feel about a white noise machine or a small fountain? Pay attention to and eliminate, when possible, any small annoyances like buzzing electronics or light fixtures.
Scents : You may wish to add some soothing or inspiring scents with essential oils, candles, or flowers. Some people can be easily overwhelmed by artificial fragrances, so choose with care. Or maybe you need an odor-escape due to being around your perfumed coworker all day. In that case, clear out all fragrances from your sanctuary and use fragrance-free cleaning products only.

Emotional Comfort

Highly Sensitive People feel deeply . And they have deep feelings about their deep feelings. Emotional comfort is about creating an environment that allows you to delve into your emotions, if you so wish, and to feel safe and comfortable while doing so. Consider the following elements:

Personalization: A favorite stuffed animal from your childhood, a pile of books you're longing to read, a framed photo of your best friends, a special spot for your furry friend - all these things can add a personalized touch to your Sensitive Sanctuary.
Organization & Energy : Cluttered spaces have been shown to hurt our mental health. Just a little bit of organization can go a long way. Even if the majority of your environment isn't spic and span, keeping your little sanctuary tidy can be powerful. Consider the energy in the space by assessing the arrangement of furniture and other objects, and how easily you can navigate in and around your sanctuary.
Natural Elements: Nature is an emotional balm for Highly Sensitive folks. Adding items made of natural materials, water features, or plants can automatically increase the soothing factor of your space.

Physical Comfort

While similar to sensory comfort, in essence, physical comfort focuses on the more tangible aspects of comfort. This final component will help to ensure that you're maximizing the relief available to you in your Sensitive Sanctuary. Consider the following elements:

Supportive Furniture : Where you choose to sit, lounge, or lie down is a big deal. Make sure that you're not only comfortable but that you're supporting your body in a way that isn't setting you up for future pain or discomfort. Little additions and adjustments, like a rolled-up towel behind your lower back, can make certain positions and spaces more accessible for your body.
Temperature: HSPs usually have a narrow window of temperature tolerance. My Goldilocks temp is between 73 and 76. Outside of that, I'm uncomfortable. Use what's available to make your sanctuary's temperature work for you - blankets, small fans, space heaters, or ACs, etc.
Humidity: Humidity can be one of those elements that creeps toward discomfort without our awareness - until we're suddenly sweating or having a bloody nose from the dry air. Consider using a humidifier or dehumidifier as needed. Certain plants can even help balance the humidity in your space.

The Goodies: Things I Love

I'm not affiliated with any of the following products or companies, nor do I get any sort of kickback for mentioning them here. These are just some items that I really dig, and I think you will too!

Temperature-regulating mug , like Ember. Their slogan is "temperature matters," and boy, are they right! I didn't know how important this was until I received one as a gift last year. It's the ONLY mug I use now. (And that's saying something because I'm a mug snob and still refuse to get rid of the other 8 I have. ��)
Microwavable therapy wrap for my neck and shoulders. I'm the Princess and the Pea when it comes to my bed, and I'm still on the hunt for the perfect pillow. But until then, I use a microwavable neck and shoulder wrap first thing every morning to loosen any kinks from the night before. This is particularly delightful in the winter months.
Essential oils . I like to use oils in my diffuser, and roll-on oils for a little pick-me-up. I particularly love Balance and Cheer blends by DoTerra. Oils are much better for me than perfumes or room sprays.
Beeswax candles . I love candles, but I also have asthma, so I need to be very cautious about what I burn. I don't use anything with artificial fragrance first and foremost. Beeswax candles are my go-to because they can actually help purify the air when burned by releasing negative ions that bind to airborne pollutants.
Sensory objects: I like to play with sensory objects and am particularly fond of Crazy Aaron's Thinking Putty . It doesn't leave a funky smell on my hands, and it's a delight to my tactile senses.
Weighted objects: Many people love weighted blankets for stress relief and overall well-being. Personally, they're a little too constraining for me, but weighted lap pads are just right. It's almost like having a pet curled up on you. You may also consider the Cozy Caterpillar or similar for a different containing experience.

I hope this post helps you consider how you could create or improve your own Sensitive Sanctuary. You deserve to take care of yourself and tend to your needs, and this could be one great way of doing so!

✨

Getting the Most Out of Eating Disorder Treatment as an HSP

Fri, 03 May 2024 23:52:24 GMT

Eating disorder treatment is challenging for anyone, but for those who identify as Highly Sensitive, the experience can come with its own unique set of complications and considerations.

Drawing from my experience as a highly sensitive human in treatment settings and later as a recovered clinician working across multiple levels of care, I'll share valuable insights I've gained on how to optimize your eating disorder treatment experience and enhance your recovery process.

First Things First: Understanding Your Sensitivity

A Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) is exactly what it sounds like and also so much more . High Sensitivity is a biological trait that has a huge impact on how an individual navigates their environment. The scientific term for High Sensitivity is actually Sensory Processing Sensitivity , or SPS.

In a nutshell, High Sensitivity is a form of neurodiversity experienced by 20-30% of the population and results in incredibly deep processing of thoughts, emotions, and all types of sensory input. It's not a defect or a weakness, or something that needs to be fixed.

Because HSP brains are wired to take in and process more information, our nervous systems are more prone to overwhelm. Being that eating disorders are coping tools at their core, this propensity for overwhelm is one of the things that puts Highly Sensitive People at a higher risk for developing disordered eating.

To read more about why Highly Sensitive People have an increased risk of food and body image struggles, check out my post Sensitive & Struggling: Your Eating Disorder Risk Explained.

While it's true that some of your characteristics as an HSP can be considered vulnerabilities for your recovery, your trait also gives you the gifts to fully recover from one. Highly Sensitive People tend to thrive in therapy and treatment settings and can make massive strides with the right tools and the right support.

A full recovery from your eating disorder is 100% possible without you needing to become any less sensitive.

Advocating for a Sensitive Approach

Seeking treatment that can be tailored to the needs of HSPs is essential for your recovery. Unfortunately, many eating disorder treatment programs and types of therapy are designed with neurotypical people in mind. Neurodivergent folks, including those with High Sensitivity, Autism, and ADHD, can feel left behind, or worse, can be labeled as non-compliant, simply because they're wired to respond differently.

One of the most important things you can do to bolster your treatment success is to share about your HSP needs at the start of treatment and seek accommodations as needed, wherever possible.

Standard diagnostic criteria do not capture the experience of neurodivergence. (Don't even get me started on diagnostic criteria for eating disorders, because the majority of people who struggle do not neatly fit into a little box that can be checked, nor should they be required to in order to access care.)

Eating disorder treatment at all levels of care will include a thorough assessment. This is a great time to share what being Highly Sensitive means to you and, if you're aware, how it impacts the following areas:

food and eating habits
physical discomfort
medication tolerance
mood and energy
focus and concentration
social functioning

Of course, many of these areas will be directly impacted by many other factors along with your High Sensitivity, but it is still worth noting.

Remember, whether or not it started out this way, you use your eating disorder to communicate more often than you probably realize. This isn't helpful in any setting, but especially not in treatment.

Honest, ongoing communication about your sensitivity and any accommodations you need is going to be very important . As much as possible during your stage of recovery, use your words , not your eating disorder, to give feedback and request adjustments to treatment methods or structure.

Any therapist or treatment program worth their salt will encourage and welcome feedback.

Make a plan with your primary provider that includes identifying your personal sensory challenges and patterns of overwhelm (it isn't always obvious to outsiders when an HSP is in crisis mode), tools you can use at the moment to regulate your nervous system, and what is helpful and what is not helpful in terms of support from family members, friends, other patients of staff members, etc.

Nourishing Healthy Connections

Highly Sensitive folks make wonderful support people. Folks are likely drawn toward you because of your deep empathy and natural tendency toward compassion, acceptance, and authenticity. You're wired to really thrive in these types of relationships.

Eating disorder treatment involves a great deal of intimacy, whether you are engaging in 1-to-1 therapy or attending multiple therapeutic groups a day at a higher level of care.

Healthy relationships will heal your eating disorder.

Bonds tend to form quickly and deeply in treatment settings. They may be short-lived or life-long, but either way, they can be very powerful and very healing. These supportive relationships can help you begin to see yourself in a different light (as someone going through an incredibly difficult time and is worthy of help) and turn some of your natural compassion and empathy inward toward yourself.

Bonds can also form around shared pain and trauma in what we call Trauma Bonding . These types of relationships can feel quite deep and sometimes fraught with competitiveness.

A sign of trauma bonding is when someone treats you poorly, like expecting you to lie for them in treatment, and yet you still feel drawn to them because you both went through something traumatic. You may also feel extreme guilt when you imagine setting boundaries or leaving the relationship.

For those of you seeking help in an eating disorder treatment program or in support group settings, use your natural instincts and intuition about which of the other treatment-goers can be most supportive of you and your healing process. You'll need to pay attention to who is on a similar trajectory and can offer healthy accountability (i.e., who shares a similar level of motivation and hope for change) and who is not and could potentially pull you backward.

Thriving In Recovery and Beyond

It wasn't until after I had recovered that I learned about High Sensitivity. But I can say with certainty that, besides recovering from my eating disorder, the most helpful thing I've done so far for my well-being was to stop fighting my HSP trait and learn to embrace it instead. Only then was I able to successfully cope with its challenges and fully access the depth and power of its gifts.

In a society that looks down on sensitivity and other differences as weaknesses, the process of embracing sensitivity is an incredible act of resilience and rebellion.

I imagine you've been trying for far too long to be less sensitive. I want to encourage you to try something different. What if this part of you is actually your superpower and not the kryptonite you've been led to believe it is?

I'll say it again because it bears repeating. You do not need to be less sensitive to recover or to thrive in your life.

Keep this in mind as you move forward in your eating disorder treatment. Full recovery is real.

I believe in you.

��

How to Not Get Lost In Self-Exploration as an HSP

Fri, 26 Apr 2024 23:52:14 GMT

If not done mindfully, self-exploration can leave Highly Sensitive People depleted and confused. Have you ever found yourself thinking so deeply about something you said or felt that you ended up going down 18 different rabbit holes and forgetting what you were thinking about in the first place?

You're not alone.

Many of us HSPs can get lost in self-analysis because of how deeply we process everything . Yet, it's so important!

Self-exploration empowers us to create a meaningful life that supports our ever-evolving needs and desires, connects us to our values, and promotes safe and loving relationships.

Let's explore the 3 guideposts for HSPs that will help you mindfully engage in self-exploration without getting lost.

Ready? Grab your compass!

Guidepost 1: Calm

Self-exploration from a place of dysregulation will almost always go askew. That's why the first of the guideposts is calm . It is so worth taking time to get your body and mind grounded in the here and now and to enter into your window of tolerance as much as possible.

In no way do I mean that you can't have emotions when you go mind-spelunking. Some of us naturally operate at a somewhat heightened frequency, and that's ok. It's the intention of regulation that's most important.

In our window of tolerance, our thoughts are clearer, and we're more flexible with our perspectives.

If you're angry, for example, take a few minutes to acknowledge and validate the anger. You may feel that you want to safely release it from your body with the Clench and Relax technique, or a short sprint down the block and back. When you're ready, set the intention to hold space for the anger while you introduce some calming diaphragmatic breaths. It's an "and" practice, not one or the other.

Guidepost 2: Curious

In a more regulated space, we can now move on to the second guidepost of this journey: our curiosity. A naturally inquisitive nature, as many Highly Sensitive People possess, propels us to consistently explore our thoughts, feelings, and motivations. This is great!

And what makes it better is curiosity with a beginner's mindset, leading us to deeper self-awareness. Using this mindset, we can avoid the traps of be en-there-done-that thinking that protects us from feeling vulnerable and keeps us from important discoveries. We are constantly adapting and evolving, and curiosity lets us actually recognize this.

By approaching ourselves with open curiosity, we can remain receptive to new insights that we may otherwise miss.

Curiosity helps build resilience as well. When we're curious, we're more likely to view setbacks and failures as opportunities for growth rather than impassable roadblocks.

Try getting curious about what thoughts fuel your emotions. Notice where you feel an emotion in your body. Look at how certain patterns of thinking could play a role in a situation. Consider how a loved one would respond in your shoes. These are all ways to practice curiosity.

Guidepost 3: Compassionate

We won't get far with curiosity unless it's done with compassion, primarily with the intention to be non-judgmental of whatever we discover. Do we have to like what we find? No. But being willing to accept it with grace will go a long way.

Compassion involves treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we offer to others. When we approach self-discovery from a compassionate stance, we create the kind of nurturing environment that we need for self-acceptance.

And this is a must if we hope to change and grow.

Compassion during self-exploration extends beyond ourselves; it also builds empathy and deepens our understanding of others. This fosters stronger connections and enriches our relationships, creating an ideal environment for mutual growth and support.

Onward, ho!

As you embark on your journey of self-exploration, remember the 3 c's: C alm, C urious, and C ompassionate. Be open to what you learn, embrace every shimmer and every shadow, and you'll soon discover the transformative power of looking within.

And because it just so happened this way, let's throw in one final c - c ourage.

Go with courage , dear explorers! ��

Stronger Together: Why We Can't Do Recovery Alone

Fri, 19 Apr 2024 23:51:51 GMT

Before my recovery began, there were secrets. Loads of them.

I'm not proud of it, but at the time, protecting my eating disorder was my top concern. So if protecting it meant lying and sneaking around, so be it . That was the trade-off for the promises it made (none of which were kept, by the way.)

I kept anorexia a secret for as long as I could, but somewhere in the quiet corners of my mind, I intrinsically knew that if I wanted to get better, I was not going to be able to do it on my own. I could maybe have white-knuckled my way to a partial recovery - perhaps decreasing the damaging behaviors, yet still tormented by the disordered thoughts. But I wanted more than that, and I really hoped it was possible.

If full recovery from an eating disorder is your goal, a support system is imperative.

The road to recovery from an eating disorder is filled with plenty of challenges, emotional highs and lows, and many, many moments of self-doubt. Having a network of individuals walking alongside you can provide invaluable guidance and support.

Whether friends, family members, healthcare professionals, peers, or mentors, your support system will help you navigate the complexities of recovery, offer encouragement during difficult times, and remind you that you are not on your own.

You don't have to go through recovery alone. You were never meant to.

In this blog post, we'll look at the vital role that a support system plays in your journey and how it can significantly enhance your healing process.

"But I don't want anyone to know."

Sure. I get this. Eating disorders, like many other mental health struggles, are still deeply stigmatized. But this is changing - and it's only changing because people are talking about it.

Without involving other people, you're at risk of the eating disorder getting stronger. Eating disorders, much like shame, feed on silence and secrecy. When you're alone with your struggles, you're isolated in a way that you might not even be able to comprehend.

Humans are social creatures. We are wired for interdependence. There's a reason why helping other people can boost our mood.

In a way, closing yourself off to help is not only detrimental to yourself, but it's a detriment to others who love you and could benefit from your vulnerability and courage.

Keeping your struggles secret can increase feelings of overwhelm and hopelessness and your risk of relapse. The secrets can also decrease your motivation, accountability, and commitment to the healing process.

I know that reaching out is a risk. But not reaching out is a riskier risk; one that honestly can put your life in jeopardy.

3 Important Types of Support in Recovery

1. Emotional Support

This form of support is really important because having an eating disorder can feel crazy-making. Emotional support can come from peers who have been through something similar and also from those who haven't. Not everyone will understand an eating disorder, but many can understand the challenging emotions that accompany one. Emotional support can look like:

Validation, empathy, and compassion
Decreased isolation, connection, and company
Motivation and encouragement to carry on

2. Practical Support

J ust because you can do it alone doesn't mean you have to. When it comes to eating disorders, many loved ones can be at a loss for how to offer support. Practical support can be an effective way for you to receive help and care and for the people who love you to get involved - which feels good! Practical support can look like:

Help with meal planning, grocery or clothes shopping, etc.
Assistance in finding treatment providers.
Someone to drive you to a session, or meeting, or even attend with you.

3. Professional Support

Professionals specializing in eating disorders are trained not only to help you get better but also to hold non-judgmental space for you to move through all of the stages of recovery. While we genuinely care and are invested in your success, we don't take it personally when you struggle or push back against our guidance. Knowing that usually means more honesty on your part. Professional Support can look like:

Psychoeducation about your eating disorder and the roots of the illness
Accountability and structure
Holding hope for you when you're not able to

Building Your Support System

Reaching out for help is only one way of building a support system. Offering help and connecting through shared experience is another way. Below are some examples of how you might begin to build or strengthen your support system:

Tell a trusted friend or family member about your eating disorder
Begin therapy or nutrition therapy
Talk to your doctor about your behaviors
Attend a free support group
Join an online recovery community
Start or join a meal or snack support group
Text or FaceTime a friend when you're struggling
Ask a friend how they're doing when you need a distraction
Connect with or become a recovery peer mentor

If you need help sharing the secret, check out this post for additional tips .

Strong social support is both a protective factor against the development of eating disorders and one of the keys to a full recovery. Your eating disorder serves a function, and one way to put it out of a job is to practice reaching out to other people rather than your eating disorder.

You can do it. And you deserve it.

Heart to Heart: Communication Tools for the HSP

Fri, 12 Apr 2024 23:51:33 GMT

The heart of human connection is in communication. Whether through spoken word, a shift in facial expression, or any other form, communication shapes our relationships and the trajectory of our individual growth. Highly Sensitive People possess many beautiful qualities that can help them navigate the intricacies of communication in a deeply profound way. Yet these same characteristics may present obstacles to effective communication as well.

With our depth of processing and heightened sensitivity to stimuli, HSPs can find themselves grappling with how to express themselves and maintain balance amidst the onslaught of information from interpersonal interactions.

In this post, we'll explore some HSP-specific insights and practical strategies to avoid the pitfalls of ineffective communication, harness your sensitive strength, and cultivate more meaningful connections.

"Do I have to spell it out?"

Sensitivity to subtlety is a characteristic many Highly Sensitive People understand well. In communication, it can show up as an expert ability to pick up on non-verbal cues and "read between the lines." The problem lies in assuming that everyone else is good at this, too.

This is something I've struggled with in my personal life and have seen time and time again with my Highly Sensitive clients.

Subtle doesn't cut it, and hints don't work.

When it comes to effective communication, direct and deliberate is the way to go. Unfortunately, many of us began associating "direct" with being rude or unfeeling early on in life. This is especially true for HSP women who have certainly been at risk of being labeled "bitchy" or aggressive when even just approaching the realm of direct communication.

It's unfair. And the risk to our personal growth is immense. It's extremely important for Highly Sensitive People to practice being direct and deliberate, and to be careful not to assume that those around them are as adept as they are at catching the hints and deciphering the unspoken.

Otherwise, we will not get our needs met, and over time this leads to...

"I have no needs, I have no wants."

When we've gone long enough without adequate fulfillment of needs and desires, these parts of us close down in a bid for self-protection. Rather than risk the pain of once again being let down, we instead try to convince ourselves that we're entirely self-sufficient.

We lose touch with what we need and want, and can feel overwhelmed if asked directly.

This can happen for another reason, too:

Being empathetic and highly attuned to the needs of others, many HSPs naturally fall into caregiver roles. And they can be damn good at it. But this can happen so frequently that, to their own detriment, sensitive folks began to make being self-sacrificing and "putting everyone else first" a core pillar of their identity.

Adrift in the sea of processing.

Another common communication hurdle for the HSP is the amount and depth of processing that's happening at any given moment. As a gift, this helps us to be naturally thoughtful and insightful when communicating...but sometimes a little slower.

I don't mean that HSPs are slow to process - often the pace itself is quite fast - but more information is being processed. The communication can appear slow, however, because unbeknownst to the outside observer, an HSP is considering multiple perspectives, examining the potential emotional ramifications to each of them, and preparing a nuanced response with the words and expressions that feel just right , all at the same time.

If the person you're communicating with does not offer you the space and patience for this processing, you can begin to feel flustered, irritable, or shut down.

The Tools

So how can Highly Sensitive People improve their communication and enhance their relationships and growth? Here are a few tools that will do just that:

"Give me a minute to think about it."
If you can practice getting these words out of your mouth before anything else happens, you'll be in good shape. This simple statement will allow you the space you deserve to process all the things , and it will hopefully lessen your partner's tendency to rush you and their confusion as to why you aren't responding right away.
Active Listening in both directions.
Many HSPs are talented at accurately reflecting back what they've heard or understood in communication, but we don't always get this in return. It's ok to ask for it. You can use a phrase like, "I'd like to know that you understand me. Could you tell me what you gathered from what I said?"
Building Self-Awareness.
Self-aware HSPs are better able to articulate their needs and boundaries, leading to more productive interactions. Your body will communicate to you when something you've said or want to say is misaligned with your true desires or crosses a personal boundary. Even if you do not feel safe or comfortable enough to make a correction, it can still be powerful to check in with yourself and acknowledge the signals. "I see you, Self. I understand you."

It's not always easy, and I don't always get it right. My husband has to ask me more times than I'd like to admit, " Please be more direct." Or worse - "Please speak up!" (Hey, I can't help it that everything, including my own voice, is often too loud for me ��) But with an open mind, we can use every interaction as an opportunity to learn about ourselves and our loved ones, and to grow toward our highest selves.

As a Highly Sensitive Person, you're able to share your unique gifts through different types of expression. By using these tools and learning how to work with and honor your sensitivity, you, too, can become a skilled, meaningful communicator.

From Pain to Purpose: Finding the Light Again

Fri, 05 Apr 2024 23:51:09 GMT

Living with an eating disorder is brutal. The idea of having a greater purpose is completely obscured. There's pain and anguish on all fronts: physical, emotional, and especially mental. It's a relentless cycle of self-doubt and hatred, confusion, and a drive for control that paradoxically strips you of it.

In the depths of despair, it's hard to see anything beyond the current moment of suffering.

But what if buried beneath the layers of pain was a beacon of light and hope waiting to be unearthed? What if your suffering could be the catalyst for something greater than you could even imagine?

The journey from pain to purpose is not only about overcoming difficulty; it's about transforming your struggles into stepping stones that move you and the collective toward a brighter future.

What is Purpose?

Purpose is an underlying reason or motivation that gives direction and meaning to our lives and our actions. It's our calling. It's the intersection of 3 very important things:

Our natural gifts,
Our genuine interests,
And the fulfillment of a human need.

Our calling gives us a sense of satisfaction in knowing that our existence and actions contribute to the greater good on an individual, communal, or global level. Most people do not come into the world aware of their purpose. And if they do, it is likely to change a few times! Some will not gain clarity about their purpose until much later in life. That's okay.

Connecting with purpose is an extremely personal journey. It's a process that asks for self-awareness, exploration, and the ever-important willingness to be uncomfortable.

During my years as a therapist in eating disorder treatment centers, I often ran a group centered on the topic of purpose and meaning. My heart would break for all the precious souls who would look at me with such doubt and disbelief when I discussed how meaning helped transform my eating disorder recovery.

I understood that doubt and disbelief well.

Throughout my youth and young adulthood, I was sure my path was going to be something much different than what it ended up being. I thought my calling was to entertain, to be on stage, to ( insert theatrical voice )... ACT!

Well, I actually returned to the theater not too long ago. Add it's still a glorious passion! But my other passion, helping others heal from the wounds that keep them stuck, is what fuels me and continuously inspires me .

"So, how do I find my purpose?"

I've been asked this question too many times to count - but that's ok! It's an important one. I certainly didn't understand what my purpose was during my eating disorder, particularly during the first few years, or that my eating disorder itself was significant for its fulfillment.

To help shed light along the path of your own journey, ask yourself the following questions:

What things may potentially be acting as barriers to the creation or discovery of my calling? (Think addiction, low self-esteem, toxic relationships, lack of inspiration or mentorship, etc.)
If those stumbling blocks were no longer in the picture, what would occupy my mind? What sorts of things would naturally draw my interest?
In what ways am I open to moving forward in life and stretching my comfort zone, even when I am unsure of my path?
In what ways am I not open?

Our path in life unfolds over time, of course, and is seldom straightforward. The more you can practice patience with yourself and stay curious and open, the better. Your purpose may one day strike you like a bolt of lightning. Or it may be a quiet whisper upon the wind for years upon years.

I was sitting in a therapy group once (not as a therapist, but as a patient) when it first occurred to me that I may one day use my eating disorder experience to help others. I'm not sure where the notion came from, but I remember its dawning clearly.

The doubt kicked in, as if on cue:

"You can barely function. What makes you think you could ever help people?"

I now know that I was hearing the voice of Fear.

It can be scary to embrace purpose; scary to entertain the idea that there is meaning, even in the darkness - because then we are asked to survive it.

Finding the Light Again

As I write this, I'm preparing to witness a total solar eclipse in Vermont, the likes of which have not happened here during my lifetime. At its peak, the sun will be completely obscured, and the world around me will be plunged into the dark of night.

Whether because of an eating disorder, a traumatic experience, addiction, depression, or whatever else has plunged your life into shadow and pain, surviving an era of darkness can feel next to impossible.

Fear is SO powerful. We unwillingly become experts at recognizing all the ways we could possibly stumble or fail. Fear's ultimate goal is to keep us safe. But that safety comes at the cost of a small life, one of little growth. Our true potential is hidden in the darkness right alongside us.

But it's not impossible to feel fear and do the hard thing anyway.

"If you run from your fears, they will follow you. If you run straight at your fears, they will get the hell out of your way. Fears hate it when you do that." - Jen Sincero

So take that step into the unknown and the discomfort. It's hard in different ways, whether you do or don't.

Choose the good hard .

And in time, the darkness will lift. The sun will return. And you will bloom.

Believe it, and it will be so.

✨

Tackle Your Eating Disorder Triggers in 3 Moves

Fri, 29 Mar 2024 23:50:43 GMT

When it comes to recovery, becoming aware of and working through triggers is imperative . An eating disorder trigger is any stimulus that evokes a challenging emotion and has the potential to lead to disordered urges or behaviors.

As anyone with any eating disorder can attest, triggers are a dime a dozen. Some are very understandable and shared by many who struggle, such as being on the receiving end of a body-focused comment. Some triggers are extremely personal and may come as a surprise to other people.

Either way, they're extremely important to understand and navigate.

“Your triggers are pathways to your wounds. The stimulus is only a door.”
- Sanhita Baruah

Without working on your triggers, it will often feel like you're white-knuckling your way through recovery.

3 Moves to Tackle Your Specific Eating Disorder Triggers

1. Recognize Your Role

If you let it, anything can be a trigger for your eating disorder. Triggers are often created when we judge something in relation to ourselves. For example, let's say you come across something on social media that mentions a certain someone you admire is X tall and weighs X amount.

"I should weigh that too. They're so much more disciplined than me. I'm so gross."

Take ownership of these judgments and beliefs. It's not your fault you're thinking this way. (Hey, we've ALL been brainwashed by diet culture.) But it is your responsibility to own the thoughts and then do something about them.

2. Reject the Judgments

Once you realize that you've made a judgment that fuels the trigger, you can attempt to correct it. Make a point to reject unhealthy thinking patterns and replace them with healthy truths.

This is easier said than done. I know you're not going to just magically start thinking differently by saying the opposite out loud or something. But hear this:

The attempts MATTER.

Every time you refuse to just blindly go along with these automatic, disordered thoughts, every time you challenge them, dialogue with them, even for a minute , your Healthy Self (the part of you that can easily call BS on these thoughts for a good friend) gets a little stronger, and THAT is powerful.

3. Reap the Benefits

You can use your triggers to help you recover. Triggers give you information . Triggers point out areas in your life that need attention for your recovery to continue to move forward successfully. When you actively choose to view your triggers through this lens, it can boost your motivation to heal and grow. Here's an example:

"I look forward to the day when this food doesn't trigger a binge, but is instead just one of many foods I love and incorporate freely into my life."

Being invited out to eat with friends or family used to be a big trigger for me. I'd spend an awful amount of time poring over menus online, panicking about what I was going to order, and what I would do after if I didn't follow my eating disorder's rules. I recall looking forward to a time when restaurants didn't send me into a downward spiral. I wasn't sure I'd get to that point, though, but I sure hoped I would. What I did know was that I struggled with spontaneity and was very rigid in both my thinking patterns and behaviors.

Nowadays, hearing, "Want to go out to eat at [INSERT RESTAURANT]?" has me standing at the door within seconds, keys in hand, practically bouncing.

Have a meal of my choosing made for me, brought to me, and cleaned up for me? YES PLEASE.

Triggers that continue to knock us down in recovery time and time again can be one of the factors that lead to relapse.

Like triggers, relapses can be amazing learning opportunities when you lean into the process of accepting them and working to gain insight from them.

If you're going through a relapse now, I see you, and you're not alone. There IS help.

Go tackle those triggers, friends. You've got this.

��

Sensitive & Struggling: Your Eating Disorder Risk Explained

Fri, 22 Mar 2024 23:50:01 GMT

Understanding the connection between High Sensitivity and disordered eating is crucial.

Being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) means your brain is wired to navigate the world in a beautiful and unique way. Many gifts come with this trait, but it can also create some challenges - including an increased risk of developing an eating disorder .

The presentation spectrum of food and body image struggles is extensive, just like the myriad of ways that High Sensitivity presents. Both are unique to the individual but do often show up in a variety of characteristic and behavioral clusters.

While High Sensitivity is a biological trait (Sensory Processing Sensitivity is the scientific name), it is not a diagnosis like an eating disorder. As the name suggests, EDs are multifaceted disorders . You can heal from an eating disorder, but your sensitivity is with you for life. You ARE Highly Sensitive. You have anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, etc.

Becoming familiar with High Sensitivity and how to work WITH your trait is imperative for HSPs.

When I was living with an eating disorder, I didn't know what Sensory Processing Sensitivity was, or that I, myself, am a Highly Sensitive Person. As a therapist, I've specialized in treating food and body image struggles for many years, and I've come to find that many (if not most) of my clients are HSPs too.

Through my work, I've identified 5 reasons why Highly Sensitive People have an increased risk of eating disorders and disordered eating.

1: Sensation Sensitivity

One of the main characteristics of an HSP is a sensitivity to what others find subtle. Sensory information is processed very deeply in the brain, and sensations are often felt to a greater degree. While not all EDs include a disturbance in body image, many do, and this is often heightened in Highly Sensitive People. Subtle changes in body weight or shape may feel intense, which exacerbates disordered thoughts and beliefs.

This sensitivity to sensation also shows up around food. The sensory experiences of eating and the felt sense of hunger and fullness can be quite different and even extreme for HSPs. For example, some textures or smells may be challenging or off-putting, or a shift from a little full to uncomfortably full can happen in seconds.

2: Harm Avoidance

As a temperament trait, harm avoidance may present as chronic worry and doubt, a reluctance to participate in the unfamiliar, and feeling easily fatigued. Studies have shown that the propensity toward avoiding harm is higher in those who develop disordered eating.

Harm avoidance that presents as self-doubt is particularly common among HSPs as their experience in the world has usually been invalidated on countless occasions by statements like, "You're just being too sensitive," or, "It's all in your head."

Highly Sensitive children grow up with this sort of invalidation, even in stable, loving families. It makes sense that we would begin to doubt our own internal cues.

3: Isolation and Secrecy

Not all Highly Sensitive People are isolative introverts, by any means. It's estimated that about 30% of HSPs are extroverts. But what is typically common across the spectrum of sensitivity is the deep need and tendency to withdraw from stimulation for the purpose of sensory rest.

This is normal. However, this healthy alone time may lend itself to the withdrawal that an eating disorder desires.

Eating disorders thrive in isolation and secrecy. When there is a sense of separation and aloneness, a person leans harder on their disordered behaviors, in a way, for a kind of companionship. It is not uncommon for those struggling to feel the conflicting desires to rid themselves of the eating disorder and protect it at all costs.

4: Perfectionism and Comparison

Perfectionism is very common among people with food and body image struggles. This is not always obvious, however, because it can be solely self-oriented, meaning the perfectionist only holds themselves to impossibly high standards, and not others.

Because of the aforementioned Harm Avoidance trait, Highly Sensitive People may mistakenly turn to perfectionism as a protective tactic.

We can believe (on some level) that we might prevent uncomfortable experiences or bad things from happening with the never-ending pursuit of perfection.

Being keenly aware of our environment and the people in it, this tendency toward perfectionism means we're also prone to comparison. Many disordered eating symptoms circle around and our perpetuated by the devastating compulsion of comparing oneself to others.

5: Need for Distraction and Relief

HSPs don't have it easy in this world. We just don't. Especially in Western culture, sensitivity is still seen primarily as a liability - something to be hidden or squashed out of someone. But even when you're in an optimum environment for your sensitivity, it's still tiring to process things so deeply. Wonderful , but tiring.

Enter an eating disorder. They have a remarkable way of blocking out all else and becoming a person's sole focus. Life is whittled down to the pursuit of the ED's desires.

As a survivor, I don't doubt that every single person with an eating disorder history has or had one for very valid reasons. They are coping mechanisms, after all. And they work... until they don't.

Eating disorders are survival techniques that ensnare and baffle. They provide relief and solace but foster challenges and despair at the same time.

Full recovery is possible.

You do not need to become less sensitive to heal. That's a relief, right?

While it's true that High Sensitivity increases your risk of developing an eating disorder, it also gives you the gifts to fully recover from one.

You don't have to go through recovery alone. You were never meant to. ��

Planting Seeds: Recovery Rituals for the Spring Equinox

Fri, 15 Mar 2024 23:49:45 GMT

Eating disorders involve many unhealthy rituals that strengthen their hold on a person's mind, body, and spirit. Whether it's the habitual hop onto the scale first thing in the morning, the purposeful gathering of binge foods, or the aftercare steps performed to hide evidence of purging, these rituals hinder recovery and keep us locked in shame and solitude.

Yet recovery offers you the chance to reclaim rituals and use them instead to develop a supportive, empowering relationship with yourself.

Why now? The spring equinox. Happening this year on March 19th, the equinox occurs when the sun crosses the celestial equator, marking the moment when night and day are equal in length. And most important to me, and many other Northern Hemisphere folks, it signals the arrival of spring.

�� YAY! HELLO, SPRING!��

The spring equinox holds significance in a variety of cultures and traditions and is a wonderful time to incorporate some healing rituals.

Themes that can be of particular significance for eating disorder recovery include:

renewal (as demonstrated by the arrival of springtime flora and fauna)
balance (think equal length of day and night)
connection (community-oriented gatherings and traditions)
transformation (symbolized by emerging from a season of darkness and into one of light)

So what are rituals?

More than routines, rituals have the boost of intention behind them. You may brush your teeth routinely, but if you brush your teeth with the intention of it being an act of self-care and kindness toward your body, that's something different, right?

Rituals are the love-child of intention and action.

They can provide a sense of structure and routine, generate creative opportunities, acknowledge important milestones, foster connection and support, help you release that which no longer serves you, and usher in new growth and wisdom.

Sounds pretty powerful for something as complex and pivotal as eating disorder recovery!

Here are 6 rituals that will help you plant seeds in your recovery that will continue to serve you for years to come:

Spring Cleaning: Use this time to intentionally remove items from your environment that are not conducive to your recovery. Consider donating clothing items that don't fit or are uncomfortable as a symbolic gesture of giving back and moving forward. Maybe you've had a long-time goal to get rid of your scale. Use the equinox energy to get on with it!
Meal Blessings: Spiritually-minded or not, you can take a moment to bless or affirm each meal and snack before you begin to eat. You may even set an intention if there are any particular food or table behavior goals you are working on. Meal blessings can help you incorporate more mindfulness and positivity into your eating experiences.
Community Connection: Create a ritual of connection by reaching out to friends, family members, or recovery peers who understand and support your journey. Perhaps it's a text in the evening to share your small victories, or a weekly call to share gratitudes with another grateful human.
Rinse of Renewal: When you take a bath or shower, visualize the rinsing away of disordered habits and beliefs. Imagine yourself emerging from the water renewed and refreshed. You can even utilize candles, soap, or shower mist in a spring scent like jasmine or citrus for added delight.
Potted Hope: On several strips of paper, write out your hopes for recovery. Include any intentions, your reasons for healing, goals, and aspirations. Find a small clay pot that you can decorate with paint or decoupage. Once complete, "plant" each seed in the pot by reading each strip of paper and visualizing your healing and growth.
Seedling Stroll: Choose a place in nature for this moving meditation. Walking at half your normal pace, pay attention to the sensations of each step. Try it barefoot if it's safe and appropriate to do so! Allow your eyes to take in the budding beauty around you. Look for and notice any small signs of spring that could otherwise be missed in the rush of everyday life.

The possibilities are endless. By incorporating intentional recovery rituals into our lives during this time, we can symbolically release old, disordered patterns and welcome the energy of new beginnings.

Whether it's through connecting with nature, practicing self-care, or fostering community support, these rituals serve as powerful reminders of our resilience and capacity for healing.

��

Sensitive in ED Recovery: Mini Mealtime Tips

Thu, 07 Mar 2024 19:25:04 GMT

Eating can, of course, be incredibly stressful for individuals in eating disorder recovery. Highly Sensitive People can find mealtimes especially challenging, as eating disorder thoughts mix with physiological stress and anxiety, and potential sensory overload.

This is a recipe for a terrible time.

When I was in eating disorder treatment, I didn't have a say in what was on my menu for my daily meals. Granted, I was not in a position to choose items that would have given me both the nutrients and joy in food that I enjoy now in my recovered life.

But it stands out to me how little my HSP needs were recognized and tended to back then.

At this time in my life, I knew I was sensitive. Incredibly sensitive. But I didn't know that Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS is the scientific term for High Sensitivity) was a thing , or that I experienced it alongside 20-30% of the population. I didn't know that SPS can add an extra layer of challenge to eating disorder recovery and that treatment experts are not always aware of what it is or how to support someone with it.

Here's an example of what I mean:

Each meal in this treatment center was a time to practice "gentle eating," meaning Staff put on soft music, and the other residents and I sat cafeteria-style while our food was delivered on covered trays. There wasn't much talking. It wasn't discouraged, per se, but connecting over food certainly wasn't encouraged either.

We all mostly went through these meals with just our screaming eating disorder thoughts as company.

Most mornings, I was given a little single-serve packet of peanut butter, either to eat with an apple, on toast, or perhaps in my oatmeal. Now, I love peanut butter. I love it now, and I loved it then. My eating disorder was a little scared of PB, but being the people-pleasing, perfectionistic patient I was, I would have risen to the challenge of eating it, no problem...except for the ONE problem.

The smell of peanut butter in the morning made me ill.

Any other time of day was fine. But in the morning? I. Could. Not. Tolerate It. I don't know why.

I often wound up in tears over the peanut butter, fighting hard to keep my gag reflex at bay while I choked it down. My cries and pleas to staff to substitute ANY OTHER FOOD were ignored or dismissed. My issue was chalked up solely to my eating disorder being in control.

"It's your eating disorder talking. It'll be fine. It's this or a supplement." (It often ended up being the latter.)

Thankfully, times have changed. Most treatment facilities give their clients at least some menu choices and the chance to choose food "dislikes" that will not be served. There is now a greater (albeit far from perfect) understanding of sensory processing needs in recovery and beyond.

Here are some Mini Mealtime Tips to help make eating in recovery a tad easier for Highly Sensitive People:

Be willing to examine your choices, and then...trust yourself. For the sake of your recovery process, it's important to be curious about whether your food choices are based on satisfying your eating disorder or your true preferences (how something tastes, smells, feels, digests, etc.). Once you do the work, you can trust yourself. You are the expert on you, always .
Advocate for yourself. You'll likely need to share with at least some of your support network about your sensitivity and any sensory needs. If your recovery includes a treatment program (and it's still 100% valid and important if it doesn't) , make sure the staff is aware of SPS and how your needs might be accommodated. Food Exposures should only be done with your consent.
Find some stability. This might seem super simple, but it could be really helpful for you while you're eating or whenever you're experiencing stress: try placing one hand flat on the table, or whatever surface you're eating on. Bring your awareness to the feeling of the surface under your palm. Notice the sturdiness, texture, and temperature of the material. Leave it there for as long as you need while you eat (unless, of course, two hands are required for your food).
Sigh it out. When our bodies sigh or yawn, they're regulating our CO2 levels and taking care of our lungs. It just so happens that we're relieving stress too. Inducing a sigh is a simple and easy way to shift out of fight-or-flight. After a deeper-than-normal inhale through your nose, top it off with an additional inhale before you release and breathe out through your mouth. Your body may like this so much that it's followed automatically by an additional sigh or yawn. Repeat as desired throughout your meal.
Transition with intention: I talk about this one a lot! Make sure that you are giving your nervous system time to adjust when transitioning from one event or situation to another. Take a minute or two at the start and end of your meal to check in with your emotions, your thoughts, and your sensations with a simply curious, non-judgmental stance. You could rate your hunger-fullness if that's helpful. Do an intentional sigh or two, feel your feet on the ground or your hand on the table, and then continue about your day.
Create a relaxing environment: You can help reduce the potential for sensory overwhelm by putting some thought into your eating space. This is highly personal, so be prepared to experiment! You may be immensely helped by neutral dialogue with your meal companions. Or you may prefer not to talk much. TV, music, or reading material may be fantastic for your sensory needs, or they may add unhelpful distraction if you're trying to increase your meal mindfulness. Pay attention to things like the utensils you like the most, the napkins that feel good to you, and your Goldilocks food temperature. It's your right to make mealtimes work for you .
Practice patience with yourself. What you're doing is not easy. All of the unhelpful things people may have said to you during your struggles are extremely oversimplifying and dismissive. ( "Just eat" , "Just stop eating" , "Just eat normally" , etc.) If only it were that simple. Take a brief moment at the end of your meal to thank your body for using the nutrients for your greatest good, and thank yourself for doing hard things.

By the way, I'm pretty chill with peanut butter in the morning now. ��

That might be due to the forced exposures all those years ago, or simply the fact that things are constantly changing, our sensitivity and sensory processing included. (There are actually some food textures that bother me now that didn't much back then.) Who knows. But I know my needs and limits. I choose to take care of myself. I hope you choose that for yourself, too.

You're worth it.

Accepting an Eating Disorder When You Don't Understand It

Fri, 01 Mar 2024 17:54:38 GMT

Trying to fully understand the why and ho w of an eating disorder is like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands.

Everyone knows that acceptance is imperative for the recovery process, but how in the world can we accept something that just doesn't make sense?

I spent too long spinning my wheels, futilely searching for THE reason I developed an eating disorder.

I wanted to comprehend exactly why I had traversed from being genuinely happy and excited about life to feeling depressed and hell bent on self-destruction. I devoured scholarly articles and memoirs about eating disorders. I talked myself into tangled knots in therapy. I even decided to go to graduate school.

But the longer my energy stayed focused on the WHY of developing the disorder, the more I avoided the HOW of getting better.

Nearly two decades on, with that Master's degree obtained and 14 years and counting of clinical work under my belt, I now understand so much more about the development of disordered eating patterns. I understand the genetics and predisposing traits, the neuroscience, and attachment wounds...I have a pretty good handle on my Why.

Don't get me wrong. Developing knowledge and understanding about what underlies our personal struggles with food and body is very important for the recovery process.

The iceberg metaphor is helpful here: we can't only focus on what's on the surface (the symptoms). We have to see what's under the water, the unmet needs and desires that are at the root of the symptoms. But the reverse is also true. If we only focus on what's under the surface, the symptoms and the behaviors may not shift.

Highly Sensitive People are particularly prone to getting stuck in the process of just trying to GET IT. With our depth of processing, we're naturally curious and introspective - and this can definitely be an asset in our recovery journeys. But it's important to be aware of how this can become a roadblock as well.

We can REALLY feel like we're getting somewhere because of all the processing going on, but it's more like we're just rocking furiously back and forth in a rocking chair.

In my personal journey, these are the three things that helped me accept my eating disorder without fully understanding it:

Working with a therapist with lived experience.
This was very powerful for me. I needed a therapist who had a better understanding of eating disorders than I did (and this is not the case for all professionals).
Connecting with other people who were also in recovery.
Hearing someone say, "Me too. I get it," was SO helpful when my disorder wanted to isolate me. My Healthy-Self showed up for these people, which strengthened and enabled it to eventually show up for me, too.
Getting clear on what was scarier to me than letting go of my eating disorder, my safety net.
I didn't quite know what I wanted for my life, but I at least knew what I didn't want. That helped me determine the action steps I needed to take toward recovery.

Acceptance of where we are and where we've come from is required to get to where we want to be.

When I think about it, it's a misnomer, the word "recover" because it essentially means to return to a previous state. This is something much better than that. We can't return to the people we were before developing eating disorders, because we'd just do it all over again. We're discovering. We're growing. We're evolving. It's forward movement.

And that's where acceptance is key.

There are definitely some parts of my eating disorder that still don't make sense to me. That's ok because I'm living in the now and will continue striving to stay open and accepting of all the discoveries yet to come.

3 Journaling Practices for Highly Sensitive People

Fri, 23 Feb 2024 19:23:59 GMT

Interested in journaling but don't know where to begin?

It seems that the benefits of journaling are endless. Highly Sensitive People may find the practice especially rewarding. Journaling helps improve self-awareness, increases mindfulness and communication skills, and assists us in processing our emotions. (And we HSPs have plenty of those to sift through!)

I frequently suggest journaling to my Highly Sensitive clients, yet I’m often met with at least a little resistance.

I've heard clients express everything from "I'm afraid to journal because it will just make me feel things more" , to, "I'm not good at journaling." I get it.

Sitting with what's happening inside isn't always pleasant. But compassionate exploration will always help you move through it. Pushing it down and ignoring it will never. And in response to not feeling GOOD at journaling, let me just say that it's impossible to be bad at journaling. It just is .

I understand how difficult it can be to develop a new habit, especially if you feel a little lost as to where to begin. Below are 3 simple journaling practices that Highly Sensitive People will love. Try one per day and see what feels good to you.

1. Daily Delights

This is a fun one. It's pretty difficult to feel down on yourself when you're focusing on thankfulness. "Gratitude begets gratitude." This essentially means that the more you practice gratitude, the more gracious you become, and the quicker you are to notice the good in your day-to-day life.

Daily Delights are a great way to zoom in and appreciate the small stuff. Highly Sensitive People notice everything, so capitalize on this!

Each night, commit to writing down 3 or more things from the day that brought you even a momentary glimpse of delight. For example: The smell of your coffee this morning, the uplifting voicemail from a friend, and the ladybug you noticed on your car. ��

2. Feeling Wheel

Never heard of a Feeling Wheel? Give it a quick Google! Using one can help you get up close and personal with what's going on inside. Because of how deeply we process emotions, HSPs can sometimes have trouble identifying and naming what’s happening inside. Browsing a Feeling Wheel or even just a list of emotion words can help you identify emotions that you might not have otherwise noticed or known how to name.

Some people like to start in the middle of the wheel and work their way out toward the more specific feelings. Some prefer the other way around. The goal is to pick 1-3 emotions that you feel strongly connected to in the moment and explore them. You might write about how you know you are feeling that way; where you feel the emotion in your body if you do, or if specific thoughts are prompting the emotion. With practice, this tool can help you acknowledge and sit through emotions, even the difficult ones, with a bit more ease.

3. Morning Pages

(As described in The Artist's Way .) This stream-of-consciousness technique is all about clearing your mind of unnecessary clutter. It is suggested that you write first thing in the morning for at least 3 pages worth. That might feel like a lot. If you prefer, set a timer for 10 minutes instead. Don't worry if what you're writing feels like it has nothing to do with anything. You're letting your pen or pencil move freely and quickly with your mind. You might be amazed at some of the thoughts that pour out!

"If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad." - Lord Byron

Whichever way you decide to start your journaling habit, make sure to go easy on yourself, my sensitive friend. Journaling is for you only. No need to impress!

Resist the temptation to edit your writing or to check your spelling. Also, avoid the keyboard if possible. Handwriting activates your left hemisphere, home of logic and rationale, leaving your right brain free to feel your feelings - and feeling, after all, is healing .

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Why Giving Yourself Grace in Recovery Can Save Your Life

Fri, 16 Feb 2024 17:53:58 GMT

If there was ever a time to give yourself grace in recovery, wouldn't it be now?

The world feels particularly overwhelming nowadays. Highly Sensitive or not, you're not alone in that feeling. While I've sometimes felt busier than ever, I've also spent more and more time considering the concepts of burnout, compassion, and self-forgiveness. (I'm an HSP, so these rabbit holes are second nature, of course!)

Whether you forgot to change the oil in your car, slept through an important meeting, or can't stop thinking about how you binged AGAIN last night, even though you promised yourself you wouldn't... what's even more painful and frustrating than these actual events is the way we treat ourselves because of them .

Beating ourselves over the head with a berating, vicious inner monologue has been the norm for far too long.

Well, it just doesn't work, neither for your recovery nor your life.

If getting upset at ourselves and calling ourselves names helped us avoid relapse or recover faster or more easily, I imagine we'd all have a near-perfect relationship with food and our bodies, and I'd have zero therapy clients!

It makes me sad how long I believed (mostly on an unconscious level) that treating myself like crap would help me do and be better. It just never happened that way, and now I know fully and deeply that it never would have.

I have overcome a lot in my life, and I can recognize now that I did not once, EVER, make it through a challenging time by being cruel to myself. In fact, that cruelty only made things much worse. My self-talk used to be so brutal and my lack of grace and self-compassion so immense that there were times when I didn't want to keep living.

Many Highly Sensitive People with eating disorders are prone to experiencing that depth of pain. What I couldn't recognize back then was that I just didn't want to keep living like that.

"We can't hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love." - Lori Deschene

This quote has meant the world to me since I first came across it several years ago. I love it so much that it's even featured on my therapy website. It's 100% true. We must include grace in recovery.

I approach all of my therapy clients and loved ones with the belief that everyone is doing their best at any given moment, with the resources they have and the kind of thoughts and emotions they experience each day. This helps me foster and maintain a space that is safe and non-judgmental. I don't take it personally when a client turns to an eating disorder behavior or is late to a session due to struggling to get out of bed.

And my clients can trust that they are still valuable and accepted, whether they're kicking ass or barely holding on.

Grace helps keep you invested in the work of recovery and paves the way for truly remarkable change.

I know it's not easy to change the way we talk to ourselves, but I promise you, we are capable of it, and it's vital that we work on it.

I'd love to help.

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A Mantra for Perfectionism: Done is Better Than Perfect

Sun, 07 Jan 2024 17:50:39 GMT

Perfectionism, Procrastination, Paralysis, OH MY!

I shudder when I think of those words. As a recovering perfectionist, I'm incredibly familiar with how these "Three P's" fuel each other and lead to (at least for me) angry tears and exhaustion.

Highly Sensitive People are prone to perfectionism. We analyze things to death and it’s not hard for us to envision how something can be good, better, best! We also loath criticism, and chasing perfection seems like a good tactic to avoid it.

Too bad that never worked for me. But…a sticky note did. And it changed my life.

I had a sticky note that lived on my desk for years. It read, "Done is better than perfect." I kept it there to remind myself of that truth every day.

Perfectionism is a time-suck and a serious depressant.

Like all temperament traits, there is a light side and a dark side. High standards help me stay organized and be the best therapist I can be for my clients. But these same standards make me prone to insomnia and crushing disappointment.

The Three P's Trap

Most perfectionists are very well aware that perfection is an illusion and that the pursuit of it pushes us farther and farther from our goals. Here's where the other two P’s come in: We put off what we doubt will be "the best" or completely accepted by every single person in the world. (Oh my.) Hence, procrastination . Eventually, putting it off leads to completely freezing up, or giving up on it altogether. Hence, paralysis .

This blog is a great example of my own work at busting out of the trap of the Three P's. I don't blog consistently, although that's a goal I make every so often, and the more time that lapses in between postings, the less I want to create another one.

But here I am, once again proclaiming (and hoping this resonates with and can help someone reading this)...

DONE IS BETTER THAN PERFECT.

Maybe a little sticky note could change your life too?

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Building Shame Resilience With Opposite Action

Fri, 01 Dec 2023 17:49:43 GMT

One evening at dinner, I knocked over my glass of milk. As it spread across the table, my older brother snorted and sarcastically guffawed, "Nice job, Josie" (as siblings do). I could feel my 6-year-old cheeks redden, and my heart began to race. I immediately got up from the table and grabbed my favorite blanket from my bed. I returned and ate the rest of my meal in silence, with the blanket over my head.

I was experiencing shame . And my way of dealing with it?

Hiding. Literally.

Our emotions influence our behaviors.

We all have our go-to ways of experiencing and expressing our feelings through behaviors. Perhaps when you're depressed, you want to skip your therapy session a catch another hour (or 5) of sleep. Or with anxiety, it may look like busying yourself with constant chores. Perhaps guilt and shame may lead to lying to loved ones.

These actions are usually automatic and aren't given much thought.

Changing our behaviors can influence our emotions.

When I am lost in a shame spiral, the most helpful tool for me is doing the opposite of what I feel like doing, because what I feel like doing is actually reinforcing an unhelpful connection between my feelings and behavior.

This is Opposite Action .

If I feel like staying home instead of attending a social function, I call a friend and allow them to coax me into going. (Once my friend even came over and helped me get ready, knowing I needed a little extra push.) It's important to note that Opposite Action does not mean denying your feelings - because all feelings are valid.

Opposite Action means choosing actions that align with your values despite your feelings.

Yes, it is much easier said than done. It can feel fairly excruciating to be in the world when you're bombarded by its shame-fueling tactics. Deep breathing when you'd rather throw a dish across the room? Come on. But over time, you're strengthening the connection between emotion and helpful behavior.

Each time you practice Opposite Action, you're gaining invaluable skills for emotional tolerance and regulation.

Try this the next time you're experiencing a difficult emotion like shame:

Ask yourself how you normally behave when you feel the way you're currently feeling. Then, choose something totally different.

For example, with sadness, take a mindful walk. Do something kind for someone. Write a letter to a friend. Work on a puzzle. Or when you're anxious, try counting your breaths until you reach 100. Express your worries in your journal. Create a "first-steps" list for something you need to accomplish.

It'll get easier over time. One day, you'll look back and notice that you are drawn to what is best for you more quickly and easily than ever before.

Keep up the good work, warriors!

Choosing Body Respect: 3 Steps

Wed, 09 Aug 2023 17:48:14 GMT

If you want to move beyond poor body image, here are three things you can do to start a fresh, respectful relationship with your body.

In today's society, finding someone who genuinely loves their body is a rare gem. Too rare. What is not rare, however, are the billions of dollars that the Bikini Industrial Complex is making off of our perpetual dissatisfaction.

And I don't know about you, but that really makes me angry.

I understand why body-hate is so easy. I've been in that trap one too many times. If we mentally punish ourselves enough, just maybe we'll stop doing "x, y, and z" and start doing "a, b, and c" instead.

Unfortunately, the lie here is that you can't hate doesn't affect sustainable change. So why not try something different?

1. Commit to Acceptance.

Taking the train from Hate Town to Love Town requires a stopover in a nice, quaint place called Acceptance Town . Here, tolerating is the name of the game. That's exactly what acceptance is, choosing to tolerate the situation in the moment.

You have to make an inner commitment, every day (multiple times a day) to accept your body, right now, just as it is.

Committing to accepting something doesn't automatically mean you are accepting it, but it puts you on the right path. You might be thinking, "But what if I really need my body to change?" Look, acceptance doesn't mean change can't happen. In fact, Carl Jung described it beautifully when he said, "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change."

Yet, we often seek change that isn't driven by love, but by fear and loathing .

2. Challenge Evasive Actions

People with poor body image often go to great lengths to avoid facing their bodies or revealing their "defects" to themselves or others. Maybe you insist on wearing a T-shirt when you swim, or perhaps you won't let yourself slouch in a chair, fearing the feeling of your stomach rolls (which are 100% normal, by the way). Do you avoid a certain kind of clothing like the plague?

All of these are evasive maneuvers to avoid the body or any judgment of it.

Begin to recognize the ways you may be avoiding certain places, people, or situations because of your body. Once you know your little tricks, choose one to challenge for a week, or maybe just a day. Desensitize yourself slowly for the best results.

3. Create a Nurturing Environment

Your body is susceptible to the ways you treat it, both physically and mentally. Body respect, which I believe is a much more realistic goal than body positivity, evolves from respectful thoughts (whether or not you believe these yet) and nurturing actions (gentle touch, luxurious lotions, etc.).

Creating a nurturing environment opens the door for powerful, lasting shifts in your relationship with your body.

Here are some environmental factors that are not nurturing to the body:

Clothing that doesn't fit or is uncomfortable.
Fashion magazines or other content that makes you feel bad about yourself.
Instagram influencers or hashtags that promote body dissatisfaction to sell you stuff.
Gross-tasting diet food you make yourself eat.
Exercise that isn't enjoyable or causes you harm.
Weight-loss supplements that wreak internal havoc.

We don't have to be satisfied with a terrible or even mediocre relationship with our bodies. Body respect, acceptance, tolerance, and maybe even one day like or love can truly be yours.

❤️‍��

When Worse Feels Better in an Eating Disorder

Wed, 05 Oct 2022 17:51:19 GMT

You're not crazy. Getting better often feels worse . Here's why:

Life with an eating disorder: Imagine you are continually tormented by an inner dialogue that screams of your worthlessness, your hideous appearance, and your pitiful existence. Imagine your day being solely focused on food, either avoiding it, getting rid of it, or consuming as much of it as you can. Imagine spending your birthday in a locked facility, perhaps too tired and weak to stand up on your own.

And now imagine that there is a very strong part of you that wants things to be worse.

This is the horrible trap of an eating disorder .

One of the most difficult aspects of eating disorders is the mind-boggling fact that those suffering would often do almost anything to cling to their disorder. As much as part of them wants to be happy and healthy and free from the constant torture, there is another part, often referred to as "the ED-self", that convinces the person affected that they will be nothing without it.

When your eating disorder becomes your identity, medical markers used to gauge its severity, such as amenorrhea (absence of menses in people who menstruate), or the body mass index scale (which is bullshit, btw), are looked upon as levels of achievement.

When you're trapped in this mindset, worse really does feel better.

Throughout the years that I struggled with Anorexia, I used the presence of my period as a way to prove to myself that I was still safe, and that I still had weight to lose. Some individuals will stop menstruating fairly quickly after a fair amount of weight loss. Others can maintain too-low weights yet continue to menstruate. I had seen and memorized what the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (then the DSM IV) said, and I believed I needed to lose my period for my eating disorder to be "official". (By the way, amenorrhea is thankfully no longer a part of the criteria.)

My therapist and doctor both diagnosed me anyway, but I had this strange longing to fit the bill, to really be able to label myself because it meant that at least I was doing something right.

If I failed at everything else in life, at least I would master my eating disorder. I would be the best at it that I could.

I wanted to be the thinnest in the room, the sickest, and perhaps there were times when I did hold that title. It became my prize, my sense of accomplishment. My eating disorder became my identity, and when recovery threatened that, I would panic and slip right back into the disordered behaviors. Who would I be without it?

I needed this disease to survive, or so my eating disorder tole me.

It is a very disordered way of thinking, I know, but I also know that I was not alone in thinking those thoughts. I have treated so many individuals with eating disorders, and there is a definite cognitive pattern when it comes to symptoms and diagnostic labels.

In short, it seems the worse you are, the better you feel . I can't count how many times I've heard people with Bulimia wish they had the "control" of their treatment peers with Anorexia, or those with Binge Eating Disorder who long for the ability to purge like with Bulimia. There is an unfortunate, perceived hierarchy among sufferers, with some believing that the "purity" and "cleanliness" of Anorexia outranks the "hedonistic" behaviors of Bulimia or Binge Eating.

But in reality, all eating disorders are serious crises, and they can all be deadly.

Whether you're starving or stuffing or purging, your eating disorder is a distraction, a desperate attempt to control the uncontrollable.

Eating disorders, in general, are very control-focused. Whether it's an attempt to control anxiety, anger, or relationships, they trigger and feed off of the competitive and perfectionist personality traits that many sufferers share. I thought that if more medical complications equaled more control, so be it .

But the crux of the matter is that sufferers inevitably reach a point, often quite quickly, where the locus of control shifts completely out of their hands, and into the hands of the eating disorder.

It's too hard to battle an eating disorder alone. Reaching out is the first step in a successful recovery. Share your secret with a trusted friend or family member. Even the act of sharing a secret can often relieve some of the pain. Seek professional help. There are people who have been in your shoes and are willing to guide you out of the darkness.

Hope is real. Recovery is real.

This blog post was originally written for GoodTherapy.org .

Therapy: A Pep Talk for Beginners

Sat, 25 Jun 2022 18:53:24 GMT

Thinking about starting therapy? This one's for you.

Maybe you're feeling stuck in a rut. Or perhaps you're reeling from the crushing burden of anxiety or the loss of a relationship. Maybe you can't even bear the thought of living another day like this. Whatever the reason, you have decided to get help.

“The struggle between who we are and who we want to be is what most motivates humans to grow.” - Aimee Liu

Let me stop you right here.

Congratulations!! Really!! It may not feel like it, but you have just made a monumental shift in your life. Believe it or not, your awareness that change is needed is the first and most critical step in the process of change.

First Reactions

You've got your first-ever appointment scheduled. At this point, your mind is whirling with questions and rationalizations. This is normal. Life might seem unbearable, but it is also comfortable because you're used to it. Part of you is ready to fight for change, but another part of you is going to fight to remain the same.

"What if my therapist thinks I'm crazy?"

"Nobody can help me anyway."

"Do I really even need help?"

"I think I'm better now. I don't need to go."

Repeat After Me: "I Will Keep an Open-Mind."

Now breathe . Close your eyes and imagine what therapy is going to be like for you. Chances are you probably have all sorts of ideas about it from TV and movies. Are you envisioning a deep analysis of last night's dreams? Are you lying on a leather couch while a gray-haired man stares blankly at you? Are you pacing the floor, brimming with new realizations, or sitting silently staring at the clock?

The truth is, therapy is different for everybody. It's a highly individual process. But you won't know what it will be like until you're there. The key is to remain open-minded.

No, You're Not Crazy.

Attending therapy does not make you crazy or screwed up. The majority of people seeking therapy are doing so because they're having difficulty dealing with everyday life. Even if you've been diagnosed with a mental disorder such as depression or an eating disorder, you CAN heal. Therapy helps you break down barriers, explore the root causes of problems, increase your self-awareness and acceptance, and much, much more.

Is This Person The One?

It may take a few tries before you find a therapist with whom you feel you can really be open and honest. A good therapist will never condemn you for choosing to seek someone else. Trust yourself. You'll know when a therapeutic relationship feels right.

Yes, You Can Do This.

Therapy isn't easy. It's work. But growth, in any sense of the word, demands strength and courage. Your therapist is there to help you find these attributes within yourself. They're on your team, every step of the way.

Ready? (Ready enough?) You've got this. Go Team You!

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When You Miss Your Eating Disorder

Thu, 21 Apr 2022 17:50:12 GMT

Guess what? It's okay to miss your eating disorder. Here are 4 tips for moving through this common and completely natural part of recovery.

I have a distinct memory of myself on a school bus, gazing out of a rain-streaked window. My day had been fun, and nothing terrible had happened, but as I focused on my own reflection amidst the raindrops, I sighed heavily and thought, “How sad."

For the rest of the ride, I imagined I was in a movie, filming a dramatic, heartbreaking scene.

Later on, when I developed an eating disorder, I embraced the darkness and inner drama that accompanied it and even began to define myself by it.

I couldn’t see that I was doing this at the time. But I can see it now, and I can see how recovery threatened that dark identity.

It’s more normal than you think, missing an eating disorder.

In the quiet moments when you’re alone with your thoughts, you might find yourself romanticizing past behaviors or missing the comfort of the ever-present ED voice.

And that’s ok.

For myself, and the majority of the clients I’ve worked with, there comes a point where fear of living without your most major coping tool becomes a huge stumbling block on the recovery journey. Below are four things to do to help navigate this tricky yet completely valid part of your journey.

1. Allow all the feels.

Moving through eating disorder recovery is a lot like moving through the stages of grief. Think about the Denial stage: “My binging isn’t that bad. Other people need help more than me” , or the Bargaining stage: “I’ll stop purging if I can have a guarantee that I won’t gain weight” , or the Acceptance stage: “I can see now that no amount of weight-loss made me a happier person.”

All change is associated with some form of loss, even positive, exciting change.

Making space for and accepting all of your feelings actually helps you move through periods of transition. Grief is a healthy and natural part of life. In moments of missing ED, skip the judgment. Feel your feelings, and through this will come healing.

2. Look for the ways your eating disorder serves you.

This is an essential part of eating disorder treatment; figuring out how your disorder works for you, in ways that go deeper than food and body image. It’s necessary to look underneath at what’s called “the secondary gains.”

My own eating disorder served many purposes. Two big ones were that it kept me distracted, and it served as an emotional boundary with others when I could not draw healthy ones. Knowing this, I was able to put my eating disorder out of a job by working to have these needs met in healthier ways.

3. Take time for self-care.

We’ve all heard it, time and time again, the importance of self-care. However, when things get busy, it’s the first to go. Recovery is a difficult process. There are good days and bad, and some days that are just "meh." But no matter how your day is going, self-care is always a good idea.

Being kind to your body, mind, and soul will increase your resiliency and your ability to bounce back from difficult times.

4. Celebrate the movement.

If you have reached the point of missing your eating disorder, congratulations! This means you’ve made noticeable progress moving away from disordered behaviors and/or thoughts. This is a tremendous step. Don’t let moments of grief and hindsight stop you from continuing forward.

Wait until you’ve truly lived life in full recovery before deciding it's not for you.

Give your Healthy-Self a fair chance.

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Why Choose An Eating Disorder Specialist

Fri, 03 Sep 2021 19:16:49 GMT

An eating disorder is a physical, mental, and emotional crisis. Finding the right treatment team can literally be a matter of life and death. Even when symptoms are mild and motivation to change is strong, working with a specialist is so valuable because most eating disorders will worsen over time when left untreated or treated poorly.

What makes someone a specialist?

Being a specialist essentially means that a provider works with a particular population with which they have extensive expertise. This comes from a combination of education, training, experience, and passion. Ethically, a provider cannot represent themselves as a specialist without careful consideration of these factors. Some specialists may also hold additional licenses or certifications.

Why is it so important for eating disorders?

Eating disorders are complex and challenging by nature and usually require multiple interventions psychologically, nutritionally, and medically. While one provider cannot offer all three due to their scope of practice, having a strong working knowledge of each area is vital for a client’s recovery success.

When it comes to eating disorder treatment, working with specialists or more general providers is like the difference between speaking with someone in your own native language and speaking with someone who took some language classes in middle school and can remember some basic phrases.

As a therapist, I specialize in eating disorders and can help clients address behavioral changes, underlying issues, struggles with motivation, and more. As I am not a dietitian, I cannot recommend a meal plan, but I do know the importance of one. As I am not a physician, I cannot tell you how to treat deficiencies in your lab values, but I do know what tests are recommended for comprehensive eating disorder treatment. Eating disorder treatment team members must be able to communicate effectively (with the client’s permission) for optimal care.

Specialists know what’s helpful and what’s harmful.

Early on in my own treatment, I went to a non-specialist who commented that my eating disorder “must not be that bad.”

“At least you’re not a 60-pound anorexic,” he joked, as I stepped off the scale. I was floored.

It’s incredibly damaging for someone suffering to hear something like this. First, the word “anorexic” is not appropriate. An individual is not a diagnosis; they have one. Second, a statement like this perpetuates the myth that eating disorders are not dangerous unless someone is at a low weight.

What my disordered brain heard was, “You’re a joke. You need to get sicker before you deserve to get help.”

Have all eating disorder specialists gone through similar struggles?

Many treatment providers choose to specialize in particular areas based on their own experience or that of a loved one. Not all eating disorder specialists are recovered, but many are.

Some people find it particularly helpful to know that someone on their treatment team has “been there.”

If you’re curious and think it might help you to work with a recovered provider, you can ask!

I knew when I began my training that I wanted to eventually specialize in eating disorders because of my own history. Without the treatment I once received, I wouldn’t be living a recovered life today, and maybe not living at all. I know other exceptionally talented therapists and dietitians who did not struggle themselves but walked alongside a close family member or friend on their recovery journey. There is valuable experience and perspective in both cases.

How can I make sure my provider knows what they’re doing?

You have every right to be a good consumer of treatment. You’re allowed to ask questions about a provider’s training and education. (Tip: the good ones won’t be offended by this.) When it’s helpful, some treatment providers are willing to share their own experiences too.

I know that my clients’ journeys will not be the same as mine, but if it encourages them to hear what helped me in similar moments of struggle, I’m all for sharing that.

This blog post was originally written for VFED Voices .

Trauma and Disordered Eating: Fight, Flight, and Food

Sat, 09 May 2020 15:18:52 GMT

Disordered eating behaviors can mirror trauma responses like "fight" and "flight." Understanding this connection can empower your recovery.

Have you ever wondered why certain disordered eating behaviors feel so automatic , like your body is doing something without your conscious thought or maybe even consent? That’s not just in your head. Many food-related patterns can mirror our body’s natural trauma responses of fight, flight, freeze, and fawn .

When our nervous system senses a threat, it does whatever it takes to protect us. And sometimes, those protective responses show up in your relationship with food.

In this post, I'll be breaking down how different trauma response styles can influence disordered eating behaviors and how recognizing your own patterns can bring more clarity, compassion, and empowerment to your recovery process.

Wired for Safety: The Trauma Responses

Whenever you experience something stressful or overwhelming , or even just the threat of it, your nervous system will instantaneously identify the seemingly most effective path to safety . The path your nervous system takes is often one you don't consciously choose.

The patterns of protection that your nervous system uses are called trauma responses , and they are automated for your survival. Each one of these response styles can be observed in nature among different species, as our drive for survival is one thing we all share.

While these responses are inherently brilliant and adaptive , they can also be triggered in situations where we are not actually in danger, and their effects can linger long after the perceived threat has passed.

Here are the 4 main trauma responses you might recognize:

Fight: This response is all about preparing you to fight off danger , take control, or push back. If your nervous system senses a threat, it might tell you to power through, get angry, or tighten your grip on things for a sense of control .
Flight: Flight is about preparing you to flee from danger and get to safety. Whether through literally running away or through avoidance and denial, this response helps you escape from overwhelming situations as well as overwhelming sensations, thoughts, and emotions.
Freeze: The freeze response prepares you to wait for the danger to pass . This is the equivalent of "playing dead" in the face of a predator your body suspects it cannot beat. You might feel stuck, spaced out, or disconnected from your body in this state.
Fawn: This response encourages you to keep the peace and prevent danger , much like a less dominant animal showing deference to an alpha. You might engage in people-pleasing and ignore your own needs to avoid potential conflict and/or stay connected to others.

Most individuals have a go-to style when it comes to trauma responses, and one isn't better than the others. None of these responses means that there’s something wrong with you. Whether you tend to fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, it's simply a sign that your nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do: protect you.

How Trauma Responses Show Up in Eating Behaviors

Below are some examples of how our food-related behaviors can be directed by fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. It's common for individuals to engage in behaviors from multiple categories, although you may find that you have a dominant one. Note: the same behaviors can show up in more than one response category due to the different functions the behavior can serve.

Fight: attempting to dominate and regain a sense of control.

Binge and purge episodes
Chewing and spitting
Using eating behaviors as a way to assert control or rebel (ex, “I'll show you” restriction)
Compulsive exercise, regardless of pain, fatigue, or illness
Self-punishment after eating (e.g., body-checking, negative self-talk, purging)
Rigid food rules and rituals

Flight: attempting to escape discomfort by distracting or shifting focus.

Excessive activity/movement (fidgeting) or exercise
Purging, even after a moderate amount of food
Overscheduling in an attempt to avoid eating or body awareness
Using excessive caffeine or other methods to suppress appetite
Food aversions or phobias (may be sensory or fear-based)
Excessive weighing, measuring, calorie counting, etc.

Freeze: attempting to disconnect and shut down any threats.

Unintentional restriction, difficulty connecting with hunger
Paralyzed by food choices and often unsure of what "sounds good"
Dissociation or numbing out during or after eating
Low urgency when responding to hunger cues
Mindless eating in a trance-like state (may not remember much afterward)

Fawn: attempting to maintain safety through compliance or agreeability.

Denying hunger to appear "low maintenance"
Forgetting to eat due to prioritizing the needs of others
Eating in secret to avoid judgment
Over-accommodating others’ dietary preferences or needs at the expense of your own
Comparing your food to others and making adjustments to "fit in"
Attempts to alter body weight or shape to meet outside expectations

Healing Trauma and Disordered Eating: A Gentle Path

When you’re navigating eating disorder recovery , your nervous system’s trauma response style can deeply influence the way you experience support, certain triggers, and recovery setbacks. If you don’t understand your response tendency, you may unknowingly work against your healing.

Which trauma response style feels most familiar to you? Are you seeing any patterns not only in your response to recovery-related stressors, but also in stressors related to relationships, work or school, finances, etc.?

Awareness is a powerful first step , and it helps you reframe disordered behaviors as adaptations , not flaws or proof of your brokenness.

It can feel daunting to face recovery from both disordered eating and trauma, but it is possible . When you meet yourself with compassion instead of criticism, you make space for the deep healing to occur.

Recovery doesn’t mean forcing yourself to be “normal.” It means gently getting to know your responses, honoring the pain from which they came, and learning new ways to care for yourself that feel safe and supportive.

You are worth it. ��

Why Highly Sensitive People Cry So Easily (and Should)

Sat, 02 May 2020 15:18:37 GMT

Feel like you cry all the time? Me too. Discover why it's normal and healthy, and how to cope when your flooded by all the feels.

"Are you crying again?" I hear those words a lot, often in a concerned and curious way, but sometimes with a tone of exasperation. Yep, that's life as an HSP! Most Highly Sensitive People have been told more times than we can count that we're “soooo emotional” and that we “cry over everything.”

This can feel particularly humiliating, and it can lead us to believe that we're flawed. But you know what? Crying isn’t a weakness. It’s a natural, healthy response to a deeply experienced world.

In this post, I’ll be exploring why HSPs cry more easily than others, why it's not just okay but actually important for us , and how we can care for ourselves when the tears begin to flow.

�� The Science of Welling Up

Crying is one of the most human things we do. In fact, while many animals exhibit signs of distress, humans are the only species known to shed tears of emotion. It’s one of the ways our bodies release built-up emotion, like pressure escaping a valve. And for Highly Sensitive People, we really need that frequent valve action.

HSPs process sensory input and emotional experiences more deeply than others. Our nervous systems are wired for a kind of intensity that not everyone feels. A moving piece of music, a moment of kindness, a heartbreaking story about a shelter pup - those things don’t just touch us, they envelop us, like waves.

When we cry in response to emotion, we’re not overreacting. We’re reacting fully.

Did you know there are actually three types of tears? There are basal tears (meant to keep your eyes from drying out), reflex tears (to protect from irritants, like when you're slicing onions), and emotional tears (which contain stress hormones and natural painkillers). Yeah, did you catch that?

Emotional tears = stress leaving the body.

Emotional tears help us regulate stress levels and restore emotional balance. Crying activates our parasympathetic nervous system (the "rest and digest" branch), which helps the body calm down after a surge of feeling.

So in many ways, crying isn't what overwhelms us (although it can feel that way). It is the very thing that helps us recover from emotional overwhelm.

�� Coping with Crying-Shame

Despite the benefits, we Highly Sensitive People often carry shame about how easily and how often we cry. Maybe we learned early on that tears can make some people uncomfortable. Maybe our tears were met with ridicule, rejection, or the expectation that we “toughen up.”

So what do we do? We stuff them.

I used to be a huge tear-stuffer, pushing everything down so far that when the dam eventually broke, I'd have no idea what I was even crying about.

Here's the truth: the world often misunderstands sensitivity. And that's painful.

The shame we feel around crying isn’t about us. It’s about living in a culture that often celebrates emotional stoicism and scoffs at vulnerability.

So what can you do when you feel shame creeping in? First, name it to tame it. By simply stating to yourself, “I’m feeling shame right now,” you can interrupt the automatic urge to shut down or criticize yourself. Next, talk to yourself gently. Try replacing “Ugh, I’m doing it again ” with “Of course I’m crying. This matters to me.” Lastly, remember what your tears are doing for you. They're helping you process emotions, release them, and heal.

�� Tips for Moving Through Tearful Times

Tears are not something to “fix" or "eliminate." But when they come often or feel overwhelming, as they do for most Highly Sensitive People, it helps to have supportive tools for riding the emotional wave. Here's what works for me:

Let them come.
When safe, give yourself full permission to cry without trying to shut it down. Find a private space if you need to. With time, I found that the more I allowed my tears, the quicker and less intense many of my crying spells were.
Own your tears without apology.
If you're with other people who ask about or comment on your tears, don't apologize. Instead, matter-of-factly state that, yeah , you're crying, and it's just who you are . The more comfortable you are with your tears, the easier it is for other people to drop into that comfort with you. (However, remember that their comfort is not your responsibility.)
Practice grounding.
Sometimes crying can cause you to feel flooded or overwhelmed. To stay present, try grounding techniques like feeling your feet on the floor, identifying colors around the room, or slowing your breath by breathing in through your nose and out through pursed lips. Sensory-friendly tools like weighted blankets, gentle lighting, and essential oils can soothe your system after a good cry and signal to your body that you’re safe.
Track your tear triggers with curiosity.
Are you more prone to tears when you’re tired, lonely, or navigating conflict? Recognizing any patterns can help you meet yourself with more compassion and utilize preventive care as needed.
Reframe the story.
Instead of using phrases like “I broke down” or "I lost it," try “I released what needed to move through me" or simply, "I cried." Small shifts in language and meaning go a long way.

Ok, one more time for all you Highly Sensitive People in the back...THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. Tears are part of how you experience the world. You don’t need to toughen up. You need room to be yourself .

So the next time the tears flow, try not to resist them. Let them tell the truth of how deeply you feel. And let that be something you honor instead of hide. ��

No “Bad” Coping Tools and Why This Perspective Helps

Sat, 18 Apr 2020 15:18:14 GMT

Why shifting your perspective on coping matters , and how releasing the stigma around certain tools can help you build even better ones.

When you hear someone say "coping tools," what comes to mind? Maybe deep breathing, journaling, or calling a friend. But what about binge eating, alcohol, or dissociating? The latter are often labeled as “bad” or “maladaptive," yet they, too , are coping tools. They're the ones we may turn to when we don’t yet have access to or the energy for something that feels safer and more supportive for our wellbeing and our goals.

If you're in recovery from an eating disorder or an addiction, it’s not uncommon to feel ashamed of how you’ve coped. But here’s the truth: every coping tool is valid and serves a purpose .

In this post, I'm sharing why shifting your perspective on coping matters , and how releasing the stigma around certain tools can actually help you build the ones that will support you even more.

What Are Coping Tools, Really?

The term coping tools essentially means any number of strategies that we use (both consciously or subconsciously) to help us get through difficult moments - be it intrusive thoughts, challenging emotions, overwhelming situations , or uncomfortable sensations. These strategies can range from the things that tend to get applauded in recovery spaces, like grounding and mindfulness exercises, to behaviors that are looked down upon or pathologized, such as isolating, skipping meals, or using substances.

But here’s the thing: all of these are legitimate coping tools.

When we’re overwhelmed, our brain works quickly to protect us. We may be 100% physically safe, but our nervous system can respond as if we are actually threatened. Sometimes the way to "protect" ourselves means reaching for a breathing technique we learned in therapy, and sometimes it means slipping into old patterns that once felt like the only way to survive . In both cases, the intention is the same: to reduce distress and regain a sense of control or comfort .

It’s easy to assume that only certain kinds of coping tools “count," but this mindset can be misleading, and even harmful. If we only validate socially acceptable or recovery-approved tools, we miss out on an opportunity to understand why these not-so-supportive tools were developed in the first place. And without that understanding, healing can be more challenging

Language Matters: The Harm in "Good" and "Bad"

It might seem helpful, and sometimes even motivating, to call certain coping tools “bad” or “unhealthy.” But this kind of labeling can do more harm than good, especially in the context of recovery. When we label a coping tool as “bad,” we’re not just judging the behavior...we’re also judging ourselves . And that self-judgment fuels shame .

Shame is one of the most powerful and painful forces behind lapses, relapses, and the "stuck" feeling in recovery.

We can never shame ourselves into better behavior. Shame does not and will not create lasting change. Instead, it perpetuates self-blame, secrecy, hopelessness, and often more of the very behaviors we’re trying to shift.

Labeling coping tools as "bad" also sets up a rigid dichotomy: either we're coping the “right” way, or we're failing . This black-and-white thinking can make people feel like there’s no point in trying unless they’re doing it perfectly.

Recovery is extremely nuanced and personal. When we remove the morality from coping tools and instead focus on their function (what they’re trying to do for us), we create space for understanding, change, and more empowered choices.

Seeing Coping Through a Compassionate Lens

Instead of sorting coping tools into categories of “good” and “bad,” what if we looked at them through the lens of compassion and context?

Every coping tool (yes, every one) developed for a reason. Often, it was the most accessible option available at the time, or it was the only thing that provided the kind of relief we were seeking. Behaviors like purging, drinking, or shutting down aren’t random or irrational. They are protective strategies, especially when someone is overwhelmed, unsupported, or under-resourced.

This doesn’t mean those tools are sustainable or that they serve you in the long run. But it does mean they make sense.

Using compassionate reflection can lead to insights and alternatives that feel empowering, not punishing . It also reminds us that coping evolves. As we build new skills, safety, and support, our coping toolbox naturally expands, and we may find that some of our go-to tools no longer serve the same purpose or produce the same results.

Self-compassion helps reduce our internal resistance to change. When we're not stuck in self-blame, we're more able to explore new coping tools from a place of curiosity rather than fear or hesitancy.

Reflecting on Your Own Coping Tools

Practice observing and assessing our own coping patterns and habits without judgment and through a lens of compassion. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

What behavior do I engage in, and when do I tend to turn to it? Explore one of your go-to strategies and the kinds of experiences (internal and external) that prompt the urge for it.
In what ways has this coping tool helped me survive? This is not a trick question. Feel free to explore how you genuinely think it helped you.
What's the intention behind my using the tool now? What need am I trying to meet? What are you trying to do with your coping tool? Spending time in solitude and isolating are technically the same behavior, but the intention and unmet need behind each can be quite different.
How do I feel while I'm engaged in the behavior? And after? Compulsively eating sugary foods may feel very soothing to your senses and your mood in the moment, but are you crashing afterward or dealing with an upset stomach? Sometimes harmful coping tools can still feel "worth it" - and that's ok - we're just noticing.
What else could I try instead of or alongside of this behavior? Is there another activity that produces a similar positive response (even if it's slower and less intense) that I don't tend to feel bad about in hindsight? When we're looking to stop using certain tools, it's often more useful to think about what you can add to your toolbox instead of what you "should" take away.

In the beginning, it can be helpful to pair tools. For example, if you're trying to decrease binge eating, start by engaging in another tool or two first, like journaling and walking your dog, giving yourself permission to use food after if the urge for the food has not shifted or has intensified. That may sound counterintuitive, but it has helped a lot of my clients urge-surf and not feel completely powerless to make choices.

Don't be afraid to experiment and personalize your tools. After all, they are YOUR coping tools.

Closing Thoughts: No Shame in Surviving

All the coping tools you’ve ever used have had something in common: they've helped you survive ...even the ones you wish you could forget...and even the ones you’re trying to let go of now.

Removing the shame makes space for something that's not only more sustainable but perhaps kinder to your body, mind, and spirit. With compassion, we can stop fighting with ourselves and start listening to what we’ve needed all along.

You don’t have to be perfect to be recovering. You've got this. ��

Funny Former Hills My Eating Disorder Would’ve Died On

Sat, 04 Apr 2020 15:16:25 GMT

Looking back with humor on what once threatened to destroy me.

An eating disorder is a fickle, illogical creature. A spoiled dictator playing tough, spewing hateful diatribes, and insisting that you walk backward around your apartment to better engage your glutes and burn more calories. Yeah okay.

When I was in my eating disorder, I followed some truly ridiculous rules - ones that made little to no actual sense yet felt totally necessary at the time.

Looking back, I can’t help but laugh at how weird some of them were and how seriously I took them, as if breaking one would cause the universe to implode. It’s a perfect example of how powerful our minds are and that we can convince ourselves of j ust about anything , for better or worse.

For your curiosity, enjoyment, and delight, I'm sharing some of the absurd "hills" my eating disorder would’ve died on back then, PLUS how I turned that same mental fortitude toward recovery . And if you see yourself in any of these absurdities, please know I'm not laughing at you. Struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating is no laughing matter. But I am laughing at former me, in a good-natured, shaking-my-head sort of way, and I've earned the right to some chuckles.

The Exclusive (and Silly) "Safe Foods" Club

Are you frightened of bananas? I used to be. And this was long before the current "bananas have too much sugar" bullshit trend. I feared them because of what I perceived to be their dense texture . They weren't juicy like other fruits, so I told myself they had less water and that I should avoid them.

But a bowl of ice cream? No problem. I'd be pretty cruel to myself after eating it, but ice cream was not off limits. Weird, huh?

Do you hate mustard? I do. I have my ENTIRE life. I hate it to this day. But guess who ate it like there was no tomorrow for several years? �� This gal! �� Why? Because mustard was "safe." Cue the eye roll.

"Safe foods" only become such because we assign meaning to them and then continually reinforce it to ourselves.

Celery was also safe because someone on the internet once wrote that it was a negative-calorie food, meaning you burn more calories digesting it than the food itself has. (And you should definitely believe everything you read on random blogs and forums.) "Omggg I just loveeeee this snack," I'd say when I got weird looks for scooping up heaps of mustard with celery and baby carrots.

My Math is Better

Did you know that three 100-calorie servings of a food are definitely better for you than one 300-calorie serving? That’s just facts. Science .

"But, Josie, that doesn't make any sense."

YES, IT DOES. MY EATING DISORDER SAID SO.

I hate how hard I fell for the "100-calorie" marketing gimmick of the early aughts . Hook, line, and sinker. Oh, you mean I can pay MORE money for LESS food and pat myself on the back for my incredible willpower? SIGN ME UP. Nothing says “discipline” like carefully rationing out my sad little packs of air-puffed cardboard while pretending I’m totally satisfied.

And don’t even get me started on breaking a chalky protein bar into pieces because several bites eaten 20 minutes apart have fewer calories than all of it at once. That’s just math. My math. And my math is better.

Movement, But Make It Weird

Oh, you casually walk from one room to another like a regular person? Cute. I, on the other hand, lunged my way across my apartment like I was doing a never-ending CrossFit circuit. Walking backward? Yeah, it's obviously superior to walking forward; everyone knows that’s how you really engage your glutes. Again, facts. (You get my sarcasm, right?)

And let’s talk about putting things away. Shoes, for example. Someone without a hijacked brain picks them both up and carries them in one go. Not me. No, I transported them one at a time from the entryway to my bedroom, savoring every unnecessary step (or lunge) because, hey, extra movement = extra calories burned. Efficiency is my specialty.

These were the kinds of movement rules I followed with religious devotion , as if the universe would reward me for sneaking in just a little more movement, a few more burned calories. Because in those days, every step, every lunge, every backwards shuffle pacified my eating disorder.

Lessons Learned

When I had one foot in recovery and one foot in my eating disorder, I often struggled to know if I was doing the right thing. That's the hard part about resisting the full immersion needed to recover. Need to know if you're on track in recovery? Try this tip:

If your eating disorder is pissed, you're doing the right thing.

If you don't think you have what it takes to recover, guess again. If you have what it takes to sustain an eating disorder, you have what it takes to heal from one. The brainpower that fuels the rigid, ridiculous rules can be channeled toward self-compassion and a determination to move forward. And when your goal is no longer shrinking yourself but rather nourishing yourself, challenging fear, and choosing freedom, you're unstoppable .

A Day in the Life of Full Recovery

If anybody reading this post has a sneaky eating disorder voice saying, "But maybe we should try some of this. Maybe she's onto something..." No. Please don't. All of this was meaningless torture, and it seriously f'ed up my mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

These days, I wake up and eat breakfast because I’m hungry. No internal debate, no mental (bad) math, no trying to “hold off” until "the right time" to eat. Just me, enjoying my food.

I move when I want to, not because I feel like I have to. No backward walking, no hallway lunges, no obsessing over whether I “earned” my next meal. I like walking outside (in a forward motion) and lifting weights, but there are days I happily do neither. Movement doesn’t define my worth.

Grocery shopping? I still don't love it, but I no longer scan all the labels for the lowest-calorie option, no standing in the checkout line battling my own brain over whether I’m “allowed” to buy these things. No abandoning the cart in the middle of the aisle and just ghosting.

Meals with friends? Zero stress. I order what I want, eat until I’m satisfied, and move on with my day. No guilt, no bargaining, no compensating later. Just laughter, connection, and food being just food .

No more constant calculations, no more intrusive food thoughts, and no more exhausting rules. Just peace . And let me tell you, peace tastes way better than anything my eating disorder ever promised me.

That's a REAL fact. ✌️

Fatphobia, Racism, and Recovery: What You Need to Know

Fri, 07 Feb 2020 14:54:22 GMT

Why addressing the roots of fatphobia is crucial for body liberation and eating disorder recovery.

February is Black History Month, an opportunity to reflect on, celebrate, and honor the profound and innumerable contributions of Black individuals and communities throughout history. It’s also a time to intentionally examine how systemic racism continues to shape our lives, often in ways that go unnoticed . One such way is the intersection of fatphobia and racism - a topic that is deeply relevant to the journey of eating disorder recovery , and too often ignored.

Fatphobia, the systemic bias , discrimination , and stigmatization of fat bodies, does not stem simply from cultural standards of beauty or personal preference, but from racism and the desire to elevate whiteness at the expense of Black bodies .

It can be difficult to acknowledge that fatphobia exists in our communities, in our homes, and in ourselves. It's almost impossible not to hold at least some degree of internalized fatphobia in this society. Being so, this post is not meant to shame anyone , but rather to help you explore the racist origins of fatphobia, how they impact the eating disorder recovery process, and why addressing and accepting the truth is crucial for fostering body liberation, inclusivity, and healing.

The Historical Roots of Anti-Fatness and Fatphobia

First and foremost, I'd like to acknowledge Sabrina Strings' fantastic work on this topic. If you haven't read her book, "Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia," I highly recommend it. Strings explains that it was during the transatlantic slave trade that Europeans began associating larger body sizes with Blackness. This association wasn’t simply a neutral observation; it was part of a deliberate effort to portray Black people as morally and intellectually inferior, wild, and dangerous.

“The fear of the Black body was about more than aesthetics.
It was used to both degrade Blackness and elevate whiteness.”
- Sabrina Strings, Ph.D.

As this effort began to take hold, Western beauty standards shifted dramatically. Thinness was no longer just one of several natural body types , but a marker of superiority, self-discipline, and desirability.

Reinforcing this narrative, religious and scientific leaders began claiming that larger bodies signified laziness and gluttony, traits conveniently assigned to Black people . Thin, white bodies, by contrast, were celebrated as pure and virtuous. These ideas laid the foundation for our modern obsession with thinness and the systemic, ongoing oppression of larger bodies.

How Dieting and Disordered Eating Perpetuate Fatphobia

The historical roots of fatphobia are still alive and well. Just think about the violent language so casually used when discussing weight and fat: "the war on obesity", " shred the fat", " kill your cravings", " crush your weight goals..." These seemingly innocuous statements evoke a forceful, dominating approach and imply that bodies are battlefields .

The modern Dieting Industrial Complex glorifies thinness at all costs and has become one of the most pervasive ways that fatphobia is perpetuated today, infiltrating our medical systems and causing immense harm to individuals and entire communities. It thrives on our fear of fatness and upholds harmful beauty standards that marginalize people of color.

For BIPOC individuals, the intersection of fatphobia and systemic racism creates additional barriers to recovery from disordered eating. They may struggle to recognize a problematic relationship with food or have more difficulty accessing care due to factors such as a lack of representation in eating disorder research and culturally insensitive treatment approaches.

As Sonya Renee Taylor, author of The Body Is Not an Apology (another fantastic book that I highly recommend), states:

“Our society enforces the lie that our bodies are broken, and we must perpetually strive to fix them. This lie is rooted in systems of oppression that benefit from our self-hate and disconnection from our inherent worth.”

Dieting and disordered eating are some of the most insidious ways that this lie manifests and thrives. Both perpetuate fatphobia by reinforcing the idea that some bodies (particularly thin, white, and able-bodied) are more valuable, more worthy, and more desirable than others.

Empowered and Inspired, Together

Choosing and fighting for recovery is such an empowering experience. I know deeply, however, that finding the motivation to do it for yourself can be a struggle. And if that's the case for you, perhaps this could be an opportunity to fight for something more.

I don't believe it's true that we "can't recover for other people." As social creatures, it's in relationships with others that we grow and evolve. And doing it for others helps us do it for ourselves . Fighting for your recovery while also rejecting diet culture, embracing body diversity, and uplifting marginalized bodies is next-level empowering and can help you grasp a purpose that can carry you through the hardest days of your journey.

Wondering how to get started?

5 Ways to Fight Fatphobia and Racism and Support Your Recovery:

Reflect on Your Own Beliefs With Curiosity. Take time to question the internalized biases you may hold about body size, race, or health. When you have the urge to lose weight, ask yourself why. Consider where it comes from and what it promises. Journaling or discussing your reflections with a therapist or support group can help you dismantle harmful narratives.
Challenge Harmful Language: Pay attention to the words you use to describe your body, food, and health. Avoid violent or moralistic language like “bad foods," “cheat days,” or “burning calories." Instead, focus on neutral and compassionate ways to talk about yourself and others.
Diversify Your Media: Expose yourself to a wider range of voices and bodies in media. Follow BIPOC body positivity and fat liberation advocates who challenge societal norms and promote inclusive recovery narratives. Simply exposing yourself to a greater range of body sizes, shapes, and abilities can shift your perception of beauty and worth.
Educate Yourself on Systemic Oppression: Take time to deepen your learning about the ways systemic racism and fatphobia intersect. Books quoted in this post, like Fearing the Black Body by Sabrina Strings and The Body Is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor, are a great place to start.
Advocate for Inclusive Care: Whether it’s in your treatment program or within your social circle, speak up about the need for more inclusive and culturally sensitive approaches to eating disorder recovery. Representation matters.

Moving Forward With Intention

As you pursue your recovery from disordered eating and from the cultural norm of body hatred, it’s essential to recognize and dismantle the harmful narratives that disempower us and perpetuate shame - not only for your personal healing but for that of marginalized communities.

I encourage you to continue learning, reflecting, and taking action. Meaningful change begins with awareness and intention, and each step you take can lead us toward a world where all bodies are celebrated, respected, and free.

3 Truths About Relapse and How to Avoid One

Mon, 10 Jun 2019 13:47:12 GMT

Knowledge really is power when it comes to eating disorder recovery. Understanding what relapse is and is not will be an important part of your process.

I’d like to share three truths about relapse. They helped me along my journey to recovery, and I use them with my clients today as an eating disorder therapist.

Truth #1: Relapse is common, but not inevitable.

It’s true that many individuals with eating disorders will experience one or more relapses during their recovery process…but not everyone.

I worked really hard in my recovery to challenge “all-or-nothing” thinking (and still do to this day). I personally don’t find it helpful to assume that relapse and recovery always go together. I’ve worked with people who have relapsed so many times that they’ve lost count. I’ve also worked with some who began recovery and trucked on through to a fully recovered life without one. And I’ve worked with plenty of people in between.

It is a big deal…

Please don’t fall into the trap of thinking that because something is common, it must not be a big deal. A relapse IS a big deal – and nobody is guaranteed to live through one. I’m not using this as a scare tactic; it just happens to be a frightening truth. Even if you struggle to see your behaviors during a relapse as “bad enough”, the hopeless mindset that may grow from it can be damaging enough on its own.

If you think you might be slipping towards relapse, it’s important to get help, immediately.

Did that last sentence make you pause? The inkling that you may be starting to relapse is a pretty good sign that you may need a recovery booster shot.

Truth #2: Relapse is a slower process than you may think, and it doesn’t just happen to you.

Deep in my eating disorder, it was incredibly easy to sit back and practically watch myself slide into relapse. I often felt it was inevitable and unstoppable. That couldn’t have been farther from the truth.

It’s important to understand that a lapse is not the same as a relapse . Lapses are singular episodes of backsliding. Specific examples include skipping a snack, engaging in a binge, lying about attending therapy, or exercising off of your treatment plan. Let’s be real – you’re good and familiar with your lapses because they make your eating disorder super happy.

Notice the trend…

Similar to the way an eating disorder progresses, lapses can string together over time, leading to a full-blown relapse. When you’re able to see a lapse as a temporary setback , you can respond from a recovery-focused mindset. This can help you save yourself from further slipping. (Great time to check that “all-or-nothing” thinking again, right?) Label your setback (name it to tame it).

Ask yourself, “What’s the next right step I can take to get back on track?”

Lapses and slips are quite personal and will be specific to your own journey. They commonly occur during what I call Red Flag Situations ; people, places, time periods, emotional states, and more, that, for whatever reason, trigger eating disorder thoughts and urges. Identifying and planning your own individual red flags is vital for relapse prevention. Some common examples include: losing your appetite due to being sick, listening to or engaging in “diet talk”, shopping for new clothes, fighting with loved ones, and weighing yourself.

No matter where you are in recovery, take some time to figure out your own personal red flags. Identify ideas for healthy coping when and if you have to face them.

Truth #3. Relapses are great teachers and can often strengthen your recovery.

Have you heard that stumbling blocks and stepping stones are the same depending on how you use them? It’s similar in eating disorder recovery. Relapses can show you where you’re vulnerable and can point out areas where you may need more support or containment.

Relapse shines a light.

Your eating disorder-self uses its incredible talent for tall tales. It can convince you that engaging in a disordered behavior just once will be okay. Paying attention, yet not attaching to the story it’s using can be an empowering part of your recovery. Oftentimes, your eating disorder-self will play on your deepest fears and insecurities. Bringing these out into the light (hopefully into a therapy or nutrition session) can be the start of integral change.

No matter where you are in your recovery journey, remember there is support available to help you through a relapse or keep you from entering one.

Your eating disorder is only a part of you – one that can be completely healed. Therefore, it will never be stronger than you.

I believe in you, warrior. You’ve got this.

✊

This blog post was originally written for RecoveryWarriors.com .

Replacing "New Year, New You" For Good

Sun, 23 Dec 2018 17:46:21 GMT

I've given up on New Year's Resolutions. Well, that's not right. I've broken up with New Year's Resolutions. It was never a good relationship in the first place. Excitement and a gung-ho attitude were always, always followed by shame.

I was trying to change by beating myself up.

But now? Gone are the days of my incessant list-making on the eve of January 1st. Gone is the belief that I can be BRAND NEW in the coming year. Why?

Because there is actually nothing wrong with me. And there is nothing wrong with you.

Those last two sentences might have been difficult for you to read...but bear with me. As a therapist, I deeply understand and celebrate the fact that there is always room for personal growth. But most of us are socialized to go about it in a backward way. How far has self-hatred and self-shaming ever gotten you on the road to positive change?

That's because it doesn't work.

I read somewhere once that less than 10% of those who make New Year's Resolutions are successful. There's something wrong there, and I don't think it's necessarily the goal or the goal-setter, but rather the motivation and the method.

The whole New Year, New You campaign is so obnoxiously worn out. It's about making money off of our insecurities because there is always something being sold.

As author Lori Deschene says, "We can't hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love." (How many times have I quoted this in my life??)

The drive to make change is completely normal and a wonderful thing. However, I encourage you to spend some time thinking about what motivates the change you want to make. If your motivation is that you believe you'll like yourself more if you lose "X" amount of weight or visit the gym "X" amount of times per week, it's just not going to happen.

In the book No Sweat , Dr. Michelle Segar shares that people who are motivated to exercise primarily by weight loss are the people who actually do the least amount of exercise . This illustrates my point because the drive for weight loss, on one level or another, is almost always steeped in self-loathing.

When the clock strikes midnight next week, and 2018 dissolves into 2019, I want to challenge you to make the one resolution that may actually change your life:

"This year, I will strive to love myself, just as I am."

��

When It's Not "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year"

Tue, 27 Nov 2018 19:17:34 GMT

Not feeling so joyful this holiday season? You're not alone. Sometimes, all is not calm. All is not bright. Sometimes you want to rip the damn bell away from the volunteer in the Santa costume and shove it down their throat.

I’ve been there.

The holiday season is usually depicted as a time of boundless joy. It comes packaged with uncontainable excitement, family members laughing together around the table, actually getting along, and plenty of crackling fires and cookies to boot. For some people, this is their reality. (I’m happy for you. I really am!) But for others, this is an all too saccharine, cringe-inducing scene.

As a therapist, I often see a spike in the number of appointment requests in November, December, and January - and for good reason!

These months are undoubtedly full of hidden and not-so-hidden stressors. Some of my clients are battling increased feelings of loneliness, and they simply cannot be with their families due to the urgent need to maintain their psychological stability. Some express toxic shame at not being able to afford gifts for those they care about. Some are tortured by even the mere mention of a holiday potluck and see only a buffet of calories.

It’s ok if you don’t feel joyful.

It’s ok to say no to a party invitation.

It’s ok if you feel dread at the thought of a family gathering.

It’s ok if it’s not “the most wonderful time of the year.”

Sometimes life is hard, and holidays don’t automatically make it better for everyone. And if they make it worse, just know you’re not alone. I can guarantee that whatever you’re feeling, someone else is feeling it too.

Take plenty of time to recharge this season. Be kind to yourself. Challenge unhelpful thoughts that lead to difficult emotions.

Relish in any small moments of wonder you may stumble upon, such as the instinctual gasp at a beautifully full moon.

Ask for help when you need it.

And by all means, make an appointment with your therapist! ��

I think I Have An Eating Disorder: Sharing Your Secret

Sun, 23 Apr 2017 18:13:56 GMT

An eating disorder is fueled by secrecy, lies, and shame. For that reason alone, even just the thought of talking about your struggles is extremely daunting. Unfortunately, with eating disorders , staying silent and keeping them a secret can have devastating effects.

Exhilarated. Terrified. Relieved. Trapped. Free.

Those were just some of the feelings I felt within minutes of saying for the first time,

I think I have an eating disorder.

As you can see, there were many contradictory emotions happening. It was evident that my Healthy-Self and my Eating Disorder-Self were experiencing wildly different things at the same time.

What will everyone think?

Overall, I was glad that I had finally shared my burden with others. I had carried it in silence for an achingly long time. Yet, there were times when I regretted ever bringing it up and berated myself for it. “Nice job. Now you’ll be watched like a hawk and nobody will trust you.”

In moments like this, it is vital to remember that these feelings pass. I consider myself fortunate. My parents and the close friends I told over the coming days were genuinely concerned, curious, and eager to help.

It’s more them than you .

Over the years, I would come to experience many other reactions as well. Sometimes my secret was met with disbelief, and I’d hear the dreaded response, “You don’t look like you have an eating disorder.” Other times it was met with frustration and anger, as in, “What’s wrong with you? Why would you do that to yourself?”

One of the most important things I learned along my journey was that a person’s reaction had so much more to do with them than it did with me.

And for the most part, how someone responded was out of my hands. Those who seemed angry with me were, in fact, often experiencing terror and helplessness themselves. Those who questioned me were sadly misinformed and uneducated about eating disorders.

Should I tell?

The desire to talk about your struggles will come and go. Some days it will feel like it’s going to burst out of your chest at any moment. Other days, you’ll pull the blanket back over your head and vow to never say a word.

If you are considering sharing your secret, please take some time before and after to center yourself. Talking about having an eating disorder is a huge deal , and you will need to be there for yourself more than anything. You may find it helpful to do a little journaling.

Consider the following prompts:

Why do you want to share your secret?
Why do you want to keep it hidden ?
What might you gain by being honest? What might you lose by staying silent?

Working through questions like this may help you feel more ready to speak up – and you are so deserving of being heard. No one should have to suffer alone. Support is waiting.

Best wishes to you, my brave warriors!

This blog post was originally written for RecoveryWarriors.com .

How to Manage Free Time in Recovery

Tue, 25 Oct 2016 19:23:00 GMT

For many people in eating disorder recovery, unstructured time can be downright frightening, especially for those transitioning out of full or part-time treatment. Free time is often equated with there being more room for critical thoughts and unhealthy behaviors to run wild.

An important life skill and critical part of recovery is learning how to structure time in a healthy manner that offers a balance between work, play, and rest. The first step of this skill is being able to recognize and challenge the disordered thoughts that arise regarding productivity and relaxation. Read on for some of these common thoughts.

“I feel like I should be more productive.”

For thoughts like this, I like to help my clients confront their definition of productivity and where it comes from.

For someone with an eating or activity disorder, productivity is often associated with a go-go-go mentality, checking multiple items off a to-do list, and juggling several tasks at once.

But what is the actual definition of productivity? “The state or quality of producing something.” Think beyond typical “work” for a second and bring to mind all of the things worth producing: fragrant flowers in your garden, a touching post for your blog, or a beautiful array of chords from your guitar. That feels pretty different, right?

“Ok, I like that, but I can’t focus on those activities. My mind keeps going to thoughts about food and my body.”

One of the most common eating disorder symptoms is a preoccupation with food and weight, and for many, this preoccupation can actually become worse when engaging in behaviors. For example, when restricting, your brain is sending you constant thoughts of food, hoping you will “remember” to feed yourself. So when I challenge this thought for clients, I will often ask, “Are you following your meal plan?”

Another way to cope with this thought is mindfulness. Just like in meditation, the goal is not to rid yourself of all thoughts. It is actually to decrease your attachment to them. We create suffering when we attach to unhealthy thoughts and allow them to multiply.

You are not responsible for the first thought that pops into your head, but you are responsible for whether or not you let that thought spin on and on.

“But I don’t deserve free time. I am so behind where I should be in life.”

Eating disorders thrive on self-hate, and this thought is full of it. What I could say to this is, “Everyone is on his or her own journey. Don’t compare and despair. Blah, blah, blah.” I get it. It’s totally true, but the Pollyanna-sunshine-and-rainbows response doesn’t always cut it.

So let’s look at it this way. The same old thinking will get you the same old results. Acting as if you are undeserving and are so behind in life does not actually get you ahead in life or any closer to feeling deserving and worthy. It’s a trap.

Self-hate is always a trap.

Compassion is not pity, and it is not an excuse. It will get you to where you want to be faster than beating yourself up EVER will.

Free time doesn’t have to be scary. For now, let your meal plan be your structure. Factor in time for sessions with your treatment team, time with loved ones, and time for self-care. Your recovery will thank you, and so will your sanity.

This blog post was originally written for RecoveryWarriors.com .

Challenging The Thought: I'm Not Sick Enough to Get Help

Fri, 14 Oct 2016 19:21:43 GMT

Deciding to get help for an eating disorder can be so hard. Recovery is just plain difficult. It takes patience, brutal honesty, and the will to do the harder thing, day in and day out. If that weren’t enough, also needed is the ability to shut up that nagging, critical voice that tries to convince you that you’re just not sick enough to get help.

That was one of the bigger lies I had fallen for during the course of my own eating disorder. And as a result, it extended my suffering for several years.

Nowadays, as a therapist, I often hear my clients say that the fear of not being sick enough was one of the biggest barriers to seeking treatment sooner.

The truth is, not feeling “sick enough” or “deserving enough” of help is actually a classic symptom of a strong eating disorder. It is evidence of the eating disorder’s bid for power over your life, and that you deserve and need to get help for the eating disorder.

Sometimes, these self-defeating thoughts are a handy excuse to stay sick. One of the most difficult parts of eating disorder recovery is facing the part of you that wants to keep your behaviors. There are very real, valid reasons why we do the things we do. In the therapy world, we call these “secondary gains.”

Your eating disorder might protect you from the risks of intimacy. Perhaps it allows you to hide from the challenges of adulthood, or maybe it feels like a safe way to express years of buried anger and hurt. These things must be considered during recovery.

You might be reading this now and thinking, “But what if I’m not the only one who thinks I’m not sick enough to get help for my eating disorder?"

I get it. I remember confiding in a friend one day that I was thinking about entering residential treatment. She asked, “Is that really necessary? Are you sure you need something that extreme?”

Boy oh boy. My eating disorder had a heyday with her response. See? Nobody thinks you need help. You’re too fat to actually have a problem. There are people way worse than you who need those beds.

Unfortunately, shocked, stunned loved ones can inadvertently perpetuate the “not sick enough” myth. It is so important to remember in instances like this that friends and family members are often reacting out of disbelief, fear, and a deep sense of helplessness.

So what do you do?

Well, as you might know, one of the most important parts of recovery is learning to challenge unhealthy, distorted thoughts. Eating disorders will try to rationalize the heck out of anything, and they’re good at it. So, you have to have your own arsenal of tactics up your sleeve.

Reflect on the following the next time your eating disorder tries to rationalize you out of the care that may end up saving your life:

Visualize someone you care deeply about. What if they were struggling with an eating disorder and told you that they were not sick enough for treatment? How would you respond? My guess is you’d respond with concern and compassion. It may be hard to hear, but thinking that you are the exception is ego-driven and simply false.
Consider what comes before, “I’m not sick enough.” If you’re having that thought, then you are also having the thought, “Maybe I need treatment.” What is motivating the latter? Treatment isn’t fun, so there is clearly something important prompting you to even entertain the idea of help. Is it worry about your health? Fear of losing a relationship? Or maybe just that you’re sick and tired of thinking about food and your body all the time.
Take a look at your own secondary gains. What is your eating disorder doing for you? If you’re not sure how to answer that question, try asking yourself what you fear would happen if you no longer had your eating disorder. Has your eating disorder been making promises it hasn’t kept?

Recovering from my eating disorder was the hardest thing I ever did, and also the most rewarding . Don’t let a lie steal your life. Be brave. Reach out. Ask for help.

You’re stronger than you know.

This blog post was originally written for RecoveryWarriors.com .

Leaving Eating Disorder Treatment: Saying on Track

Mon, 18 Jan 2016 19:20:52 GMT

Getting intensive eating disorder treatment , whether through a residential stay or a partial-hospitalization program) can have incredible benefits and be transformative for your recovery. The increased structure and containment help you establish new habits and coping skills, gain stability, and ideally, significantly decrease your eating disorder behaviors.

But what happens when you leave?

Many people worry about maintaining their progress once they transition to a lower level of care - and for good reason. Without the constant support of the program's treatment team and the highly structured environment, old habits can creep back in before you realize it .

So how do you sustain your progress and continue moving forward after discharge? Below, I’ve outlined my top tips to help you stay on track when stepping down.

1. Seeing an outpatient treatment team is non-negotiable.

One of the biggest mistakes people make when transitioning to a lower level of care in eating disorder treatment is deciding that they don’t need to return to their outpatient team. Maybe you’re feeling great - better than you have in years!

But recovery doesn’t stop when you walk out of a treatment facility. In fact, this is when some of the deeper and harder work begins.

Leaving the familiarity of a treatment program can be destabilizing in unexpected ways. Without continued support, you risk slipping back into harmful behaviors, sometimes without even realizing it at first. Having a solid outpatient team in place, including a therapist, dietitian, and possibly a physician or psychiatrist as needed , ensures you have the guidance and accountability needed to navigate this transition successfully.

If you had a team before entering treatment, advocate for ongoing communication throughout your stay. A good treatment program should already facilitate this, but if not, speak up. When your outpatient providers are informed of your progress, they’ll be better equipped to support you when you return.

2. Stay vigilant about your food.

You’ve put in the work to challenge your eating disorder thoughts and beliefs, and you now have proof that you can nourish yourself appropriately and sustainably. But the transition back to everyday life can feel overwhelming, and that’s when small slips like delaying a meal or skipping a snack can start to snowball.

Food is one of your medicines in recovery.

Sticking to your meal plan, even when life feels chaotic, is crucial to maintaining your progress. Try to keep your eating schedule as consistent as possible. Seemingly minor disruptions, like sleeping in and pushing breakfast back, can lead to skipped meals, increased anxiety, and an easier path for the eating disorder to regain control.

Give yourself the structure you had in treatment by setting reminders or alarms if needed. Your recovery is worth prioritizing.

3. Keep in touch with your peers.

The connections you make in treatment can be incredibly meaningful. These people get it in a way that even the most well-intentioned friends or family members may not. They’ve seen you at your most vulnerable, and vice versa.

These relationships are not always meant to last a lifetime. But they can play a profound role during this "season" of recovery.

Eating disorders are healed in relationships with other people.

It’s easy to tell yourself you’ll stay in touch, but life gets busy, and doubt can creep in. " What if they don’t want to hear from me? What if they’ve already moved on?" These are just excuses your eating disorder uses to keep you isolated. The truth is, maintaining the connections you made in eating disorder treatment can be a powerful protective factor in your recovery.

Call, text, send voice-memo...whatever it looks like, reaching out can be just as beneficial for them as it is for you.

4. Stay connected to your "Why"

Recovery isn’t linear, and it's normal for motivation to fluctuate, especially in times of change. Some days, you’ll feel strong and determined. Other days, the pull of old behaviors might feel overwhelming. That’s why keeping your personal reasons for recovery front and center is so important.

Hopefully, somewhere during your eating disorder treatment, you explored your “why” - the reason or reasons you want to heal, both big and small. Maybe you want to be fully present in your relationships, regain your energy, or finally experience a life free from obsessive thoughts about food or weight.

When motivation dips, don’t panic. Resist the urge to sabotage your progress for short-term relief.

Pause. Journal about your feelings. Revisit your reasons for recovery. Remind yourself that the discomfort you’re feeling now is temporary, but giving in to old behaviors will only prolong your suffering.

Stay kind to yourself. Chances are, your motivation will return soon.

Final Thoughts

Remember, relapse is common, but it is NOT inevitable. With the right support, structure, and self-awareness, you can maintain the progress you’ve worked so hard to achieve in your eating disorder treatment program. Be honest with yourself and others, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

A full and lasting recovery is possible. And you are more capable than you know.

You’ve got this! ��

Your Sensitive Recovery

Meditation in Recovery: Practice, Not Perfection

Perfectionism can keep you stuck in your eating disorder. Discover how meditation can help you let go, show up, and truly heal.

The Pressure to Heal “The Right Way”

How Perfectionism Keeps You Stuck

Meditation: The Other Path

It’s about pausing long enough to notice: What’s happening inside right now? And can I meet it and allow it to be there, with just a little more compassion and understanding than before?

Om.

����‍♀️

Micro-Rest & High Sensitivity: Tiny Breaks, Big Results

Learn how micro-rest (small, intentional breaks) can support Highly Sensitive People by preventing overstimulation and promoting more calm and clarity.

What Is Micro-Rest?

A micro-rest might be:

Why Micro-Rest is Especially Beneficial for HSPs

You might notice signs of this in your own body:

Rest Doesn’t Have to Be Big to Be Worthy

Simple Ways to Add Micro-Rests to Your Day

1. Habit Stack It

2. Use Visual Cues

3. Body-Based Breaks

4. Anchor in the Senses

5. Try 5-and-1

Rolling With Resistance

But denying your need for rest doesn’t make you stronger. It just makes you more exhausted .

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Social Media Freedom: How It's Going 6 Months Later

After quitting social media, I’m sharing what’s changed - from stress levels to spending habits, to how many books I’ve read.

Emotional Check-In

Time and Stress Check-In

Purchasing Habits Check-In

More Changes in the Works

A Note on Recovery + Sensitivity

Will I Return? Probably Not.

Food Is Not the Enemy, But It Might Be the Messenger

Food isn’t the problem; it could be trying to tell you something. Learn how your eating habits can be powerful messengers of your emotional needs in disguise.

If you're familiar with me, you know I firmly believe that food choices are neither good nor bad, but meaningful .

The Way You Eat Can Tell a Story

Food Behaviors as Emotional Clues

1. Loneliness �� Eating to Feel Full

2. Overstimulation and Overwhelm �� Controlling Food

3. Shame �� Secretive or Chaotic Eating

4. Fatigue �� Craving Quick Energy

Food Is Not the Problem; It’s a Signal

Instead, we can get curious.

The shift from judgment to inquiry changes everything . It makes room for compassion and allows food to become a guide , not a battleground.

Listening to the Messenger: A Gentle Practice

1. Pause

2. Name it to Tame it

3. Take Note of What You’re Feeling

4. Offer Compassion

Recovery Involves Trust

And that’s the heart of recovery. That’s what makes it sustainable.

Healthy News Habits for Highly Sensitive People

Stay informed AND sane with these 5 gentle yet powerful ways for HSPs to engage with news in a healthier way.

1. Know Your Limits (and Honor Them)

Signs you may be nearing your media limit:

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2. Curate Your Media Sources

�� Try this:

3. Consume Consciously

�� Try this:

4. Take Compassionate Action

�� Try this:

5. Balance It With Beauty

�� Try this:

We're All In This Together

Forgiving Yourself: An Essential Skill for Recovery

Forgiving yourself is a vital part of eating disorder recovery, but it can often be one of the hardest things to do. Here's why it matters and how you can start.

Why Forgiving Yourself Feels So Hard

When your actions don’t align with your ideals, like relapsing, falling back into old patterns, and engaging in behaviors you swore you'd never do again, it can feel unbearable.

Why Forgiveness Is Essential for Recovery

Self-forgiveness creates space for:

5 Steps to Begin Forgiving Yourself

1. Acknowledge what happened.

2. Recognize the pain underneath.

3. Talk to yourself like someone you love.

4. Make room for nuance.

5. Return to the Present Moment.

A Gentle Reminder

Cultivating Body Respect When Your Body Brings You Pain

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